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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, I don't see any really issues with your writing anymore, there are still a little dull phrasing at times, but your descriptions are pretty descent now with his impressions, so at this point it's really just a question of practice to improve to get a better sense of what you are doing.
Interesting, to see that he is setting in well, the dream was a little mixed, I don't think he endeared himself with Luna in the dream, with the different changes of bodies, though I though she might have seen a lot weirder for even normal citizens at times, she might still keep an eye on him, even if it is just for her own amusement. Through I am curious to know how he managed to lucid dream as he did in her presence. Celestia certainly seems to have a good hold on him now I wonder what she will do to covertly have hims examined and why?
He still sounded like a bit of a dick with Gilda and is just did the trick out of vindictiveness, I know he didn't see it that way and thinks he is doing good by Fluttershy, but from an outside perspective and not knowing a thing about Gilda wouldn't cast him in the best of light, not that this would need to me fixed at all, it just gives an interesting perspective on the situation.
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Thank you kind sir, and I'll at least try to address some of the issues you've pointed out. The dream sequence... I'll admit I could have handled it differently, but it's pretty much the same way I dream myself. I tend to get clued in on it when I can float, but no matter what I do I can never change the landscape or scene on a whim. So I figured, might as well use that, as I still find my own dreams fascinating when they're happening. I know I'm weird. And make no mistake, Luna's NOT into him right now, just curious at what his kind dreams of. And then there's Gilda. While he knows she's reformed WAY later in the show, he still kind of has a little bit of a vendetta against her. One of his more prominent issues is that he holds grudges, and can be VERY spiteful. This can cloud his judgement, thus he basically acted brainlessly for a moment with the cake. He will never really be able to overcome that, but I do plan for him to be a little less anxious in general. But why and how that happens will be left a mystery for now. Hopefully everyone's been enjoying my story so far, even if it's not exactly my best work. I've got something else, far more deep than this one in the works. Won't post it until it's got a good few chapters done though.
I bet it's Milky Way, that too pretty to be a background character
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Sorry, I was referring to the visions of Celestia. she had a vision of Tirek because without that he would have won but she does not have them when they are not necessary
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you made it way better now than back then. I wanted to thank you for trying to be a better writer( as Mix-up said).
Okay, finished making my edits to the dividers, and added in the minute details for why he has "visions" which in actuality was just him watching the show back home on a television. But because of this, any new developments will be completely new to him. Now that that's out of the way, I can continue working on the next chapter.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/448980/griffon-of-canterlot
Actualy a good Story including Gilda. She isnt really a bitch but Griffons are ... Different.
She really nice if given the chance.
Whats you other project about?
He helped with Lunas redeamtion. He is also a Pony in need (at that time).
So not really suspicious .
He didnt have show plot armor...Hes really having a minor deathwish if you think about it...
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Pretty sure he cant be that dense... I guess Changelings dont cooperate openly in you AU ?
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Indeed. Gilda got extreamly mobed here. Physical assault included if one pays attention.
Her reaction was there for perfectly normal.
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This story is pretty nice so far.
Why'd he join in humiliating Gilda? That just makes him look like an asshole. Pinkie is the obe being terrible there anyways, sabatoging a friendship out of jelously.
It's dribble glass, not drivel glass.
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And Gilda is that way cause life in Griffinstone is very hard. They only look out for themselves.
Wow. He didn't connect that dot
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Except she didn't. Rainbow is the one who set up the original pranks. Pinkie legitimately set up a party to try and make Gilda feel welcome.
Ah, he's semi lucid? Interesting.
Didn't get through Gilda's redemption, eh? Oh well, didn't spot the changeling either, bringing him back from the Stu status. 😉
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i don't think gilda needs redemption.....
So, how does he just randomly know how to teleport? That's pretty advanced magic that few unicorns can pull off. And he can just do it...why?