Errant Finale

by Doug Graves

54 Vanity

“You know,” Scootaloo remarks to her two sisters, standing atop a dusty hill. Plain rock cliffs and stony gulches spread out in every direction. They even hide the view of Canterlot, unless you stand on top of one. In front and below them, at the end of a long and lonely dirt road, are two rows of six plain brown houses, with one extra on the end that ruins the symmetry and symbolism. “I never thought I’d get to the end of a journey and wish there was another step.”

“Don’t say that,” Sweetie Belle counters as they watch Starlight Glimmer approach the center of town. Several dozen ponies come out of the twelve houses and gather around her in perfectly spaced concentric circles. Each pony is duller than they would expect, and not just from the dust. As well, every cutie mark - except for a few unmarked fillies - is of a thick gray equals sign. “These ponies need our help, and we should be happy to help them!”

“Ah’m with Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom says, self-consciously rubbing her red mane tie and glancing back at her saddlebags, adorned with a red apple. They are packed full, mostly supplies for the town Starlight purchased in Canterlot. “Ah never thought Ah’d be the best dressed pony in town.”

“Well, maybe it won’t be so bad,” Sweetie Belle says, smiling as she notices Starlight Glimmer motion towards them. “Hey, we should go meet them!”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agrees reluctantly, “we don’t want to look like we’ll hate it here.” She looks around the barren land around them. “Even if it looks like they haven’t done much with the place.”

“Ah don’t know about you, but Ah haven’t seen one pegasi working the clouds, or any earth ponies in the fields.” Apple Bloom looks around as the trio heads down. “Or any fields, for that matter. What the hay do they eat around here, shrub grass?”

Starlight’s cheery voice rings out in greeting as more and more ponies join in. Each seems to know exactly where to go, or they make it up on the fly perfectly. The circles gradually get bigger and bigger until nearly a hundred ponies, looking to be the entirety of the town, are spread around the pink unicorn.

“I’m so glad to be home, everypony, and again surrounded by all of my Friends!” Starlight Glimmer announces in a loud voice, not needing any magical amplification over the hushed crowd. “I come, not only with tidings of great joy for all of us, but also with three new Friends!”

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo stop dead in their tracks as, to a pony, every single head turns to regard them. Plastered on every identically styled face is a huge grin that tries to stretch past their ears, exposing shiny white teeth. Their eyes bore into them, but not maliciously, and if possible the smiles grow even wider.

“Welcome our three newest members: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo!”

“Welcome!” rings out the entire town in unison, and then they quiet back down. Starlight Glimmer motions towards herself with a hoof, and despite not looking at her the nearest ponies slide closer to each other, a tunnel appearing through the crowd.

The trio glance nervously around. Though the cheer of the ponies of Our Town was originally creepy past belief, it’s starting to get a little infectious, like Pinkie Pie trying to make somepony smile. Three small, forced smiles of their own grace their muzzles as they hesitantly walk through the parted crowd, ending up in the middle with Starlight Glimmer.

She prompts, “Would you like to introduce yourselves?”

“Um,” Apple Bloom starts, spinning around and trying to pick a pony to focus on, but they quickly blend together with how uniform their appearance is. Her confidence slowly builds as she speaks, “Ah’m Apple Bloom, and Ah work with mah dam at Sweet Apple Acres. Harvestin’ apples, helpin’ with repairs, sellin’ at the market. You name it, and Ah can do it!”

Murmurs spread through the crowd, Apple Bloom tracing their eyes lingering on her mane and saddlebags. Then Starlight Glimmer dispels any tension by saying, “Welcome, Apple Bloom! I know you’ll enjoy yourself here in Our Town!”

“Welcome!” echoes the crowd, their focus turning to the other two young mares.

“I’m Sweetie Belle. I work with my dam in her shop. She makes dresses for everypony in town, as well as a lot of clients in Canterlot and Manehatten!” Sweetie Belle pauses for effect, but frowns at the complete silence. “Um, and we’re here because our cutie marks are about helping ponies find out about their special talents.” She self-consciously glances backwards at her flank, sighing at the two thick gray bars partially covered by her star-adorned saddlebags. “But I guess we’re not supposed to talk about that.”

“It’s okay,” reassures Starlight Glimmer. “While we don’t normally talk about our cutie marks and the… impact they had on us, we know you’re here to help.” She stands up straight and turns all the way around to see everypony. “We’re going to welcome our new Friends!”

“Welcome!” choruses everypony in unison.

“I’m Scootaloo!” She struts around, looking at the fillies filling in the front row. “I, um, also help out around the house and farm.”

“Farm?” whisper a few ponies as they glance to her wings, though they quickly quiet down at Starlight’s glare.

Scootaloo pulls her scooter out of her bag, offering it to the nearest filly like it’s show and tell. “I run errands, that sort of thing. Oh, and I go to school.” She indicates her sisters, “We all do. Even though we have… err, had our cutie marks.”

“Welcome!”

Starlight Glimmer smiles down at the three. “We’ll find a spot for you somewhere in town, but until we do you can stay with me.” She motions towards the house at the end of the street. She turns, a bit of pride in her voice. “Now, I know all of you are eagerly awaiting this joyous news. I…” she flourishes a little, “am pregnant!”

Hushed gasps quickly turn to smiles, though they hold their cheers.

“Yes, yes, you can be happy about this,” Starlight Glimmer grins as cheers and stomps echo through the town. “Thanks to one of the mares in these fillies’ herd, I know a spell that will do the same for us!”

The cheers redouble, several ponies breaking ranks to embrace each other.

“Now,” Starlight says forcefully, the exuberant atmosphere dying down to a low rumble, “our normal method of, how shall I say, distribution,” she winks at a couple of the fillies; they smile back innocently, “won’t exactly work for this, and I don’t want our quaint little town to be overrun by a glut of little ones. Don’t you agree?”

The townsponies nod along; disappointed huffs can be heard, but they are quickly covered up.

“So, as a town, we’ll need to come to an agreement on how many foals we will have per year.”

Apple Bloom’s face scrunches up. “How in the hay would you do that? And what’s your ‘normal’ method?”

Starlight Glimmer’s smile doesn’t break, but she does stare at Apple Bloom for a few seconds.

“Ah’m sorry, Ah didn’t mean to interrupt,” Apple Bloom apologizes, hanging her head.

“It’s quite okay,” Starlight Glimmer says, her cheer sounding a little forced. “Normally we would have a whole song and dance routine for any newcomers, but I knew everypony would want to get to… this matter as soon as possible.” A few mares grumble, nodding along as if to hurry them up. “But you’ll pick it up quickly, and anypony will be happy to explain how things go in Our Town!” She motions to each building, and the ponies surrounding her. “Equality is the most important thing in Our Town, which is why we don’t differentiate from each other except by name!”

“Oh, okay,” Apple Bloom says, though she still looks at Starlight Glimmer expectantly.

“Because of that,” the unicorn continues, “we wait until everypony has either equal access to something, or that thing for themselves!” She motions towards a stall with a lot of cloaks. “For instance, Burlap won’t distribute cloaks until he has one made for everypony!”

“That’s right!” a burly brown earth pony says from somewhere in the crowd.

“But for other things: well water and, you know,” Starlight whispers, “getting pregnant,” she stands back up, “those things by their nature can’t be given to everypony individually. So, any suggestions for what that number should be?”

Silence comes over the crowd until a pony hesitantly offers, “One quarter of the mares?”

“Mmm,” Starlight hums, a low rumble.

“One sixth of the mares?” another pony says, slightly more confidently.

“Hmm,” Starlight hums, considerably higher pitched.

“One… fifth of the mares?” a third pony suggests.

Starlight’s smile, which never actually faded, stretches wider.

“Twenty percent!” another pony shouts, and soon the entire crowd is either nodding along or saying the number themselves.

“Then it’s agreed!” Starlight says. She looks down at the trio. “As a way to get to know each and every one of you, these three can be in charge of collecting every mare and stallion’s names!”

All eyes turn to the three young mares, each shying down a little and forcing grins.

“So, if there is no further business?” Starlight grins at the resulting silence. “Have a wonderful day, everypony!”

With that, the crowd disperses, leaving one yellow earth pony filly watching the trio. She looks to be a little younger than they are, with no cutie mark.

“Hi, there!” Apple Bloom says with a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Mayflower,” she says, staring at Apple Bloom’s bow tie. She points at it. “What’s that?”

“It’s a bow,” Apple Bloom says, undoing the ribbon and letting her mane fall loose. “Ah wear it to keep my mane up. And I like how it looks.” She offers it to the filly, though she just stares at it.

“Oh.” The filly motions to her mane, one of the perhaps three different variations among everypony. “Sorry, I don’t want to look like I’m vain.”

“Vain?” Apple Bloom says, taken aback.

Sweetie Belle tries to stifle her snort, mostly failing. “I’m sorry, I’ve seen vain, and this is nothing like that.”

“Come along, dear,” a green earth pony mare calls, walking up to Mayflower. Her eyes narrow at the trio. “Is that a mane tie?”

“Um,” Apple Bloom says, turning to stare at the ribbon in her hoof.

“Luxury!” The mare’s gaze turns to the back half of Apple Bloom. “Is that a saddlebag? Sloth! And is that your cutie mark? Vanity!”

“Hey!” exclaims Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, but the mare merely shakes her head.

“Come, Mayflower.” The mare walks away, shaking her head. Her filly gives an apologetic smile, whispering 'sorry', but follows after her dam, disappearing into one of the houses.

“What was that?” asks Apple Bloom, dumbfounded, her sisters merely shrugging and shaking their heads.

A white earth pony stallion with a white mane walks up to the trio. “Don’t mind April Showers. She’s always been a bit more… intense about the whole ‘fitting in’ thing.” He offers a hoof, the young mares shaking it. “Name’s Double Diamond. I guess I get to be first on your list?”

“Sure!” the three chorus, Sweetie Belle pulling out paper and a pencil. “Hey, Double D, mind telling us about your cutie mark?”

The cheerful expression on Double Diamond’s face disappears, worry flashing before his smile reasserts itself. “Oh, um, what is there to tell? I liked, uh, skiing. But, no! I don’t want my cutie mark back or anything! And I definitely don’t want to go look at it!” He nervously glances around, a good number of the townsponies watching them. “I have to, err, get back to work! Sorry, I’ll see you later!”

“Huh,” Scootaloo says, scratching her head. “Wonder what that was about?”

The next few ponies they meet give them similar looks at their accessories, and while their reactions to the question about cutie marks isn't as strong as Double Diamond's they are no more productive. The trio quickly grows tired of the looks, heading to Starlight Glimmer’s mostly empty house to deposit their bags.

“Well, everypony,” Sweetie Belle says, the other two looking a little discouraged, “I think we need to take a page out of Diamond Tiara’s book.”

Apple Bloom looks backwards at her saddlebags, now resting next to the door. “Ah don’t think we have enough money to bribe everypony.”

Scootaloo adds as Sweetie Belle thunks a hoof against her head, “Or servants to go and do all this for us.”

“Not that! Her personality!”

“Oh, ya mean like being an insufferable know-it-all?”

“Or a bully?”

“No!” Sweetie Belle gets up, glaring at her sisters. “I’m talking about perseverance! Determination!”

“Speaking of insufferable know-it-alls,” mutters Scootaloo, earning a glare from the unicorn.

“Ah don’t suppose you can use smaller words?” asks Apple Bloom, trying to be polite.

Sweetie Belle closes her eyes briefly as she sighs. “Never giving up. Grit. Even though those ponies don’t want to talk to us about their cutie marks, we will find a way!”

Comments

[badninja]

For all that is good she has gone all Puritan mixed with an unhealthy dose of Happyology! She is so obsessed with everything and everypony being equal and getting an equal share she has hobbled the whole ability to make things better because it could hurt other!

[AuthorGenesis]

“Twenty percent!” another pony shouts, and soon the entire crowd is either nodding along or saying the number themselves.

Out Town sucks at arithmatic, because someone should have pointed out that 20 percent is 1/5!

[DarkPhoenixx]

Don’t mind April Showers. She’s always been a bit more

I can't believe I didn't notice that Mayflower's dam is named April Showers.
So you literally had April Showers bringing may flowers (Mayflower's)

[DarkPhoenixx]

“ Luxury!” The mare’s gaze turns to the back half of Apple Bloom. “Is that a saddlebag? Sloth! And is that your cutie mark? Vanity!”

Sloth is 1 of the the 7 deadly sins and Vanity technically is Pride. Though Luxury isn't 1 of the 7DS. The only 1 that comes close, at least in pronunciation. That would be the Latin word Luxuria, it represents the sin of Lust.