I'm Screwed
I stared blankly at my reflection in the mirror. Not only had Discord's sudden removal of power made me feel weaker and... more like my awkward human self, but it had also caused me to look more like my old human self as well.
"Seriously, Discord? Low blow."
I flexed my arms and ,where once there were rippling muscles and testosterone, now there was only a twig wrapped in a thin layer of meat. I was so much smaller that I had had to put my coat in my backpack because it was like a tent on me. To accompany the pathetic physique, was my usual mindset and personality back. Where once I'd felt powerful, ambitious, and ready to conquer the world; I now realized that would take ,like, forever and be a whole lotta work.
But... what if that was Discord talking? He claimed he screwed around inside my head, so what if he planned for this to happen? How much of me is me and how much is Discord? And the scary truth was, I was at his mercy. If he got bored and decided to screw me over for a quick laugh, he could. Now I understand why in Roman times people used to be terrified of being thrown into the arena. Even if you beat your opponent, the emperor could still release the lions if he felt like it.
"No! I'm not going to go down that road! I'm me and nothing Discord says or does can change that. I won't be his pawn or his puppet or whatever! I'll do whatever the hell I feel like!"
The only thing I really felt like doing at the moment was going back to magic school and maybe getting filthy stinking rich if an idea struck me.
Suddenly, there was a lightbulb.
"Wait... maybe Ra'avez can help me out! Or at least give me some advice. Whatever, anything to stop being my pathetic old self again."
I prepared to leave before realizing I should probably shut the door. I walked to the entryway and examined it momentarily.
"How the heck do you close this thing?"
I pushed, I pulled, I asked it, I commanded it, I even tried to seduce it.
"Hey, hot stuff, why don't you... slide it out for me."
I winked and stroked the doorframe.
"I promise, you'll like it."
(I got shot down... by a door. I've hit rock bottom.)
I sighed as nothing brought about any results. Guess I'll just leave it open.
"Fine then! Be that way! I don't need you! I'm perfectly happy on my own!"
Why am I like this.
I kicked the door and the key popped out as it shut.
"Huh... that works."
Upon exiting I spread my wings and took to the sky. While it once had been difficult but manageable, now it was almost impossible. I almost immediately began to breath heavily and my wingbeats grew labored.
"C'mon! I can do this! I'm unstoppable!"
I made it approximately three minutes before I was absolutely exhausted. I began to dip towards the ground as I gasped for air.
"Holy crap! I *huff* am out *huff* of shape!"
I gracefully flopped onto the ground and rolled over a few times before stopping to catch my breath.
"This... *gasp* is so... *heh* much harder now! *wheeze*"
I mean, I was using only a few muscles to lift my entire bodyweight. Of course having my horribly underdeveloped body back will make it impossible. Stupid Discord.After a brief respite, I was on my feet and trudging towards the school.
"I really don't like this! I was so much better off as a sort of badass!"
I slapped my forehead as I realized something.
"How am I even going to lift my sword! I'm back to not even being able to lift a corner of my mattress! Unless... well it is magic."
I summoned it and immediately fell over due to the sudden weight. I stood and gripped it with both hands and lifted for all I was worth. The blade rose slowly and wobbled the whole time before I gasped and let it drop back to the ground.
"Oh great. Now I'm practically defenseless. I bet my magic is going to be weak now too. Although... I do still have my knife. I can always just be a typical thief. But I'll definitely need to work on my stamina. If memory serves me correctly I almost failed P.E. once because I passed out after a few minutes of the mile run and I'M TALKING TO NOBODY AGAIN!"
At least back on Earth it was just that I was pathetic and probably going to die alone. Now I'm almost guaranteed to die a horrible, painful, gory death at the hooves, claws, or magic of my enemies. I closed my eyes as frustration welled up inside me. With a growl I slammed my fists to the ground and bellowed,
"DAMMIT! FOR ONCE I WASN'T A COMPLETE FAILURE AND DISCORD HAD TO RUIN IT! WHY! WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SUCCEED! WHY DOES EVERYthing that I do... go... wrong."
I slouched over to a large rock and sat down on it. I looked down at my hands before squeezing them shut.
"Why is it every time I'm about to catch a break it all goes to hell in a handbasket. I've practically trained for this my whole life, but now that I'm here I'm worse off than I ever was."
I stared at the ground for a second before jumping to my feet and slapping myself.
"No! None of that melodramatic bull. So what I'm a wimp again, that never stopped me before. Who cares that I have powerful enemies. I had bullies back in school that were way stronger than me! But do you know how I beat them? I outsmarted them! I might not be strong, or handsome, or funny, but I do happen to be relatively good at tricking people! Play to your strengths, Drake, play to your strengths."
I ran over to the edge and lept onto a rock jutting out over the valley.
"I'm back baby! And I'm going back to my roots! And I won't screw it up this time! I will also stop talking to myself like a crazy person!"
Just then I heard a commotion from below me. Looking down I saw a slender, blue dragon in gold armor fighting two guard ponies off with a broken sword. Now's my chance to get a powerful ally! If I can surround myself with beefy warriors there's no way I can loose! I dragged my sword over and (with much effort and little grace) threw it down at the group before leaping down after it. It landed in front of the dragon causing all the combatants to leap away in surprise.
"Need a hand?"
The dragon looked at me before picking up the sword and charging the ponies. I followed behind, knife in hand. The unknown dragon was a whirlwind of pain and steel now that he had a decent sword. It only took a few moments before the ponies (both were pegasi) took to the sky and beat a hasty retreat. I nodded at him before saying,
"Nice fighting."
He grunted before hefting my sword and examining it. After a brief once over he turned to me.
"Where'd you get this thing?"
Oh... it's a she. Judging by the voice anyway.
"I found it. Name's Drake by the way."
I held out a claw which she ignored as she continued inspecting my weapon. I awkwardly stood there before she decided to speak.
"Ember. My name's Ember."
"Nice to meet you. So, what brings you around here, especially by yourself?"
She shrugged.
"Just looked around. Beats sitting in the Dragon Lands. And I didn't feel like sharing anything I find."
"Huh, so where are you headed after--"
"There!"
We both looked up and saw the two guards returning with reinforcements. They landed in front of us and a unicorn mare in detailed armor stepped off a chariot two of the pegasi were pulling.
"By order of Princess Celestia you are to return to the Dragon Lands immediately. Resist and you will face the consequences."
Ember looked at the guards and bit her lip in thought before looking at me and smirking.
"Hey, Drake was it? I've got an idea."
I leaned over.
"What's your ide--"
She quickly slashed one of my wings, tearing the thin membrane which really FREAKING HURT before shoving me towards the ponies and flying off.
"They're all yours! I'll be keeping the sword by the way!"
"Gyaah! What the heck!?"
She didn't respond given she was already pretty far away. I groaned in pain and attempted to hold the gaping hole in my wing closed.
"Son of a...."
I heard hoofsteps and the unicorn soon approached on my side.
"Now that... was a jerk move. I'd heard that dragons were heartless, but that was in a league of its own. Cutting down a comrade so you can get away."
She shook her head before motioning for one of her troops to come over.
"Could you bring me the med kit. That cut needs attention immediately."
I looked at her in confusion.
"Excuse me?"
"Is something the matter?"
"Uh, yeah. It almost sounded like you wanted to help me."
She raised an eyebrow as the first aid kit was placed beside her.
"Does that surprise you?"
"Yes. Typically you ponies are all very eager to try to knock me off."
"Well I'm not. And you've already lost a lot of blood."
I looked at my arms and realized just how much this cut was bleeding. I flinched as a yellow aura surrounded my hands and removed them from my wing. Immediately antiseptic was poured all over the cut (OW! Even in a land of magic talking ponies antiseptics hurt like all get out!) before she carefully began stitching the hole closed.
"I had a night pony in my troop once and learned from her how to patch up wing membrane. You should heal up fine."
I nodded, still surprised.
After she placed gauze and bandages over the stitches she looked me over with a critical eye.
"Can you stand?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Good. Once you're ready I'd recommend leaving Equestria at once. You don't seem like a bad dragon so I'd rather avoid a second confrontation and the subsequent use of force. Understand?"
"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Thanks for patching me up."
One of the two guards from before spoke up,
"But Captain! This dragon assaulted us and aided that other dragon in--"
"Private, what were you doing out here today?"
He froze before carefully replying,
"I was on patrol with Fleetwing."
"So why exactly did you confront a dragon? Protocol dictates that you are to tell me about any dragons you find so we may issue them a warning."
"But Captain I--"
She whirled around and yelled,
"Did I ask you to speak!"
He immediately froze before looking straight ahead.
"No, Captain."
"No is right! Now you should consider yourself lucky that I'm not having you court marshaled for insubordination for that stunt you and your buddy pulled. Instead you will be cleaning latrines and serving meals until I decide you've learned your lesson! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR!"
He and the other guard saluted.
"Yes, Captain."
"Good. Now we're returning to camp. Form up and move out."
I watched as they took to the skies again and vanished behind the mountains.
"Well... that just kinda happened. I mean, I didn't even really take part in that at all!"
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
980 users online
58,559 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Clever girl, Ember. Make drake the victim as to fool the pony guards, although Revan is probably going to restore Drake's powers which at this point was more than called for since him being a badass and beating the crap out of the main six is what we were wanting anyway.
Hm. Never thought Ember would be such a prick. Also, why hasn't he recalled his sword yet? I get that his magic is weaker but I imagine summoning the sword is a pretty basic thing
8503815
Don't worry, he will, he's just been kinda busy. And we've seen that dragons in the show are pretty much only out for themselves. Don't worry, she'll be back.
8503812
Or will he resort to deception and surrounding himself with badasses? We'll see.
8503920
Both, he will definitely do both, he'll establish himself as a sort of Magneto character, build a team of anti-bearers and bring Celestia to justice for all of her crimes, as well as well as breaking twilight of her delusion that Celestia is a good pony.
Because I don't give a fuck about what protect Celestia says, the Canon Celestia has put Equestria in danger more times than one can count simply by not saying anything.
And all it takes for Evil to triumph is for Good men to do nothing.
8504051
Well said.
Nice little bit of Jontron there at the end (hopefully intentional).
8504235
Of course it was intentional! One of my favorite Jontron quotes alongside "ech."
I thought that drake could just summon the sword to himself whenever he wanted
8504330
He can. I've got a joke planned. He just has been preoccupied.
8504342
Ok well can't wait for the next chapter to see it
8504346
Knowing my lazy butt you will be waiting for it. Sorry.
8504352
Lazy? Boy you don't know the meaning of lazy! My mom recently bought me an (what I assume to be expensive because it is flannel) expensive shirt for me to wear when we get our Christmas pictures taken and on the second day I had it I broke off a button trying to get it off because I was too lazy to unbutton ONE button
8504359
I once triggered an extremely bad leg cramp trying to bring a bag of trail mix to myself because it was like a foot away. Couldn't walk right for a week.
8504533
Ok fine you win
There should be a pickup line that involves changelings
"Girl, are you a changeling?"
"..no?" (Oh shit he is onto me)
"Cuz you are as sexy as their masquerade"
"Oh take me!"
Smart right?
He could just resummon his sword couldn't he? And now I'm not so sure your going the ember romance route still (you are the author I had that conversation with right?) But anyways good chapter keep it up
Physique. Not physic. Close, but no cigar.
8504921
I feel so accomplished.
8505309
I suck at spelling.
8505126
She'll be back and he can, I just have a joke planned.
8504933
Nice. I like it.
8505447
Good to know. Also you played shadow of war? Fun as shit game don't know why I'm asking this though.
Damn drake, chick stoled your sword. Yeah that happened to me once, except it was my pants
8506938
Not yet because I'm poor but I want to.
8507417
Knew somebody was going to make a joke like that. I was just waiting.
8508700
Gets kinda depressing with the orc slavery at times. Also fighting all nine nazgūl at once is hard.
8508703
Hehe it not a joke, it actually happened when I was in Spain
8508755
Nice. It's on my list of games to get, after I get cuphead of course.
8508774
Oh.... dang.
8509855
Yeah..........I was work as civilian contractor, but after work I went to a bar and, uh yeah, sexy girl came up to me (who we become friends, I know weird right) and we had a few drinks and we went to my hotel and from there we, bang. Next morning my pants was gone but a peace a paper with phone number was written on it with a quote "Call me soon, big boy" but in Italian.
So yeah, that's what happen
8510121
Daaaaaaaang. She stole your pants. That's... oddly specific.
8510326
Hehe
8509854
Eh I probably won't get cuphead. dark souls 3 gank squads are hard enough. So you got Xbox? Wanna play sometime?
8511484
I got ps4, otherwise I’d love to... wait so cuphead isn’t for ps?! Please say it isn’t so!
8512713
Sorry it's a Xbox and pc exclusive. *Pat's your back* it's okay you can still get bloodborne on sale for like 15$
8512792
Yup. Already did that.
8512938
Sadly I can't get bloodborne. I've played every Dark souls game and I even have the day one edition for DS3 (even tho I got it a week after release but Dont tell anyone that)
8512980
It’s awesome. Think Dark Souls except the game encourages you to go into a frenzy rather than play it safe. You heal by hurting others.
8513289
You know we should probably talk through PMs instead of your comment section.
8513458
Yeah but I’m too lazy to do that.
YAY! NEW CHAPTER!
8513852
Sorry about the delay on this next chapter though. I’m writing a Halloween one shot.
8517500
K
Working on next chapter? The chapters seem to have a somewhat stable release which is usually within or a bit after twenty day's. I'm guessing its almost done or it is and haven't uploaded it yet?
8517500
It's is now November you lie boyo. Unless of course your still writing it?
8523246
Nope, posted it Halloween morning.
8524281
?...but...it's not there?
8524281
Wait nevermind I thought you meant like a one shot non Canon chapter fir this story. I don't know why I thought that but I checked your profile and found the one shot sorry.