Despite being a mute, Vinyl was pretty confident about her new life in Canterlot High, until she met this mysterious cellist...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Love the dialogue between the group! I can easily say this is what me and my friends are like at parties. Awkward and drunk.
9039895
Haha thanks
I hope you're not the Octavia during those parties ^^
9039891
Howdy!
Alright, two big comments for one big boï! I'm going to try my best to answer all of this (But not in the right order. Not because I'm a carefree gangster, but because I don't remember).
-First, the "!!" or "??" thingy. It's actually an issue I was told about by a friend of mine who reads the story. This is one of the early chapters (Number 3, because I totally remembered that and didn't go check at all nonono), so there may be several of these in the first 8 chapters or so.
-For the past/present tenses mix,
I'm actually a time traveller andit's basically the same issue: early chapters, never written anything before in my entire life, and English is not my first language. I'm actually pretty proud of the latest chapters (past chapter 15 or something), since there was a pretty big drop in grammar and syntax errors.-I sometimes have trouble with switching POV between characters. This is something I think I improved over time, but I can't be certain, I would have to check ^^" I try not to make it weird or confusing for the readers, so I often accept the POV I chose and just go along.
-Alright, deep breath... P A R A G R A P H C O N S T R U C T I O N
Jesus I hate that issue with passion. I think (and only think) I've changed that over the months as well, you'd have to read some of the latest chapters and tell me, but concerning the issue of "a new line for a single sentence", I get your point. I often wonder if I should do a line break or not. Here's how I think: dialogue, change of subject, ellipsis: line break ; single line that describes a very important moment in the chapter: line break, then the said line, then line break ; everything else stays together. So with some sentences which are "special" enough not to be in the middle of a big paragraph buuuut not big and important enough to be a "single line", things get blurry (Not litteraly, I'd have to see an ophtalmologist, and it's too expensive for me) and I try stuff...
I think I had this problem in the last chapter as well.
(See? Change of line, because I'm talking about something a bit different, but still in the continuity of what I was saying, so it would have been weird to do a full line break...)
Jesus, I don't know what I'm going to do with these, please send me medical help, a special forces squad, and a poptart.
Alright, I need a line break.
}-------------------------------------------------------------------LINE BREAK----------------------------------------------------------------{
So! Thank you for your second comment, finally someone who just accepts the fact that Sombra can be an ass! xD
One of the problems with the EG universe is that it's obviously set in the 2010's (as in, nowadays), even though it was a big 1950's vibe to a ot of characters and other things.
Although let's be honest for a second: a school that allows a multi-witnessed bully to walk around, and who just asks her to do some masonry as a punishment (I will say she did a fine job. Does Clestia teach brick working as well?) is kinda fucked up security-wise to start with. So I figured hey, why not add a paragraph to their expanding lawsuit?
But yeah, I'm very glad you're enjoying the story so far, despite these few problems! And the fact that you actually took the time to write some big ol' feedback warms my cold, dark, french heart.
Much love on you,
Bisous,
Saga.
I laughed so very, very hard at this actually being included in the chapter. Thank you!
#Fuckthedab
9041495
Haha thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the joke so much! :D
9044921
Hey hey, listen, don't question my plots alright? xD
Seriously though, you have to remember they're still teenagers, and that this plan was improvised in a few hours, driven by emotion and friendship, so it may not be the most flawless ^^"
Also Dana is already taking enough risk (I mean, think about it, this is complicated for her).
But if you're wondering whether or not there'll be any problem with the guard seeing Vinyl and all, no, it's not planned. Trust me, he doesn't want his bosses to know that he left his post for such frivolous thing (that's what Octavia's father would say at least). Plus, he's a dork, but he's nice. He wouldn't say that. That's not the main threat.
The video, however, may become a bit of a problem, you'll have to keep reading...
Hi there!!
Nice chapter! Finally, Octavia starts to have fun! I really like the fact that she dares to dance ^^ But drunk Lyra was really the best part. I laughed several times reading your chapter
(“What time is it?”
“The color blue.”
“Alright.” That part killed me)
I also quite like the kind-of-philosophical-spirit-but-not-too-much-since-they-are-drunk atmosphere between the friends.
Can't wait to see how it goes with Sombra as well!
9045266
Shalom in your home!
I'm happy you're enjoying the latest chapters!
As you can see, I've tried to add more character to Lyra and Bon-Bon lately, with Lyra being the drunk philosopher of the group ^^
If you like Octavia dancing, you'll most likely be happy with the rest of the story!
Also the Sombra arc will continue as of next chapter, so buckle up!
Kisses.
Finally found the time to catch up.
I always love the moments in those kind of stories when Tavi gets out of her shell, and this time is no difference.
Keep it up, my european friend
9049387
Yo Mad!
Thanks for the feedback! You'll be happy to know that Octavia will get more and more out of her shell as the story continues o/
9054517
Howdy!
You say this like it's a bad thing... Or is it just me misinterpreting? ^^"
Anyways I hope you enjoy the story!
I thought there was a new chapter for this story, what happened?
9084619
I asked him the same over Discord. He accidently hit the publish button while he was working on the next chapter
9084619
Haha sorry my dude, I made a short blog post to explain everything ^^"
9084630
Madox you shit!
9084632
your welcome XD
Ah ballet. The only real difference between it and torture is ballet is legal.