My Little Pony is hiding a dark secrect but this parent has figured it out and it’s not pretty.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd May, 2018
- offline last seen Dec 9th, 2018
MelonPeach8
Hey everyone I’m a unicorn who’s design isn’t quite figured out yet. I’m new to all this so please have respect.
MelonPeach8
Joined 3rd May, 2018 ·
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Some Tips:
Tag 'Human', 'Dark', 'Suicide/Self Harm', and 'Death'.
Then Theresa heard a knock at the door after publishing the story. She walked down the stairs and opened the door, then.
“AHHHHH!” Was all that could be heard.
Change to:
Then Theresa heard a knock at the door after publishing the story. She walked down the stairs and opened the door. A loud scream echoed around the house, and yet no one could hear her . . .
Just a thought!
I made her put th video game back.
I'm sure you see what's wrong here.
Great story! First Like!
8935129
Ye ty! Sorry when I started the story it wasn’t suppose to have some of these. I’ll fix the tags for now.
Hey, just another writing tip for you.
Anyways, you need to learn when to split off your text into separate paragraphs. This is just wall of text after wall of text and it made it unreadable for me.
Also, this line is extremely cheesy to the point of being funny:
then.
“AHHHHH!” Was all that could be heard.
And it kinda throws off the tone of your fic in a horrible way. Anyways, I'd recommend looking at the tutorials on this site for how to write a fic, specifically the ones that deal with grammar. If you really get those down, your fic quality will improve a lot and you'll be a better writer for it.
8935428
Alrighty, thank you :) and I’ll work on it. I’ll also change the ending.