The next morning, at about 11:00am, Taylor, the two nurses, as well as the doctor, boarded the train at Canterlot Station bound for Ponyville. Once again, Taylor helped load all of the luggage onto the train, and All Aboard was the conductor of the train as well. Once the train was moving, he came back to say hello.
"Oh, hello again Mr. Taylor."
"Hello All Aboard. It's nice to see you again."
"Nice to see you too Mr. Taylor. I see that you're returning to Ponyville. Any particular reason?"
Taylor nodded. "Yes. Dr. Stables is returning to the Ponyville General Hospital, and myself, as well as Nurse Redheart and Nurse Starlight are headed to Sweet Apple Acres."
"Sweet Apple Acres you say? Well then Mr. Taylor, I wish you good luck, and I hope that you're hungry, because there's always plenty of items to sample down there. I know that you'll really enjoy your trip."
Taylor nodded. "Thank you All Aboard. We plan to."
"Oh, and you can just call me 'Al'. That's what I'm known as to most ponies."
"Ok then, Al, it was nice to talk to you."
"The pleasure is all mine Mr. Taylor. I also hope that you will also be on one of the return trips to Canterlot?"
"Yeah. We should be."
Al nodded. "Ok then, well, enjoy yourselves folks, and we should be pulling into Ponyville Station at exactly 2:00 on the dot."
Sure enough, at exactly 2:00pm, the train arrived at Ponyville Station. Once it came to a complete stop, Taylor helped unload all of the luggage, and once he was done with that, he and the two nurses saw the doctor back to the hospital, before heading over to Sweet Apple Acres.
As it was, the citizens of Ponyville were very glad to see Taylor again. They all said hello, and he said hello back.
"Gosh", Taylor sighed when he saw how warm the welcoming was, "This sure is a nice town to call home. All of the ponies here are so friendly."
Redheart nodded. "Yes, it is a very tightly-knit community. You know everypony, and everypony knows you."
"I will have to find a place to live eventually", Taylor mused, "Maybe I should look into investing in a house around here."
Redheart looked at him and smiled. "There's no better place in all of Equestria as fine as right here in good old Ponyville."
Taylor nodded. "It sure seems to be, Miss Redheart, it sure seems to be."
This conversation continued along these lines all the way out to Sweet Apple Acres.
"Well, here we are!' Starlight pointed to it. "Sweet Apple Acres!"
Taylor whistled when he saw it. The farm itself sat in the middle of acres upon acres of apple trees, and aside from these, its other most prominent feature was a massive red barn.
"Wow" Taylor was in awe. "You really weren't kidding when you said that this place was incredible Miss Starlight!"
Starlight smiled. "I'm a nurse Mr. Taylor. I really don't kid around if I can help it. Oh, and if you think that the farm itself is incredible, just wait until you meet the family that runs it!"
"Yeah, I really can't wait." Taylor replied.
Once the trio had made their way through the entrance arch, which was a large arbor covered with flowering bushes, and a big wooden sign with a cutout of an apple in the middle, they made their way over to where the produce was being sold. They got in line at the back, and waited patiently. As they waited, Taylor took another look at his surroundings.
"This place is so amazing! I think that it's......" *smack!* "What?! Hey, watch it!"
A sudden slap from a pegasus's wings interrupted his thoughts. When he turned around to yell at the culprit, he was in for a surprise. Behind him, was a Pegasus mother with pink fur, and a blue mane and tail, as well as a young foal with blue fur, and a pinkish-purple mane and tail.
"Rainbowshine!" Her mother, Firefly, scolded, "You need to apologize to the nice human since you hit him with your wings." She then turned to Taylor. "I'm very sorry, Mister, um........what's your name again?"
"It's Taylor, Ma'am. Charles Taylor. But you can just call me Taylor."
"Apologize to Mr. Taylor for hitting him Rainbowshine."
"Um, I'm sorry for hitting you, Mr. Taylor."
Taylor smiled. "That's quite alright, Miss Rainbowshine. You have some pretty strong wings there for a girl....er, um....foal, as young as you!"
Rainbowshine giggled at his mistake, and Taylor suddenly had the feeling that she had an important part to play in the future of Equestria. He wasn't sure if she would do something, or if an offspring or descendant would, but he knew that she was special.
(What Taylor didn't know at the time was that Rainbowshine would have a son named Bow Hothoof. And Bow Hothoof would have a daughter named Rainbow. Rainbow Dash, to be exact. Yes, THAT Rainbow Dash! Of course, Taylor had no idea about this at the time.) (And why is this even being written down? These notes were given by Taylor sure, but Taylor was senile when he wrote it. It's only being left in at his insistence.)
Once it was finally his turn, Taylor stepped up to the table where the produce was being sold, with Starlight and Redheart standing just behind him. The young mare looked up at Taylor, and all she could do was just stare at him with wide-eyes. she kept opening her mouth like she was going to say something, but no sounds were coming out.
After several long moments of extremely awkward silence, it was finally broken.
"Hey! What's goin' on over there?"
A young filly with green fur, a blonde mane done up in two braids, a blonde braided tail, golden eyes, and a cutie-mark of an apple pie came up to the table.
"What's wrong Sis? Cat gotcha' tongue?" she giggled. Then, she saw Taylor. Her eyes got very wide, but unlike her sister, she spoke right up. "Are you that 'Human' critter who crashed here in that metal bird thing a couple days ago?"
Taylor smiled. "Yes Ma'am, I am."
That was all it took. She then went full-blown country on him. "Well howdy'a do there Mr. Human?"
"Um, you can just call me Taylor, Ma'am. Everyone does."
"Oh, well then, howdy'a do there Taylor?"
"Pretty good, Ma'am, and yourself?"
"Not too shabby. Oh, and you can call me Abby. Everypony does!" Abby then noticed her still dumbfounded sister. "What's wrong there Kristy? Cat still gotcha' tongue?"
That did it. Her sister looked at her with an eye-roll. "How many times have I told you Abby, stop calling me 'Kristy'! My name is Kristine!"
Abby giggled. "Way too many, if ya ask me! Yer gettin' way too proper fer yer own good!"
"Please ignore my little sister", Kristy told Taylor, glaring at Abby, "She can be extremely forwards at times. That's what Ma says."
This made Abby cross. "No she didn't! She told ya to stop bossin' me around!"
"She did too!"
"No she didn't Butthead!"
"Abigail Smith-Apple! You take that back right this minute!"
"No way!"
Taylor was left listening as this argument between the sisters got completely out of hoof. He kept trying to intervene, but he didn't know what to say. Luckily for him though, Starlight did. She had been listening to this argument as well, and finally, she had enough.
"Alright Abby and Kristine!" She ordered. "I think that Mr. Taylor has heard quite enough of you two squabbling!"
Abby turned to look at who had spoken up, and her eyes lit up when she saw Starlight.
"Starlight! I ain't seen ya in ages! How ya been doin'?"
"Not too bad Abby, and you?"
"Doin' pretty good."
She and her sister then got down to business.
"So then", Kristy began, "Now that we have our disagreements behind us, what can we do for you?"
"Well", Starlight thought for a moment, "I would like 2 crates of apples, Nurse Redheart behind me would probably like a few of your apple pies, and Mr. Taylor here was looking to buy some of your moonshine. He was told that the best place to buy that was right here at Sweet Apple Acres. If you have any, that is."
Abby cocked her head slightly to the side. "Moonshine ya say Taylor?"
"Yes Miss Abby, that's right."
"How old are ya, if ya don't mind mah askin'?"
Taylor smiled. "I'm 26 years old, Miss Abby. Is that old enough to drink moonshine around here?"
Abby nodded, and was probably about to continue, but Kristy cut her off. "You may be old enough there Mr. Taylor, but if you don't mind MY asking, what do you plan on doing with it?"
Taylor looked at her curiously. "Well Miss Kristine, I was looking for a bit to sample, and if it was good enough, I was hoping to buy some to take back to Canterlot to use as a base element for gasoline."
Now it was Kristy's turn to look at him curiously. "Um, what's 'gasoline'?"
"It's a combustible fuel used in engines on Taylor's home-world of Earth. He needs to make more gasoline if he is to ever get his metal craft flying again."
Taylor turned to see who had spoken, and to his quiet shock, he saw that it was Miss Redheart. She had been listening to the entire conversation, and she decided to speak up.
"Quite correct miss Redheart." He then turned back to Kristy. "OK, so now that you know that I am old enough to drink, and you know what I want to do with the moonshine, can I please have a bit to sample, and if it's good, can I buy some for my plane?"
"Um, plane? What's a 'plane'?"
"Oh, um, well Miss Kristine, my plane is the metal craft that I used to get here in the first place."
Kristy nodded. "oh, I see."
"Now can I have some moonshine?"
Kristy was about to reply, but then Abby cut her off. "Not so fast there Pardner!" She drawled. "First ya gotta show that yer a feller who can hold his liquor!"
Taylor cocked his head. "Um, what do you mean by that Miss Abby?" He asked curiously.
Abby laughed. "It means that ya gotta down a couple'er shots of it without hackin', pukin', or passin' out! Ya think ya can do it?"
Taylor thought for a moment. "How many is 'a couple'?"
Abby giggled again. "As many as it takes to prove that yer worthy of more than a sample!"
Taylor shook his head. Then, after taking a deep breath, he took a moment to regroup with Starlight and Redheart.
"So, what do you guys think?"
"I think that this is a really bad idea", Redheart put in. "Something like this could kill you if your body isn't used to that kind of alcohol in those kinds of quantities."
"Miss Redheart's right", Starlight added. "I don't think that you should do this."
Taylor looked at both of them. "I really appreciate your concern for my health and safety, but you need not worry about me."
"What, why? The two nurses asked.
Taylor smiled. "Because I was the bar champion back at Ft. Lauderdale for a little more than a year straight. I know that I can handle a little moonshine, since whiskey and hard cider were used for those competitions."
Redheart shook her head. "If you say so Taylor, but I still worry for you nonetheless."
Taylor took her gently by the chin, and kissed her softly on the nose. "I know Miss Redheart." He said softly. He then went to accept the challenge from Abby.
"I still worry for him though". Redheart shook her head sadly.
Starlight laughed softly. "I know. However, I think that the reason you're so worried about him is because you really like him!"
Redheart blushed. "W-what?! D-don't be silly Starlight!"
"I knew it! Ever since you laid eyes on him when you went over to see if you could help him that day, you loved him."
"Yeah", Redheart sighed, "I do love him. But do you think that he loves me back?"
Starlight just stared at her. "Are you kidding me?! Haven't you seen the way that he looks at you? You're the greatest things that ever happened to each other!"
Redheart opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then she just shook her head. "In any case", she sighed, "We'd better get over there, just in case Taylor will require any 'medical attention'!"
Starlight laughed, and they both made there way over to where Taylor and Abby were. Taylor was looking up at the tree, and Abby seemed to be laughing at him.
(A few minutes earlier)
"This farm is so amazing, but I have to ask you Miss Abby, how do you guys harvest these apples? I mean, you don't have hands like me, and I don't see any ladders anywhere."
Abby burst out laughing. "WHAT?!?! Y'all need a LADDER to pick apples?! That's hilarious!!!"
Taylor was rather flustered. "Well then, how do you harvest them?"
"Simple. We just buck the trees!"
"Um, you what now?"
Abby giggled. "Like this silly!" She then reared back, and kicked the tree with all of her might. For her efforts, she knocked a lot of apples off of the tree, and into several waiting baskets below.
"Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense."
Abby then walked over to another tree. "Now it's your turn. You buck a tree!"
Taylor came over to look at the tree. He looked up at it, and Abby started laughing at him.
(Back in the present)
"Aww come on ya big baby! Just kick the tree!"
Taylor tried, but because he kicked straight, nothing happened. Abby burst out laughing, and Taylor just lost it. He then braced his hands against the ground, arched his back, and brought his knees and legs as far forwards as he could. Then, with a ferocious battle cry, he kicked backwards with all of his might. His boots slammed into the tree, and the force of the impact shook the tree so hard, that every single apple in it fell down into the apple buckets sitting below the tree.
Abby went from laughing, to mouth open in absolute shock in less than 3 seconds. "Holy, um, cow! That was, that was some pretty good work there Pardner. I'm, sorry that I laughed at ya. Yer almost as good as me! Heck, yer probably even better!"
Taylor stood back up and brushed his hands off. "Aww shucks Miss Abby, it was just a surge of adrenaline. It happens to the best of us."
Abby then walked away, and beckoned for Taylor to follow her. "Come on Taylor!"
"Um, what for?"
"Well, that tree bucking was just to test yer strength. Now it's time for the real challenge!"
Taylor followed Abby, and once the two nurses had gotten over their shock at Taylor's strength, they did likewise. They both made their way over to where Taylor was standing in front of a large moonshine still. Abby was facing him, and on the ground in front of them, was a row of brown moonshine jugs.
"Allrighty Taylor!" Abby looked at him smugly. "Are ya ready to prove that city-folk like y'all can't really hold any liquor?"
Taylor nodded. "Only if you're ready to eat those words Miss Abby! I was born ready!"
"Well then Mr. Smarty-pants, grab the first jug, and get to it!"
Taylor complied, although once he got a good whiff of the moonshine, he did recoil a bit.
"What'sa matter Taylor?" Abby smirked. "Too much fer ya?"
"Oh no Miss Abby, it's just that it's been a bit since since I've had any moonshine. All of the bars around where I was serving back in Florida only had beer and whisky."
"Well, are ya gonna do it, or not?"
Taylor nodded, and while Abby continued to stare at him, smirking all the while, he steeled himself up, and took a drink. Redheart and Starlight both looked at him like he was going to explode, and Abby was just waiting for him to pass out.
Taylor felt like he had just drunk a load of kerosene. He went a bit red in the face, but he didn't say anything, and he didn't faint.
"A-a-apples!" He finally gasped. "T-tastes like apples!"
"Do ya like it?" Abby asked.
"It's great!" Taylor looked like he could throw up or pass out at any moment. "How do you give it that flavor?"
Abby giggled. "Can't tell ya, it's a family secret!"
Taylor nodded, and he then got back to drinking.
The minutes began to tick by, and by the time that it was all said and done, Taylor had consumed nearly 3 full jugs of moonshine. He then stumbled around for a moment, fell over a bit, then he burped out a couple of spouts of flames, and then passed out.
(He was close enough to the fire that was burning underneath the still that when his belches of alcohol fumes reached the flames, the vapors combusted, and he burped fire.)
His body twitched violently for a few moments, then he went still.
"Oh my Sweet Celestia!" Redheart ran over to Taylor's side. "That's done it!"
"Is he still breathing?' Starlight asked.
Redheart nodded. "Yeah, he's still breathing, but his blood-alcohol level is probably high enough to burn down Canterlot; city, castle, mountain, and all!"
Abby shook her head, and put her hooves over her face. "Gosh, I'm awful sorry about all this." She apologized. "I had no idea that he would even last this long. I ain't never seen a feller last more than half a jug. Three jugs! A new Sweet Apple Acres record!"
Redheart glared at her. "Well, if you hadn't challenged him like that, none of this would even have happened! Taylor's a male, so of course he wouldn't have backed down from a challenge!"
"Yeah", Starlight put in. However, Mr. Taylor's health is of the utmost importance right now. We need to get him to the hospital, pronto!"
Yeah, you're right, let's go!"
Abby was still upset, but she was just as concerned for Taylor's health as Redheart and Starlight were. She helped the two nurses lift Taylor onto their shoulders, and with her carrying most of the weight, she assisted them in getting Taylor to the Ponyville General Hospital so that his condition could be fully examined.
Specific times again. I'll keep making a note of these things even though I'm sure you've got it by now. It wasn't "about 11:00am", it was "a little before noon" or some similar approximation.
Oh, I haven't talked about these before! If you plan on writing on fimfiction, you don't need to do ghetto scene-dividers like "********". These format badly, aren't professional, and aren't centered. In the future, all you have to do is put in one of these "[ hr ]". It's called a BBC code horizontal rule. Remove the spaces(I had to put them in so my comment wouldn't get a horizontal rule in the middle of a sentence). These are by far the superior option, as they look nice on all screens, will be visually upgraded as the site goes on, and provide divisions ebook readers can use if any of your readers are using those.
Exactly 2:00pm. You know what I have to say about this. No exact times. If it's a point of character that the conductor was on time, you could change this to something a normal person would say, such as "As Taylor had come to expect from All Aboard, the train arrived in Ponyville exactly on time." There. You've said the same thing without giving us more information to remember.
Let me explain _why_ giving specific numbers is a bad idea. I've already said one reason--because it isn't how most people talk, and so it makes the characters feel like beep boop robots-- but there's another reason that's just as important.
Readers have limited attention span. We aren't super-geniuses. As a matter of fact, the average person can hold _exactly four_ things in their short-term memory at a time. Humans are programmed to recognize patterns, and we've evolved to be very good at recognizing important information.
In our daily lives, numbers are very important. We _need_ to know when we need to arrive at that job interview, or how many miles more we can drive our car before the gas runs out. So our brains laser-focus on them.
Here's the thing, though. If you give your readers those numbers, what you're doing is taking up a spot in their brains that _SHOULD_ be used to hold interest in your plot, your characters, your setting, etc. It is far better for a reader to be experiencing your story as they read. Those specific numbers put us into real-world modes, and tell a reader that the time the fictional train arrived is more important than Taylor's inner struggle with guilt and so on.
Another unimportant aside from the narrator about who would become Rainbow Dash. Also not consistent with show canon, since we now know Rainbow's actual parents.
Also, let me reiterate. I'm making suggestions for how to make a story that will be the most interesting to readers "Taylor told me to write this" does not make it less boring. I sat down with my editors to read one of these chapters, and one of them straight-up screamed in disgust when they read one of these. If they were a reader, they would've put the book down right there and not picked it up again. I don't care what senile Taylor said, senile Taylor doesn't know how to craft a narrative, I do. And so can you.
Fun fact: We learn in the early seasons of the show (before you wrote this) that Granny Smith was a young adult in Ponyville when the city was founded, 300 years ago). I don't blame you for not knowing or using this though, since many writers don't seem to know that much about the show, or choose to ignore that part of canon.
This response is utter nonsense. It's obvious what you wanted to do _narratively_, but it doesn't actually follow from the conversation. Obviously for the narrative you wanted an excuse to talk about making gasoline. But what Taylor said before doesn't make their response make any sense:
See that? It makes no sense for them to ask "What are you going to do with it?" because he just told them. He's going to drink it. That isn't his real plan for all of it of course, but they don't know that.
It's slips like this that break the suspension of disbelief. They show that the story isn't real and make it look like the characters only exist as sockpuppets to advance the plot the author wanted. Watch out for this like the plague.
Now how could you have done this and still got to talk about him making gasoline? There are lots of ways. The one that comes to mind for me is waiting until a little later. After he tries out the moonshine and finds it's pure enough, he orders like... a huge amount of it.
Considering this plane has fuel tanks for 726 gallons, he'd need a crapton. He orders that much, THEN she could ask what the heck he wanted that much for.
It's at this point in the story that I realized Starlight and Redheart just following him around everywhere no longer makes sense. Taylor is very clearly not injured anymore, he doesn't need _two_ nurses. He doesn't even need one. ON THE OTHER HAND, you could have the doctor try to take Redheart away, and have her stay on as a guide to help him get acquainted to Equestria.
But having two grown adults with lives of their own follow Taylor around when he no longer needs it is another think that makes someone look like a Mary Sue.
(there's an easy way to test for this. Side characters should read like they have lives of their own. They should have goals of their own, and when they're not with the protagonist, they should more often than not talk about things that AREN'T the protagonist. That's how you know you're dealing with a rich side character and not a sock-puppet)
Except Taylor is unfaithful. I wonder if his relationship will ever suffer because of what he did. (this isn't a problem with the story I'm just wondering out loud).
Talked about this before. Unless your name is Steven King, you shouldn't ever tell a scene out of order like this. It's extremely confusing and also a little frustrating. Tell the past first, then the present. If events would overlap, tell only one half of one happened and don't show the unimportant half.
Mary Sue alert going off again! Taylor is a human, he weighs less than half as much as Abby assuming that she's approximately the same size as the other horses we've seen at her age. More importantly, she is an Earth Pony doing something she has a talent in and has a lifetime of practice.
Taylor is _not_ better than her. Taylor would get crushed to a pulp by the strength of an earth pony. Just think about some of the things we've seen Applejack do. On top of all of that, this is his first try.
How do you make apple moonshine taste like apples? Yikes, I think Taylor might've hit his head harder than we thought in the crash if he needs to ask that one.
Mary Sue alert, take two. Ponyville is mostly earth ponies, and alcohol tolerance is a function of body mass with a fractional multiplayer based on history of consumption. But that's a small fraction in overall tolerance. A horse the size of those we've seen weighs 2-8 times what he does. Even _without_ earth pony magic this is impossible. With it, it's absurd.
Yikes, she really understands the opposite sex that simplistically? It's so sad she knows so few males. (this isn't necessarily a problem either, just me thinking out loud).
8541713
Hello Starscribe.
*Massive wall of text incoming! Brace for impact!*
Here we go. First of all, I'm still very OCD when it comes to time. It's how I've always been, and I'm trying to unlearn it, but it's harder to do than I thought.
Next, thank you for telling me this. I'll be sure to use it in all further chapters.
*makes more mental notes to work on time, keep my reader's attention, numbers, and keep my characters human.*
I know. Firefly is Rainbow's Great Grandmother, and Rainbowshine is her grandmother. As I said, in the story, Rainbowshine's son is Bow Hothoof, her dad.
Oh, so you found my little add-on there did you? Well, to be honest, I was thinking about you when I wrote that. I wanted to make it more fun, but I guess that I failed there too. Bummer. *Also makes a mental note to not meet that editor in real life, so as not to get my head bashed in.*
Also, yeah, I didn't know that about Granny Smith. I guess that I forgot about it.
*sighs, looks at my original, hand-written, 234 page manuscript of "Bermuda Beginnings", that served as the basis for my entire story, before coming to the sad realization that it will prove to be my downfall. Takes book, and stuffs it back onto the shelf where it came from. Grabs my next manuscript, the sequel to this story, and realizes that it will be the most important story that I have ever written, and to learn from my mistakes*
I address this very issue of Taylor's unfaithfulness in Chapter 24.
*Makes a mental note to avoid all Steven King-style writing in the future.*
At this point in my AU, Granny Smith, and her sister, Kristy, are just young fillies. I said this specifically in the chapter. So yes, he can buck a tree better, at least, better than an Earth-Pony filly. Or at least, that's what Abby WANTS him to believe.
Medical facts 101: Alcohol does weird things to the brain. Some of these things include short-term memory loss. Plus, I never once said that it was apple-flavored moonshine until after Taylor drank it. He had no idea that it was until he did.
Fun fact: Being still about a year too young to drink alcohol, I had to just guess a bit on this chapter. Plus, Taylor was the first that Abby had ever challenged to something like this, without getting caught by her sister anyway.
Fun fact 2: Equestria's female/male population ratio is about 9/1. 1 Pony out of 10 is a male. Plus, Redheart does have experience with males, and the ones that she does know made her draw this conclusion about Taylor.