After coming to terms with being a "Forever Foal", Spike has come to the conclusion that this is a secret he must carry to his grave. Will Spike be successful or will he be caught?
Nicely done for a first time in juggling multiple characters like this. It's extremely hard to know who should talk, when they should talk, and what they all are doing during the discussion.
You seemed to use an interesting style to help return the reader to who was thinking what through a sort of introductory statement of what brought them to speak. I believe this was helpful in juggling all that was going on in this scene. It's definitely hard to progress a story with multiple speakers while keeping them 'moving' beyond just talking. Having them express themselves is tricky and this is quite good for a first go.
What works for this chapter is how it is progressing in a show-style. The girls are now confirming it as a "Spike Episode" by discussing what they've all noticed based on what Twilight observed at the onset of the story. This means you can keep the pace going as is as long as it doesn't feel too rushed.
Something to keep in mind, as I've noticed in attempting to write show style work, is how some aspects brought up do get forgotten and shortcuts do get taken in order to make it all complete. The 'shortcuts' are mostly not deeply tieing together some loose ends. However use this fact to help you keep focused on what you really want to cover in the story.
For instance, the point of the picnic needs no further mention. Nor does how easily it was abandoned to find out what is going on with Spike. The picnic was merely a plot point to further the heart of this story. :)
I do know how stories sometimes skip a few things in order to stay on topic since sometimes too much detail makes the story seem slow. I had mentioned how Twilight has to go to Sweet Apple Acers to help out with some damages but that was simply to give Spike some time. The fixes on farm won't actually be in the story. Thanks for the positive feedback and tip!
I feel like you could've really gone into Twilight's feelings more with this chapter. Hearing her friends say what they did could've given her pause to reflect and think that maybe she overworks Spike and needs to give him a break every once in a while.
10312474 Hmm, I suppose I could’ve... though I don’t know if it could’ve been done in this specific chapter, mainly because It’s an earlier chapter. It might’ve been better to do this in a later chapter since it would be closer to the conclusion where the story would wrap up. Usually stories tend to have characters learn and grow the most a bit later on, like maybe somewhere around the climax of a story. That’s just my opinion though and it might work like that for all stories. Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I always like seeing feedback since it helps me imaging other scenarios.
Nicely done for a first time in juggling multiple characters like this. It's extremely hard to know who should talk, when they should talk, and what they all are doing during the discussion.
You seemed to use an interesting style to help return the reader to who was thinking what through a sort of introductory statement of what brought them to speak. I believe this was helpful in juggling all that was going on in this scene. It's definitely hard to progress a story with multiple speakers while keeping them 'moving' beyond just talking. Having them express themselves is tricky and this is quite good for a first go.
What works for this chapter is how it is progressing in a show-style. The girls are now confirming it as a "Spike Episode" by discussing what they've all noticed based on what Twilight observed at the onset of the story. This means you can keep the pace going as is as long as it doesn't feel too rushed.
Something to keep in mind, as I've noticed in attempting to write show style work, is how some aspects brought up do get forgotten and shortcuts do get taken in order to make it all complete. The 'shortcuts' are mostly not deeply tieing together some loose ends. However use this fact to help you keep focused on what you really want to cover in the story.
For instance, the point of the picnic needs no further mention. Nor does how easily it was abandoned to find out what is going on with Spike. The picnic was merely a plot point to further the heart of this story. :)
I do know how stories sometimes skip a few things in order to stay on topic since sometimes too much detail makes the story seem slow. I had mentioned how Twilight has to go to Sweet Apple Acers to help out with some damages but that was simply to give Spike some time. The fixes on farm won't actually be in the story.
Thanks for the positive feedback and tip!
I feel like you could've really gone into Twilight's feelings more with this chapter. Hearing her friends say what they did could've given her pause to reflect and think that maybe she overworks Spike and needs to give him a break every once in a while.
10312474
Hmm, I suppose I could’ve... though I don’t know if it could’ve been done in this specific chapter, mainly because It’s an earlier chapter. It might’ve been better to do this in a later chapter since it would be closer to the conclusion where the story would wrap up. Usually stories tend to have characters learn and grow the most a bit later on, like maybe somewhere around the climax of a story. That’s just my opinion though and it might work like that for all stories.
Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I always like seeing feedback since it helps me imaging other scenarios.