2 Destined to Crumble
“I’m back~!!”
The deep, luxurious voice echoes among the many statues of the Canterlot gardens as the gray dust begins to clear. Except that it isn’t settling to the ground, instead coalescing into a gray ice cream cone, complete with two scoops of marbled rock and a stone cherry on top. Suddenly, a bright flash blinds everypony, hooves and arms raised with brief cries of pain.
Reappearing in a flash barely a foot away from Doug is the horrible amalgamation of creatures. If he was barely tolerable in the mottled, stained gray, he looks even more chaotic and wretched in Full Technicolor - as evidenced by the sign stating as much. His gray, horselike head has two bushy white eyebrows over two large yellow eyes, and that’s where the symmetry ends. Even one of his red pupils is larger than the other, to say nothing of his arms, legs, wings, and horns, each of which comes from a different creature.
His leonine paw strokes the half beard sprouting from his chin while the other holds the rock cream cone. A low rumble emanates from the draconequus’ chest as he considers the human that barely comes to two thirds his full height. Well, if you actually stretched him out, more like half of his height, but who has time for silly things like standing up straight?
A single filly, the smallest of the group, examines him back without fear, her cream colored mane laying flat against her yellow coat. Her eyes burn with guarded desire. The other yellow filly, larger than the first, seems almost… happy? Giddy? that he is there. He knows which one he wants to play with. Oh, who is he kidding; he wants to play with all the ponies! Especially the ones that don't know it yet!
Doug looks up, blinking away the bright spots in his eyes, trying to focus. One hand slaps at his side, but his armaments are locked away in their guest room at Canterlot Castle. The other hand is held up, as if he stood any chance of warding away the creature in front of him. Around him the remainder of Doug’s foals slowly recover, slinking behind him and Trixie as the unicorn huddles against the ground, trying to stay unnoticed.
A harsh glare from the draconequus isn’t enough to send Doug to his knees, but the imperious voice nearly does the trick. “Thou art notified that your kind has infiltrated the galaxy too far already. Thou art directed to return to thine own solar system immediately.” He holds up his fingers, as if to snap them.
“No!” shouts Doug, his conviction wavering. His eyes flick to the ponies clustering behind him, fear plainly written on each of their faces. “Wait! Please!” At the draconequus’ momentary respite he lets out a sigh of relief, barely able to keep himself upright. His eyes trace over the draconequus, getting a far-away look, like he is trying to remember something from long ago.
“Oh, you’re so lucky that my good fortune is your good fortune. After all, if those three balls of chaos hadn’t brought me my balls of chaos? I, Discord, would still be trapped in that statue the Elements of Harmony stuck me in, weakened prison or not. And they were so conveniently packaged too! Like a little Chaos Meal - Burger, fries, and drink.” Three balls of chaos magic blink next to the draconequus. They each keep shifting form, one through various creatures, one of plants, and one of bodies of water.
“The only thing missing is the toy.” His eyes narrow, the grin on his mouth growing large and showing off his single wicked fang. His fingers snap, turning Doug into a six foot tall nutcracker soldier with two cymbals for hands. The cymbals bang into each other, three sharp clashes followed by three delayed clashes, while the draconequus muses over the ponies. “Oh? Something you wish to say?” Three more sharp crashes are followed by Doug toppling over, landing face first in the dirt, barely twitching.
“Oh, how the mighty have fallen.” The draconequus, now laying on the grass, ribs Trixie in the side. “He’s such a dullard, isn’t he?”
Trixie shudders at the contact, barely able to lift her eyes, desperately wishing she had her hat to hide beneath instead of the more elegant blue and white dress Rarity made. She nods along, despite every instinct in her body telling her to run. Lemon, giddy with excitement, uses Trixie as a springboard to leap forwards, jumping right on top of Discord’s head.
“She hit me!” Discord yells in mock injury as he rears back, rising to his mismatched feet and plucking the squirming yellow pony off his head. “You all saw it!” Discord looks around, waiting for somepony to back him up, but only a single pony meets his gaze. Her unblinking eyes bore into him. He mutters to himself, “Picard never hit me.”
Lemon wriggles in Discord’s grasp, high pitched voice not quite annoying yet persistent. “Who’s Picard? Is he like Daddy?” She glances down. “Is Daddy okay? He’s not moving. He can’t play like that!” She looks back at Discord. "Can he play with us?"
“Oh, fine,” Discord lets go of Lemon, about to snap his claws, the filly falling halfway to the ground before levitating in midair, upside down. “I suppose it was his deeds that allowed me to break free. I resent owing him anything, so perhaps I can repay him in kind.”
“I don’t think it counts if you did it to him in the first place,” Lemon comments.
“Ugh. You’re probably right.” Discord snaps his fingers, Doug transforming back, collapsed on his hands and knees against the ground. “You seem tense.” A pair of winged hands appear, gently massaging Doug’s bare arms. They bodily lift him up, setting him back on his feet before disappearing.
“I’ve heard that voice before,” Doug grunts out as he shudders from the contact. He glances up, his wide eyes filled with dread.
“Oh, mon Capitaine?” the draconequus says in a heavy Prench accent, materializing a red and black uniform around himself, complete with a gold insignia of a tiny draconequus pinned to the lapel. He raises one ear to his hand, grinning as he eagerly awaits Doug’s answer.
It comes as a hoarse whisper. “Alarak. The Tal’darim Highlord.”
Discord stops, frozen in shock. Literally, with lightning coursing through his icy paws. Suddenly he breaks free, shaking droplets of static that jolt anypony they come into contact with. The ponies shriek as they backpedal away, trying to escape the glittering pools that promise a brief zap to anypony that gets close. Doug merely weathers the storm, shielding his face with an arm; the droplets that hit his armor sizzle, muscles convulsing from the electric shocks.
The draconequus roughly passes the stone cone to Doug; the human staggers, barely able to lift the weight with one arm. Discord pulls out a dozen cue cards from nowhere, one of which is twice as large as the others; each has stamped on the back a circle broken at a single point by a thick line. He flips through them, chucking the discarded cards every which way, heedless of who or what they collide with. They dissipate into dust when they hit the ground, leaving a brown stain on Doug’s armor that the human tries and fails to flick away.
Claws snap and a large, metal bound book appears in the leonine paw. A crescent shaped blade adorns the cover, gold with two lines of blue. On the other side is a stylized eight in blood red. Discord flips through the book, clearly disappointed with what he is reading. He twirls a claw around in a circle as he mutters to himself, “Let’s see, let’s see… you seem to find this very amusing? Pah, no. Ooh, games? Perchance a deadly game? A battle of wits… to the death?” He glances at Doug, enjoying his unamused look.
Doug folds his arms across his chest. His eyes harden, staring up at Discord, firmly stating, “You’re not tricking me, or anypony else, into Rak’Shir.”
Discord snorts. “Pity. I do like a sure thing. Besides; a true manipulator tricks no one. We simply lead them to the truth they have yet to accept.”
“Then show me a true manipulator and let’s be done with it.” Doug meets Discord’s raised eye.
“Was that an attempt at wit?” Discord lifts a giant magnifying glass, inspecting Doug’s head. He sighs mightily. “Oh. It’s so difficult to parse the thoughts of lesser beings.” Discord sneers at Doug before his eyes turn to Trixie and the eight young ponies. One eye squints, his head cocking to the side as his mouth curls in disgust. “Terran and Equine? In one twisted little package? How repulsive.”
Doug steps in between Discord and the fillies, fuming. Doug shouts, “Leave them out of this, Alarak!” his hands balling into fists.
“Be careful how you address your Highlord,” Discord states, merely rising taller and looking over Doug. A deliciously evil smirk curls across Discord’s face as he regards Pinkie Pie’s two fillies.
Doug intercedes again, putting himself between Lemon and Discord. “You’re no highlord, here or elsewhere.”
"You're no good at this, are you?" Discord rolls his eyes; they keep spinning in their sockets as he speaks, “‘Tis a pity you’re so single minded. Perhaps a bargain is in order.”
“I’m not accepting anything you have to say, traitor,” Doug growls back through clenched teeth.
“Oh, but you haven’t even heard the terms!” Discord curls around Doug, a scroll appearing in his claws. “I’ll leave you and each of your fillies alone. All eight of them.” He gags at the number. “Well, except for any of them who want to be involved. And, as a bonus, I’ll even throw in that mare over there.” He vaguely motions towards Trixie, who seems to be about one good scare away from bolting.
“And?” Doug asks sternly, though his eyes betray far more interest than he would like.
“And? That’s it! All you have to do is nothing!” Discord thrusts a paw forward, grinning mischievously.
Doug stares at the paw for several long seconds. He glances back at his fillies, shuddering. “No deal.” Doug shakes his head. “The only reason you’d offer a deal like that is if you were somehow worried about me helping somepony else.”
Discord smirks. “And you have ensured your own demise. You will not get a better bargain.” He grandly motions to the statues around him, each of which comes to life and bows before him. “Submit to my authority and you may join me. Those who oppose me will fail.” Discord slides next to Doug, tapping him on the chest and taking the rock cream cone back from the surprised human. “I care so little for your desires.”
“What do you want, Alarak?” Doug demands.
“You keep using that word!” Discord huffs. “How about this for a hasty bargain. I’ll only betray you the once, and you’ll cease referring to me as that honorless traitor.” Discord holds out his clawed hand, grinning.
Doug stares at the hand. “I really don’t want to accept any bargains from you, Alarak.”
“Would you prefer if I betrayed you more than once?” Discord shrugs. “I’m sure that will be easy to arrange.”
Doug sighs. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t betray us at all, but I know you’ll twist that to never join our side.”
“You waste both my time and your breath. And the former has value.” Discord raises his claws again as Doug starts to object. "Save your words, primate. Spare me from hearing your orifice flap."
“...”
Doug reluctantly shakes Discord’s claw. “I feel like I’m getting the raw end of this deal.”
“Oh, you have no idea.” Discord grins malevolently. His seething gaze turns to the fillies. “Any of you want to join me?” He pulls out several boxes of Filly Guide cookies, waving them back and forth. “I have candy!”
"Umm..." Lemon looks up, one of the two fillies meeting Discord’s eyes. “You are… kind of scary looking!”
“An unwittingly astute observation.” Discord shakes the box, something metallic rattling around inside. He smiles pleasantly at Lemon and Meringue.
Meringue hops onto his outstretched paw, taking one of the boxes. “Organism Meringue will not fail! Victory assured.”
"Oh! I believe I like you. How surprising." Discord looks to Lemon as she hops onto his clawed arm, taking the other two boxes. "Glorious. I'm in need of a servant.” Discord ponders for a few seconds. “How shall you serve me?”
"This could be fun!" shouts Lemon, ripping the box open to find the prize inside.
"Oh, no." Discord smirks. "It shall be."
“No!” Doug rushes forwards, stopped by a wave of Discord’s claw.
“I’m afraid they’ve made their choice! Consider this the first disappointment of many.” Discord grips Meringue and Lemon against his body like a two year old with a treasured toy.
Doug gulps, his eyes meeting Meringue’s. “Then, as payment in full for your debt to me, you’ll guarantee their safety.”
“Done.” Discord sighs. “We could have had such fun together.” Discord snaps his fingers, disappearing with the two fillies.
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Well I guess not everyone would recognize Q that much. Hopefully this goes well.
9593478
It's too bad there's no Alarak tag. You'd think it'd be a more popular cross-over!
9593495
Unfortunately I didn't know of that character and had to look it up. Kinda sad when I only know him from three roles.
WTF!!! Ok who is Alarak and wtf does he have to do with Doug or Discord? And GIVE THOSE FILLIES BACK DISCORD AND THEN THROW YOURSELF INTO A BLACKHOLE!!!!!
10243368
Alarak is from Starcraft, Highlord of the Protoss Tal'darim (the bad guys). John de Lancie (the voice of Discord, and Q from the Star Trek series) does his voice in Starcraft II and Heroes of the Storm, with just the right amount of smug superiority and wit. Most of Discord's lines in this chapter come from Q, but after Doug calls him Alarak he shifts gears and uses quotes from the games.
10243599
Correct
love how you shifted the expectation there. discord is always compared to Q in the stories here. even he himself was expecting it. him having to switch from his cue cards (pun) to the Almanac was enjoyably funny.
Doug, your stories are as surprising as they are entertaining. now if only you world write in past tense instead of present tense.
I like this Discord. Glad he didn’t return Doug to Terra immediately. Very smart of him to take Doug out of the game first thing.
Begging so soon? Why am I not surprised?
Only question is how was Doug affected by magic and transformed, Isn’t chaos and all other magic supposed to flow through him as evidenced from the Ponyville attack?
11733787
You expect Chaos magic to follow rules?
What I generally went with was if it affects a sack of potatoes, it works on Doug, but without giving the caster any feedback that it is working. I.E. you can levitate him, or push him, even teleport him, but you won't realize you are doing so, and he's quite wary (especially after Nightmare Moon) of experimenting. Anything that might latch on to a pony to keep running, like many enchantments, would fail when the initial magic runs out, as there is nothing to draw from, or get sucked into that bottomless pit of a magical core. Discord's transformation likely would have ended (and quite earlier than intended) had he not cancelled the effect himself.