Begone, Horse!

by Snek Eyes

He Stays Somewhere - Applejack - Part 02

"Ah-"

Anon couldn't help but cough and gasp for air as he woke up in a ridiculous position. Somehow, all of the pillows between himself and Applejack were thrown all over the place, leaving very little space to begin with. Take into the fact that Applejack was squeezing his stomach right where his diaphragm was, and breathing became a chore. He didn't have too much of a chance to rustle out of her iron grip. Oh, what can a stallion do?

Well, he turned over onto his other side as best as he could to face Applejack. Once he was facing her, the breath was taken out of him for another reason. Her sleeping face was... quite cute. She was utterly at peace right now. And who was Anon to disturb such a tranquil silence?

Anon, that's who.

But he could enjoy this for a little bit longer... Anon felt Applejack's grip tighten around his back as he wrapped his own hooves around AJ's back. An eye for an eye, at least for a while. And if you asked Anon why he was blushing at that moment, he would tell you the reason was the apple scent in the air was showing on his cheeks.

***

A few minutes later, Anon decided that would be enough and wrangled his way out of the steel grip. It wasn't easy; where Twilight was a book horse, Applejack was a muscle horse, and it showed. But eventually his hooves hit the solid ground, and the spot next to AJ was left empty.

"M... my body... pillow."

The sleep talk from her mouth left Anon speechless. Did someone find his Megumin body PILLOW?! But the only one likely to find that would be Angel. That two-sided shitlord who knew how to hook up a homie.

As Anon exited the front door, being careful to be silent on his way, he heard a familiar song from in the distance. It seemed to be coming from the barn... He started towards it.

"The greatest conclusion, that I ever had... *"

"Was when I woke up, and said 'That's enough,' living never felt so bad! *"

Along with the song was a slurred voice. It resembled Applejack's own, but was higher pitched. As Anon walked past the entrance, he saw a slightly familiar yellow pony with a red mane and bow tie. "Hi, Apple Bloom!"

"JESUS CHRIST!" Her body seized up like a goat in shock as she toppled over like a Jenga tower. If her getting up was any indication, she was buzzed to all hell. "Anon, don't be sneaking up on me like that, okay?!"

"Sorry, but I couldn't resist." A snicker escaped his muzzle, followed by a few louder chuckles. He walked over to the drunken mess and got her up enough so she could stand again with a slight sway. "So, how drunk are you?"

"I- I'M NOT DRUNK!"

"Jeez, turn your Caps Lock off!" And the familiar smell hit Anon like a train. "Um, Apple Bloom, where did you get that from?"

She turned her attention to the barrel labeled as "JJ for AJ". "I found it in here while I was setting up the latest Slipknot record on the gramophone." Apple Bloom chugged the last of the drink before going over to the barrel to refill. Anon grabbed her hind leg, intent on not letting another soul suffer Pinkie's infernal creation.

"Apple Bloom, that," Anon pointed with his hoof towards the barrel, "is Jungle Juice. I would STRONGLY advise against drinking any more."

"You damn buzzkill! Why is it when I want to have fun, I can't?!"

Combined with the alcohol, ponies tend to become very emotional and loose-lipped. Anon couldn't tell which hiccups were because of the building crying, or the alcohol, but it wasn't looking too good regardless. Apple Bloom started to collapse into a mess as her tears left her eyes.

"Why don't my family understand?"

Anon had no idea what to do at this point, so he did what usually worked: hugging the pony and let them get it out. He approached Apple Bloom and sat down beside her before stroking her back. He couldn't do much for hugging, but who doesn't like being rubbed on the back? Right? Or left?

Either way, the situation was awkward enough as Apple Bloom was crying, looking like she would keel over at any moment, while Anon tried consoling her. "It's alright," he cooed as his hoof went about in its motions. The crying went on for a solid two minutes before Apple Bloom could regain enough composure to talk.

"No, it's not alright!" A hoof stomp to the ground accentuated her point. Promptly following that was something Anon had never experienced before; the violent convulsions as she dry heaved. "It's-" And then the vomit came. Now, Anon had only one idea what to do, which was to hold her hair back while she let it out, both emotionally and physically. Again, it was a period of time before she stabilized, the odor of puke lingering in the air. Luckily, she had a handkerchief around her neck, but the pile on the ground was another story. Anon grabbed that with his hoof from around her neck and wiped her mouth with the rag. Since it would be rude to put a used cloth on her again, he merely tossed it to the ground. He then wrapped his hooves around her barrel as best as he could.

"Apple Bloom, listen to me, please. Just listen, okay? Breathe in and out. Can you do that for me?" Anon turned Apple Bloom to face him. If he had walked around to face her, he would be in a pile of puke, and that wouldn't be good, now would it?! You get it, right?

But Anon wasn't really getting through to Apple Bloom. His instruction went unheard, and she was still crying as hard as before. He went back to just hugging, which was the best he could do right now. As this went on, the music was still playing. Anon tuned in.

"While I was learning to live, you taught me how to die! **"

"Solway Firth! Hell yeah!"

Apple Bloom's gaze went from the ground to the stallion. She sniffled, but seemed to perk up a bit. "You know Slipknot?"

"Um, yeah! How could I NOT?! Top five bands, easily!"

"What album do you like the best by them?" Apple Bloom jumped onto her hooves. The excitement in her eyes lit like a candle. She trotted in place.

"Their second one, obviously. How could you hate 'Muzzle = Shit'?"

"YES! Or what about 'Left Behind'?"

"But don't forget about 'The Neighretic Anthem'! The drums are brutal on that one!"

"YES!!! Have they ever played that live?"

"You bet, Apple Bloom! At least, the last five times I've seen them."

The excitement left, and wonder came in. "You've seen them, Anon?! WHAT WERE THEY LIKE?!!! TELL ME!"

"Before I tell you, calm yo tits, mmkay?" Anon cleared his throat. "You do NOT know what it is like to experience it until you do. The rumors never match up to the real thing. To actually be in the pit, to be chanting the lyrics with ten thousand other ponies... you will never know until you go."

"Can you take me next time you go?! PLEASE?"

"What's in it for me if I take you, Apple Bloom?"

Her gaze faltered. "...Damn. I haven't thought this far ahead."

"I'm only joking, Apple Bloom. Are you old enough to drink legally?"

"Eeyup!" She raised her hoof in affirmation, which threw off her balance and resulted in her falling to her side. Luckily, she fell onto the clean side of the barn. "Just not quite sober yet."

"Speaking of which, why WERE you drinking in her while listening to Slipknot?"

"Hah... no specific reason. Just felt like it."

"Likely story. But if you can drink, I'll take you to see Avatar and Wings of Saturn opening, with Slipknot headlining. Okay?"

If Apple Bloom were a pegasus, her wings would have been frozen stiff at this point. "All three? When? When?! WHEN?!"

"In a week exactly from today."

"Promise?"

Anon chuckled. "Yes, I promise."

"Pinkie Promise?!"

"Cross my heart and swear to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" The motions that followed seemed genuine enough, and that was satisfactory enough to Apple Bloom, who glomped Anon.

"I love you, Anon!"

"Ah, um, you wanna rethink those words?"

"NOPE!" Her tightening grip matched her resolve to fully appreciate Anon, who might've been in bed with a goblin, for all she knows. Alex Pones would disapprove.

"So, Apple Bloom, are you ok now?"

Among all of the things going on, Anon's sixth sense sensed something was not right, according to Doug Dimmadome owner of the Dimmadome Stadium!

"I feel... hot." As the heat spread through Apple Bloom, from the tips of her hairs to the bottoms of her hooves, one spot in particular flared up. Anon smelled apples from a distant source, but couldn't pinpoint exactly where. "And I'm getting wet."

"Well, yeah. Sweat naturally happens when you're hot."

"No, wet as in-"

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" The orange pony in the doorway was holding a newspaper. On the front was a picture of Celestia giving a speech with an eye patch. If Luna's laughing face was any indication, she had something to do with that. "ANON, GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER!"

"Applejack, I can explain-"

Big Mac appeared out of nowhere beside Applejack, looking just as furious.

"Let's do it, Big Mac!"

"EEYUP!"

Applejack rolled up the newspaper and started whacking Anon with it, whom started backing away from Apple Bloom. "Outta this barn, outta this barn!"

Big Mac, meanwhile, held a cigar-looking object that smelled of sage and smoke beneath his chin as he chanted, "Spirits, begone from this house!"

"Anon, don't forget about our promise!"

Applejack's face and neck turned towards Apple Bloom, then Anon. "Promise?"

"He's taking my virginity!"

"THAT DOES IT!"

The next thing Anon knew, he was in a Full Nelson hold, his hooves above his head. If you've followed this story, you know about Anon's muscle issues, right?

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Because if the Apples didn't know, they sure did now. The scream of pain echoed throughout the barn, and they backed away cautiously. The limp form of Anon laid on the ground, unconscious.

"Think that lustful spirit was successfully exorcised from Anon?"

"Eeyup."

Apple Bloom piped up. "Maybe we should take him to the hospital? That scream sure sounded painful."

Applejack looked at Apple Bloom for a few seconds before busting out laughing. "You and your 'medicine.' Tomfoolery."

"Doesn't that medicine also cure your heat?"

"Shut it, Apple Bloom. Big Mac, carry Anon to the hospital. Let them take care of him."

While the unconscious Anon was on Big Mac's back, Apple Bloom quietly kissed Anon on the cheek.

"Remember our promise. Hey, you Pinkie Promised!" She giggled before bounding back to the house.

Author's Note:

* Lyrics from Slipknot's "Not Long for This World."

** Lyrics from Slipknot's "Solway Firth".

Yeah, I love Slipknot's new album.

So as always, feel free to comment, and have a good one!

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

The cover art is from Samurai Jack, right?

[toshibafox]

he obviously can't take you if he's healing up in the hospital from getting his back broken like that one guy from that dude named Bane or whatever the pony variant is. I want to say Bane a minotaur and bat man a pegasus stallion who disguises as a bat pony.

Just think about that before you decide to screw him over next time apple_bloom.

[Snek Eyes]

9977077
Yup!

9977093
Don't worry. The plot will make him well enough to attend the concert. And let's just say the pony equivalent of Bane is Big Mac. IDK, make your own canon for the unanswered.