PariaH
Joined 19th Jul, 2012 ·
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- FieryFilly · 9.6k words · 19 16 · 1.3k views
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1147568
I agree at least he could've added the alternative universe tag to make it believable? Not t mention I just didn't like it
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/5/8/51da8528-1f39-4da1-9e3a-a4cd5fd70363.jpg
Chapter 3 isn't that bad
How the fuck do you apologize to someone you've tortured, sexually abused, and left mentally broken? That dumb description alone convinced me not to read this.
.....Get help.
Why did I read this?
Why. Did. I. Read. This.
Because I'm
crazyBECAUSE I'M INSANE! WOOOOO!!
I seriously... I don't mind these fics.
I don't... I don't know why.
Do I need mental help?
~Rosalynn~
From what I can tell, this is OOC for everyone. Why the hell would someone rape Fluttershy, and besides, isn't Angel there to protect her?
1147908
Angel has a PhD in asskicking. Out of character pony rapists beware, there's a Gary Stu bunny here that will kick your ass.
All in all, the characters were -really- OOC, and that took from the story a -ton-. I'd suggest revisiting the personalities of the characters, and maybe work to make it a -little- more accurate? This genre was never my cup of tea, so I can't really offer much criticism without bias besides that.
The fuck.........
1148001 And why would someone rape someone with a PhD in adorableness?
No, seriously, if you want to write something like this, use OCs.
It's ok I mean... If your into that type of stuff. The only reason I read it was because it was fluttershy. I will say this though "WTF man honestly that was son crazy shit man crazy shit." Like I said before it was ok but it isn't my cup of tea etheir.
What the hell is with the influx of troll gore/sex poorly written stories? Is it a Fimfiction midnight thing?
Didn't read LOL.avi
Brilliant work!
Clearly a lot of thought went into this story, and Fluttershy's various forms of torture and execution were creative. But over all I can't say I liked this story very much. It felt really heavy on gore, but light on actual story telling.
Quite a few times Fluttershy's victims suffer such traumatic injury that they should have died instantly, or at least gone into shock before she would be able to finish. Rainbow's death stood out the most in my head; since she had her spine literally severed and then smashed for fun, and yet she not only didn't die but was also able to crawl around for a few minutes before actually suffocating.
Then with all the descriptions of maggots. I know it was for shock value, maybe even for symbolism? (grotesque rebirth out of death, like Fluttershy herself?) But maggots only feed on dead flesh, so having them pour all out of her every orifice at the beginning, and then the description of them infesting her still living body at the end of the story, only served to detract me from taking it seriously.
And then there's other little things that bother me. I can accept that Fluttershy can snap and go homicidal because of what happened to her, but it seemed less plausible that she would think up creative and brutal ideas to torture her friends with up on the spot; it's just so not in her nature to know what would hurt and terrify them, without some serious pre-planning I doubt she would think to do anything more sinister than what she did with Rainbow - just grabbing the closest object she could use as a weapon and then beat them to death with it. Maybe the Fluttershy you wrote has a good reason for being able to think up all the different methods she used - but we don't get much insight into her thoughts beyond the occasional flash of homicidal anger.
On that note, I think your story could have benefited from some better pacing, and less graphic descriptions of gore. I'm not saying I didn't like your story because it was too gory, but the actual depictions of torture are so graphic that they become center stage - not the characters, not what they are thinking/feeling about what is happening to themselves or each other. I would wager the story would have been even more disturbing if we had seen more snippets from Fluttershy's shattered mind, and less technically accurate accounts of how exactly a person's guts were spilling out, etc.
That said, I found the story to be quite a page-turner, as I was curious to find out what exactly had happened to Fluttershy at the party as it's slowly revealed. I found the description of Pinkie's party slowly spiraling into madness and debauchery to be pretty vivid and plausible, and helped pace out all of the wanton murder.
Why does everyone find maggots so disgusting?
1149094 Because you associate them with dead, and rotting things. They're also born in shit, fucking gross.
I actually liked this. Really good job!
A Very GroTiqe Story, But all the same, VERY Good. I Did Throw up a Few Times and Cry a Bit
But the story itself Made ME Feel like I was there and I was Insane 
All the Same Great Story, Oh, an I can say I Did Clop a Bit xD 
Sounds like the story above it on the list, "I love you, Twilight", that isn't a compliment I'm afraid
Alright. I'm just gunna say it. This really seemed like a wannabe cupcakes fic. With even more OC than before.
I loved this story, i don't know why it has so many thumbs downs. The author is a genius. you guys should be nicer to him.
thanks for ur feedback!!! :D Thank you all who liked thise story, you guys/girlz FREAKING ROCK!!! (when I'm famous I'll write you guys a song) Those of you who didn't like the story, the gore, and some other thing, I put a warning up for a reason. Sigh, well, this is my farewell... I love you fans, I... uh... I guess I tolerate everyone else. This is PariaH
WOAH, so cruel! loved it really. If you fuck up with fluttershy, you're gonna have a bad time
first reaction
nice
reaction after finishing
Fluttershy stood up, holding the front of Fluttershy’s ribcage in hoof,
other wise pretty good
1147721 You know, it is said that only the insane are really strong enough to prosper, and only those who prosper may truly judge what is sane.
1164320
That made me happy
~Rosalynn~
1164388 You're welcome, Miss... ?
1164521
Yup. Miss.
~Rosalynn~
Nice. Well, if it's okay with you, may I call you Rose? You know, just as vocal shorthand? Because I think we should maybe... start a chat session or something sometime. I mean, if it's alright with you.
1147908 moonshine. And WTF, ANGEL B BADASS
1171678
They get drunk and rape her?
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
NSFW cover image, please change.
beautiful!
well written and rather funny, although they all were very out of character, It was very creative. The most gruesome thing I've read in a while. I enjoyed it in the fact that it kept me occupied for a while.
-ΠΡ
OH MAN DUDE! I AM SO STOKED TO BE HELPING WITH THE SECOND PART!!! AFTER READING ALL THAT AND DARN NEAR LOSING MY SOUL BECAUSE OF IT, I AM SO IN DIRE ANTICIPATION!
It'll be up in two years...
I'll finish the story...
It won't be the same without you Ron...
_No. o12_
I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!
I have the most awkward boner
Wow. I did not expect that coming. None of them were totally out of character. Right?
What is wrong with you.. No seriously, what is wrong with you? Nearly lost my appetite. You're insane.
Some pleb looking for it brought me here. It sounded interesting enkugh that i had to cone see how fucked up it is.