4. If You give a Pony a Toast
Harry Potter and the Little Pony Problem
If You Give a Pony a Toast
- - ⚡ - -
“Wake up!” hissed a voice in Harry Potter’s ear. “Twilight said her warning spells detected your aunt moving around, so she’ll be here in a few minutes!”
“Wha?” Harry sat up and groped around on the bedstand table for his glasses, only to have a small yellow pony hand them to him. Or hoof them to him? It was confusing, and made only worse by the early hour. “What’s going on? I thought—”
When Harry got his glasses on and took a look at the ponies hovering in front of his nose, he was quite tempted to take his glasses back off again and clean whatever colorful dirt had smeared on them. Both tiny little ponies appeared to be pegasi, quite exotic creatures who were not native to the British area, although he had heard of a small herd being kept in France somewhere. The thing was that pegasi were large creatures, bigger than horses and with powerful appetites, while each of these creatures were about the size of an adult bird and colorful enough to make Harry’s eyes hurt.
While the yellow one cringed back and dove under the bed, the colorful blue one continued to fly around in front of Harry’s head, urging him to get up and face the day, a blithing annoyance that made him swing a few halfhearted swats in its direction as he swung his legs out of bed.
“Wake up, boy!” Aunt Petunia stormed in through the bedroom door and scowled at where Harry was taking one last swing at the annoying blue pegasus, who had managed to vanish the instant the door began to swing open. The only sign of the pony who had been buzzing by Harry’s face was the faint rainbow trail she had left behind, making a translucent line that pointed straight up into the ceiling light fixture.
Thankfully, Petunia did not seem to notice, because she was more intent on getting Harry started with breakfast and his morning chores. It was not until he had set the table and gotten a rasher of bacon in to fry before two consequences of the morning’s pony wake-up call became obvious.
Twilight Sparkle had summoned even more ponies.
In a few days, Aunt Marge would visit.
In order to survive the visit and go off to Hogwarts afterward, all of the ponies had to go home. Then again, surviving their presence in the house until then was going to become even more difficult. That fact was becoming increasingly obvious, mostly because of the yellow pegasus peering at the stove from her perch on top of the fridge.
“That’s not… meat, is it?”
“Yes,” hissed Harry with a furtive look around. Dudley was not awake yet, of course, but from the noise upstairs, Uncle Vernon would be down in a few moments, most probably just before the bacon was done enough for his taste. “It’s not pony, though. We don’t eat ponies.”
No matter how aggravating.
“Oh,” she said with a flutter of her wings and a sideways scoot that put her behind an empty plastic carton that had gotten tossed above the fridge for lack of a better place to put it. “I didn’t even think you ate ponies. I mean you’re so big and we’re so little, and besides, your teeth really aren’t suited for carnivorous diets. NotthatIlookedinyourmouthwhileyouweresleeping, that is,” she added with a nearly solid stream of squeaky words.
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me,” muttered Harry. He rolled the sausages to keep them from burning on one side before getting out the bread. Then things began to happen at a rapid rate when Vernon came stomping down the stairs, all blustering about an important weekend meeting the executives at the drill factory were having, and that he really did not have the time to wait for Harry to finish making breakfast. He still did, though, although standing almost on Harry’s heels and eating his breakfast as fast as it was produced. When his uncle moved to the front door in a rush with Aunt Petunia right behind him, Harry managed to spare a quick peek at the yellow pegasus above him, still hiding behind the plastic carton on top of the fridge.
“You’re still here?” he asked. “Hurry up and get back to my room before they see you.”
“Actually, I was hoping to get a piece of bread. There are some birds outside of the window—”
“Here,” said Harry, shoving a fresh slice of toast up to the pegasus and watching her zip away with her burden. He really did not have time to watch, because Dudley was due down the stairs on his way to breakfast at any moment, and Petunia was on her way back into the kitchen to criticize the way he was cooking. Harry had almost managed to get it out of his mind by the time Dudley was waddling his way to the dining room table, followed by Aunt Petunia carrying his full plate. That is until the bright blue pegasus with the colorful mane peered down at him from on top of the fridge.
“Hey, sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I’m Rainbow Dash.” There was a brief pause as the tiny pegasus let her anticipatory look slide into a sharp frown. “So I suppose you haven’t heard of me, then. Anyway, Fluttershy didn’t bring any butter for the bread, and I was wondering—”
“Here!” hissed Harry, slapping a good chunk of runny butter on a piece of toast that had just popped up. “Now hurry before they see—”
There was a blue blur, the toast was gone, and Petunia poked her sharp nose into the kitchen.
“What’s that noise?” she asked. “Are you talking to yourself?”
“No, Aunt Petunia. I just… burnt myself a little on the pan.”
“Well, hurry up and finish cleaning. You’ve got garden duty today. Something got into my agapanthus yesterday and tore them up.” Petunia walked out of the kitchen over to the sliding patio door where she could scowl at the plants in the back yard to see if perhaps any of them were likewise suffering the effects of magical pony grazing.
“And some jelly,” added Rainbow Dash from where she was hovering over the fridge with the slice of toast balanced on her head. “I mean toast with only butter is like so bland. Do you have any strawberry jam?”
Harry jammed the spreading knife into the jam jar and slathered the toast with a good coat of preserves, then whirled around when Petunia scurried back into the kitchen behind him.
“Some pest has been gnawing on my prize rosebushes also,” she declared. “You’ll need to prune them and agitate the roots so they will spring back.”
“Yes, Aunt Petunia,” said Harry while thinking that nothing in his aunt and uncle’s yard would be able to spring anywhere without a Catapulting Cabbage or a Bounding Bean planted there.
- - Ω - -
The rosebush did look more than a little ragged, although the damage was limited to the rose petals instead of the leaves, like rabbits tended to do. If there were not at least a half-dozen tiny ponies up in his room, two of which could fly, he might have assumed the damage was from a wandering garden gnome or magical flowerflysome. On rare occasions, magical creatures did attack muggle plants, which normally resulted in a visit by one Ministry of Magic bureau or another and a group of muggles being Obliviated. The last thing Harry wanted was any Ministry wizards poking around, because keeping magical ponies of any variety in a muggle’s home by an underaged wizard most certainly would have been grounds for expulsion from school.
Keep the Dursley’s happy. Get the ponies to go home. Head to Hogwarts in a week and laugh about this with my friends.
“Hi there! I’m Pinkie Pie!”
Harry nearly jumped out of his trainers, which would have been a neat trick if a tiny pink pony had not been sitting on his right foot, looking up at him with enormous eyes. His first reaction was to look for Aunt Petunia, because a bright pink pony in the back yard was not something she would easily overlook, or that he could explain before the shouting started.
“I saw you over here by the rosebush and I said there’s somepony who really needs a party only you’re not a somepony but a somehuman who probably needs a party just as much as a pony because you look so depressed and work so hard but I couldn’t find any balloons although I’ve got the cake in the oven and the confetti ready so don’t come in the house for a few minutes until we get everything set up. Okay?”
“But—” managed Harry before the tiny pony’s ears perked up, her tail twitched, and her left rear leg thumped twice.
“Cake’s done!” she announced. “Gotta go put the frosting on.”
There was a whirl of grass clippings and no more pink pony anywhere Harry could see. He hurried into the house, where the scent of a baking cake wafted gently out through the open door, and looked for his aunt.
“Shh,” she admonished from the couch. The telly was on, and Petunia was holding a tissue while trying her best not to cry. On the screen was the latest drivel from Home and Away, a foreign programme with a cast of dozens of forgettable characters engaged in horrific acts of violence and betrayal against each other on a daily basis, much like the real world, only with commercials. Last year, without Harry to boss around, Petunia had become quite involved with the afternoon showings, and seemed to be catching up from the episodes she missed due to Harry’s seamstress training.
“Just need to use the bathroom,” whispered Harry as he headed for the stairs.
“Don’t take too long,” called back Petunia over her shoulder without even looking. “I want my rosebushes and the agapanthus pruned, the roots stimulated, and the fertilizer applied by the time Vernon gets back from work or there will be no dinner for you this— Oh, you fool!” she called out to the telly. “He’s been lying to you and your sister!”
To be honest, Harry did need to wash his hands and use the bathroom, but strangely enough, the door was closed nearly all of the way. His uncle was at work, his aunt was downstairs, and Dudley had taken off with his friends to ride bicycles, which only left—
The toilet flushed, there was a buzzing like a honeybee, and the door opened to reveal three even smaller ponies, about the size of healthy mice. Quite unlike mice, one of them was on a tiny scooter of some sort, with the other two riding in a wagon being pulled behind, and they shot out of the bathroom as if they were propelled by a magical firework. Thankfully, they did not zoom down the stairs, which would have been dangerous for them as well as standing the chance of attracting Aunt Petunia’s unwelcome attention. Instead they darted across the hallway and into Harry’s room, taking the last sharp corner with a tiny squeak of skidding wheels and the near-inaudible screams of the passenger ponies.
Two years at Hogwarts had made Harry think he could get used to about anything.
Not quite.
After using the bathroom, he washed his hands, despite how futile the gesture was going to be when he went back out into the yard and started spreading the noxious black lumps of fertilizer. The stuff was so lumpy that it had to be broken up with a spade before being mixed into the dirt at the roots of Petunia’s prize plants, and Harry was not sure how effective it was anyway, other than how well it made him smell like dung for several days.
That still left the mystery of the energetic pink pony and the scent of cake, which really needed to be aired out of the kitchen before Petunia caught wind of it. His unexpected guests should have been in his room, but it was empty of any ponies, as far as he could see. Harry even went as far as to look in Dudley’s messy room, and after a cautious peek at Petunia sobbing in front of the telly, peered into his aunt and uncle’s room. Still nothing.
He crept into the guest room, which had been declared to be as ready as it could be for the arrival of Aunt Marge in a few days, and therefore now off-limits for Harry, but it seemed empty too. Or at least until he went over to the window to peek outside.
“SURPRISE!”
In a flash, tiny ponies were everywhere. They poured out from behind the bed, dove out of the curtains, and jumped out of the closet. There must have been a dozen of them at least, all dressed up in party hats and the pink one had fired off some sort of cannon that filled the air with confetti. It was both the most excited Harry had been all vacation and the most frightened.
“Were you surprised because I made sure everypony was hidden before we jumped out and even though it isn’t really your birthday anymore Twilight said we could have an after-birthday party to make up for it and—”
Harry bent over and pinched the little pink pony’s lips together to get her to shut up. “You have to get out of here,” he hissed. “My aunt is going to hear you!”
“Not with my spell going,” declared Twilight Sparkle, who was standing by the guest room door and looking out into the hallway. “It’s a variation of your Muffliato charm that will keep all the noise inside the room while your aunt hears you working outside. I know how easy it is to get caught up in your studying, and since you’re made good headway on getting your backlogged homework caught up and corrected over the last few nights, you deserve a party.”
“With cake!” declared Pinkie Pie.
- - Ω - -
It was very difficult to argue with cake, particularly when the cupcake in question had been frosted and decorated within an inch of its life, and tasted like heaven. And thankfully the ponies, despite their increased numbers, ate just fine off the half-dozen cupcakes left over. Then there was a game that involved pinning pony tails to a paper cutout, several guessing games, a ball toss done with ping-pong balls, and an offer of a pony ride that Harry turned down with as much laughter as the rest of the tiny ponies. Even all together they stood a fair chance of being squished under his weight, so the inverse of it was tried, and Harry carried the ponies around the room on his shoulders, which was taken with great laughter and merriment by all. Harry had been worrying himself to a frazzle over his homework, and getting carried away by the party was just what he needed.
Until he realized what time it was.
“Oh, no! Uncle Vernon will be home any minute and I haven’t done any of my chores outside!”
“No problem, Harry.” Applejack came sauntering in through the open door with a dozen other ponies behind her, all leaving tiny dirty hoofprints in their wake. “We worked it all out with Twilight earlier. Some of my kin came up and took care of your chores while you was here at the party, and now Twi’s gonna cast the spell to send us all home. That way you got your chores, your homework, and your party.”
“I’m going to miss you!” declared a lime-green unicorn who wrapped herself around Harry’s ankle and started to cry. “It seems like I’ve known you forever!”
“Lyra!” declared another tiny pony with the most impossible poofy pink and purple mane. “You’re been here two hours, and most of that time you’ve been buried in his books! Now come on!” She trudged up to the unicorn and bit down on her tail, dragging Lyra away despite her continuing tears and protestations.
“Gather around, everypony.” Twilight Sparkle arranged herself in the middle of the colorful herd, standing on a shoebox in the middle of the throw rug with her wings spread out and her horn lit up like a tiny nightlight.
“Wait a minute,” said Harry. “Did you have wings before?”
“Nope,” she said with a giggle. “They just showed up. The Twilight Sparkle back in Ponyville must have gotten them just a little bit ago. Aren’t they fantastic?”
“They… Yes,” declared Harry, who took a step back off the throw rug and away from the packed-together pony collection. After all, they were going home, and the last thing he wanted was to get caught up in whatever spell the now-winged unicorn was about to cast. Somehow, he thought it would probably involve the distasteful task of taking care of their bushes and shrubs until they figured a way to get him back to his human home. The ponies certainly seemed happy about their upcoming trip, and called out little tidbits of advice to him as Twilight’s horn began to glow brighter.
“Goodbye! We’ll miss you! Make sure to flush the toilet! Are you sure I can’t stay? I’ve got her, Twilight!” Every one of the departing ponies gave Harry a smile and a wave as a surge of purple magic swept over them with a light so bright that Harry had to look away.
Then it faded, and when Harry turned around…
They were all still standing there, looking at Twilight Sparkle.
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You expected this, right?
At least he got a delayed birthday party out of it.
Of course they were
As they say, Aspecto Ponytronum!
9553721
Honestly? I expected one or two ponies per chapter. At this rate, all of Ponyville will be here before the weekend.
So how long until Twilight starts twilighting?
aww shit.
Twilight you dun goofed again!
Quite interesting.
Can't wait for more.
"Though I'm still not sure why I got reduced to ash for a few minutes."
In any case, I can only imagine how much further the insanity can go before Marge takes notice. Didn't she have a few execrable dogs with her? That can't possibly go well with rat-sized ponies.
Oh! The cuteness of it all!
9553778
Exactly what I was about to say.
I actually was convinced that the 'going home' spell would summon an extra few dozen ponies. That would've been hilarious
Have your years of adventuring taught you NOTHING?!?
...The CMCs are here?
You're doomed.
9553940
For the dogs.
uhh, i could be wrong but i believe this is referring to those creatures that pulled the Beauxbaton carriage in book 4. if it is, those creatures are not of the genus Pegasus. i can't recall what they are called but they were not pegasi.
IO I from the country that produces Home and Away and its not drivel!
I was good when it first started...
But now it's pure taurus fecalium
Harry: *walks into room and looks around* "Ok, where did that tiny oven come from?"
Harry: "Yes, I know who used it. Where did it come from?"
Harry: "Ok. How did she get it here?"
Harry: "Ok. How did she bake a normal sized cake in it?"
Harry: "But."
9553746
best i can figure that means "When pony expect KUMQUAT." damnit, Discord, stop messing with my keyboard. but, yeah, odd things basically. best i can figure, Twilight becoming an Alicorn either made this fragment just as immortal so can't be easily dispelled or, wings of her own or not, she is now so different from the pony she was when she was summoned that her magic can no longer lock onto her true self and, being the original pony summoned, if she can't go back none of them can.
9553996
technically, he has only had two years of adventure and 9-10 years of beatings if he questioned anything so, no, it has not.
9554001 Hey, I do my homework.
9553996 When the Cutie Mark Crusaders are the least of your problems, youuuuuu might be a wizard.
9553940 You forgot who Harry has on his side.
"Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! You're just a little chubby ball of adorableness, aren't you?"
Harry looked down at the kitchen floor where Brutus had slunk around the corner, most likely to nip at his heels again, only to see the chubby bulldog lying on his back with all four stubby legs in the air. He was making a doggy grunting noise while the tiny yellow pony rubbed him on the fat tummy with all four hooves, making a scene that Harry would just as soon have forgotten. And most likely would have to explain to Hagrid when he returned to Hogwarts, because... Well, Hagrid.
9554046
That first one was it. Pretty sure Abraxan was it.
We knew it couldn't be that easy. But it was a good fakeout for Harry anyway. XD Ohhh poor Twilight, she's going to feel so bad for summoning all these extra ponies when she thought she could send them back.
9554096
hahahahaha. are we sure she summoned them? i can honestly see Twilight telling everyone that so they don't panic till she figures out how to send them home. spoiler alert:
she failed.Twilight's transformation eliminates my thought that this is really them so that's good at least.9553721
Yes. Yes we did.
This is going to be even more wonderful.
Still adorable, keep it up.
Oh man, I wonder how Twily is gonna freak out about this soon.
my headcanon: she did send them back, but their memories only. So back at Ponyville they all remember everything and think that their little selves have come back completely.
9554507
Or we could have a story without that, y'know, for a nice change of pace?
9554982
But then she wouldn't be Twilight Sparkle.
9555002
It's a shame that you think that.
Oh ho ho! Who are these then?
9554982
But you can’t have Twilight without her having a breakdown or some form of panic attack over something serious or something out of her control.
I would have guessed Petunia to be more of a Neighbours fan.
What can you expect from an island full of criminals, and worse, australians?
My only complaints? Muffliato wasn't introduced until The Half-Blood Prince, as one of the Prince's created spells. (or so I understood, anyway.) So how would Twilight know about Muffliato, what it was called, etc? Nitpicking is Magic! 8D (Ignore me, I just needed to get that out of my system, lol.)
9830792 Oh don't be hard on yourself. I'm assuming that the Muffilato spell was one of those things that every generation of Hogwarts student has independently 'discovered' every year for the last thousand or so, each with their own little twists and tricks. Particularly since they sleep together in dorm rooms, and some will snore.
It was already angeringly unfair that Harry has to do so many chores for the Fursleys, so having Fluttershy and RD bugging him just hacked me off. The three ponies and dragon that previously actually did things to help Harry, and were way less conspicuous. What these two are doing isn't as obvious or purposely designed to get Harry in trouble as Dobby's shenanigans, but the fact that do it out of sheer obliviousness 8s infuriating.
I could sort of understand that Twilight summoned her usual group of friends to help with problem-solving, and because it's an obligation for MLP fanfiction. But why she's summoning the citizens of Ponyville out of nowhere, if she can't send them back? And why in the hell would she trap foals here? (Also, introducing them with the toilet scene felt kind of off-putting).