A human, tumbling from his own harsh world, falls into the colourful land of Equestria but soon comes to learn that you better dont expect neither good or bad before turning the first page.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Be careful not to use the Blueblood is extra evil for not reason cliche or the human OC automatically knows better than the royal guards despite having no military training cliche.
instead of the main bad ponies, you expect why not snooty society being a dick to the guy? like being snub from conversations or ponies saying they have things to do then talk little things and differences like pony activities that only ponies can do, worried parents, heck have the guard be wary of this person the gossip alone must hurt him and worry others to watch him plus the magic and monster-infested world has it own natural dangers.
9097108
I mean, I had a boss who didn't pay me for nearly 8 months. If I (or Alex for that matter) had gone to the proper city department, then the boss would be FORCED to pay and would also likely be investigated and possibly have the business fined or closed. That is, of course, assuming that Alex lives in the USA.
As for my pay, Boss eventually paid me up to full, and then I quit. Screw working for 8 months without even a "Good Job today" let alone any pay...
Also, Author is from Germany, so probably doesn't know the spelling is Kansas. Props for getting only one letter off though.
9097108
Thanks for the constructive criticism first off all things. So to your first point, yes legally he is not in the good grades anymore, but same it was with me over here for a longer while, i had no money since my boss was not paying me, so my landlord gave me some long time to repay him. Maybe that's just a germany thing though, i don't know.
I did not go deeper into his job cause i feared it would slow the story down too much and be a tad bit boring, sorry.
For the heavy handed stuff with Twilight and Spike, i know it seems a bit much but i will try to keep it balanced and somewhat realistic.
Now for the Applebloom and Applejack stuff.....yeah that is not my best, but i actually have a plan for it.
And last but not least, yes i need a editor and proofreader bad and yes....i did not know it was written as Kansas. What can i say i am a german potato after all.
Still thank you for your criticism and have a nice day!
Lowercase i should be uppercase
won't
Ah
9490645
Again thank you for the fix hints, are you right now going through every chapter looking for mistakes by any chance?