You could of gone a different route instead of being stoned like most other Displaced.

8970985
Sorry, I didn't thought much at the time, besides this is only the beginning...

8971017
Sorry if it's bad, it's been a long time since I was here and wrote something! XC

Please don't make this too much of a cliché, it started out bad enough with him being sealed in stone. If you want to write a story with this same character and concept at least don't make the Main Chatacter a "displaced" and try to stay away from all the soy boy shit.

8971086
The start might have been a cliche, but I'll do my best to avoid that, especially during the spinoffs. Sorry if it was bad now, but like I said before, it's been a while since I wrote...

Ignore these two 8971017 8971086 they are just assholes

8971135
Thanks for the support, really.

8971135
Isn't your echo chamber missing you?

8971235
This coming from a broken record with a mental complex he refuses to control. I don't know how you expect a write to improve by shoving them into negative group that does never but discourages the write and causes them to lose interest. Oh, wait, I can't say that, because you'll respond like some angst teenager who goes 'oh boohoo, did I hurt your feelings?' in mockery.

8971235
don't you have a story to discredit because of a characters cannon cutiemark?

i.ytimg.com/vi/SBacP3u_TPI/hqdefault.jpg
I exist

8971278
Listen bub "Hamster_Master" doesn't have a mental complex just because you cant accept his criticism, in fact you might not know what a complex is at all. Adding to the point of you not knowing what criticism is you say that you "don't know how you expect a write to improve by shoving them into negative group that does never but discourages the write and causes them to lose interest". Ignoring the 5th grade grammar I'm guessing you've never heard of a thing called tough love, it helps to reinforce a person's welfare by enforcing certain constraints on them at the same time. You also then type about him responding to you like an angsty teen... from what I've read you have no points to go against "Hamster_Master" and you also worded the response sounding like a 6th grade boy who just started listening to Lincoln Park.

To sum all of that up: You need to grow some fucking balls and analyze what's going on in the comments before touching your dorito crusted keyboard.

8971302
Bro just piss off if you don't have criticism or anything longer than a sentence to type.

8971325
yes because i totally need to write an essay to be right...

8971347
But in all cases you were wrong... wonder why?

8971321
Except there's a difference between pure negative comments and constructive criticism. You can point everything wrong with the story, but that doesn't mean he or she will improve if you don't explain afterwards on how to improve what is wrong, or offer suggestions, advice, etc. All Hamster did was use a face-palm emoji then proceeded to throw the story into negative groups. I mean, I could do the same to your stories, but will doing so help you improve automatically despite not knowing why its bad?

8971506
Thanks for the explanation, and my apologies if this chapter was bad, I'll try my best to fix this later on.

8971568
Look, nothing to do with your story because frankly it's not my kind of thing to read, but do yourself a favor and totally ignore that Hamster_Master jerk. There's a reason nobody likes him/her/it or cares about its insolent and loudly voiced opinions.

EDIT: Do the same for any of the support cronies that flock around the jerk, because I bet it has multiple accounts to spread cancer on. That big "0 stories" really speaks for their true purpose in being on this site. It's not to add anything, and only to harass people.

8971321
You should probably go back on your meds before you get in a fight with a stop sign or something.

8971570
Thanks for clearing that up.

8971579
I'll beat my own fucking ass if I have to.

8971278
This coming from a guy who cries about me in displaced groups and is known for messaging people before blocking them to prevent a response? So brave.
8971302
It's *canon, you waterhead. Aren't you the guy that threw a bitchfit in his story comments because I pointed out he misspelled five letter words?
8971570
You...well, I don't even remember you. Going by your profile pic...I'm assuming you either write shitty sci-fi or CoD squeaker-tier "military fiction".

8971093

especially during the spinoffs

Not even reading the story, and already I can tell that Element-OverLord just can't seem to catch a break.

8971693
You don't remember the last time you had anything relevant to say.
Nobody does.
Because you don't matter. Nobody cares about your juvenile opinions.

8971940

*IRRELEVANT INTENSIFIES*

I did not know Ricegum had a Fimfic account

8971945
And everywhere that Hamster went, Ms QIB was sure to go!

What are you, on a leash?

Pathetic.

The story has an okay amount of originality and has potential, but It's far too rushed with too little information about what happened between getting turned to stone and getting displaced.

Two advices.

1. If you don't want to cut chapter one in two pieces to add the missing information, add interludes or special chapter every once in a while to catch up with past events that haven't been explained or weren't mentioned a lot in the story which doesn't mean that you should do that too often or the reader will misunderstand the time flow

2. DON'T RUSH. The goal isn't the ending, but the way is the actual destination. To put it simply, add more detail like personal thought, facial and body movements etc, but most importantly a lot of variation in sentences and adjectives you're using.

8972000
I found this story because it was put in a group meant for stories with tiddies in them. What’s pathetic about commenting on stories Hamster Master has commented on?

8972087
You're like a trained pet for Hamster.
Sit! Beg! Play dead!
Harass!

8972094
What’s with the pet stuff? And I think calling my comments harassment might be a stretch.

8972120
You think?
Coulda fooled me.
Maybe if you didn't show up like clockwork every time Hamster opens their big cancerous mouth you wouldn't look like its performing seal.
Yet here we are.

8972141
So are you trying to make me feel bad or are you just venting, or?

8972160
How about you run back home to hamster daddy then, I'm sure there's a nice pillow for you to cry into.

8971940
Now I remember you. You're that squeaker that bungled basic firearm info and basic military tactics/organization. You still butthurt from Kalash schooling you in your story's comment section?

8972168
Rude

8972178
Technically the story you're bashing here is better than anything you've written, because you've never contributed anything to this site but garbage comments and brutish behavior.
Your voice is weak and nobody hears you, and when you're gone you will be forgotten because your only legacy is cancer.

8972183

8972194
Does this mean you get a gold medal and I get a bronze medal now?

8972240
How about you go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

8972250
Do you want me to write lines as well?

8972260
How about you write a whole story and contribute something to the community for a change?

8972265
K I'll do it right now

A foal and and old pone where eating duck one time. The foal said "Grandma, Frankly, this tastes like shit!". Then grandma said "Hey! Watch your Mouth!". Then the foal took the back of his hoof to her. That was the last time Grandama questioned that foal.

Fin

What do you think?

8972281
I think we've established that your only purpose here is to be a useless non-contributor and further interaction beyond this point is a waste of my time.

8972284
Well obviously I contributed something to this site that caught your attention if you are able to recognise me

8972042
Thanks for the constructive review critic! I'll eventually rewrite this chapter to be better!^^

8972327
good, but never forget one thing. Never give up and eventually, you will be a good writer and don't take offensive comments to serious as most of them probably think that someone has to be born as a writer to allowed to publish stories, which is stupid. Everyone makes mistakes at the beginning, so did I... a lot of them before I learned from them and with the help forms six or seven of my reader, my story good popular after only three months. I think I will give some advice once in a while and who knows? Maybe I see your story featured on the front page one day

8972190
I've gotten three recipes added to the business, two of which sell big in autumn, so looks like you're wrong. Again. Try to keep your fuck ups limited to your "writing", yes?

8972379
And this is why people hate you, its those type of responses that get you negativity, hatred, and 141 (And counting) worth of flamewars you started.