Yer Outta Line, Sparkle!
Yer Outta Line, Sparkle!
by Present Perfect
It was nighttime. Again.
The audience had gone home, even the Method Mares, who had made a point of coming onstage to congratulate everypony, especially Princess Celestia, personally. The students from the Friendship School had gone back to their dorms after receiving autographs from the Princess and a promise they could meet the real Star Swirl sometime. Celestia herself had left in the midst of cleanup, with profuse apologies, due to an impending international incident stemming from the disappearance of the sun from over Zebrica and other nations on the far side of the planet for a period of about two hours in the middle of the day for some reason.
In other words, it was just Twilight and her friends doing the final cleanup of all the props, backdrops, and flowers left onstage before they could call it a day. So Starlight rolled up her copy of the play script and called out, "Hey, Twilight!"
"Yes, Starlight?" Twilight said, trotting over to her.
"You remember when I said you weren't a princess princess?"
Twilight gave her a flat look. "Oh, yeah. Har-dee-har, Starlight, big laughs. You're just lucky you're not still a--Hey!"
Starlight whacked Twilight on the head with her script.
"This!" She whacked her again. "Is!" And again. "Exactly!" And again. "What!" Whack. "I was talking!" Whack! "About!"
"Ow!" cried Twilight. "Hey, stop it! That stings!"
Their friends, attracted by the commotion, rushed over. Starlight kept right on hitting Twilight in between lambasting her.
"Bad alicorn! Bad! We do not blithely disregard our friends' advice! Who taught me that? You did!"
At this point, Twilight was on the ground, covering her head. Rainbow and Applejack restrained Starlight's hooves, which did absolutely nothing to help the situation, as Starlight was using her magic. She got a few more good whacks in before Rarity plucked the script from Starlight's magic and gave her a taste of her own medicine.
"You pull horseapples like this all the freaking time!" Starlight shouted, struggling against the two stronger ponies. "What is wrong with you, Twilight?"
Fluttershy came up behind them and hoofed Starlight her paper bag. "Starlight, we talked about this..."
Rainbow and AJ let Starlight go, and she sat down, clutching the bag in her hooves. "It's just so aggravating!" she groaned, putting it up to her muzzle.
"That's right," said Fluttershy, rubbing Starlight's back slowly. "Deep breaths now..."
Applejack cleared her throat as Pinkie helped Twilight to her hooves.
"Speaking as the pony who was most directly wronged in this situation, I have to say, for all that I don't rightly abide Starlight's methods, she's got a point."
She fixed Twilight with a withering stare.
"All things bein' equal, Twilight, the only reason I didn't go stormin' off the set in the middle o' you disregardin' some prime advice--" here, she poked Twilight in the chest-- "advice that I know darn well you know, I should add, is that I know how you get around the Princess."
Taking a deep breath, Applejack sat back on her haunches. She directed her gaze off over the stage, to somewhere over the horizon. Twilight opened her mouth, but Applejack continued.
"Fact is, Twilight, if'n you'd acted this way about any other pony, I'd be reconsiderin' our friendship right now." Her face turned sour. The others grew still and solemn. "I don't much appreciate bein' shoved aside so you can give preferential treatment to somepony else."
She closed her eyes. "I don't want ya to get the wrong idea, this is just ventin'. 'Cause I do understand how much the Princess means to ya. Probably more than she means to any of us." She chuckled. Everyone else relaxed visibly. "She's basically a second mom to ya, am I right?"
She peeked at Twilight, who, with a small, lopsided smile, nodded to her.
"So that's why I ain't gonna hold this against ya." Applejack stood, dusted off her hat, and replaced it. It hadn't been dusty. "But you gotta get yourself together. You been a friendship student, not to mention the friendship princess, too long to keep pullin' malarkey like what you just done today. Forgive me if I done stepped outta line at any point, but I expect better outta you, Twilight."
Twilight quailed as Applejack once again fixed her gaze upon her. "We clear?"
"C-crystal," Twilight croaked.
Applejack drew in a breath through her nostrils. "Now, if'n y'all will excuse me, I think there's a few props I forgot about round back of the stage."
The ponies parted, letting Applejack trot off to where they all knew no forgotten props lay.
Once she was out of sight, all eyes turned back to Twilight, who did her level best not to meet anyone's gaze. Starlight had calmed down. Rainbow and Pinkie looked troubled. Rarity gave a small sigh, smiled sweetly at Twilight, and said,
"I, too, do not agree with Starlight's tactics just now, but she had another point."
She walked over, put her hoof below Twilight's chin, and lifted it so they were eye-to-eye.
"Is anything the matter with you, Twilight?"
"We shouldn't have to beat it out of you if there is," Starlight grumbled.
"I-I'm not sure," Twilight said, eyes falling to the side.
Rarity looked to Rainbow Dash. "You girls know what I'm talking about, right? For instance, that incident on the beach that we all agreed never to speak of again, and which I am only bringing up to suggest that it is part of a trend?"
Rainbow frowned. "Yeah. Like, not even that. What about up and starting an entire freaking school and just, y'know, dropping it on us out of the blue?"
Pinkie snorted and hid a giggle behind her hoof.
"No, I'm serious!" Rainbow held her hooves out. "Are you having some kind of mid-life crisis or something?"
"She's only two years older than you," Fluttershy said, more to herself than anything.
Twilight's ears fell. Spike, who had been silent the whole time, moved over and placed a claw on her shoulder, giving her a worried look.
"There is something wrong," Twilight said quietly. "And I'm sorry for not bringing it up to all of you, but..." She licked her lips. "I don't really know what it is. I can't quantify the problem for myself, so I don't know where to start describing it for any of you."
"Twilight," Pinkie said, "you know we'll always be there for you, no matter what! Right?"
Twilight frowned. "Ever since what happened on the beach, I... Maybe I haven't been so sure of that."
The others gasped.
"I know it sounds bad, but... I guess I've been walking on eggshells around all of you since then." She swallowed. "I know we all made up, I know you forgave me... but I haven't been able to forgive myself. And that's only part of it."
"I would hardly call a spur-of-the-moment decision to build and run an entire school 'walking on eggshells', dear," said Rarity.
"Exactly." Twilight lifted her head. "I..." She clenched her teeth and let out a frustrated breath. "Like I said, I can't describe it. I've been vacillating back and forth between eggshells--" she held out her left hoof, then her right-- "and these flashy, grandiose displays of 'I'm the Princess of Friendship!' 'Look at how much friendship I can do!'"
Spike leaned forward and hugged Twilight's leg as she began to cry.
"Am I still just wallowing in self-doubt about whether I deserve these wings? Am I that fragile? Am I just living in the past?"
"Twilight..."
Rarity led the charge; they all came in for a group hug.
They stayed like that for quite some time.
When the moment had passed, and Twilight's tears were abating, Pinkie spoke up.
"Twilight, I'm willing to bet that not a single one of us can really ever understand what you're going through." She gave Twilight a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "You're the lucky one of us who gets to be a princess all by herself."
She rubbed Twilight's shoulders. "But I know what it's like to be stressed out. We all do." She snorted suddenly. "I see that look, Rainbow Dash!"
Dash floated in midair, hooves outstretched in incredulity. "Pinkie, I've seen you legitimately stressed out all of once in my entire life!"
"I know, right?" Pinkie regained her usual cheerful smile. "And that's because I'm really good at hiding it! I don't like bringing other ponies down, just like you, Twilight. But there's only so much stress a pony can hold inside their personal stress balloon before that balloon pops and you're acting out all over the place." She gave a rueful chuckle. "Acting out is something else I understand. A looooooot."
"Maybe we should all get together now and then to act out," Fluttershy said. "I-I mean, even I get stressed out every once in a while, and a way to release that might be nice. And even if we don't understand your specific problems, Twilight, we'll all be happy to be there for you while you work through them."
The others nodded and "mm-hmm"d. Twilight smiled at long last.
"Life is really complicated, isn't it?"
No one had anything to say to that.
After a while, Twilight asked, "Do I really have a blind spot when it comes to Princess Celestia?"
"Need you even ask?" said Rarity immediately, just shy of scandalized. "Why, any time a pony even mentions her in the same room as you, you get all..." She waved a hoof. "Goofy!"
"What?" Twilight grinned at her. "I do not get 'goofy'!"
"You totally do," said Rainbow, smirking.
"Goofier than Pinkie Pie," added Starlight.
"Literally for as long as I've known you," deadpanned Spike.
Pinkie snickered. "It's almost like you've got a crush on her or something!"
Twilight started coughing as the others laughed. "WHAT? That... That's impossible!" She began playing with a strand of her hair. "She is like my mom! Ohh, eww, that would be... Pinkie, that is gross!"
"I'm keeping that one for later," Starlight said, mischief flashing in her eyes.
"And with that lovely thought out of the way," Rarity said, stretching, "I believe I shall go see how Applejack is doing. Everything here is well and truly wrapped up, is it not?"
Rainbow yawned. "Yeah. Geez, what time is it?"
"Well," said Pinkie, "the sun was up just a few hours ago, so I guess it's early evening now! Or maybe mid-morning?"
They all had to share a laugh at that.
They all moved off, saying goodbyes and vowing to sleep for days. Twilight stayed behind, just staring up at the theater.
"Hey Twilight?" Spike asked, standing beside her.
"Yeah, Spike?"
"Would all the trouble be worth it to you if I told you I learned something today?"
Twilight cast a sidelong glance at her longtime friend. "It might just. What did you learn?"
"I learned that if you tell bad jokes in front of a live audience, they'll throw tons of free food at you!"
"Oh, you!" Twilight buffeted him lightly with her wing, laughing.
Spike pointed both index fingers at her. "Got you to laugh! It was worth it!"
"It sure was, Spike." With a satisfied smile, she lifted Spike onto her back and made her way toward the school.
"Let's go make sure the students are actually sleeping before we call it a night."
"Twenty-four hours' notice before any further such occurrences seems like a mild concession, all things considered."
Princess Luna smiled at her sister as they watched the final ambassador trot from the throne room.
"Yes, indeed," said Celestia, a hint of sadness written across her brow.
"How did you enjoy your directorial debut, sister?"
Celestia snorted. "I think I am most definitely not cut out for the theater. Not at this stage in my life, anyway." She stretched her wings and yawned. "Nor at this time of night. And I apologize, Luna, for raising the sun over--"
"Think nothing of it, sister." Luna gave her a small, secretive smile. "You've been chastised enough, I should think. I am most glad I brushed up on Modern Zebra in the past year. Some of those invectives against our parents were most colorful."
Celestia tried and failed to suppress a giggle. "I'm just glad you took them well. I kept suffering visions of you in full barding, swearing blood oaths against the leaders of Zebrica..."
"Oh, Celestia!" Luna laughed. "I am only so tightly wound, as they say, when my own honor is at stake. I will gladly endure the besmirching of thine."
The two sisters embraced, and Celestia yawned again.
"I believe it is time for me to retire, sister. I'll see you in the morning. I love you."
"I love you, too, Celestia."
The two embraced, and Celestia held it for just a beat longer than really necessary.
"Do you ever miss our old friends, Luna?" she whispered.
Luna gave a half snort, which she followed up with an apologetic look. "They were always more your friends than mine, sister. But... I suppose they are not as long departed for me as for you, are they?"
Celestia gazed over at a certain stained glass window. Luna joined her. They stayed like that until Celestia yawned again.
"I suppose I really must be getting to bed, then," she said.
"Aye," said Luna, moving to the throne, "prancing will tire the spirit of one unused to it."
"What?" Celestia gave her sister a flat look. Luna raised an eyebrow.
"I heard from Princess Twilight that, when she suggested you join the play, you, and I quote here, 'pranced about like a little filly in springtime'."
Leaning on the arm of her throne, Luna put both hooves beneath her chin and grinned like a Cheshire cat. Her eyes twinkled like the stars in her mane. "Do tell, sister mine."
Unable to keep both the blush from her cheeks or the smile from her lips, Celestia turned her nose up and made for the door. "I did no such thing!"
"Thou didst!" Luna cackled. "Thou didst cavort like a fawn in the morning dew, 'tis true! Oh, to be a fly upon that wall!"
"I am far too old for prancing," Celestia said, poorly affecting insult. "It does not agree with, er, my hips! Yes, for I am but an old mare, not nearly so spry as I once was! No prancing here!"
She feigned collapsing, which was enough to startle guards vaunted for their unflappability in the face of princessly shenanigans.
"Hie thee to thy bedchambers, granddam!" Luna cried, tears of laughter streaming down her face. "I shall send thee a sop of warm milk for thy chilblains!"
Snorting, Celestia made a very rude gesture at her sister with her hindquarters -- which only caused Luna further laughter -- and sauntered from the throne room.
When Luna's laughter had died down, the Night Court crier finally took her shaky steps to her position at the door. The Princess of the Night reclined on her throne, looking once more the regal monarch her petitioners expected.
"That'll show her for a year of calling me Woona," she remarked.
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Why is your username spelled as two words in this story, but one word in your profile?
8903533
Because. :V
...The actual answer might be "because I didn't know you could have a space in your name when I registered on the site and I don't want to change it now because that's how people know me by". :B
For author mouthpieces, you sure kept them nicely in character!
8903573
My point exactly. :)
See, with a title like that, i was expecting some silliness about Twilight handing in her Friendship Badge or something.
8903857
So was I, nemryn.
So.
Was.
I.
I feel like the episode also had Pinkie in one of her worse modes (endangering others, repeatedly undermining their work, "300+ times," ... ), but of course nobody can complain about her with any bite. Bringing up the beach thing kind of highlights that, since it by implication draws in the stuff leading up to it where she was actively harmful to the mission.
Anyway, this might be one of the closer things to Twilistia I've ever seen you write.
8907209
...You mean other than the actual Twilestia story I wrote? <.<
Do you know I've had an idea for a legit Twilestia fic for years?
8907253
"Beer and a Knife Fight"? I guess so. This one plays it quite a bit straighter though.
Surprised to hear about the full fic idea, what with it seeming to be one of your more hated/at the very least squicked out things.
8907292
I'm honestly not sure why I ever wanted to write it, in hindsight.
Of course, it's also got a Pinklestia joke, so... :V
8907328
Pinklestia as in the ship, or the toy?
8907485
The toy. :B
As in the whole thing is way dated. XD
8907972
You need to work on your marketing. :P
It's "retro," darling.
Honestly I thought the end section with Luna and Celestia was both funny and endearing, in a genuine, “this author probably has siblings,” kind of way. It reminded me of how my older brother and I poke at each other lol. But you know, with sparkly ponies. I always wonder how their manes don’t get all tangled together when they stand too close together lol.