Chapter 4
Twilight Sparkle dreaded the apology that she owed Seville and had not yet figured out what to say or how to say it. She thought about feminine wiles, but those were not her forte. Once, she had asked Rarity for advice about feminine wiles, but the fashionista—after much hemming and hawing—had very little to say that was helpful, other than the gentle reply, “Don’t, darling.”
The bake-off didn’t have a convention hall, no. It had a convention wing with everything and anything the contestants needed. Kitchen cubicles had been constructed, with walls on three sides and just enough work space to get the job done. The Moondust even provided a dishwashing service, and dirty dishes would be carted away by a gleeful, cheerful, helpful attendant.
Pinkie Pie prowled the crowd, sizing up the competition with a critical eye. For the first time, Twilight wondered what Pinkie planned to fix as her signature dish. What would she compete with? Probably something spectacular. Pinkie Pie, an accomplished baker, was also something of a food scientist, at least in Twilight’s eyes. She understood food in much the same way that Twilight understood magic. Pinkie, an earth pony, had to use science and practical application to cook, and couldn’t just take raw ingredients and magic them into a stunning confection.
It was then that Twilight had something of an epiphany: by cooking with practical methods, earth ponies advanced food science. New understandings of food were constantly being discovered by earth ponies, who studied the hows and the whys of food preparation. New advances in nutrition and food sciences came primarily from earth ponies. If this food culture ceased to be, so to would the science that accompanied it. The mere idea of a loss of science horrified Twilight and left her in an almost trembling state.
Humming to herself, her mouth full of pencil, Pinkie Pie carefully scribbled down what she needed onto her requisition list. Meanwhile, Applejack was checking out the oven, an entirely new model that had a switch that made the oven rack come sliding out when you opened the door—or not, when the switch wasn’t flipped. It was just the sort of convenience an earth pony needed.
The oven, manufactured by the Sparkheim Industrial Consumer Goods Consortium, was the sleekest, most modern kitchen appliance currently available—which was exactly why it was on display here at the bake-off. In fact, every product placed here was an advertisement of sorts, from the mixers, to the cookware, right down to the spatulas with chunky, grippy grips, designed for clumsy fetlocks—because earth ponies appreciated products that catered specifically to their needs.
“Pinkie Pie…” Seville took a deep breath, held it for a time, and then let it out in a slow huff. Then, he took another deep breath and said, “Seein’ those lips of yours wrapped around that pencil… it makes a fella think. Mmm-hmm.”
Twilight froze up in shock and that was when Applejack responded, “Seville, what’s it say about a feller when he’s all reassured that a mare’s lips will fit ‘round a pencil?”
Pinkie—her sides heaving—now struggled to keep writing, and then was forced to stop when her script became an illegible scribble. Meanwhile, Applejack and Seville eyeballed one another, fencing with deft eyebrow exchanges, daring one another to be the first to cast aside their deadpan expression and laugh. Twilight felt a bloom of heat spread through her nethers and she wished that there was an air conditioning vent to stand over.
Feeling a bit sweaty in her unmentionable places, Twilight fanned her face with her wing.
“Princess Sparkle?”
Twilight paused, mid-fan. For some reason, when Princess Sparkle was said a certain way, it sounded like Miss Sparkle—like right now. Something felt off about being addressed in this manner. Turning about, Twilight eyeballed the pony addressing her. A mare, middle-aged, earth pony, sooty grey coat, and a dull pink mane that lacked shine. Though she hated judging by appearance, Twilight knew the type and anticipating trouble, or at least some degree of annoyance, she summoned her patience. Ignoring whatever her friends were up to, Twilight focused on the earth pony mare.
She was completely oblivious to the absolute transformation of her friends behind her.
“My name is Bourgogne Blintz. You may call me Miss Blintz. I am the head of outreach for the Equestrian Baking League and Director in Chief of the Greater Equestrian Unity Project. Not one pony has done more for inter-tribal unity in Equestria than I have.”
“Uh-huh.” Twilight’s face revealed no trace of emotion or reaction whatsoever.
“Yer a cunt, is what you are.”
Applejack’s drawl smashed Twilight’s ears like a sledgehammer and Twilight found that she couldn’t even respond to her friend’s insulting outburst. Miss Blintz seemed utterly unphased, her prim smile never once wavered, and the mare turned a leaden, saccharine stare upon Applejack that left Twilight feeling immensely uncomfortable, as if she wanted to take off her skin so it could crawl away.
“You… this is all yer doing.” Applejack now stood stiff-legged, a sure sign that she was ready to throw down and go rodeo on a pony. “All of this is coming to an end ‘cause of you.”
“I am correcting the tribalism that earth ponies cling to and I am dragging us into the future.” Miss Blintz had an eerie calm about her and she was utterly unruffled, unbothered by Applejack. “Some of us resist change for a variety of reasons, such as being small minded backwater hicks that are utterly unable to speak proper Equestrian. I do this for them as much as I do for myself.”
“I don’t cling to tribalism,” said Pinkie Pie while several curls deflated and went limp.
“Then you should have no problem with the transition to include others,” Bourgogne Blintz replied, turning her cool, calm stare upon Pinkie Pie. “Is there a problem with allowing others to compete in our traditions?”
Turning about, Twilight saw Applejack chewing her lip, Pinkie Pie’s mane was in danger of collapsing, and Seville had his teeth bared. Much to her dismay, Twilight realised that she was oblivious to what was going on, and had no idea why her friends were reacting the way they were to Bourgogne Blintz. She didn’t even know who Bourgogne Blintz was, but apparently her friends did. A crowd was gathering—a pretty big crowd indeed—and most of them did not possess smiling, happy faces.
Twilight, as it turned out, was oblivious to the happenings of earth pony culture.
Undaunted, unconcerned by the angry mob around her, Bourgogne Blintz turned to Twilight Sparkle, took several steps into Twilight’s equinal space, and said, “Princess Celestia told me that you would be here, Princess Sparkle. It is my sincere hope that you and I can work together to give this shameful practice a proper end so we can put it behind us. We must embrace the future… an inclusive future where we all stand wither-to-wither as equals and nopony is turned away due to tribe.”
“I’m not sure I see the problem with earth ponies keeping a cultural tradition for themselves.” Fully aware that she was treading upon dangerous, unknown ground, Twilight threw caution to the wind and advanced her position.
“Tsk-tsk.” Miss Blintz shook her head. “I would have thought the so-called Princess of Friendship would be more enlightened.” Eyes darting in the direction of the three earth ponies beyond Twilight, she added, “Perhaps you would be if you kept better friends—”
“Hey, you don’t get to cast judgment on my friends!” Twilight felt the muscles in her legs go stiff and without realising it, she brought herself up to her full height so that she could look down upon the haughty mare.
“Princess Celestia spoke so highly of you, but now that I’ve met you, I can’t imagine why.” Miss Blintz, now rigid, didn’t bother looking Twilight in the eye, but stared straight ahead, ignoring the difference in height. “Baking is a cornerstone of Equestrian culture. It symbolises many things, but first and foremost, our unity and our family values. This contest”—for a second, her face crinkled with disgust— “is the last holdout of a tribalist past. It goes against everything we believe as Equestrians. This is a celebration of the earth pony way, a practice that shuts out and excludes other tribes and reinforces a negative, tribalist point of view that persists in spite of the efforts of many to stamp it out.”
Twilight reeled. The earth pony way was bigotry?
Ears pricking, Twilight heard something, but couldn’t figure out what it was. It was a dreadful, terrifying sound, a predatory sound, and the last time she had heard similar was in the midst of brutal, bloody combat. Two conclusions were reached at once, and both of them were disturbing; she heard growling and the growling came from Applejack.
When she turned her head, she could see her friend out of the corner of her eye, and what she saw chilled her blood. Applejack’s hackles were up and she growled; a deep, throaty growl that one would not expect to come from a small hoofed quadruped of the equine species. It was the sort of growl that would send diamond dogs scurrying away with their tails between their legs. Much to her own shame and dismay, Twilight found that she wanted to see Applejack throw down.
“Is it possible that you and I could meet in private later?” Twilight asked while the gathering crowd intensified. “I can’t help but notice that just about every pony present seems to have a strong dislike for you and I am concerned for your safety.”
The greatest danger, of course, was Applejack.
“Sure.” Miss Blintz’s response was cool to the point of being icy.
“Three, this afternoon. Where can we meet?”
“The executive offices for this event. Search out the command center and ask for me.”
“I’ll do that.” Twilight’s jaw firmed and she felt a chilly prickle of fear when Applejack’s growling dropped into an even more menacing rumble. “I shall see you at three. Hopefully, our next meeting will be more cordial.”
“It will if you bring better manners,” Bourgogne Blintz replied, and then, before Twilight could respond, she turned and strode away, departing with a haughty, dismissive tail-flick.
Grinding her teeth, Twilight watched her go. The fierce growling did not subside, and it wasn’t until Bourgogne Blintz was completely gone from view that Applejack began to resemble something remotely equine again, with a very broad definition of ‘equine.’ Thoroughly irked, Twilight knew that she couldn’t just dismiss this; as a princess, she represented all of Equestria and she was obligated to face this issue head on.
“So, uh, Applejack… anything I can do to help you calm down?” Seville asked the mare beside him. “Maybe take you for a walk or get you a dog biscuit?”
“Har har...” Though no doubt annoyed by Seville’s sarcasm, Applejack did not push him away when he began to smooth out the ridge of stiff hairs along her spine. She even leaned into it and even wiggled beneath his hoof in an effort to get him to scratch her back. “I hate that mare. I’ve hated her since the day we met.”
“Applejack—”
“Eenope, I don’t wanna talk about it, Twi.” Applejack—her lower lip protruding—swung her head from side to side.
“That’s not helpful, Applejack.” Realising that now was not the time, Twilight did not press the issue. She turned to say something to Pinkie Pie, but the words caught in her throat. Pinkie looked miserable; many curls had deflated, gone limp, and poor Pinkie appeared as though she would either explode with temper or start bawling—or both. “Pinkie…”
Not caring who might be watching, or what they might be thinking, Twilight rushed to embrace her friend. She wrapped her wings around her, pulled her close, and even planted a firm kiss upon her friend’s cheek. One limp strand of mane responded and made a halfhearted effort to curl, but it ultimately failed to revive.
“That mare is horrible,” Applejack muttered while Twilight tried to reassure poor Pinkie.
“She gives Celestia fits.” Seville’s eyes shifted left, then right, then left, and came to rest upon Twilight and Pinkie. In a very low whisper, he added, “She once called Celestia an alicorn supremacist and accused her of only being concerned with alicorn issues. She said it when she couldn’t get her way about something. Not sure what.”
“She what?” Twilight squeezed a little tighter when she heard Pinkie whimper.
“Goose had to be restrained… he was going to throw her down the stairs.” Shaking his head, Seville clucked his tongue, then went on to say, “I wasn’t there, but Goose told me that Celestia had to paralyse him for his own good.”
“She makes the laughter go away.” Pinkie, sniffling, braced herself against Twilight.
“But who is she?” Twilight asked, baffled by all this hate.
“She’s a celebrity activist,” Seville replied, his ears pinning back while his expression soured. “She became a celebrity because she’s an activist. She goes around helping widows and orphans. She houses the poor. So that the world knows exactly who she is and what she does, she has a whole publicity agency working for her and she is their sole focus.”
Still holding Pinkie, Twilight somehow managed to shrug. “Never heard of her.”
“Pretty much all of her marketing and publicity is targeted specifically at earth ponies.” Seville and Applejack exchanged a glance with one another, and Seville continued to smooth out the stiff hairs standing at attention all along Applejack’s spine.
Having heard enough, Twilight made a decision. “Pinkie Pie, I’m taking you someplace quiet so I can sort you out. Now, if only we can find someplace quiet.”
“Will there be kisses?” The distressed pink mare now had a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“Yes, there will be kisses.” Twilight’s eyes darted around, plotting escape.
“Then I offer no resistance.” After a moment she added, “I want snuggle-humps.”
Seeing no other good option for escape, Twilight thought of their room and teleported.
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hmm, i think i'll like Miss Blintz as an antagonist
I think I'd like Miss Blintz for target practice. Dear lord does she rub everypony the wrong way.
Miss Blintz is interesting. On one hand she is trying to stop Bigotry/Tribalism from Earth Ponies because they won't let Pegasi or Unicorns compete in Earth Pony only events and the like and this Bake-Off seems like it is the last one before her mission is complete and yet it seems she completely ignores Bigotry/Tribalism against Earth Ponies because really, how will this help Earth Ponies who want to be reporters? Not all of them will luck out like Seville. Or any other profession Earth Ponies are usually barred from because they are Earth Ponies. Then as stated, Earth Ponies that achieve some kind of greatness are treated like an exception to the rest of their tribe, at least according to the context we have been shown so far
Just how does she expect this to help in the long run?
9080981
See, Miss Blintz, she is a firm believer that tribalism is bullying, and if you ignore bullying, it will go away.
It takes more than one note to make a harmony.
Blintz isn't a villain, but she is an antagonist
I think you have managed to create a foil/antagonist worse than my version of Spoiled Rich in Ranger. ....
I was a little wary of this entry, because the description pushes all of my cringe buttons: somepony doing something very public that has a high probability of causing lots of embarrassment to themselves. Now, however, there is an antagonist that I can point to and say "It's their fault!" until I am able to get over cringey bits enough to actually think about things in a sane, rational way. My interest in this story has increased massively.
Hey, Miss Blintz, why don't we ground Cloudsdale while we're at it? How unfair is it that pegasi get a whole city all to themselves? In fact, why stop there? Let's clip their wings so that they can't fly at all either, that'll bring about some nice equality, huh? Oh, and all unicorns should be banned from spellcasting because it gives them an unfair advantage in daily life!
#GlimmyLogic
I believe that Miss Blintz would benefit from a nice soothing cup of Ragwort and Sycamore Seed tea...
9080983
She doesn't want to actually do good, just be seen doing good.
Which is surely the same thing.
9081152
I get it!
i.stack.imgur.com/nGMrD.gif
This chicks like "pay attention to me, I'm doing what I've decided is best!"
An excellent antagonist! Looking forward to Twilight pointing out the truth. And for ponies of all kinds agreeing with her. Crush that activist bug!
Color me already wary of where you're going with this but with the caveat that you often pull through in the end.
However, to start from the get go, there is often good reason IRL to sometimes be wary of of race exclusive anything, albeit a wariness that comes down to whatever the local power dynamics are.
So even though Applejack is often humanized caucasian, that power dynamic does not exist for earth ponies.
Letting AJ kill her seems like a decent plan.
Miss Blintz hates her own kind, it would seem.
9080983
So she's an idiot. Good to know. Also-
Something I've learned from dealing with Social justice dipshits on a daily basis for the last 4 years, is that someone going after someone else for not being "enlightened" is a BIG red flag.
This miss Blintz, I feel like she doesn't actually care about activism, she just wants people to think she does. Rubs me the wrong way.
MOB JUSTICE! MOB JUSTICE!
Uh... That is so stupid... the issue here is that THERE ARE actual differences. It's like saying that's discrimination having separate competition for men and women on weightlifting... IF you make them ALL together you will get an all men rooster as men are on average stronger than women of the same weight...
Miss Blintz has a series case of internalized tribalism. The focus on how she needs to drag her own tribe out of the dark ages as if she's the only one of them who sees the light, on advertising herself to Earth Ponies in order to "enlighten them" about all of the things they are doing wrong, the need to establish to everyone who will listen that she is the BIGGEST proponent of inter-tribal unity and don't you dare challenge that statement... woof, lady has some issues to work out.
9081971
In that situation I can imagine someone like Blintz asserting that women aren't working hard enough, that they are lazy and that if they applied themselves and didn't hide behind segregation they would be able to compete just fine. They're being weak and someone like her has to make things fair because her own sex are just too incompetent to do the right thing. Blech, that felt gross to write.
I believe that's how she feels about Earth Ponies: that any of her tribe that try to argue about obvious biological advantages Pegasuses or Unicorns possess are being weak and selfish and are just making excuses so that they can get an advantage over everyone else. Anyone who isn't an Earth Pony who agrees with this has either been blinded by their lies or have something nefarious to gain from the situation, such as when she accused Celestia of Alicorn Supremacy. To her, tribalism is the fault of Earth Ponies, and she sees them not as victims fighting back injustices but as the ones perpetrating injustice because they couldn't accept life as it is. How exactly she developed this mentality I'd be curious to know.
9081222
🙂
9081998
Yes, that obviously make a modicum amount of sense, but it obviously flies in the face of actual science ^^;;;
I tend to take a dimmer view of her motives... You seems to give her a somewhat "noble" reason, but I can't avoid thinking that she is motivated by spite as she is NOT talented in baking and wants to spoil it for everyone else...
9082042
Who said she couldn't bake?
9082049
Nobody, just a guess on my part, that now is quite probably invalidated. ^^;;
> Miss Blintz says the earth pony way is bigotry and tribalist against other tribes.
> She then proceeds to act bigoted and tribalist against earth ponies in general.
No idea? AJ pretty much spelled it out. Bitch is a cunt, a moral busy body who's convinced she knows what's best for all and is certain that any attempt to resist her is itself an act of bigotry. She's basically an SJW and I suspect her next project will be to criminalize pegasus nest making or something.
9081654
No. AJ doing the deed then and there would have just created more problems. You need to plan things out, such as leading her somewhere without witnesses and then carefully disposing the body.
9081148
huh, I kinda wonder what it'd be like for Starlight to have a chat with her now. From someone formerly trying to force samenss to an activist.
9082042
I'm sure that she feels that her motives are noble, in fact they are the MOST noble motives of anyone else out there. Nobody has more noble motives than her. As for science, well if it doesn't line up with her preconceptions it's clearly just more lies. Fake Research.
That her motivation likely comes from a place of hate and/or a place of hurt is something she might understand on a subconscious level but she constantly puts herself on a pedestal and puts those who don't agree with her down to avoid confronting the issue.
Just started reading the story. It's really good. I still wonder what powers and insights did Twilight get after the Ink.
Also, I get really triggered by the word "activist".
I live in Ukraine and in our current reality, an activist = "a neonazi criminal who goes around the streets destroying property and harassing people for not sharing the same political beliefs, while being protected by the police, or occasionally goes in national TV to spout bigoted russophobic nonsense and spread ethnic dissension".
Few things are more dangerous to Harmony than a Pseudo Activist, ESPECIALLY one from the very group that they are supposedly trying to protect or help, or at the very least CATER TO. This woman is a disgrace who clearly has given up her Earth Pony heritage for fame. Furthermore it sounds like the main reason she does Charity, is to give herself a platform to shout down to others about her own supposed credibility.
Holy fuck Kudz what have you done. I am angry and conflicted already. My mind bears a great pain!