Shrug of God
Shrug of God
by Present Perfect
It had been the worst coronation ever, but Twilight wouldn't have had it any other way.
To say her life had been incredibly charmed would have been an understatement. A simple unicorn from Canterlot becoming Princess Celestia's personal protege, saving the world numerous times over, becoming an alicorn and finally the Princess of Equestria herself? Charmed didn't begin to cover it.
But every step of the way, she and her friends had taken chances, made mistakes and above all gotten messy. None of the amazing achievements she'd made in her life had come easily, or without embarrassment. Her coronation was no different, and that made it perfect.
The day after, she woke in Canterlot Castle, raised the sun with her amulet, and experienced her first brush with being real royalty.
All the way to breakfast, palace staff stopped to bow respectfully to her. She even recognized a few of the older ponies from her time living here as Celestia's personal student. These, she greeted by name; recognizing the rest would come in time. She would have a lot of time ahead of her as princess, after all.
She made her way to the palace dining room, where Celestia was already waiting. Trying very hard not to breathe a sigh of relief, Twilight took her place at the head of the table. Which, if she were being honest with herself, felt extremely wrong. But she'd get used to it. For now, she was doing what was expected of her. She had earned this.
"Your first full day as ruler of Equestria promises to be a long one, Your Highness," said Celestia with one of her enigmatic yet motherly smiles.
Twilight cut into the stack of pancakes that waited for her and tried not to look too nervous. "So long as I have you and Luna by my side to help me adjust for the first few days, I'm up to the task." She took a bite; honey-soaked pineapple all but dripped down her chin. Celestia must have made these herself.
"Speaking of whom," she said after swallowing, "where is your sister?"
Celestia gave a little chuckle. "We didn't iron out all the details for things like that."
Twilight took another bite of pancakes, chewed, swallowed, and realized she had no idea what that meant. "Come again?"
"We deliberately left it vague," said Celestia, her chiding, mentoring voice kicking in, "for you guys to have fun with."
"You guys?" Twilight gave her a concerned look, then glanced around the dining room. No one else was there. "Who are you talking to?"
Celestia was given no chance to answer, as Luna walked in at that moment. Her gait was slow, but she otherwise seemed to be in good spirits.
"Good morning, Your Highness," she said, her words clipped but cheerful. "Good morning, sister. I trust you are both ready to begin the day's duties?"
"Good morning, Luna," said Celestia, smiling. "We were just talking about you."
"Good morning, Luna," said Twilight, watching as she picked up a pair of pancakes and shoved them in her mouth. "I'm glad you're here. Not to rush breakfast, but I'm eager to know what's the first item on our itinerary."
"That's for fans to decide now!" exclaimed Luna.
Twilight stared at her. Then she looked to Celestia, who nodded.
"That's up to fans to decide," she said serenely.
The lower lid of Twilight's left eye twitched. What fans? Why hadn't they decided anything for her to learn yet?
Insane was what it was. They were both insane!
No, no, said the voice in her head, the one that had over the past few months become stronger and stronger. They're messing with you. This is a prank, new princess hazing. They've both been princesses for longer than Equestria existed to be ruled. They've never had a chance to poke fun at a newcomer this way. And both of them had proven to be consummate pranksters, especially of late.
Yes, Twilight decided. There was no need for Twilighting. This would all blow over once they'd gotten it out of their systems.
As it turned out, they had a lot of pranking left in their systems.
Half the day gone, and most of Celestia's answers to Twilight's questions had been some permutation of "Those sorts of details were never ironed out. Open for fanfics!"
What fanfics? she wanted to know. This wasn't a Daring Do convention, this was the center of Equestrian government! And though she'd been rising to the challenges that faced her throughout the morning with no small amount of trepidation, she really could have used some actual help. Neither Luna nor Celestia was taking this seriously!
The break for lunch came at just the right moment for Twilight. Now, she thought, perhaps she could get a candid answer from one of them. Once the food had been brought and the three of them began eating, she sought Luna's ear.
"So," she began, "Princess Luna. You doubtless have more of a newcomer's perspective on modern politics. I can't say I've spent much time studying the inner workings of the noble houses, despite growing up in Canterlot, so which would you suggest I keep my eye on? You know, for potential shenanigans, that sort of thing."
She winked, hoping it would suggest how personal this request was. Just a bit of palace gossip, between the two of them. If Luna's conspiratorial smile was anything to go by, the message had gotten across.
"It's not really something that we needed to decide on," she said with a light giggle. "It's left vague so you guys can have fun with fanfics and the like. I have my own personal opinions on stuff--" here, she pressed a hoof to her chest-- "but that doesn't make it canon."
Twilight was speechless, and remained so for the duration of the meal.
She would just have to step up her game.
"You know," said Twilight during a lull in court, "I hadn't thought about it till now, what with all the moving and changes and so forth, but... What's going to happen to my old castle in Ponyville? I actually never made any plans for it..."
"We never decided what would happen to it," said Celestia, "but I like to imagine it became a tourist attraction."
"Or additional student housing for the school," added Luna.
Those answers were... reasonable, Twilight supposed. But still odd. She wasn't done yet.
As they made for the state dining room and the lavish dinner that awaited them, Twilight leaned over to Celestia and asked, "Chancellor Sky Wishes and Chancellor Star Catcher. Is it just me, or might there be something between them?"
With a beatific smile, Celestia replied, "It's up to the individual viewer to decide what those two are to each other." She winked. "Gotta leave you with some things to debate!"
Twilight scowled.
"Why haven't the zebras or buffalo been invited to official functions? They're allies of ours, aren't they?"
"No specific reason. They just never came up in story pitches."
"What?"
"Does it ever bother you that Cozy Glow is the only pony to be turned to stone? What could have made her capable of such evil?"
"We never really discussed Cozy's origins. It would have been fun to get in to, but we didn't really end up having the time."
"Ugh..."
"Are Minister Sun Chaser and Minister Leaf Chaser related, or what?"
"It was never discussed. And in my personal opinion, they aren't. But fans can decide for themselves!"
"Argh!"
"How did you and Celestia become alicorns?"
"It was never decided internally what their official back story was. Fuel for future fanfics?"
"GAAAAH!"
"Okay, okay, I give!"
Twilight Sparkle, bedraggled and sweaty, flopped over in front of her bed. An entire day spent listening to non-answers while trying to deal with official government business had left her completely drained. Celestia and Luna stood behind her in the bedroom's doorway, impassive.
"You two have obviously had your fun. You win. Just, please, tell me you'll give me actual advice tomorrow!"
She had enough strength to turn her head so she could see the formerly royal sisters exchange a smile. This was it, she decided. This was the moment when they revealed it had all been a prank and they weren't both completely off their rockers.
Celestia strode across the floor, hooves making no sound thanks to the lush rug, imported from Abyssinia. She leaned down, placing her muzzle right next to Twilight's ear. And she whispered, ever so delicately, into that poor, tired ear.
"It’s just fun messing with you all!"
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Not everything needs to be explained.
But that’s not an excuse to half-ass things.
9909564
Half is being generous
This comment has been left open for fan interpretation.
Theory: the whole "we're suddenly retiring" thing is actually a metaphor of the showrunners getting tired of the series and just wanting to get the heck out of Dodge.
When I read the title, I somehow imagined an "Atlas Shrugged" parody where Twilight dumps the whole Alicorn princess thing and moves back to Ponyville to live in a library while the political system collapses.
This is so incredibly beautiful!
And frustrating! And touching! And I have no words but exasperation.
Her third grade teacher would've been proud, even if the mare's fashion sense would've made Rarity's eyes explode.
... Oh dear.
Frankly speaking, given all the headcanon massacres over the years, I'm happy with how much they chose to leave vague. We need some wiggle room to work with.
I suppose I'm saying the diarchs' vagueness is partially your fault.
9910669
There are some questions I would have liked to have answered. I mean, just because Lauren Faust or Meghan McCarthy gave answers about things doesn't mean everyone knows, accepts or uses them. It's just nice to have something to go off of. Wasn't it cool when we heard Faust's ideas on Zecora recently? That kind of thing, instead of "Durr hurr write fanfics I guess".