So Sunset will become a teacher at the same school Tai is teaching. I wonder if she connects the dots and realizes where Twilight is really coming from. Probably after hearing the not really human-like name and about her mysterious background.
Or not, that would be more interesting if it needs time.
Is there anyone editing your work. I5t's an interesting story, bu there are so many issues with it, reading it can be a bit of a chore. The primary issue seems to be dropped words, and similar formatting issues.
9404299 It's not so much grammar as it is dropped letters, and whole words.
The group was in utter shock as the didn’t believe she would do it.
In this line I'm assuming 'the' was intended to be 'they'?
I know it can be difficult to spot stuff like that. I do the same thing all the time. My mind is filling in because I know what's supposed to be there. Anyway, good luck.
Hymn ... *sigh* .... not gonna lie was looooving your story but two things made me grind my teeth ... sunsets reasoning to lily and her response had the potentially to be better.
I wrote a lengthy comment as to why her reasoning to this child wouldn't of calmed lily down and wouldve led to aion being despised by lily and the others... but erased it ... its your story ... i shortened a 1000 word to these few .... sunset just met aion ... why promise him anything ... him asking for training *bamn* couldve had her father teach him at the orphanage to be a hunter he taught her.. also unless sunsets parents ...the ones in equestria were killed by grim she has nothing in common with him so her seeing herself in him is weird.... sunset as celestias student even if she was neglected was far worse compaired to aions family who escaped prejudice by... moving ...so theyd have a good life... did he even face any or had his parents allready moved to raise him...sounds like aion had it pretty good he had family , friends no prejudice raised in a good enviorment. Lily and the other kids should hate him not hug him he had parents for years ... how many were abandoned and never knew their parents at all.... then hes a orphan less then a week then adopted by the one person they'd all kill to have as a parent. Because she has to be the one to take him away from where his family died .... why hes gonna become a hunter anyway... to oh my gosh ... kill grim. Telling her to watch the kids for her like she did *pfffft* yah the ones you just abandoned. Again trying to reason with child logic. If lily doesnt sneak onboard to be with sunset ill be disappointed.
Also twilight losing her memory ... really *sigh* ... that defeats the purpose of saving her that twilight isnt twilight sparkle ... basically twilight just died by going in the portal.... even if she gets her memory back later its not her. It wont be twilight sparkle or twilight rose itll be twilight rose sparkle. Maybe if she gets her memory back soon and twilight rose doesnt get years of memories.
Example twilight sparkle might of grown up to just like females twilight rose might of grown up to just like males ... twilight rose sparkle ... bi? Thats a very crude example but im trying to show how mixing two sets of different personalities dynamically changes a person.
9414545 Maybe you should've kept the essay, because that didn't make much sense, especially the last part. What does Twilight's sexuality have to do with anything?
9392960
Didn't Sunset leave of her own accord and was kind of power hungry?
How dare you make me feel emotions.
So is sunset going to meet twilight at any point?
9397877
yes in the upcoming chapter Sunset and Aeon meet the Rose family
So Sunset will become a teacher at the same school Tai is teaching. I wonder if she connects the dots and realizes where Twilight is really coming from. Probably after hearing the not really human-like name and about her mysterious background.
Or not, that would be more interesting if it needs time.
9399655
Thank you for pointing that out.
No clue how I missed that typo.
Is there anyone editing your work. I5t's an interesting story, bu there are so many issues with it, reading it can be a bit of a chore. The primary issue seems to be dropped words, and similar formatting issues.
9404264
rillegas08
does from time to time and https://www.fimfiction.net/user/333591/Garnet+Naturea does when we're writing and I do the same for him. I know my grammar sucks big time
9404299
It's not so much grammar as it is dropped letters, and whole words.
In this line I'm assuming 'the' was intended to be 'they'?
I know it can be difficult to spot stuff like that. I do the same thing all the time. My mind is filling in because I know what's supposed to be there. Anyway, good luck.
Hymn ... *sigh* .... not gonna lie was looooving your story but two things made me grind my teeth ... sunsets reasoning to lily and her response had the potentially to be better.
I wrote a lengthy comment as to why her reasoning to this child wouldn't of calmed lily down and wouldve led to aion being despised by lily and the others... but erased it ... its your story ... i shortened a 1000 word to these few .... sunset just met aion ... why promise him anything ... him asking for training *bamn* couldve had her father teach him at the orphanage to be a hunter he taught her.. also unless sunsets parents ...the ones in equestria were killed by grim she has nothing in common with him so her seeing herself in him is weird.... sunset as celestias student even if she was neglected was far worse compaired to aions family who escaped prejudice by... moving ...so theyd have a good life... did he even face any or had his parents allready moved to raise him...sounds like aion had it pretty good he had family , friends no prejudice raised in a good enviorment. Lily and the other kids should hate him not hug him he had parents for years ... how many were abandoned and never knew their parents at all.... then hes a orphan less then a week then adopted by the one person they'd all kill to have as a parent. Because she has to be the one to take him away from where his family died .... why hes gonna become a hunter anyway... to oh my gosh ... kill grim. Telling her to watch the kids for her like she did *pfffft* yah the ones you just abandoned. Again trying to reason with child logic. If lily doesnt sneak onboard to be with sunset ill be disappointed.
Also twilight losing her memory ... really *sigh* ... that defeats the purpose of saving her that twilight isnt twilight sparkle ... basically twilight just died by going in the portal.... even if she gets her memory back later its not her. It wont be twilight sparkle or twilight rose itll be twilight rose sparkle. Maybe if she gets her memory back soon and twilight rose doesnt get years of memories.
Example twilight sparkle might of grown up to just like females twilight rose might of grown up to just like males ... twilight rose sparkle ... bi? Thats a very crude example but im trying to show how mixing two sets of different personalities dynamically changes a person.
9414545
Maybe you should've kept the essay, because that didn't make much sense, especially the last part. What does Twilight's sexuality have to do with anything?