When young teen inventor Micro Chip is trying to create a realistic gaming experience, he gets a bit more than he bargained for when he developed an ability known as the Gamer. Now his life is a game and the world is lot stranger than he thought
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not a real fan of the explanation, besides being a bit cliche it also ties things up too neatly by making Fluttershy completely unaccountable for what happened. It also kind of makes this whole conflict completely pointless since it could have been resolved easily if Fluttershy had simply tried to explain things.
9617592
I can understand that, but here’s one thing I didn’t touch on yet....what about trying to explain it to the others?
Also, Fluttershy had reasons for not coming forth outright. As a vampire she would’ve been attacked (that’s why I made Luna how she is. Shoot first and ask questions later.)
I do appreciate the criticism though. I came up with the basic idea first, but then saw some comments suggesting something along the lines of this. I liked it more than the original plan. I understand why you dislike it though. Thank you for leaving your comment.
There are very few times that I get hyped when I see someone update their story but this, this is one of them and if you ever go through the comments of other stories with humans in them you'll see that that is something I do not say very often. I my must tip my hat to Twistedphoenix1 for the skills able to write a entertaining and engaging story "you (as Luna would say) are the spiders elbows".
9617610
Thank you! Holy cow I appreciate that
9617605
Honestly, I think a better explanation would have been Iron Will discovering she was a vampire and attacking out of fear leading to Fluttershy accidentally draining him too much in the heat of the moment while defending herself. His reaction helping to explain why she was hesitant to explain herself to the others.
Hmm... what joke to make here? Oh! I know!
9617621
Hmmm. I do like that idea, but I would consider that a bit cliche to to a degree. Either way, I feel good with what I wrote but always appreciate the comments you guys leave. I will keep this in mind if something ever comes up again.
9617617
To put it in to perspective I have 137 story in my favorite (most incomplete) and 95 in my tracking not to mention the hundreds I've read that just aren't good. Yours is one of about 5 or 6 that genuinely look forward to updating. I think you are doing great in this story and look forward to where you take us.
Nsfw comment Hymn ... if a chara clone sleeps with a micro clone and go at it and build up the pleasure skill then dissipate would that even count as losing their v cards since their original bodies are still considered virgins. Or would it be considered using a virtual sex toy in a way. Damn just pictured 20 clones of each going at it to max the skill quickly of both of them
skills?
too
The others in the room dropped some sweat at that
shouldn't waste
our
been
too
9617592
No one would believe her. Her a vamp hybrid vs a teacher who is a ability user on just word alone she would just be attacked by luna before she could say anything more then admit what she is.
9617992
Yeah, but nobody knew she was a vampire and she had plenty of evidence of what Iron Will had been doing and had done to her thanks to the cameras, had she not decided to destroy them all for some stupid reason, as long as she didn't open with "I'm a vampire" they would have to listen to her. Regardless of their feelings towards vampires, they would have no choice but to take the evidence seriously.
9618005
Maybe but thats not what happened.
9618005
Unfortunately people don't always make rational decisions. In a lot of situations people will make decisions based on their emotions (in this case fear) regardless of whether or not their smart ones. I can give you an example if you'd like.
Oh, so her vampiric senses are more specific towards ability users? That could actually be very beneficial.
We wonder if her feeding needs deepen over time, or if it's based on her own ability usage. Being continually strengthened slowly by her friends would be a nice bonding stop-gap against the slippery slope if it is one...
Keep going! ;)
Great chapter as always. Can't wait for the interactions between Chara & Scoots.
I love this story and will nightmare moon be in this
9619505
Not sure. Maybe. I really just write what I want with only a few key plot points planned.
Goddammit, Iron Will better not have tried assaulting Flutters.
Oh for fuck's sake, what's even the fucking point? So that's it, then? The guy almost had all of his blood taken from him to the point he couldn't work for the next week, and it wasn't because there was an "actual" threat to the school (as in, Fluttershy randomly stealing blood from students doesn't count as something the principal has to worry about in this story's logic), but because he's a fucking rapist.
Fuck it, I'm done.
9741465 So now that I've got my... initial impressions out of the way, I'm going to explain precisely why this scene was bad.
For one, there's some misguided belief that if Fluttershy were to explain herself, then no one would believe her because it's a vampire's word against a teacher's. Now, ignoring the fact that Luna's painted as a "racist" to make Micro Chips look cool without the realistic outcome of him being reduced to paste for having the "courage" to "stick it to the man", there's the fact that Iron Will was still in a locker room despite being a new teacher, there haven't been any victims of a similar nature before or since this event, and she has two friends to vouch for her character even with the added caveat that she hasn't revealed that she was a vampire (because Minotaurs are perfectly well-to-do in their origins, right?).
Now actualizing the fact that Luna is a "racist"... what makes her think she can blow her students away in a "shoot first, ask questions later" veneer? You know... she is a school administrator. And I imagine that the students that she blows away are raised by parents, a subset of people who have the strangest inclination to reacting negatively to their child getting blown away, prompting them to champion their offspring's blowing away as an impetus to have the school sued and the teacher fired. And thus Luna jeopardizes the normality of the local suburban town by attempting to murder a kid because they might secretly have wings and scales when they haven't done anything of note. Plus, she has an older sister with equal, if not greater power than she, and is regarded in the fandom to be vastly superior in decision-making. So if Luna ever did try to murder/restrain a kid because they have an extra pseudopod they don't like to talk about, she has a check/balance to implore her: "Dear sister, don't atomize the 15-year-old, that would be stupid as fuck." and then Luna would respond with an enlightened "K."
Then there's the fact that Iron Will's "plan" was to basically smother himself with RD and FS' underoos, assume that either of them would walk in on him doing that (and not, say, Luna who was feeling particularly "racist" that day), assume that neither of them are ability users that could kick his ass or run to get someone, and that the rest would play out like every Blackmail Hentai ever.
Now lastly, there is the implementation of this scene in the first place, wherein it is revealed that the monster gym teacher was assaulting a monster minor, prompting the monster minor to put the monster gym teacher on ice while everyone suspects she's dangerous because of her inclinations to do weird things. A remarkably similar circumstance to that of Mizore Shirayuki's from Rosario + Vampire. Now the reason I accept one and not the other is twofold. For one, Okuto Kotsubo isn't based on an existing character; when Iron Will (Friendship is a Game) decides to become a generic antagonist from a Blackmail Hentai, it reflects negatively on Iron Will (Friendship is Magic), whose most damaging crime was turning Twilight Sparkle's vacation into an unwanted Royalty Meet-and-Greet. Those two things are not equivalent to each other, I'm sure you know. And secondly, there are absolutely zero stakes at play here. If Spike had never suspected that Fluttershy was the vampire that left Iron Will in that state, the very worst that would happen is that the Mane 7 wouldn't make up with each other. As far as a mystery vampire almost killing a person is concerned, it would've only been that one singular person and no one else. All Micro Chips had to worry about is losing a pint of blood (interestingly enough, it only takes losing 2000 mL of your blood to die; a pint is 23.58490566% of that), Tukune Aono could've been frozen as a statue forever.
So yeah, I didn't like this chapter. Touching on an issue like sexual assault is all well and good, but it has to be done with tact. A good example of an action-oriented story that does so would be The Gamer itself, ironically enough. But a canon character who only exists to be a rapist to justify Micro Chips making friends with the Mane 7 and learning how to do nature magic is utterly tasteless.
An old quest finally finished!
Though I hoped that Iron Will wouldn't be a complete villain. It just seemed like a too obvious route to take, so I did hope for a misunderstanding between them with both carrying some fault.
9821389
Hi. Doubt you even remember this comment but I just saw this going through old chapters. I really wish I wrote this better. I forget the original idea I had but basically I saw some comments suggest something along these lines, and I went with it. I don’t like it looking back on it and there are many plot holes frankly. Might even completely change it at some point.
damn bro you didn't have to do iron will dirty like that D:
you could've made a new minotaur OC for this sorta thing :(