- Member Since 15th Jul, 2017
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JordanOlson
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JordanOlson
Joined 15th Jul, 2017 ·
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Wow! Definitely wasn't expecting the next story so soon. It certainly picks up where we left off, too. :)
So this part of the saga happens during Season 4? I do like how you are making a timeline within the canon story that would work out for how Spike's desires in this area would evolve.
Something worth noting is how Spike, after the whole thing with Tirek, would be very traumatized over almost losing his 'mother figure'. Twilight, being who she is, may not have thought too much on how scary it was for Spike to have almost lost her as a result of the Tirek battle. This could easily have plunged him deeper into wanting to fulfill his 'Foal Fix' as a result of growing insecurity over his feelings about Twilight along with believing he is more like an employee than a son / friend to her.
That 'eagerness' also makes a lot of sense during the more confusing times of coping with a diaper fetish. You accept the usual neglect as it gives you time to indulge in something you feel you have a lot more control over. Spike is stressed, knows Twilight is leaving without him, again, and how he is treated like a third wheell even if he does come along. Knowing he controls his 'little time' is a great thing when you feel you don't have any say in the time and attention you really want. However, as noted in the chapter, it makes him a tad careless. This will definitely not do well for him as twilight is very perceptive and will eventually try to investigate.
The nice part is the way you are spanning time. The time these stories is taking place is allowing a lot of emotions to build for Spike. When a confrontation does happen it will be quite intense with Twilight having disbelief and frustration while Spike is finally forced to unload months, if not years, of emotional baggage he has been carrying that only being 'foalish' has allowed him to comfort.
Great first chapter! Here's to the rest! :)
8780993
Thanks for positive response!
I saw dislikes literally SECONDS after I published this story so it's nice to see a bit of love. While I am slightly disappointed by the like to dislike ratio, I don't plan on giving up. I will see this story to the end so long as I myself enjoy my stories.
I did want a bit of a connection to the timeline in the show since I figured I could use that time as a way to mature Spike as a character while giving him a chance to "regress" with the time that has passed.
I actually didn't even think about how Spike would've felt about such a scary situation both Twilight and himself had been forced into. I will try to remember to mention that in a future chapter at some point. Thanks for mentioning this!
I've actually been really excited to start the next chapter as well as get back into the "Spike paranoia" scenes. I'll get a chance to make Spike take risks while also trying to be as careful as possible considering his circumstances. In fact, I'm so excited that I've already got the next chapter planned out, possibly the chapter after that as well. If I'm lucky, the next chapter(s) might even come out today and tomorrow depending on how much time I have.
Nicely done for a first time in juggling multiple characters like this. It's extremely hard to know who should talk, when they should talk, and what they all are doing during the discussion.
You seemed to use an interesting style to help return the reader to who was thinking what through a sort of introductory statement of what brought them to speak. I believe this was helpful in juggling all that was going on in this scene. It's definitely hard to progress a story with multiple speakers while keeping them 'moving' beyond just talking. Having them express themselves is tricky and this is quite good for a first go.
What works for this chapter is how it is progressing in a show-style. The girls are now confirming it as a "Spike Episode" by discussing what they've all noticed based on what Twilight observed at the onset of the story. This means you can keep the pace going as is as long as it doesn't feel too rushed.
Something to keep in mind, as I've noticed in attempting to write show style work, is how some aspects brought up do get forgotten and shortcuts do get taken in order to make it all complete. The 'shortcuts' are mostly not deeply tieing together some loose ends. However use this fact to help you keep focused on what you really want to cover in the story.
For instance, the point of the picnic needs no further mention. Nor does how easily it was abandoned to find out what is going on with Spike. The picnic was merely a plot point to further the heart of this story. :)
I do know how stories sometimes skip a few things in order to stay on topic since sometimes too much detail makes the story seem slow. I had mentioned how Twilight has to go to Sweet Apple Acers to help out with some damages but that was simply to give Spike some time. The fixes on farm won't actually be in the story.
Thanks for the positive feedback and tip!
This chapter did great in showing the genuine panic that goes through someone's mind when they become fully aware of 'getting caught'. It's so exciting to get your chance to do what relaxes you. However a time does come when the good times get mentally outweighed by the fear of getting caught. You also, as Spike did, run through a panic list of what you could've done that may get you busted.
You also did well in illustrating how on edge you can be if it even seems like someone is about to catch you. Being concerned on being caught can, as I've learned, make you seem more obvious.
Nice job in making reference back to the events in Fluttershy's cottage as why there would be concern. The girl's definitely have genuine worry for Spike but Spike doesn't see that. He sees himself only about to get caught for wanting to be 'foalish'. This mix of real worry and his concern for being 'found out' will definitely do well in building the tension as this story continues.
Thanks!
I really like building up the tension in the characters heads. It makes the chapter so interesting
Honestly I'm very impressed in how you had Spike handle the situation. Desperation makes you do absolutely ridiculous things. It's likely he didn't put a whole lot of thought into buying the magazine as a backup plan beyond having knowledge that they exist along with how they are not meant for younger audiences. Moreover is the response he knows Twilight would have would be to assume how nothing could be more 'secret' than hiding how he is 'getting off' on looking at mares in erotic poses. He knows he'd catch a lot of anger for having such a magazine but it would certainly keep any further guessing on the girls' part, especially Twilight, off his real secret.
There's also, likely, a more unknown reason for the magazine. Perhaps part of him is hoping that getting caught with it will get Twilight to pay more attention to him? Maybe knowing he's doing such things under her nose may make her realize how little time she has been spending with him without it involving official princess work? If Twilight handles it right, which she likely won't for how she tends to make situations far worse before she makes them better, she could nip the whole diaper-thing in the bud by just giving Spike what he really-truly wants.
You're getting TONS better with writing multiple characters in a chapter. This sounded lots more natural than Chapter 2. Definitely epic progress in a very short period of time. You should be proud of how far you are coming as a writer through posting your work out here. Well done! :)
Thank you for the kind comments! I felt like I wrote the characters the same way I had before but I'm glad you think I've made progress.
While I would like to make Spike get away with this little scheme he planned, I can't just let an adorable padded dragon NOT be noticed for his cuteness. For those who want know a small bit about next chapter and what it entails... Spoiler: There will be a flaw in his plan which will make the others suspicious once again.
I really enjoyed writing how Spike feels about the situation and how he treats it like a "game" of sorts. He does something so crazy because he is so focused on keeping his secret while simply trying to "win" but there is more to it. Even though Spike has a way to relax, he is still bored since he can't diaper up often and doesn't do anything else for fun since he is always working. The way I think about it, even though Spike is genuinely scared of being found out he wants the situation to be entertaining to him which makes him think less rationally. This is mainly because he his young and doesn't think about the consequences of trying to make a serious situation into a game. Twilight on the other hand/hoof plans things out as a strategist who solely wants to complete a goal when given to her. When she plans, she isn't interested in playing games or having fun, however, this makes her the perfect challenger in Spikes "game" even though she doesn't realize it.
Just like you stated, Spike wants attention and he wants Twilight to notice him but not know everything about him which is one of the ways I came up with this chapter to begin with.
Even though this may seem like it was written as a simple chapter, I had more of a complex thought process behind it rather then just a continuation to the story.
Hey, I'm going to give feedback which isn't something I usually do. I have a friend who write fanfiction and they are constantly telling me how valuable feedback is to them, so here goes.
Firstly, I'm really enjoying this fic. I think when I was around the mental maturity of spike I would have done some ludicrous things to keep my secret. Perhaps not buying porn ludicrous, but I can see that happening. The frustration with enjoying infantalism (aka ABDL things. I prefer this term, personally) having a safe place to express it, but feeling shame and fear about what you're doing is a difficult thing to reconcile and cope with. You're doing a pretty good job at showing Spike struggle with that: the urgency of his desires, vs. the urgency of them staying secret.
I'd like to mention some stylistic stuff; This is completely up to you whether or not you want to change it. Whatever you do it'll still work, I'm sure.
Something that you might benefit from is taking your post-dialogue statements and shortening them down. (Excuse me if I'm not well versed in grammatical phrases) As well as excluding the exact direction of the dialogue
Take, for example (Which, by the way you forgot to close your quote here):
"'Nopony cares about that Dashie. What we should care about is how I don't have any clue on what kind of party to make now! What am I gonna do?!' Pinkie Pie said to the rainbow mare sadly."
This seems to read better for me:
"'Nopony cares about that Dashie. What we should care about is how I don't have any clue on what kind of party to make now! What am I gonna do?!' Pinkie Pie {sighed/complained}"
Taking that sentence in context it makes perfect sense. In Pinkie's dialogue she addresses Rainbow Dash, so we don't have to add that in later (and this is also established in context of other dialogue).
Replacing sadly with a verb of some sort cuts down the old "He said, she said" progression, and in my opinion allows you to express the emotion in a more detailed manner:
i.e.,:
"Hell no!" He said angrily
"Hell no!" He spat
"Don't leave me" he said pitifully
"Don't leave me" he whimpered
Which one paints a more clear picture in your mind?
Again, this is something stylistic so take it with a grain of salt. I wouldn't condone using a verb at every opportunity, since it can get a little same-y
"Hell no!" he spat
"Why not?!" she cried
"Because!" he exclaimed
Doesn't really sound fantastic. You do a good job in varying your dialogue descriptors though. Just a suggestion.
As far as the characters and writing go:
You're doing a really good job representing (what I remember of) the characters. Nothing seems to be terribly amiss. I appreciate that you haven't broken the 4th wall with Pinkie, because that's pretty overdone on this site in my opinion. (Which apparently is a thing that I see a lot and now realize it may just be me.) The conversation flows pretty well, although occasionally it seems out of place, and why that is I can't quite put my finger on.
Honestly I thought I had more, but I really don't. I think you're doing a good job at scene setting, and you express Spikes thoughts well. I felt stressed when the Mane 6 were grilling him, so well done.
You had best not disappear forever now. God knows that happens to too many good fics on this site. Best of luck writing and I hope you have a fantastic time doing so.
8788791
Thank you for the positive feedback, the suggestions, and for noting that mistake I made!
Your friend is absolutely correct. Feedback is what helps others improve and can inspire others. I actually really liked your suggestions and I hope to try using them more (so long as I don't forget for some odd reason). The stylistic stuff is something I've seen a lot of in other stories so I'm not sure why I didn't add them before... At least I know now though!
I don't plan on disappearing anytime soon since I personally hate the idea of leaving a story unfinished and dislike when a good read ends without closure of some kind.
Thank you again for your comment, I very much appreciated it!
~Sincerely Jordan Olson
A most visual chapter. Great job in your descriptions of actions to go along with how each of the girls were feeling. This is certainly strides beyond the first chapter in which you wrote that had The Mane 6 gathered together. Great flow along with transition between character actions. All the characters were also quite in-character, too. Head canon, of course, with Dash but it adds to the comedy along with furthering the story in the most natural way that could be possible. (No pony else would read such literature. Rary 'might' to imagine how her clothes may look in certain situations. However it is very doubtful she'd ever make intimate clothing for how it would make her image come off as less than upper-class.)
Great references to past episodes. You also made it show-like with some of the cartoon elements, like Rarity's 'fainting couch' showing up along with smoke coming out of Twilight's ears. So it was certainly an informative chapter along with retaining a sense of silliness.
This is really coming off like a genuine Spike episode. Great work!
I'm glad you liked how I wrote the chapter!
While I really like serious stories, I don't want people to have too find some sort of connection and deep understanding to the characters in every chapter. If every chapter was too "deep" and "emotional" then you might not get to enjoy the story as a whole. If you focus too much on the intensity of each story then your mind won't be able to relax and you yourself will be unable to experience the joy of reading something "simple".
I think everyone on this website has seen at least a few episodes of MLP so they know that the show isn't solely focused on "deep" character traits. There are episodes which focus on friendship lessons and have some silly scenes within while there are also a few intense episodes here and there, however, they are spread out to insure the show isn't entirely focused on conflict and violence while trying to save Equestria.
If I myself focus too much on "serious" work then readers will simply assume that I'm only into intense stories which isn't the case. I do not wish to be tied down to stories which solely focus on deep emotional connections and conversations. I want to show everyone that I can be just as creative while being relaxed and silly at the same time. I hope I was able to achieve that goal. If not then I'll be attempting a comeback towards the end of next chapter where I plan to add a cute and silly scene.
Wow! You do all this on a phone? Props for your patience as that is most difficult compared to using a keyboard and laptop / desktop.
Dang! You certainly did create the most optimal disaster situation for Spike. Though I could believe Twilight would do this. As much as she tries to not overreact she often can't help herself but to overreact. This method of 'getting to the truth' is certainly going to cause a battle as the shamed / hurt / irritated dragon goes off in a flurry of emotions against Twilight and the other girls for their invasion of his privacy along with their sudden interest only when they find it convenient for them. His 'happy place' amidst their ignoring of him is now gone and feelings are certainly not going to be so easily considered as the current moment is going to, highly likely, bring years of hurt and misunderstanding to the surface all at once.
Having Rarity there will also not be good as it will extra shame Spike. He'd not take it so badly if the one he crushed on so much wasn't brought along. He's going to be EXTREMELY mad at Twilight for this intrusion. Not to mention how awkward this is going to be for Rarity and Fluttershy. Dash, who will likely laugh, won't help and Pinkie Pie's whims are certainly not going to be wanted either.
Now to see how this all gets resolved. There's a lot to work out. It will be most exciting to see how you do it. :)
Thanks!
I'll admit, I think I've gotten used to using a phone at this point. It definitely isn't perfect since there have been plenty of annoyances I've had to deal with which include buttons that don't help me whatsoever, auto correct (which usually is more harmful then good), and random notifications that pop up while I'm typing. Even though I have these small problems, I do what I can with the resources provided.
I've gotta say, this is by far my favorite chapter out of all the chapters I've written. I was able to make a "cat and mouse" scenario, add a cute scene with Spike having fun, and then make it lead to a "soon to be" serious confrontation.
To be honest, I'm kinda nervous about writing next chapter. While I know I can do it, I feel as though this next chapter is going to be the most difficult to write. I'll do the best I can though!
Your definitely right about how Rarity being there will make Spike's situation even more difficult. While I prefer the FlutterSpike ship over the RariSpike ship, I know how it works in the show and I intend to somehow make it seem possible that Spike's chance at love isn't totally ruined. That doesn't mean that there is going to be guaranteed shipping, just a way to make it seem more realistic towards the show while adding my own "spin" on it.
Hey i have no problem with Spike getting furious and exploding as he did. They do take advantage of him and use him, and don;t even know it.
Fluttershy treats him badly in her own way as well, so yeah i'm ok with Spike blowing up on her.
nobody or no pony is perfect, and honestly i don;t see them listening to Spike unless it came to this.
Celestia and Luna have much to answer for as well, Luna should of know something was up with her dream walking, and Celestia should of check on Spike as well at times.
But bet they assume Spike was ok.
Wow! Very powerful chapter with a lot of callbacks to the show itself as examples as to everything that Spike has bore witness to since his hatching. He's held on to so much that it would be like an uncontrollable force-of-nature to let it all out like that. Not to forget how compromised he'd feel given being spied on, having his privacy invaded, and then 'talked down to' after the events of the day itself.
It's also important to remember that Spike is still just a 'kid'. Children are definitely not good at sharing feelings that they themselves don't understand. Spike, in his youth, sees the neglect along with feeling jealous of how others have what he wants to have in friends and family.
It's also notable how he is in a very defensive posture due to what he is doing. His coping mechanism is not one he feels 'pride' in. So to be caught also would not put him in the best of mindsets.
The chapter's end spoke for all that needed to said. He's depressed, feels worse than he initially did, and has no idea of how to make the pain go away now that his salvation in being a 'forever foal' has been, to him, confirmed as a shameful thing. He's all broken and it's going to take a lot of love to get him back.
At this point, I doubt he'd wish to hear a single word from any of The mane 6. If Starlight was around he MIGHT want to talk to her. However there is no Starlight at this point. I'd think only Celestia, or a dream-influence by Luna, could even start him to begin the reconciliation process. Otherwise Twilight is just going to have to get her parenting on and be a loving mother while acknowledging his feelings and helping him to work through all that has been pent up for so long.
Very well written with many strong references to the show. Great work!
8797339
I'm glad your alright with how I wrote the chapter.
The princesses have definitely made some mistakes. I don't remember a single time in the show where Luna used her dream walking ability to help Spike. I of course am tired so maybe it did happen and I'm just unable to think of anything at the moment.
Then there's Celestia. She found Spike's egg and used it for a test. Even before he was born he was used as a tool for ponies. She doesn't really give Spike much thought because he is in the care of her talented pupil.
8797403
I'm glad you liked the references and the emotional "roller coaster". There were other references that I could've added since many mistakes were made but I felt that I got the most important stuff mentioned.
While I do want the princesses to be involved in the story at some point, they aren't going to be in this story....
I do have future plans that I've kept in mind so I am one step ahead for possible future sequels. I really enjoy this series and I want to continue it for sure. I want to almost make it like a "show". Like how this story while in a sort of alternate universe would still be connected to the show enough to add "episodes" involving characters who aren't shown often or given much credit.
I do eventually want to finish this story as a whole with possible one shots connected to the series afterwards for a little "update" and make stories with other characters as well but for now everything is all about Spike.
8797957
If Luna did use ehr dream walking abilities, then she could assume to stay out of his personal business, due to being Twilight slave..err i mean friend...sorta of.... Oh hell let's face it, he a slave all but name.
Luna could see the warning signs but maybe thought was none of her business or trusted Twilight to handle it or maybe she never bothered he seemed fine.
Still Celestia and Luna screwed up as well and they need to make up for it, or is it the fact Spike a dragon and that why she never bothered?
Love to see Spike throw that in thier faces.
8798476
Celestia and Luna are kinda trolls. I'm not entirely sure that Luna would mind her own business but I also don't think she'd check up on Spike. I also am not sure how Luna views Spike in the show. I don't think she has ever called him a servant but she is a bit outdated and out of the loop on some things. She has a soft spot for children but I don't believe Spike falls under that category in her mind.
If Luna did enter Spike's dreams, I'd think there'd have to be a bigger reason to it then just a simple nightmare. It's hard to say. The only other way I'd think Luna would bother with Spike at this current point in time would be if she was bored. I guess I'll have to think about that should I plan to set up such a scenario.
8799088
Well going to say...she didn't assume anything bad was happening to him.
It's no different then some people not seeing the signs of abuse or so.
With Spike was a totally different case, but bet she blame herself not not checking on him, this may open her eyes to what possible problems others are facing and work hard in her dream walking to help her subjects and that includes Spike, and other races like Donkeys and any Griffons, Dragons and Minotaurs living in their country.
8799519
Luna probably would feel guilty for not watching over one of her subjects. Even if Spike is a dragon, I believe he is still legally an equestrian citizen.
Twilight is the sister in law to Cadence and Spike is technically a part of the Sparkle
family. If that's the case then wouldn't Spike be related to the princesses in some way? Would Spike be considered a great nephew or great grandson or something? I'm not entirely sure what he'd be considered but I know he is legally related in some way.
Regardless, I'm sure the princesses would feel even worse for not noticing how one of their family members had been suffering, even if he had been adopted into the family.
The show comes closest to 'Big Sister', in my opinion. I believe they should have made her more of a mother figure but much of what is shown doesn't go in that direction. Perhaps it is because she was too young when she hatched Spike to associate herself as being a mom? Maybe Celestia preferred it to be a 'friendship' / 'partnership' to make it easier in the event Twilight would ever have foals of her own?
You did well in showing how each character would take the discovery of Spike being a 'Forever Foal'. The show would naturally seek resolution through the understanding of what the matter of conflict was. Now it will just be a matter of Spike either deciding to come down and apologize or, more likely, one of the ponies going to try and apologize to him through the benefit of their new found understanding. It's not going to be easy as Spike is still raw from the emotional experience he went through. However it will all work out.
I think you did best with Fluttershy. She would wish to not have ever barged in on the baby dragon. She would also be the one who'd happily want to help soothe him given his current situation. Pinkie may be too much as his desires would become a bit too public with how she has no filter to anything.
What Twilight does next will be very important. Will she decide that she needs to change her role from employer / friend to mother / caretaker? How can she approach him without triggering more hurt? She's the one who was closest to Spike and definitely what she does will have a great impact on how his mental state holds up.
I definitely feel like Twilight's role is more of sister than mother, although there are aspects of both. (Keep in mind I haven't watched this show for a few seasons.)
On one hand, Twilight is watching out for Spike and talks to him in a motherly fashion in some ways, even going to lengths of reassuring him as a parent might do. On the other hand, Twilight was only a filly when Spike was hatched and so there had to have been some time where they grew up parallel, so there's some brother/sister dynamic that occurs. Twilights dependence on Spike strikes me as more of a brother/sister thing (beyond the whole employer/employee thing).
In any case, I'm enjoying this story and I hope you feel better soon
8805715
I'm happy to know you enjoyed the chapter. I felt this was my worst chapter to this story so far but I'm not upset or disappointed. This just means I have a chance to make a comeback next chapter.
Fluttershy is one of, if not my favorite pony. I do admire her character as a whole and hope to write more with her soon. Pinkie Pie is a tricky character to write (in my opinion). She is unpredictable and very open about everything. While Spike would appreciate Pinkie trying to support him, he'd probably feel pretty nervous since she is so chaotic and difficult to tame.
While I'd really like to make Twilight a mother to Spike, I feel as though your right. However, I do have a few ideas in mind. I won't be saying anything but I have plans...
8806127
It's alright if you haven't seen the show for a few seasons. I myself stopped watching sometime after the whole battle with Tirek. I do enjoy the show but for some reason this site is much more "approachable" then the show.
As I said earlier, I do believe it could go either way but I feel your correct. While there have been some moments where Twilight had seen motherly, she does seem more like a big sister.
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for your concern. I also hope I get better quickly. If I do, I'll be a much more focused writer who will be much more enthusiastic about writing the next chapter (not to say I'm not enthusiastic at all).
Wow... This certainly wasn't what I expected. Very well done! :)
What works with this chapter is how you set up for all the hurt of the past chapters to have lingered for awhile. This would definitely have put Spike into a very depressed state. One where he not only questions himself but whether anything is worth caring about. He likely even lost any joy he had gained from being a 'Forever Foal' due to the events of having his privacy invaded and then releasing such a torrent of vile comments to each of the girls.
The 'fix' makes sense, too, as Twilight would've gone strongly into what the book had said to try and help validate the feelings Spike had that were not being acknowledged. It's extreme but between Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie being a part of the group it is hard to not see such a massive effort to turn things around. Rarity would also get involved to, in the least, put her talents to work in a way that shows how she cares and is the generous pony she prides herself on being.
What is also good is, because of how extreme this result is, you leave an opening for creating a balance. There could come a time where Spike feels he is getting all he needs without being babied. This point would be a great transition for it would show, even if he would want to pad up and be foalish once-in-a-while, he knows he has finally reached the point where he feels 'equal' with the Mane 6 and genuinely loved as a son by Twilight.
There is also potential for Spike to be there to help another in feeling appreciated for who and what they are. It could be part of his 'Friendship Missions'. Or it could apply with your OC. It would certainly be a different avenue than what the CMC have covered.
Definitely a great job. So glad so many have played such a strong part in positively influencing your work. It will be great to see how much more you are able to do thanks to your growing friendships and talents as an author. :)
8813184
I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter!
As you saw, I had plenty of help which really made this chapter seem much better than most of my others if not all of them.
I of course, had to make an extreme ending since I like drama. I also couldn't let the ending be too predictable, otherwise there would be no point in reading the ending at all.
While I love tragic sadness and darkness, I also enjoy rekindling friendships and love.
I will admit, I was worried about what would happen if I made Twilight a mother rather then a big sister but Twilight hatched him. Girls can get pregnant at a young age and care for a child so why can't Twilight be a young mom?
I can't wait to write another story. For now though, I'm gonna take a small break and read other padded stories on here. The break may be short, it may be long, but I know I certainly need one. I am still kinda sick and now that I don't have a story to worry about, I can relax a bit.
*Shyly raises my claws*
8826877
Lol!
Gotta admit, not sure if I'd laugh but I'm okay with it. Probably would laugh depending on a certain situation though.
8826923
I laugh at pumped up kicks/school shooting videos sometimes...
8826994
I laugh at a school shooter getting sentenced to death for killing innocents.
Sometimes death can be funny.... other times it’s sad....
8827027
Death just pleases me...
Twilight doesn't have a black mane.
I'm sorry, but this chapter makes it very hard to like the Mane Six for obvious reasons. Like Fluttershy said, it's none of their business what Spike is hiding. And like Rarity said, they should respect his privacy. I'm actually appalled at not just Rarity's behavior in this chapter, but also the behavior of the Mane Six as a whole.
I'm guessing that sound is the Mane Six being teleported into Spike's room.
I don't remember that from "Fall Weather Friends." From what I remember they were using footballs.
If I'm being honest, this was one ending to an episode that royally pissed me off, so much so that it ruined my liking for an otherwise great episode.
I could understand him thinking that they were being mean to him, but, honestly, what did he expect them to do when they saw him wearing a diaper and drinking out of a baby bottle? I honestly liked their reactions, sans Rainbow Dash, because they were loving and non-judgmental, a far cry from what he considered them being "mean." Then we get to the worst part of this chapter, wherein Spike chews out all of his friends one by one. Honestly, Spike's behavior pissed me off in this chapter. I understand he's upset and he has every right to be, but that still doesn't give him the right to be a verbally abusive asshole. They certainly wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior if this were one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (especially Applejack or Rarity if it was one of their sisters talking to them this way), so why are they putting up with this behavior from Spike? He's relatively the same age as the Cutie Make Crusaders. Throughout all of his ranting and rambling, cutting down his friends with his tongue, I was hoping that Applejack would get fed up with his mouth and start kicking his ass, giving him a good beating, the thrashing that he deserved. Then afterwards Twilight goes in his room, dumps a suitcase on the floor, and says, "You think you have it so bad here? Fine, pack your shit and get the hell out of my house!" (I'm hoping that maybe in the next chapter that will happen.) At least some of them tried to put him in his place, only to get shot down moments later, which only makes this chapter all the worse.
Yeah! There you go! That's the spirit, RD! What's funny is I normally don't approve of corporal punishment, but I'll gladly make an exception in this case.
While it is true that many countries consider spanking to be child abuse, many countries, like the US, don't.
Honestly, in a story like this, this question is bound to get brought up sooner or later. Personally, I have always seen Twilight as being something of a surrogate mother to Spike. The ending of act two and the third act of "Owl's Well That Ends Well", as well as issue #40 of the IDW comic book series, seems to support this theory, but the beginning of "Winter Wrap-Up" wherein Spike grumpily says, "You're not Mommy" to Twilight, as well as their interactions at the beginning of "Power Ponies" seems to paint their relationship as brother and sister. In any case, a strong argument could be made for either, but I personally will always prefer these two as having a mother-son relationship.
This ending was perfect.
I love that all of the Mane Six get involved in being a mommy to Spike, not just Twilight. Really looking forward to the continuation of this series. I'm hoping maybe the CMCs will become foals and get to be Spike's playmates. That would be adorable!
Truthfully, that's how I've always seen this group of friends: a family.
9052668
Whoops, nice catch there. I have no idea why I said black mane lol!
9052844
I understand. I really disliked the way the mane 6 has treated spike in the past so I sorta went out and vilified them. I know they don’t try to hurt spike but sometimes I just get so upset at their decisions, especially when they are obviously doing something wrong and can’t realize that for themselves.
9052888
Maybe~
9052936
The kicking spike was more of a reference to some iron pony competitions.
When writing this chapter I actually had Twilight spanking spike for what he said but I was worried about others pointing out how Twilight never gave him a spanking before and I felt that using spanking in a sensitive situation like this wouldn’t be a good idea.
Of course this was written with my own opinions and thoughts so I’m really happy to hear what you would’ve done for this chapter. The whole reason I started writing was to make stories where others could share how they would’ve written something or what they would’ve done differently.
That said, I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with the chapter how it was but I am sincerely thankful that you shared your opinions and thoughts.
9052954
While I don’t believe spanking is abuse either, I do know the effects of spanking in sensitive situations such as these can be detrimental to an individuals mental health.
Basically, it wasn’t about spanking being “right or wrong”, instead, it would’ve been more on how spike would’ve viewed the situation from his own mental perspective.
As for Twilight being a sister or a mother, I personally believe Twilight is more of a mother mainly because she hatched him and she’s been around him, taking care of him for as long as he can probably remember.
My only issue with the ending is spike apology
Why he just vented his anger about the truth he has like little reasons to apologize if any
9052993
Thank you very much for sticking around and finishing the story!
I know that there were a few mistakes but I’m glad you gave this story as well as myself, a chance.
I honestly have no idea how I’d continue the story at this point. I will try to continue, of course but I need to consider how I wanna do it, as well as figuring out how adding other characters like the CMC, the princesses, etcetera, would affect the plot of the continuation as well as how it would affect character already in the story. There are so many possibilities that it’s hard to come up with one specific way of writing anything when there are many interesting ways a story could go.
Hopefully inspiration will strike but for now, I’m unfortunately stuck at the “drawing board”.
9055182
Even if you do nothing wrong, you could still give an apology, more as a way of saying “I forgive you, now we can move forward”
9055185 You're welcome, mate. There are sadly very few stories lacking in the padded pony genre that involve Spike and the CMC being diapered and babied, and we really need more of them. I'd be more than happy to collaborate with you on the next story, or if you just need someone to bounce ideas off of to get the ball rolling, I'd be happy to do that too.
9055182 I understand where you're coming from, but my problem with it was the way in which Spike went about it. Yes, he did have wvey right to be upset and he did have every right to tell the others how he felt, but he could have done it in a much respectful manner. Or he could have just vented out his anger and frustration by sinoly writing in his journal. There are a million better ways he could have gone about this, hut lashing out at his friends is not one of them!
I might have to take you up on the collaboration suggestion at some point, It does sound like a fun idea.
I always have problems when it comes to writing the beginning of a story so if you have any ideas that you wanna share that’d be great!
Also if you wanna ask for help with something of your own feel free to ask, wether it’d be a need of a proofreader or something else, I’m up for anything.
9072023
I’m really glad you shared your thoughts on this chapter!
I have told multiple people this and I feel the same way with every comment “I like when people share what they would’ve done differently, as this is what got me into writing in the first place.”
This doesn’t mean I’m not slightly disappointed that you felt the chapter didn’t fully please you, but I’m glad that the chapter didn’t completely let you down and that there were areas of the story that you enjoyed and felt were “acceptable to your tastes.”
9072031
I’m really happy to hear that this chapter “swayed you”. As for flutter shy, well, I can’t be too mean to her. She’s basically one of, if not my favorite pony.
I definitely see twilight as spike’s mother. No doubt about that at all.
Spike episodes can sometimes be a bit underwhelming but they aren’t always like that. I do hope future spike episodes are good enough for me to consider them as my favorite(s)
9072076
I completely understand why you wouldn’t like the part where spike vented everything out all at once. Some liked it, some didn’t and that’s okay. I’m just glad you stuck around to read my story.
Thank you so much for your compliments. I’m really grateful to hear you saying that you feel like this story deserves more likes. I’m really happy that I made you happy!
I do wish to keep writing, though I feel like I’ve hit a major obstacle or in better words, I have severe writers block. I am open to collaborating with anyone so if you ever wanna chat then just Pm me! I’m also willing to share ideas back and fourth so if you ever want to write a story of your own, I’d be more than happy to help you out!
I don’t mind that you doubted me, in fact, I’m glad you did. This allowed you not to feel disappointment should I have been decent at best (which I feel I am in my opinion), and allowed your spirits to be lifted due to the surprise at me being better then you’d hoped. Plus, I sometimes like when people underestimate or doubt me. It makes it fun to surprise or earn their respect and happiness.
It’s like 5:45am for me and I haven’t slept yet either. Chances are, I’ll be sleeping for the next 16 hours.
Again, thank you soooo much for all of your friendly comments and your support. I write to please people just like you so it’s very rewarding to hear your happy and pleased with what I’ve done. Truthfully, I feel I am a novice in writing at best and I just got lucky with both inspiration and writing. Though it’s nice to hear that you think otherwise!
Like I said above, feel free to PM me any time you’d like. I’m always up to chatting with others. For now though, I’m gonna take a long rest which I very desperately need.
9072081
Unfortunately I am not caught up on all the episodes. In fact, I’m very far behind.
I intend to binge watch the multiple seasons I have yet to watch when I have time