In baking, some things could not be hurried and Twilight saw the lull as an excellent time to check up on the Bundt Buttercream situation. Even Applejack agreed that something wasn’t quite right and that somepony (that somepony being Twilight in this instance) needed to get to the bottom of what was going on. The lemon zinger cake had just been put into the oven and near as Twilight could tell, Pinkie Pie seemed just fine.
Which meant that Twilight had at least an hour to get down to the bottom of things.
Her rising levels of annoyance concerned her; Twilight could feel the pressure building and she could sense that events were starting to take on a life of their own. There was chaos here, both within and without. Mistakes were about to be made, she could sense them lurking. Bourgogne Blintz might have just made one. Twilight Sparkle knew she might have made a mistake or two already and was fearful of making more. Each mistake made would only further cause the developing situation to spiral out of control. Before departing, Twilight reminded herself that Bourgogne Blintz was not her enemy—she was just very, very difficult to make friends with at the moment. Challenging, even.
Fearing treachery, Twilight winked away in a magenta flash.
The command center, abuzz with activity, came to an abrupt halt when Twilight appeared in their midst. Many stared, wide-eyed, fearful, because the sudden appearance of an alicorn tended to be cause for alarm. As the aetherfire flickered and faded around Twilight, she put on her best ‘concerned princess’ face.
“Where is Miss Blintz?” she demanded in a firm, calm voice.
Not one pony said anything—nopony dared—but many of them pointed at a heavy soundproof door. A few began to recover and they hurried away about their business, heads down, tails between their legs, ears pinned back, and moving about in the most submissive manner possible. Seeing them, their mannerisms, Twilight remembered a time when she was like them. That time was so long ago—longer than Twilight would ever be able to say—but she kept that memory alive, fearing that she might become cold and dispassionate without it.
“I’m sorry if I startled you. Please, go about your business. The show must go on, ponies!”
She waited, calm, and reassurance rippled through the crowd. A few smiled. Ears rose. Tails untucked. Heads lifted. She stood, unmoving, unwilling to leave until she was assured that everypony was okay. Twilight made it a point to smile back at them and she even waved at a few holdouts that were slow to recover.
When at last things seemed mostly normal, Twilight strode to the soundproof door.
“—we apologise for the interruption, but our announcer’s water just broke and she—”
These words faded into nothingness while Twilight stood in the doorway. Miss Blintz turned off the microphone, flipped several more switches with her hoof, and then glared at Twilight in a fearful, angry way. This did not last long though, as Miss Blintz recovered and went on the offensive before Twilight said anything.
“You’re not supposed to be here.” Miss Blintz’s eyes narrowed as her nostrils grew wide. “How dare you disrupt me while I am working!”
“Miss Buttercream’s water broke?” Twilight’s lips pressed tight together as her jaw muscles clenched.
“Leave, at once!” Miss Blintz demanded.
“Leave, you say? Shall I go check on Miss Buttercream, perhaps? I could leave right now. Which hospital did she go to?” When Miss Blintz started to say something, Twilight offered up a friendly warning: “Choose your next words carefully, Miss Blintz.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” the furious earth pony mare replied. “Get out!”
“You have made a grave mistake, lying like this—”
“Is this how you rule Equestria, Princess? With threats?”
“I thought I’d try your approach at management,” Twilight replied, her natural snark bubbling out unbidden. “Before I was interrupted, I was making a statement. Here’s a threat: I’m about to go check up on Miss Buttercream. And if I find so much as a patch of hair ruffled on her, if she is hurt in any way, shape, or form… or if your actions cause any sort of distress that endangers her foals… I will end you. I have ended far worse than you. You pose no significant threat to me whatsoever, but I will not allow you to do any harm to my subjects. Are we understood?”
Miss Blintz grumbled something unintelligible.
“Yes or no. Are we understood?” Twilight, readying her magic, prepared to flip on all of the right switches on the microphone and the soundboard.
“Understood,” Miss Blintz growled. “Now get out!”
“Gladly,” Twilight replied, bowing her head. “Have a pleasant day!”
Then, without further ado, Twilight vanished.
Berating herself beneath her breath, Twilight Sparkle needed to work on her aim. She had concentrated upon Bundt Buttercream just before winking, but had missed her mark by a considerable distance. Some of the ponies on the platform spooked and scattered, startled by her sudden appearance. She wanted to comfort them—she did, really—but the sight of Bundt Buttercream sitting atop her suitcase thoroughly unnerved poor Twilight.
She marched through the panicked crowd, her tunnel vision only allowing her to see one thing. A scorching wind blew dust and sunlight felt like arrows upon her skin. It had to be more than one-hundred and ten degrees outside and Twilight immediately began to worry for Miss Buttercream’s well-being in this heat.
“I got fired,” Miss Buttercream said to Twilight. “It’s fine though. I kinda wanted it to happen. After I met you and your friends… well, it was more about what I said, that part about whoring myself out. But you and your friends and the good you do. I’m really upset right now and my feelings are all over the place. I left the porn biz so I could raise my foals right, but then I said it myself, I was still whoring myself out. And so I tried to do the right thing, even though it was hard. Now look at me.”
Twilight came to a halt beside the forlorn mare sitting on her suitcase, lowered her head, and looked her in the eye. “Doing the right thing is never easy and I admire you for what you’ve done.”
“Really?”
“I wouldn’t say it, otherwise.”
“You and your friends were so decent,” Miss Buttercream said. “I wasn’t groped, treated as the entertainment, or shamed for what I’ve done. Nopony put me down. Seville, that reporter, he treated me with decency and respect. I looked back on all of it, and my own words about whoring myself out got to me. I woke up this morning and decided that I’d do better… but now, I am ashamed to admit, I’m having some second thoughts. I don’t want to get desperate again. I don’t want to go back to porn work to pay the bills. I’m already feeling the pinch.”
This only told Twilight what she already knew: she had amazing friends.
“How would you like a job?” Twilight asked, without once thinking of the ramifications of having a porn starlet in her employ. She thought about what Miss Blintz had said, about Miss Buttercream’s water breaking, which left her in an irked state. “You did right, even though you knew it might cost you. That’s the kind of pony I want working for me.”
“Would I need to move to Ponyville?”
Chewing on her bottom lip, Twilight gave this some thought. “No,” she said at last, “I am in need of agents in other cities. Princess Celestia has been pressuring me to step up my outreach efforts. I don’t have a job description for you, not just yet. Those in my employ are paid a fair wage, but much is demanded of them. I’ll confess, the workload is exceptional. It’s not easy making the world a better place, Miss Buttercream.”
“I’m about to pop and you’re offering me a job right when I might not be able to work.”
Twilight raised a wing to shield her face from the sun, which was doing its best to sap the life force from her bones. She blinked a few times, squinted, and gave thought to everything that had just happened. “Job security is one of the many causes I champion. Prince Gosling and I, we work hard on labour reforms. Hiring you in your condition allows me to put what I propose into practice. It is beneficial for me and my goals to take advantage of the situation and what it has to offer.”
“You’re a lot more honest than Bourgogne,” Miss Buttercream remarked as she shifted her bulk atop her suitcase in a vain attempt to get comfortable. “That’s a level of exploitation I can live with. If I said yes, when would I start?”
“Right now,” Twilight replied without a second’s hesitation. “I would need you to return with me. Miss Blintz told everypony your water broke. Now, let me make this clear. We’re not going to confront her or antagonise her. Not directly, anyhow. But I want ponies to see that what she said wasn’t true. I don’t want to ruin the bake-off for everypony, but Miss Blintz cannot be allowed to get away with her actions.”
“You’ll protect me?” Miss Buttercream, also assaulted by sunlight, squinted at Twilight. “I’m barred from the premises. She told me that if I stuck around, she’d have me escorted away by security and that if I caused her problems, she’d have me roughed up.”
Twilight’s ears swiveled forwards and after a second of divination, she knew that Miss Buttercream wasn’t lying. There was no indication in the slightest of dishonesty or of even stretching the truth. Either this mare was an accomplished liar with magical means to defeat Twilight’s divinations, or she had told the truth. As was so often the case, Twilight sided with simplicity.
The truth was awful.
Bourgogne Blintz needed to be dealt with, but not in a way that disrupted what might just be the earth ponies’ final glory. They needed this and Twilight knew it. Seville’s article would be hitting the papers, probably in the morning edition tomorrow. With the front page assault and the visible presence of Bundt Buttercream, Bourgogne Blintz’s credibility would be shredded, which is just what Twilight needed to happen.
“You’ll be safe.” Twilight smiled a forced smile and she stuffed her simmering anger into a mental crevice. Now was the time to be a princess, not a mare. It was time to put on a good show for her subjects—while somehow managing to ensure that her subjects continued to have a good time. “So, what do you say, Miss Buttercream?”
“I’m in,” Bundt replied with a half-shrug. “If only to see Miss Blintz get her comeuppance. I lost my hotel room. Also… I need to pee. It’s why I can’t sit still. It’s practically a potty emergency.”
“Say no more!” Grinning from ear to ear, with her depression now on the ropes and pleading for mercy, Twilight yanked a startled, squeaking Bundt Buttercream into the aether with her while focusing her thoughts upon a restroom.
Applejack wasn’t phased in the slightest when the two mares appeared beside her, with one of them grumbling about no rooms being available. She did however, cast a sidelong glance at the pale mossy green earth pony mare while making a face that was distinctly Applejackian in nature, an expression with exquisite eyebrow placement and fine mouth-muscle control.
“Howdy,” she said to the pregnant mare who immediately sat down upon the clear floor of the catwalk.
“No room?” Twilight stomped one hoof and caused the catwalk to wobble alarmingly. “That room was just checked out of not even a half-an-hour ago! No room! Argh!” Then, after a deep, calming breath, “How’s Pinkie doing?”
“I think she’s bored,” Applejack replied.
“Applejack… this is my new assistant. If security happens to come along and hassle her while I’m not around, you have my permission to do… well… you can do whatever needs to be done but try not to hurt the security too badly, okay? They’re just doing their jobs and we don’t need an incident.”
“Broken knees and hobbled fetlocks, gotcha.”
Twilight almost said something, but decided to believe that Applejack was being funny.
Down below, Pinkie Pie squinted into the oven, peering at the cake within with one weathered eye. Twilight took a few deep breaths to calm herself, while thinking about depression. With her blood singing like this and the adrenaline making her ears buzz, she was feeling a whole lot better about things in general. It troubled her, how conflict made everything better, how she needed a struggle in her life.
“I’m proud of you, Twi.”
Confused, Twilight’s head tilted off to one side and she gave Applejack a quizzical expression in response. “You are?”
“Why, yes I am.” The apple farmer took a moment to adjust her hat and then she flashed Twilight a grin.
When Applejack made no attempt to explain, Twilight’s lips puckered into something that was almost a pout. She was stuck trying to figure it out on her own, it seemed. She watched as Applejack slipped a foreleg around Bundt’s withers and then sat down beside her. Hot, itchy, still sweaty from her brief exposure to the out-of-doors, Twilight allowed herself a moment to feel good about what she had done. When she did so, her contorted, tense muzzle and irked expression softened into a smile.
It was time to enjoy the show, if such a thing were still possible.
I am ravenously devouring these chapters. I love Twilights progression and role in the weed series, and I appreciate this story having such an obvious antagonist and Twilight reflects "not an enemy just a difficult friend" in such a way that is proper for her princessly role while keeping snark. Keep these chapters coming, thank you!
Twilight's epiphanies are getting to me. And Blintz, despite being a friend you haven't made yet, is certainly acting a tiny bit tyrranical and/or villianous.
Every chapter is just adding another powder keg to this lit fuze. What are you going to have happen kudz?!
9093832
More powder = a bigger boom! Go Kudz, go! Light it off like America ending World War II!
9093922
... im going to be that guy. For just a minute
*clears throught*
“Actually, if kudz was using powder kegs which of course store black powder, it would be nothing like the atom bombs that ended WWII. The timed splitting of the atom of either Uranium or Plutonium in an enclosed environment to create an explosion is a level of destruction that cannot be reached with a mixture of dried sulfer, charcoal, and potassium nitrate.”
Okay. Im done being that guy. Hell yes! Let this bomb go off!
9093951
I was going to go with the Tsar bomb, but I couldn't remember whether or not it was atomic.
9093957
That’s a hydrogen bomb.
sort OF distress
Also, I'm hoping that Blintz doesn't get a reformation. Personally I prefer to have some villains who are just jerks.
I am enjoying this story a lot. I eagerly await what choices all the characters make. A couple of things I noticed:
It makes sense that Earth Ponies have generated many scientific advances. According to Skyfall, Earth Ponies are smarter than Unicorns or Pegasus. (I wonder if Twilight noticed anything when she became an Alicorn).
What About the Rest of Us? shows that disillusionment is a multi-tribal phenomenon.
Gosling and Twilight teaming up to rewrite the Equestrian Dream is a fascinating possibility. Two dimensions of the change seem to include:
The Political Question. How are decisions made? The renewal of noblesse oblige that Dim speaks of inEigengrau Zwei: Die Welt ist Grau Geworden are reinforced by the burden Alicorn leaders display, as most recently detailed in Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. How will this get squared with the Harmony that Twilight and Gosling are trying to engineer?
The Economic Question. How are resources shared? The expansion of industrial capitalism creates huge friction with landed elites and with labor. Twilight’s exposure to ideas from beyond the mirror could prove invaluable, or could light the fuse on the powder-keg.
The changes that are underway in Weed World remind me of the transitions engineered by Otto von Bismarck when he unified the Germanic States in 1871. He solved the Economic Question by stealing many of the positions of the radicals (state supplied, kindergarten, schooling, medical care, and pensions to name a few) to buy off a populace that didn’t want to unify. Properly mollified, the populace accepted Bismarck’s solution to the Political Question, which was Imperial Rule.
I look forward to what comes next.
Twilight didn't just try to get a room with a porn star, she succeeded. As in, no extra room means the porn star will be bunking with them, lol. Plus, since she's so preggers I bet she gets the bed, hahahaha.
Mrs. Blintz is definitely showing the "shades of Mister Mariner" feeling Twi got was justified. She thinks she can order anybeing around, including an alicorn. She thinks that she can manipulate ponies by telling them anything and having her publicity teams stirring the pot to make it true. What is she? The ponification of Orwell's Ministry of Truth?!
Twiley needs to hasten this mare's political and social end, and fast.
Such an easily disprovable lie was a big mistake on Blintz's part. Presenting one porn star, still pregnant, not in labor.
It's funny now, and later on it might be funny for entirely different reasons.
Dayum. Threatening to rough up a pregnant mare? When you've JUST antagonised a powerful public figure?
Miss Blintz, that was not a smart move.
9093951
Then I shall just have to be that other guy.
While the energy release per kg of payload of an atomic weapon (roughly 25 TJ/kg, according to wikipedia) is indeed impressive, that is not to say such results cannot be achieved with conventional gunpowder (3 MJ/kg).
You just need more of it. 8000000 times more, but still.
[\beingthatotherguy]
9097306
That would be highly improbable, dare say, nearly impossible.
9097608
Nukes are measured from gunpowder explosions.
9097649
Shhh! Take a break from being that guy every now and then. Have some fun bro!