Begone, Horse!

by Snek Eyes

He Stays Somewhere - Twilight - Part 01

"So I'm out of a place to stay for now, so... kind of need somewhere. You know anywhere, bookhorse?"

That's right. After finding his house in shambles, Anon decided to go to Twilight. Being the smart pony she was, she had to know SOMETHING!

"Well, I can try asking around. Until then, I suppose we can give you a bedroom in here. Celestia knows there's a lot of guest rooms here."

"Any help you can give, I appreciate dearly. I just hope I'm not intruding."

Twilight waved a hoof dismissively. "Don't worry about it! Friends help each other out, right?"

She was met with a stare from Anon. An confused stare, nonetheless.

"...Friends? After everything, including breaking muzzles?"

She stared back, trying to give a comforting feeling.

"Yes. Friends. I consider you a friend. Hey, even if I didn't, I'm not the Princess of Friendship for no reason." Her head tilted, giving a small smile.

The hesitation in Anon's voice was evident. "Eh. Well, you did become a princess and learn about friendship only because Celestia decreed it to be so, so... you. Kind of. Did. *COUGH* For no reason."

"..." An eye twitch. "I am going to pretend your traitorous mouth said nothing." Steam coming out from ears and nostrils. "And I will show you to the dungeon. I mean, your room." She turned and started walking. While walking, Twilight took the opportunity to educate this peasant. "So, a few guidelines. First and foremost, you do not take Celestia's name in vain around here. If you do, I will crucify you. I fucking mean it." Spike appeared from nowhere and quickly interjected. "She means it. Believe me. Run." Then disappeared.

"Second, breakfast is served at the crack of dawn. If you aren't up by then, you starve. Third, and lastly, I get to cuddle you whenever I feel like it."

Anon stopped dead in his tracks. "Cuddle? Whenever? That violates the eighth Hoofmendment, which clearly states no cruel and unusual punishment may be inflicted at any time!"

Twilight stopped as well, and turned to face Anon. "No it doesn't. Are you that much of an Opal to cuddle?"

"But it's whenever you want. That means while I sleep, shower, you know, PERSONAL things where I need alone time!" Anon thought if he involved a lot of hoof movement, his point would be stressed. He instead looked like he had a muscle disorder.

"...You're too smart. Damn." Smoke came out of Twilight's nostrils as she snorted heavily. "Fine. I'll ask before cuddling. Deal?"

A lot of shaking from Anon's head. "Nope. No cuddling at all! AT ALL!"

"Then you have nowhere to sleep. I can show you to the door." A hoof pointing in the direction they just came from.

"But. I. Really? Twilight! REALLY?! Why the cuddling?"

"For insulting me earlier." It was stated oh so matter-of-factly.

Anon, as opposed as he was, well... He just needed somewhere to stay.

"Fine." With great reluctance, he signed his life away to the crazy princess in front of him.

"Good. So here's your room." One of her wings extended to point to one door out of... a lot. "If you need directions, just ask Spike."

"Um, Twilight? What if Spike is asleep?"

"Wake him up. He doesn't mind."

Spike once again appeared. "I kind of do mind." He was promptly covered in an aura and thrown against a wall. "Actually, I redact that. Any time works for me."

Since Anon could easily get lost, one question was in order. "Um, closest bathroom from here?"

"Just exit and turn right. Third door on the left." Twilight used her hooves to demonstrate the directions while she spoke. "Any other stupid questions?"

"That's it for now. Thank you!" Anon opened the door and went in. Once he opened the door, he immediately looked through a window and saw the sun was setting. Well, a lot has happened, so it makes sense that time would pass fairly fast. The source of amazing pleasure rested to his left, a comforting mattress and blanket waiting for him.

"Well, time to crash!"

He jumped into bed, and was asleep in less than 20% of a second.

*** The next morning ***

"Third door on the left. Third door. Here we go!"

Anon woke up at the crack of dawn, as specified by Twilight. He didn't want to be a starving son of a mare, so he was a good boy. Or colt. He grabbed the doorknob and pushed in. The door opened slightly. Then more. That was all he needed to see the result of his mistake: not knocking.

There was a beautiful mare. Her coat was a light shade of purple, whereas her mane and tail were pure purple. There was a cute teal stripe running through them. A horn rested atop her head. He couldn't quite see her cutie mark; Anon was curious what it was, but all he saw was purple eyes.

Purple eyes filled with panic, fury, embarrassment, and other emotions.

The silence was thick. Thicker than a thicc mare. As Anon's eyes met this pony's, neither dared to say anything. Instead, they listened to the sound of silence.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

"OK, give me one reason to not kill you." The mare's voice was a soothing, seething, angery sound.

"Let me think... I got nothing. Kill me!" Anon stood on his hind legs and reached his front legs out to his sides as far as he could. He resembled a pony he saw in a book. Penis Christ? Something like that.

"...You're supposed to get on your knees and beg for life. Why aren't you doing that?" The mare was confused, understandably so. After running a village where everypony must be controlled, she became used to a dictator-like mindset. Since becoming friends with Twilight, that mindset had gone away, and only kind of surfaced.

Now, it was in plain sight.

"Well, Twilight would send you to prison for murder."

"Heh. Twilight's my marefriend. She won't send me anywhere except the bedroom!"

Anon's eyes widened, and a hoof flew to his chin. "Wait. Marefriend? You're gay?"

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"

Anon reached around the mare to give her a hug. "NOPE! One less mare to chase me around! Thank you, Celestia!"

The mare gave a smirk that Anon couldn't see. "Actually, I'm bisexual. So watch your back, sexy."

"Damn you, Celestia!" Anon muttered to himself.

Twilight appeared right in the doorway. "WHO DARES SPEAKETH MY MENTOR'S NAME IN VAIN?!" Her hair was replaced with fire at this point.

The mare lifted a hoof towards Anon, speaking while doing so. "Twilight told you rule number one, right?"

"ANON!" A bar of soap appeared out of nowhere and found itself in his mouth. "CHEW! CHEW! SWALLOW! MMM! YUMMY, ISN'T IT?!" Of course, whether he wanted to chew or not, the magic around his mouth made sure he did. "ENJOY THE SOAP, YOU FILTHY PLEBEIAN! FUCKING DIE!" Once Anon regained control of his mouth, he did the only logical thing. Cough his lungs out.

"Twilight, please calm down. I didn't mean it! It was a slip of the tongue."

A knife appeared and was pointed straight at Anon's muzzle. Twilight smiled like a maniac. "Should we fix that? Hey, if it slipped, that means the tongue is a hazard to you AND other ponies. Best be taken care of..."

"...I need an adult." Anon went behind the mare in the bathroom and went into the fetal position. As macho as he was, he knew not to mess with a yandere's object of desire.

Twilight teleported behind the mare, right next to Anon, knife in hand- hoof- magic. Yeah. "I am an adult," She whispered in a maniacal tone. "Hell, I'm a DAMN PRINCESS! I SUPERSEDE AN ADULT!"

Anon screamed, jumped, and ran. Right into the mare's plump butt. No complaints there. Was that lavender he smelt for a moment?

"BAKA!" She screamed, then gave a sigh. Despite everything that happened so far, the mare knew that Twilight had gone far enough. As much fun as seeing Twilight dismember another pony would be, today wouldn't be an ideal day for it. She could deal with Anon later, but one problem at a time.

"Twilight, I'll make sure Anon doesn't say it again. He's learned his lesson."

Twilight stared at Anon. And stared at the mare.

"Fine. But I trust you, Starlight. If he does it again, I'm coming for you."

"You already came for me that one time. In your royal bed." A smirk crossed Starlight's muzzle.

"DETAILS! WE SWORE TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN!" With a blush and a flash, Twilight was gone in an instant. All that was left were the two ponies. Awkward.

"...Starlight, is it?" As much as Anon loved staring, talking would get somewhere better.

"Yup. Twilight's student in friendship. Or, 'protege'." She used her hoof for air quotes. "Anon, right?"

"Yup. Thanks for saving me. Anyways, I'm so sorry for intruding on you. I didn't know anypony would be in here. Twilight failed to mention you yesterday."

Starlight sighed. "Typical. Forget to mention me. Not like I do much, just keep this castle from descending into Tartarus..."

"How long have you been here?"

"Going on three seasons. You?"

"This is chapter 10, so... a bit."

"Cool. Well, nice meeting you, albeit in a weird way."

"Same."

Starlight and Anon shuffled awkwardly, Anon moving to leave the bathroom. "Um. Just let me get through here... Wait. Ugh. Come on!"

Success!

Anon was, once again, outside of the bathroom, Starlight still inside.

"See you again," Anon said in farewell.

"Yup."

Anon started walking, then... "Um, where's the kitchen at?"

"I'll lead you there." She started walking, Anon once again following somepony and sneaking a peek.

Twilight suddenly appeared, making Anon jump. Before anything could be said or done, she wrapped a hoof around him and nuzzled him. "Remember. Cuddle at any time!"

"UGH! You said you would ask first!" Anon was exasperated enough from the earlier experience that happened a few minutes ago.

"I'm a princess, remember?!" Then Twilight was gone. Even though it would make sense to teleport Anon to the kitchen, which is where she was heading, she left him behind. She supposedly was smart, right?

"Come on, Anon! Catch up!"

"I'm coming!" Having fallen a bit behind due to Twilight's attack, Anon made sure to trot.

Starlight chuckled. "That's what she said!"

"SHADDUP!"

Author's Note:

Wrote this during an all-nighter, so I barely remembered what I wrote. Revision time!

Feel free to comment, and have a good one!

Comments

[Devela]

"ANON!" A bar of soap appeared out of nowhere and found itself in his mouth. "CHEW! CHEW! SWALLOW! MMM! YUMMY, ISN'T IT?!" Of course, whether he wanted to chew or not, the magic around his mouth made sure he did. "ENJOY THE SOAP, YOU FILTHY PLEBEIAN! FUCKING DIE!" Once Anon regained control of his mouth, he did the only logical thing. Cough his lungs out.

"BAKA!" She screamed, then gave a sigh. Despite everything that happened so far, the mare knew that Twilight had gone far enough. As much fun as seeing Twilight dismember another pony would be, today wouldn't be an ideal day for it. She could deal with Anon later, but one problem at a time.

This is where it got weird for me.

[Shadowblade019]

Faggots! FAGGOTS EVERY WHERE! 🖕

[Snek Eyes]

9850063

9871249

Embrace it.