Arc 1: Chapter 4
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the one less traveled by. And that made all the difference." Sunset sighed, closing her eyes and leaning back against the bookshelf. Guess that settles it, she thought. They say that once you can appreciate poetry, you've mastered the language. She opened her eyes, looking out over the massive cavern before her. Not that there's been much else to do down here.
They'd landed here two days ago, after they'd failed the Twister trap. The walls of the cavern were of chiseled stone, massive glowing tree roots providing both support and bright illumination. A gigantic lake filled the middle of the chamber, several smaller lakes surrounding it and all fed by a series of waterfalls that poured from the walls and ceiling high above. A small manor sat in the distance which contained working plumbing and electricity, along with a fully stocked kitchen. Bookshelves were scattered here and there, many of them half sunk in the pristine waters. Despite this, none of the books were damaged in any way, and they seemed completely dry when they were pulled from the water. Negi and most of the Baka Rangers had been in a long series of cram sessions and breaks while Sunset, Yue, and Konoka took a far more leisurely study schedule.
And Negi's magic should be able to get us out tomorrow, Sunset thought, shelving her book of poetry and scanning the shelves for anything else interesting. A few of her fellow students had been by a few minutes ago to invite her to take a bath with them, but she'd declined in favor of further reading. The light from the tree roots seemed to grow and dim with the passage of time, which Negi and Yue both confirmed aligned with the day-night cycle. Sunset planned to take a bath that evening right before bed, the better to maximize her study time.
"KYAAAAAAAAAA!"
Sunset sighed, turning and running towards where she'd heard Makie's screams. "This better be important," she muttered as she dashed through the sand and around a few trees. "If it's a spider or something, I'm gonna-"
Sunset rounded a final tree and skidded to a stop, staring in fear at the scene before her. The golem from before stood half-submerged in one of the smaller lakes, Makie held in one fist as he leered down at them.
"Negi-kun!" Makie shouted, waving frantically. "Help me!"
"D-don't pick on my students!" Negi shouted, stepping forward and brandishing his staff. I won't forgive you, even if you are a statue!" He braced himself starting to mutter under his breath. "Ras tel ma scir magi-"
"Don't be an idiot!" Sunset grabbed Negi by the back of his shirt, yanking him back. "What do you think you can do against something like this? Especially in your condition!"
"Hohoho!" the golem laughed. "You'll never get out of here alive! You'd be better off giving up hope right now! It takes three days to get through the maze and back!"
"T-three days!" Yue exclaimed.
"We won't make it back in time for the test-aru!" Ku Fei shouted.
"He's lying!" Sunset shouted, glaring up at the golem. "It only took us a couple of hours to reach the book room before, and we didn't fall that far!" Her glare morphed into a grin. "On the other hand, he did just tell us that there's a way out of here."
"...uum..."
"You're right!" Asuna shouted. "We can't give up! We won't give up! We're gonna get the hell out of here before tomorrow's final exam!"
"Ah! Everyone!" Yue shouted, pointing at the golem. "Look at where the golem's neck is!"
Sunset looked where Yue was pointing. There, caught in the armor around the golem's head, rested...
"It's that book of Meru-whatever!" Asuna shouted.
"We're taking that book!" Yue shouted dramatically. "Makie-san! Ku Fei-san! Kaede-san!"
"Okay!" Ku Fei replied, running forward. "All set. I'll show you the power of a member," she planted her feet firmly in the sand, "of the Chinese Martial Arts Research Society! Hai!"
She punched the golem in its left leg, creating a small crater with cracks that spread throughout it. She then leapt into the air, kicking out and doing similar damage to its right arm, forcing it to loosen its grip on Makie. Kaede was there in an instant, snagging Makie from the air and handing her her ribbon. Makie's ribbon lashed out, wrapping around the Book of Melchizedek and sending it sailing into her arms. Kaede landed easily, immediately taking off running with the rest of them in hot pursuit.
"W-wait!" shouted the golem as it began to limp after them, struggling on its injured leg.
"A-amazing!" Negi said.
"The Baka Rangers are really awesome at athletics," Asuna bragged.
"Athletics?!" Sunset shouted. "Are you kidding?! She cracked a golem made of solid stone without so much as bruising her hand! That's not awesome, that's insane!"
Asuna shrugged. "It must be what they call 'ki.' I mean, magic exists, right? Why not other things?"
Sunset opened her mouth to argue, only to close it as she had no idea what this "ki" was. In any case, her breath was better spent fueling her run from the golem.
"Everyone!" Yue called from up ahead. "There's an emergency exit behind this waterfall!"
Sunset, Asuna, and Negi rounded the corner too find the rest of the girls huddled around the door. "What the," Sunset said. "There's a question written on this door!"
Yue read the question aloud. "English Question Number 1: What is the past tense of read?"
"Why the hell is it asking us that?!" Asuna shouted as Ku Fei gave the golem another kick, forcing it back. She turned back as she heard the question.
"Hmm? Oh! I know this one-aru! The answer is read." Much to everyone's surprise, the door swung open at Ku Fei's response.
"Everyone hurry up and head inside!" Asuna shouted. They rushed down the long hallway before them, soon finding themselves in a dizzyingly tall circular room, a spiral staircase winding its way up along the edge and broken up occasionally by more doors. "Wh-what's this!" Asuna cried. "Can we even climb that far!"
"I can't see the top," Sunset said, "but it's not like we have much of a choice. Let's go!"
They fled up the stairs, the Baka Rangers answering question after question, covering every topic from Math to History to English. Finally, they reached the top, finding a service elevator that would provide a straight-shot to the surface. There was only one problem...
"BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
This elevator is overloaded.
"You've got to be kidding me!!!" Sunset shouted, glaring down at the approaching golem. "We're going to die down here because this stupid elevator thinks we're overweight?!"
"Everyone drop everything you're carrying! Even your clothes!" Everyone stared in shock at Asuna as she stuck her leg out and put a little weight on it. "Look! If I just put my leg outside, the buzzer stops! All we need to do is loose a little weight!"
Thank you, nudist culture! Sunset thought, stripping down to nothing and throwing her clothes out of the elevator. Sorry kid, but you'll be thanking us for this memory in a few years. She watched the rest of the girls strip and toss out their clothes, and was dismayed when the buzzer failed to shut off.
"Crap!" Sunset shouted. "Do we have anything else to lose?!"
"We've thrown out everything but the book!" Makie cried. "I even threw out my ribbon!"
"Hohoho!" The golem dragged himself over the final step, leering in at them. "I've got you now!"
Crap! Crap crap crap crap crap! Sunset backed up against the far wall, staring in fear at the golem. If I just had my magic, this thing would be nothing but a pile of charred rubble! What are we going to-
Negi stepped out of the elevator, brandishing his staff and silencing the buzzing of the elevator. "Everyone," he said, "I'm getting off. Please return to the surface and take the test tomorrow!" He glared out at the golem. "Hey, golem! Your opponent is right here!"
"Hoho," chuckled the golem. "You've got guts!" He raised his hand, bringing it slamming down. "Take this!"
Negi braced himself, staring the golem down and waiting for the strike to come.
"Urg!"
Negi fell back out of the way of the golem's swing as Asuna yanked him by the collar of his shirt. He looked back up at her, his eyes filled with shock. "A-Asuna-san!"
"This final exam is also the final exam for you to become a teacher or something, right?" Asuna demanded. "What's the point of us taking the test if you aren't there to pass? Don't try to act cool, you damn brat!"
"Eh? But the golem!" Negi cried. "What are we going to-"
"We're going to do this!" shouted Asuna, holding up the Book of Melchizedek.
Gasps and groans filled the elevator, along with more than one resigned sigh, as the book went flying from Asuna's hand. It struck the golem in the head just as the elevator doors closed. The elevator started to rise just as they heard the sound of the golem's cries as it tumbled down to the ground far beneath.
***
The next day had dawned, the night before filled with studying. Those involved in the Library Island Fiasco had been late to the test, but had been allowed to take it in another room. But still, despite all of their efforts, and despite the fact that Sunset was certain that she'd passed with a 100, class 2-A had come in dead last once again. Sunset sighed as she walked back to the dorms, contemplating her future. The rest of the Library Exploration Club and the Baka Rangers had gone to the train station to try and convince Negi to stay, but she couldn't do it. Her reasons for wanting him to stay were entirely selfish and, for once, she couldn't bring herself to manipulate someone to her own ends.
"Must be losing my touch," she muttered, unlocking the door to the room she shared with Nodoka and Yue. "That or I'm finally growing a conscience." She sighed, opening the door and preparing to fall face-first onto her bed.
Luckily for her, she noticed the pile of books and equipment on her pillow first. She tilted her head, gazing curiously at the star-tipped wand that rested at the top of the pile, a note pinned beneath it. She hesitated before picking up the note.
Nichibotsu-san,
I'm sorry I won't be able to teach you magic. Here is a set of beginner's equipment and spellbooks, along with the laws of magic and the laws for mages interacting with the non-magical world. When you've finished with these, talk to Takamichi.
He knows about magic and will be able to get you in contact with a proper teacher.
Good luck with getting back home.
Negi Springfield.
Sunset crumpled up the note, her fists shaking as she fought back tears. That idiot, she thought, glaring at the pile of books and equipment. I used you. I manipulated and blackmailed you. You aren't even my teacher anymore! YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING!!!
The tears began flowing in earnest then, Sunset wiping them away only for more to take their place. "Damn it!" she muttered, pulling open her dresser drawers and hiding the magic supplies beneath her clothes. "Damn it, kid! Why do you have to be so... so... so much like HER!?" She collapsed on her bed, her body wracked with sobs that she refused to give sound to. She shivered and shook for several minutes before pulling herself together. Figuring that her roommates would be returning soon, she quickly flipped over her damp pillow and went into the bathroom to wash her face. Even at a time like this, she refused to let her facade drop.
The door to their dorm-room opened, cheers and cries of joy sounding from the halls as Nodoka ran in. Sunset had expected the tears in her friend's eyes, but had been unprepared for the smile that split her face. "Nichibotsu! Did you hear? Negi-sensei's staying!!!"
Sunset's eyes went wide, her jaw dropping. "Wh-what?! But, but we were in dead last! The principal said that-"
"They hadn't counted our tests yet!" Nodoka interrupted. "The Baka Rangers all pulled out in the 60's. Asuna even got a 71! And with the Expedition Club's good grades and your 100..."
"...we did it." A grin split Sunset's face as well. "We did it! We aren't at the bottom! And... wait." She did some quick math in her head. "Wait, but with those grades, that means..."
"First." Yue stepped in behind Nodoka, closing the door behind her. "Somehow or another, class 2-A managed to come in first in our grade."
Sunset's knees went out and she collapsed onto her bed, staring down at her hands. "So... he gets to stay. Negi-sensei..."
"Sensei?" asked Yue, her lips twitching upwards. "I think that's the first time you've called him that when you weren't mocking him.
Sunset blushed, refusing to make eye-contact. "D-don't read anything into it," she stammered. "H-he's still just a bratty kid, after all. Just... maybe he's earned a little more respect than I've been giving him."
Yue shrugged. "Whatever you say." She turned and opened the door again. "Come on. The class is getting together to celebrate with karaoke."
Sunset nodded, waving her off. "You two go ahead. I'm... going to go and congratulate Asuna and the kid." They nodded and walked off, leaving Sunset alone with her thoughts. She cast a quick glance at her dresser and the treasure trove of magic hidden within. I should really get started on that, she thought. After all, it's an entirely new system of magic. I still need to learn Latin, get a feel for how this magic works... Sunset shook her head as she stood. Forget it. I've got a brat to congratulate. She stepped out into the hall, closed the door behind her, and turned to go and find her teacher.
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As a Fan of Negima, I must say you're off to a pretty decent start. Granted Sunset hasn't exactly had much of an impact up to this point, but she's an otherwise powerless girl in a world of Superhumans and Mages so It'll come with time.
Granted I'm a little surprised Sunset isn't being a little more on the selfish and manipulative side, but considering she's surrounded by super strong and smart people, it's unlikely any trick she tried would work all to well. Also hoping you DON'T pair Sunset with anyone or atleast not Negi, that'd be Cliche as hell.
Also I agree with Sunset the translation of her name to Japanese is a rough adjustment since the Japanese name doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Still not bad
Curious to see how Sunset progresses, possibly learning about Ki and Martial Arts from Fei Ku. That'd be pretty cool and Sunset is the type who'd wanna learn as much as possible.
Either way nice start.
Personally I'm not a fan of changing an existing character's name.
8606079
Thanks for the feedback. I left a few hints about a crush for Sunset, but it will, unfortunately for her, go unrequited.
As for ki...
I do have some plans.
And for her lack of manipulation, she's fairly new in the pond. She's still got to scope it out and see just how big a fish she can be. Plus she's had the LEC to befriend her from the start; they've been a good influence on her.
8606143
Neither am I, but what else can you do? Equestrian is utterly unpronounceable with a human mouth and throat, so she can't even go for "Sunseto Shimma" or something like that. *shrugs*
Le-gasp! The story's first dislike! But why? Why would you ever dislike this story AND NOT GIVE ME A REASON TO HELP ME IMPROVE?!?!?!?!?! *sobs in a corner*
Uh... Sunset a way too approachable and far less bitchy that usual without any apparent reasons.
And why exactly she chose Japanese name whene everyone know that she definitely not Japanese?
This should be fun... already calling it. Evangeline is gonna shit stomp her... cause that little loli bitch aint no ones bitch.
Okay... Sunset pre-friendship laser personality pretty much scrapped and throw away for the sake of faster integration of Sunset into class 2-a. And it feels more like I deal with OC who shared a name with Sunset rather that Sunset herself.
Her softening to Nega also a waaaaaaaay too fast. In canon, she spends years manipulating and being all round unpleasant bitch but here she suddenly grows a conscience in spans of... what, weeks? Why?
8606459
Recall that in EQG, she was able to step out of the mirror and immediately begin her manipulative work. Here, she didn't know the language. She started completely from scratch and was forceably humbled by it. She's had half a year with the Library Exploration Club as her friends before Negi arrived where in EQG she didn't make friends with anyone. All of this adds up to her having a slightly more mature personality than she did in EQG.
As for her name, I already explained it in another comment, but what else was she going to do? Equestrian can't be spoken with a human mouth (my headcannon for this story as shown in the prologue) so her only option was to translate her name. And since she is learning Japanese first, it wouldn't make much since for her to translate her name into English.
It would have been fun to see how 2-A reacted to EQG Sunset, but this isn't her. This is what she would have been had her first 6 months been entirely different. Her base personality is the same, but muted by the last 6 months.
8606390
Oh? What makes you think Sunset will have something to do with Eva-chan?
8606582
And how the fact that she needs to learn language change her nature?
She pretty much starts from scratch in canon. Well, besides the fact that she knows the language. Why learning language humbled her? What the reasons?
In comics that you used as a Sunset backstory, she pretty much ignores everyone in SGU and refused to make friends. And she studies there for years. But after she goes thru mirror she suddenly fine with making friends? Again, why? I don't see anything in fanfic that brought such major change in her personality.
Yes, because she a total bitch back then and doesn't want any friends?
Again, your fanfic has zero reasons why she has such a giant and sudden change of personality. "She needs to learn the language and that humble her" are nowhere as good as reason as you think. Sunset pretty much starts an ugly conflict with one of the closest persons to her for sake of getting more power and chose to leave her homeworld for sake of finding more power and you say that something as trivial as learning a new language would be enough to deeply shake her and change her entire worldview?
8606618
Let's do a little thought experiment. Imagine you suddenly find yourself suck in another country. Egypt, let's say. You don't know anyone there, and no-one there knows you. You can't speak the native language, and no-one there speaks English. You have no useful skills and are entirely dependent on the kindness of three or four people for your safety, survival, sustenance, and education. You have no hope of your situation changing for at least two years.
Imagine yourself in that situation, and tell me you wouldn't be eating humble pie for the first year or so. I significantly sped up Sunset's learning of the language to give her more independence, but she was still absolutely reliant upon Nodoka and the others for the first 6 months. You don't go through something like that and come out the other end the same, cocky, "I can do anything and deserve everything" person that you were going in. That person wouldn't have survived, much less thrived.
8606640
Almost all that you listed (except language) happens in canon as well. Sunset doesn't have money, papers, home, magic and she don't know anyone and don't know anything about a world she ended in. But somehow it doesn't change her all that much.
She has a goal - find a shitton of power and kick Celestia flank. Everything and everyone else just a stepping stones that lead to that goal. If LEC ready to spend time and effort to help her - well, suck to be them. She becomes a demon and got a friendship laser in the face before she changes her goals and worldview.
8606658
You... seriously underestimate the language barrier. She was able to deal with all of that because she COULD lie and manipulate. Take that away, and she's absolutely helpless. She can't put on a strong front. She can't make people think she's more than she is. She has absolutely no way to establish dominance. Quite the opposite, she is now forced into ultimate submission, her fate entirely in the hands of others. By the time she knows enough to lie and manipulate again, she's already become friends with the LEC. Isolationism wasn't an option. All of that softened and humbled her. If you still don't believe me, talk to a returned Mormon missionary who served in another country. They'll tell you EXACTLY how much a barrier language can be.
8606584
After reading all current chapters, i might be taking that comment back... until Sunset sees her use magic.
8606685
Well, I never said that you were wrong.
8606672
And I think that you greatly overestimate language barrier and underestimate how determined humans (and ponies) can be. Really, if a language barrier shook her so much then why she just didn't return back home?
Sunset has a goal. Anything she does pretty much suppose to bring her one step closer to that goal. For the sake of it she ready to steal, maim, lie and do other unpleasant things (like she do in canon). If she didn't know mirror-world language then she needs to learn it - another step to power.
And you pretty much discard almost everything about canon Sunset. It's Sunset in name only (and even her name here is not her own). You can change her name for... I don't know... Sky Blitz and no one sees the difference.
8606709
You're confusing willingness and ability. I don't care how much drive you have, you cannot manipulate a system that you cannot communicate with. And it's not just language, it's body language. She begins utterly unable to communicate either verbally or nonverbally. There are no texts to facilitate learning a new language from her old one, and she doesn't even have an infant's advantage of a brain geared outrageously towards language development. Honestly, me giving her only 6 months to master Japanese and learn English at level is cheating; it COULD NOT happen.
I realize that Sunset of EQG is utterlly manipulative and ruthless, but she was able to carry that over to Canterlot High no-stop. Here she came to a screeching halt, having to start from infant level, likely including soiling herself at least once as she would know neither where the restroom was nor how to ask. Humility is forced upon her, and that changes a person.
8606810
I know a guy who learns Japanese from zero to a fluent enough level that his college chose him to participate in an exchange program. He spends seven or eight months on it. And he just some random otaku who really want to go to Japan (he disappointed in the end). And Sunset most likely far smarter and determined than him.
Yes, because the path from star SGU pupil and personal student of Celestia to a homeless, penniless and powerless nobody definitely not humiliating at all.
Only a small problem here - your Sunset had a better starting point that a canon Sunset. Your Sunset has a home and food right at the beginning. Canon Sunset - not so much. She knows a language? A big deal considering that she don't have money, home and any stable source of income. Before she can start blackmailing anyone she needs to find something incriminating. So before she able to do this she needs to find some ways to get food and shelter. So she either needs to lean on some good samaritan support or find a homeless shelter and me pretty sure that both variants are pretty humiliating for someone as proud as Sunset.
So I stand by mine point - you completely discarded Sunset canon personality without solid explanation why she has such a major shift in her.
...And I doubt that at this point we agree on something. So I just stop.
8606688
8606145
Well if you do pair her with someone, I'm wondering would it be a girl or boy. Cause if it's a girl there are a few girls in 2 A that come to mind.
8609430
Hmm... I'll consider it, and get back to you once I've finished reading what you've published so far.
8610259
Gratzi!
Wow, against my predictions, this fic is actually pretty good, nos, i hope eva chan teach her magic instead of negi, that would be wise interesting, waiting forma the. Next chapter.
Wonder if sunset will actually steal the crown the next time the portal opens, and what about the sirens?
8610984
...I totally forgot about the Sirens.
*evil grin grows*
This is going to be fun.
8610984
Unless they find a way to use magic they would have tons of problems in Negima world. As far as I remember there at least several organizations that deal with all sorts of magic shit (IIRC at some point Mana been a part of such organization). So most likely siren either keep a low profile or on the run. Or already dealt with.
8612711
Indeed. My fun will be at the Sirens' expense.
8612735
*sighs* poor Dazzlings just can't have any success come their way unless it's after 'generic forced redemption' or anything similiar, right? Not completely serious here, obviously, but I'm intrigued to see if you would be able to pull it of in an interesting way.
Also, GLHF.
Gonna have to agree with several points that others have made, particularly about the descriptions of the characters. Almost all of the characters are unique looking in some way and some are outright exotic (just take a look at this picture of the class, for instance: vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mahousenseinegima/images/8/8e/Turma.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110906160621 ), but it's all kind of just passed over in the fic. I mean, that class is packed with weirdos (so it's really no surprise Sunset would wind up there). I can't recall Mahora Academy (or even the students' uniforms) even being described in the fic, which seems pretty important as the characters almost always wear the uniforms and a good chunk of the story in the manga takes place at the school and the surrounding area. It'd be like writing a Harry Potter crossover fic without describing Hogwarts or the robes everyone is almost always wearing.
Also kind of agree on the points about Sunset's "role" so far. Right now it seems like she's more of an observer/along for the ride. She seems to have forgotten why she's there, particularly early on. I mean, it's nice that she's making friends (and understandable, considering her circumstances), but this seems more like a post-Friendship Laser Sunset Shimmer (interested in making friends, curious, driven, wanting to learn more about magic, still a bit fiery at times but making an attempt to be nice, etc.) than one that hasn't been lasered (particularly the Sunset Shimmer we saw in the first movie).
Sunset being allowed to just squat in the library definitely seems a bit off. The adults in charge just letting some strange girl they know nothing about just hang around alone, basically clueless, unsupervised, essentially homeless, and in a place that's known to be dangerous doesn't really seem like something they'd do. Considering she was found under mysterious circumstances in a place like Library Island, I think the least they'd do is keep an eye on her, possibly even having her move in with one of the staff at Mahora that's in the know. Takahata would be an interesting option (and it'd drive Asuna absolutely crazy that another girl was "getting close to her man"
).
All that said, interesting crossover idea. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
8618228
Yeah, I kind of wish I could go back and change the "living in Library Island" bit and put in more descriptions. I'm going to work on the descriptions and on setting Sunset apart more going forward. I would go back and change things, but I want to be able to look back at the end of this and see what progress I've made and what I still need to improve on.
Thanks for giving this story a shot!
8618327
Well, you could always just save copies of the original chapters before going back and altering things. Just add an "(Original Version)" or "(Edited Version)" tag onto the different save files. Kind of have your cake and eat it too, in a way.
8618727
That would also force those who have already read up to this point to re-read. No, I'll just live with my mistakes and try to learn from them.
This teacher could be Evangeline
Hrmmm... you might not like hearing this, but I gotta agree that, at the very least, Sunset breaking down re: Negi's note was way too soon for her. Her (grudgingly) getting along with the Library Exploration Club members both as a means of keeping up appearances and because they are basically her link to the world is one thing, but her being so deeply touched by Negi's kindness or whatever is another. I'm not saying that her response should be a completely guilt-free 'lol thanks for the help ya dumb kid', but like... I think her primary emotion upon hearing that should be annoyance? Due to herself suddenly being out of an easily-controlled magic tutor, and to Negi's whole kinda naive attitude towards helping her as though she hadn't blackmailed him into doing it. And also a recognition that he was pretty popular among her classmates, so his sudden departure was surely gonna make them annoying to be around in a whole new way too.
Anyway, moving on from that. No spelling/grammar mistakes that I noticed, at least beyond using 'shir' instead of 'scir' in Negi's activation phrase. Also, the scene where the girls take their clothes off as a futile means of decreasing the elevator load was something that absolutely should have been cut, in my opinion. It served no actual purpose beyond shitty fanservice in the canon, and you could have easily just had them stop at their shoes or whatever before Negi's decision to stay behind. Yeah, I get that Sunset has no real impetus to stop them from stripping down and she's the only thing that's changed from canon but... like... you don't have to do something just because canon did it. Especially when what happened in canon was dumb and pointless to begin with.
All that aside... I do like giving Sunset a beginner mage set, even if I do kinda question where Negi got it from unless he brought his with him to Japan. And I am looking forward to seeing Sunset learning magic, presumably from Evangeline.
As for my final decision regarding what we've discussed... well, it's pretty late for me right now, so I'll let you know over PM sometime tomorrow.
8638273
I agree that it seems a little quick for Sunset to break down like that, but there's a reason self-sacrifice resonates with her. I'd tell you why, but... Spoilers.
On the beginner's mage set, I recalled that he had several practice wands in cannon, and I figured it made sense that he would continue to study the fundamentals even as he progressed, so he probably would still have his personal set.
As for the elevator bit: was it blatent fanservice? Yes. Could I have cut it? Yes. Did it fit with the personalities of the characters and make sense for them to do it? *sigh* Unfortunately, yes, yes it did. Fortunately, I believe that that's the last plot-relevant fanservice scene that Sunset has to be involved in. The rest can either be easily avoided or won't even be enough to draw much comment from Sunset. Got to say, I'm looking forward to when the story can get more action-oriented.
Huh. Well, it matches the tone of the manga, and Sunset slots more or less into the "student up to no good" section of the class. Which ironically you don't really have her interacting with much, but early days.
And seriously, fresh out of the portal Sunset is supposed to be less feral tHan later versions - it's supposed to be a decay function.
"Athletics?!" Sunset shouted. "Are you kidding?! She cracked a golem made of solid stone without so much as bruising her hand! That's not awesome, that's insane!"
Huh. Sunset sure internalized human physical limits fast. Sure, she couldn't do that, but unicorns and earth ponies have pretty large differences in physical ability.
9251635
Well, she has been a human for more than half a year. One would think she would learn all she could about her new species.
Let me guess, Eva-sama?
9386612
Who knows? Guess you'll just have to wait and see.
Ah yes, time for Sunset to become a mage!
I'm going to assume you upped the elevator's weight limit, as I believe you included an extra person that wasn't there in canon (i.e. Sunset). In canon, they were just barely over the weight limit, so the loss of a single book and some articles of clothing shouldn't have made the difference. Which is unfortunate, as that could've been an excellent opportunity for some canon divergence to take place rather than just a re-hash of canon.
9678106
Honestly, I think the Principal was controlling the elevator all along, lol.
Calling it now, Chibi Chan, aka Evangeline will become Sunset's teacher lol
I just hope Sunset will not become one of Negi fangirls or of his older version
I like the idea of Sunset still keeping her rougher side and not becoming a goody-two-shoes like in most stories ( i always hated her becoming too soft).
good story for now.
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This has been in my "read-it-later" bin for quite a while, but seeing some recent updates pushed it to the top of the list.
Some thing I like, some things I don't... but my main comment, and concern, is that the story has not started yet. Fanfiction in general, and crossovers specifically, don't actually start until the author adds new content.
And here we are a full act in and it's still canon Negima, and Sunset's there in the background not having any impact.