The revolving buffet seemed as complicated as it was simple: a truly enormous circular conveyor belt laden with food moved at a slow, glacial pace, and you grabbed what you wanted from it as it passed by. In the middle was a staging area where a group of unicorns kept the plates flying to fill the available empty spaces on the conveyor belt. Everything was made of chrome, shiny plastics, and gleaming glass, a stunning display of beautiful ultra-modern neo-futuristic art-deco that Twilight was certain Rarity would have something to say about.
She perched atop a stool and rested her elbows against the padded rest of the dining counter. Before, when she was a unicorn, she never perched anywhere; but since gaining wings, she perched. It just felt natural, normal, when sitting did not. Seville sat beside her on her left, and Pinkie—on her right—was already stuffing her face with an endless stream of desserts delivered by conveyor.
“Somepony showered,” Applejack remarked around a mouthful of cottage cheese and minced fruit. “Together.”
In response, Twilight felt a hot flush and cast a sidelong glance at Seville, who was also still somewhat damp. Things grew heated between them—one thing in particular had risen like mercury in a thermometer—and a cool shower had done much to calm everything down. As hot prickles crept up the back of her neck, Twilight gnawed on her bottom lip.
“It’s good that you’re finally getting over those hangups, Twi. I’m proud of you.”
It took a second, but Twilight realised that Applejack wasn’t teasing her. There was nothing snide about her words, no sarcasm, there was nothing there but gentle encouragement and an acknowledgement of the struggle. It felt pretty good—no—it felt great and Twilight’s appetite roared to life like a fussy baby dragon just woke from his nap.
Twilight grabbed the first thing that caught her eye: a wheat-meatball hoagie slathered in marinara and curls of melted cheese. The plate had a protruding chubby, somewhat-squishy handle, perfect for grip by fetlock. Just as Twilight was getting ready to gobble her sandwich, she saw a beautifully prepared eggplant parmesan—but before she could claim it, Seville grabbed it. Disappointed, she eyeballed the conveyor belt for something else that might satisfy.
“There’s gonna be a supermarket stampede.” Applejack’s last few words were muffled when she wiped her mouth with her foreleg. “The second event involves picking somepony from the audience to work with ya… they did it in honour of the Princess of Friendship.”
Ears pricking, Twilight turned to look at Pinkie beside her, hopeful. “Can I be your assistant?”
Pinkie froze. It was such a profound effect that her blue eyes even glazed over. The entirety of her body went rigid, every muscle drew tight, and all of this stood out in sharp contrast to her ears, which went limp. Staring down at her plate, Pinkie Pie did not turn to look at Twilight when she replied, “You’re not an earth pony.”
Twilight felt a crushing weight bear down upon her and she slumped against the padded edge of the counter. As bad as she felt though, Twilight was aware that Pinkie Pie somehow felt worse, and somehow, Twilight found the strength to reach out and slip a foreleg around Pinkie’s withers.
“Oh, this is bad… I wonder how many friendships this might have ended?” Shaking her head, Pinkie leaned over on her stool, knowing that Twilight would support her. “I never thought of how it might feel to others to be rejected… or having to reject somepony… or having to reject a friend… help, this feels bad.”
“I’m pretty certain it’s meant to feel bad,” muttered Applejack, her green eyes casting a leaden stare. “I’d say that bloviating thundercunt knew exactly what to do to cause the most damage, given how she mentioned the Princess of Friendship during the announcement.”
Twilight, holding Pinkie, glanced around her to look at Applejack. “Jackie, do you really believe that?”
“If you believe in the worst of ponies, you’ll never be disappointed, Twi.”
“This really hurts.” Pinkie Pie leaned against Twilight even more, forcing Twilight to assert some strength to keep her friend propped up.
Jaw firming, Twilight refused to let this be an issue. “I’m a big filly… I shower with my coltfriend and everything… and I can deal with rejection. It’s important to maintain the integrity of the tradition. If I want to bake with you, we can do it at home, where it is a lot more fun and there’s a lot less pressure.”
“That’s nice, Twi, but now I’m aware of how this might hurt others.” Pinkie’s tongue snaked out, licked a glob of frosting on her nose, and then was slurped back in. “Now I’m wondering if we’re wrong for doing what we do.”
Giving her friend a squeeze, Twilight nodded as her tummy rumbled in protest. “It’s good to have awareness, Pinkie, and empathy for others. Finish your cake, you’ll feel better.”
“I already asked Applejack to be my partner. She was there and you and Seville were upstairs. It just felt right at the time, you know?” Pinkie Pie picked herself up, sat up on her own stool, and leaned against the counter. “I learned something by accident.”
“Something like this is a friendship test.” Twilight, starving, eyeballed her hoagie and her mouth watered. She was torn between the need for food and the need to comfort her friend. “If this wrecks a friendship, it probably wasn’t a very strong friendship to begin with. Being rejected hurts, but I understand that I can’t be included in everything my friends do, for a variety of reasons. Now get your head back into the game, Pinkie, and focus on winning.”
The pink mare seemed to perk up a bit, and took a hesitant bite of pink-frosted pink bubblegum-scented cake. On Twilight’s left, Seville pulled another eggplant parmesan off of the conveyor and went to work destroying it. Applejack had already returned to eating her cottage cheese, and beside Applejack, Bundt Buttercream stacked her seventeenth empty plate atop the previous sixteen.
Twilight Sparkle tore into her hoagie just as another serving of eggplant parmesan circled within reach…
“So,” Twilight began, “how does a supermarket stampede work?”
“Well, Twi,” Applejack replied while rubbing her stomach, “a big fake supermarket is set up and you have to run into there. There’s usually a timer involved and you have to grab all of the ingredients you need, and that’s part of the contest, ‘cause you don’t know what you’re gonna find.”
“So you and Pinkie are going to need to communicate?” Reaching down, Twilight rubbed her own stomach, and wished that she hadn’t eaten so much eggplant parmesan. Now, every time she burped, which was often, she tasted garlic and tomatoes.
“Yeah.” Applejack nodded. “We don’t know what we’re going to find, exactly, and we’ll only get one run through the supermarket, so if she and I are gonna bake something, we’ll need to get all the right stuff with no mistakes… no goof-ups. We’re going into this blind.”
“It sounds like you’ve done this before—”
“Oh, I have!” A broad grin split Applejack’s face and her freckles were shoved far back upon her cheeks. “But never with Pinkie. Fluttershy and I got to be contestants together at the Fillydelphia Friendship Frolic and we had ourselves a lovely time. We made those teacakes she’s known for.”
“I sent you on that trip.” Twilight, almost drowsy from eating far too much food, tried to recall the specifics, but that day seemed like it was so long ago. “Everypony else was busy, myself included, but you and Fluttershy were available. You know… Applejack… you and Flutters have become rather close over the years.” She recalled with some fondness how Fluttershy and Applejack had paired up together to gobble down cheese quesadillas.
A guarded expression appeared on Applejack’s face. “It just turns out we had a lot more in common than we thought, that’s all. Ponies change as they get older, Twi. Priorities change. What you want from life changes too. Flutters and I settled down and became homebodies while everypony else just kinda…” The orange earth pony spread her front legs in a wide gesture indicating two directions, but she did not finish her sentence.
“Yeah, but—”
“Twilight, don’t go there.” Anger flashed like incontinent, pissy thunderheads in Applejack’s eyes. “All of Ponyville gossips about it. I’m aware of that. I know what ponies say. Why can’t two mares just be close without everypony having to say stuff? I had to set Sumac straight once after he done got himself an earful of gossip. It’s destructive, is what it is. Flutters and I, we’re more than friends, but we’re not that. I don’t know what we are.” Folding her forelegs over her barrel, the apple farmer fell silent and scowled.
Twilight, aware that there were extraordinary levels of friendship, chose not to push the issue. “So… this supermarket stampede… it sounds like a good test of friendship.”
Applejack’s grin did not return. “It is.”
“Applejack—” Twilight paused when her friend’s eyebrow rose in a dangerous manner. Cautious, she tried again. “Applejack, do you hold some resentment towards the others?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” A truly sour expression took over Applejack’s face.
“You and Rainbow were so close as friends and rivals—”
“We’re still close.”
Twilight, aware that she tread on thin ice, began to wonder if this conversation was worth it. She almost brought up the fact that Applejack had just said she was a homebody and that the others… the others were most decidedly not homebodies. Twilight wondered if Applejack’s friendship with Fluttershy had more to do with Applejack trying to show the others that they weren’t needed… perhaps to even make them jealous… but there was no good way to put these thoughts into words.
Perhaps Applejack was trying to show the others what they were missing by being the very best friend she could be. The most supportive, most attentive, very bestest bestie that anypony could hope for or ask for. Or maybe, Applejack and Fluttershy had just naturally settled in together as they had aged.
Springing forth from the fertile soil of doubt, another tiny tendril of chaos encircled Twilight’s heart.
“Here comes the others,” Applejack said while looking in their direction.
By chance, Pinkie Pie was coming back from registration, while Bundt was returning from the restroom, and they had wound up together. Seville, of course, was doing his job. Bundt and Pinkie were laughing about something and Twilight could see that they would be the very best of friends, those two. Casting one final glance at Applejack, Twilight decided it was best to drop the issue.
The shopping buggy was one of the new models made of steel and aluminium, and not some rickety, old-fashioned archaic wooden cart with creaky wooden wheels. Mounted to the front was a sign advertising Hector Halfacre’s Humungo-Mart. For Twilight, the name caused some distress: hector meant to bully and it disturbed her that parents would give such a name to a pony. Perhaps there was another meaning that she was unaware of.
Pinkie Pie, humming to herself, broke into actual song: “I don't care much for pickin' fruit and plowin' fields ain't such a hoot. No matter what I try, I cannot fix this busted water chute! I've got so many chores to do, it's no fun being me… but it has to be my destiny, 'cause it's what my cutie mark is telling me.”
“Shut up, Pinkie… I don’t need to be reminded of that time.”
Undaunted, Pinkie Pie leaned up against Applejack and continued singing: “Lookie here at what I made, I think that it's a dress. I know it doesn't look like much, I'm under some distress. Could y'all give me a hand here and help me fix this mess? My destiny is not pretty, but it's what my cutie mark is tellin' me.”
Applejack’s deadpan expression displayed the timeless qualities that could be found upon her face, as well as showcasing her natural weary stoicism. Pinkie Pie was all smiles and bright, cheerful twinkling eyes, while Applejack was decidedly less so. Pinkie Pie persisted while Applejack endured. So it was, the dynamic of one of the great friendships of the ages.
Just as Pinkie was about to sing another line, Applejack interrupted and said, “Help.”
“Help?” Pinkie Pie, startled out of song, stood there, blinking and trying to recover.
“I need somepony—”
“Help?”
“Not just anypony—”
“Help!”
“You know I need somepony—”
“HELP!” Pinkie Pie belted out the word with enough force to make Applejack’s eyes squeeze shut.
“When I was younger, so much younger than today… I never needed anypony's help in any way. But now those days are gone, I'm not so self assured—”
“But now you’ve found you’ve changed your mind and opened up the doors?” Pinkie Pie asked in sing-song.
It was then that Twilight realised it would be a long afternoon for Applejack.
9104132
Is something wrong?
That the bloviating thundercunt made a huge miscalculation...that Twilight knows that this competition isn't about tribalism, it's about equality and the fact that earth ponies can use mag.....wait.....
Takes a closer look at Kuzu's work...oh so that's what Papercorn was going on about...before twilight decided to throw her tantrum.
There currently seems to be some hurt feelings in this bake off because of the Earth Pony only Rule. However it seems like the only reason they are happening is because Miss Blintz is engineering it to happen with her knowledge on Psychology. Would any kind of point be valid as this seems to be obviously engineered to only reach the conclusion Miss Blintz wants and no other?
9104154
Uh, no.
Not quite.
9104157
And the solution is so simple. Make it so that magic and flying is not allowed. Then there is a level playing field for all and no one race only.
9104220
Uh, no. This is not the case at all.
9104139
That's a 5-bit insult right there.
i knew the irony before hand so can't much talk about it, but it is curious the group doesn't seem to notice
9097795
It IS fun.
Being that guy is a guilty pleasure.
Over-analyzing to the point of ludicrosity is the best application of drunk science. Much like turning definitions around.
Speaking of which, shall we start measuring TNT in nuke-promilles?
Thundercunt... Damn. Now I've got images in my head.
Also, probably should have said this in a previous chapter, but I'd really like to see the story where Twi meets Seville's family. Sounds hilariously awkward.
https://goo.gl/images/W3kNox
(Couldn’t get it to embed for some damn reason)
I’d be damned if that were to slip by me.
And I can’t figure out the Irony
I can not see what is Ironic and it’s bothering me.
9104803
That's a redirect page, and it raises security alarms for me.
9104814
Probably a phone to computer thing, ill try to fix it when i get home
Heeeeeeeeeelp
Is it that the diner is exclusively staffed by unicorns because earth ponies can't even manage to do service jobs in this version of the universe?
9105383
I just made a blog post about this, actually.
Yeah, it's probably for the best that AJ was chosen instead of Twilight. At least from Twilight's perspective.
9104220
Ah, but that would only make the problem worse, not better. See, Earth Ponies can only ever do things a certain way, this limits them, but also grants them a degree of specialization that the other tribes lack. For example, take a Unicorn and an Earth Pony, each trained in classical calligraphy for many years, now make them both write with their mouth. Who wins? Easy, the Earth Pony, because chances are the Unicorn learned how to preform calligraphy using their Magic, and even if they did bother to learn how to do it without their Magic, they wouldn't have focused on it as much because they have other options, but give the Unicorn the ability to use Magic and suddenly their chances of winning skyrocket (easily eclipsing the Earth Pony), because they can act with a finesse and precision that Earth Ponies just can't. Worse, because those rules would literally make Unicorns and Pegasi compete with a handicap, they would have, if anything, even more reason to decry the competition as 'tribalist', and all it'll take is one or two competitions with all Earth Pony finalists to validate their views in the court of public opinion.
It's a vicious cycle, and a nasty situation all around. Earth Ponies lack dedicated manipulators, they're considerably less mobile than just about anything with access to either teleportation or three dimensional movement, and their special talents are easily overlooked and often underappreciated. In short, they struggle to find a place in the modern world. Earth ponies started out at the very bottom of Equine society, and as a whole they haven't really moved much. All things considered they have quite a bit to complain about, and reasons aplenty to band together in order to create a safe space, a shared culture where Earth Ponies can just be Earth Ponies without also having to be a part of the greater Equestrian Tribe. And yet... though she may be a raging thundercunt, Blintz isn't necessarily wrong. Either about the uncertain future that lies ahead for Earth Ponies in the face of greater mechanization, or the fact that Earth Pony 'protectionism' is, in fact, tribalist. Oh, she words it in just about the worst way possible, but we've seen multiple examples of Earth Ponies shunning Unicorn and Pegasi magic as 'unnatural', and forcing locals who have lived in an Earth Pony community their entire lives (and were possibly even born into it) to handicap themselves significantly in order to participate in local ceremonies, traditions, holidays, etc. And I can tell you right now, that can't be good for a child's sense of self-worth growing up.
So the solution is easy, right? If it isn't fair, and it almost certainly hurts people, get rid of it. Except... then what exactly is left for the Earth Ponies? Tear away their culture, their pride, and what exactly are you left with? This isn't an easy problem, nor one with a simple solution. Making sure everyone is happy is a truly herculean task at the best of times, and as anyone whose read the extended universe this story takes place in (or just picks up the hints left in every chapter) this is most certainly not the best of times.
9107225
Thank you.
9107225
The thing is though is that we KNOW Earth Ponies are extra smart in addition to tough. So I would say they could go into Academia. The problem is that the world of Education already looks down on them, and I doubt many of them see it as a very plausible path.
What I CAN say though is that we have ALREADY seen a reason to do baking and cooking "The Earth Pony Way", due to the advances that seem to ONLY or PRIMARILY be made by Earth Ponies. There might already be other areas that doing it the Earth Pony Way might have greater advantages compared to doing it how the other Tribues would.
Which is Blintz's realy problem in my eyes. Sure she knows there's a problem, but she's not really DOING anything to truly fix it. With all her research it somehow NEVER came up, about how Earth Pony Scientists are the ones leading all the Food Science stuff? With how smart Earth Ponies are, there's GOT to be more ways that they could do things BETTER than non-Earth Ponies
is it that hector halfacre
cuz hector sounds like hectare
and a half acre is like 20% of a hectare
so he is 20% of himself?