Really poor grammar, unreadable structure, boring descriptions...

Sorry, but I didn't even manage to get to the end. It was way too much chaos.

too grimdark for my tastes

Dat wall of text
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS1ttGAj4tWtEjOfvQK1iyYmylddaID3qbZF03Pn4KcS9-B-S4AlbHa724PYw

Thank you all. >:D I duz hope u all liked it. If you didn't o well, of you did, ok!
(SABAOTH image)

wasn't that bad but is wasn't easy to read
besides that is was actually a good story

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You did good PariaH.

so much scootabuse, but your grammar is atrocious and the entire thing was a wall of text.

The story was good overall, the idea was good and the plot developed logically, but it was nigh unreadable because it was just a wall of text and I never really knew who was talking. there was no attempt at correcting grammar, spelling, and sentence mistakes.

I'm not saying it's a bad story, it made me feel for scoots, and it had the desired effect on me, but editing would make this story overall a lot better

Blood, guts, foal-torture, and a nice ending line compile [sic] the Passion of the Scootaloo

a nice ending line

Incomplete

my god this was very dark