Don’t Wanna Be—
“Well... that didn’t go according to plan.”
I sighed as I checked my injury. I’d made camp in a cleft in the rock face I’d been walking beside. With my wing out of commission, I wasn’t flying anywhere anytime soon. Not that I really cared given I wasn’t strong enough to fly anyway. Still, my “plan” was what I was aiming for. Assemble a team of badasses and do... stuff.
“Okay, that needs some work.”
I sighed and began rooting through my backpack in search of... something. I dunno, anything useful or inspiring would be welcome.
“Cram, no. Gem? *crunch* no. Water? Not thirsty. Books?”
I looked through the various subjects.
“Hm... Elementary Elementalism? nah. Barrier Arts? Don’t think I’m strong enough. Magical Enhancements for Armaments and Armor? Eeeeeh... nah. Hallucinations—Another Side? Wait, Illusion magic? My curiosity is piqued.”
The book itself was pretty cool looking. Black leather bound the covers and spine with the title being inscribed in silver along the spine. Three intersecting circled adorned the cover with silver corner protectors on each corner.
“Well, it definitely looks cool. And it’s basically about my favorite magic stuff ever. I mean, DnD, uh... other games. Huh, why don’t more games have cool Illusion spells?”
I flipped it open and began to leaf through the various spells inside as the fire began to burn low. That is, until I remembered something.
“Oh yeah, screw you Ember!”
I conjured my sword and huffed,
“Hope you were in the middle of a fight.”
—�—�—�—�—�—�—�
I awoke to another glorious morning in the quixotic realm of fairytale creatures and talking rainbow ponies I now called home.
“*Yaaaaaaaaa—CRACK—euuugh*”
I smacked my lips before crawling out of my tent and into the full glow of the argent dawn. I shuddered as a slight chill settled into my core.
“Sheesh, why am I cold? Oh yeah, altitude, early morning, not suped up on Discord magic. Where’s that dang coat.”
I reached into my bag and pulled out the black raiment before putting it on. It was way too big given I’d shrunk in both width and height. (I was now back to my typical human height of, like, five-something rather than being over six feet tall.)
“Come on you useless ‘magical’ cloak. Do something—“
*Shwoo—POP*
“Oh... id amo!”
The coat had gone from looking like a classy military jacket to looking like... like.... You know those Orginization XIII coats? Kinda like that except no chains or ornaments, it only came to a little past half my calves, and the hood draped down onto my shoulders rather than cover my mouth or completely darken my face. So... like a regular cloak except with a weird zipper with... no zipper.
“Oh come on! How am I supposed to adjust this stupid thing?”
I tugged, I asked, I even tried magic words, but to no avail.
“Ugh... why?! Why make a coat that doesn’t work!?”
I tapped the zipper absently and scraped my claw against it which, to my surprise, opened it.
“Discord, right. Nothing makes sense with that clown.”
I adjusted it to my liking before eating and packing my gear up. Once completed, I set off in the general direction of the school, once again.
“*hmhmhmmmm... On the road again, going to some place I’ve... never been.”
(Later.)
“Hmhmmmmm. hm Hm HM HHHMMMMMM! HM HM HMM HMMM HMMMM! HM Hm hm.”
(Even later)
“Legs... hurt.”
I groaned before sitting down beneath a barren tree and stretching out my aching feet.
“I swear, I really need some shoes. These rocks are murder on my heels!”
I jumped as an arrow embedded itself in the trunk of the shriveled tree behind me.
“Oi, you move a muscle and the next one goes between your beady liddle eyes!”
“What the—“
Standing on the ridge above me were five creatures. One griffin, two pegasi, a unicorn, and an earth pony. The griffin kept his bow aimed at me as his companions lept down and landed before me. The unicorn levitated a dagger in a menacing fashion as he said,
“Hand over your valuables and you won’t get hurt.”
Ah, bandits. I raised my hands and cautiously gave them a once over. They didn’t look terribly threatening, but my guess was they relied on outnumbering their victims rather than actual skill. So, I have an idea of how to make my escape.
“So sorry, but I’m afraid that’s out of the question.”
Unicorn scowled.
“Maybe you didn’t hear us right. Give up your stuff or die!”
I tossed my knife up and caught it again.
“No.”
They all backed up a bit at the sudden appearance of the weapon. Excellent, now onto phase two. I dashed forward and grabbed the dagger out of the unicorn’s wavering hold. As I expected, the griffin shot wide and missed due to surprise. Before they could attack I hopped to the side and ran for it. If I was lucky, I’d have a few seconds head start before they rallied and gave chase.
“Get back here!”
Crap.
I tried to duck but the griffin landed a glancing blow with his tackle, knocking me off balance. I got to my feet as he lept at me again. Alright, plan B. Time to use some magic.
“Quoira.”
A wave of force flew from my palm and struck the griffin midair, killing his forward momentum. Great, I was right. My magic is much weaker now. I staggered as the unicorn shot me with a ball of magic with the pegasi preparing to dive-bomb me judging by their position. Maybe a bit of fire breath will persuade them.
I took a breath before sending tongues of twisting flame in a cone out in front of me. The pegasi veered out of the way while the other bandits either scattered or got a little toasty.
Before the flames cleared I was blindsided by the earth pony who tackled me and landed on my wing.
“Gah!”
“What the hay! You said ‘e was too liddle to breath fire!”
“He looked like he was. Whatever, I’m in a bad mood now. Get him!”
The bandits gathered round and began to pummel me while their friend held me down. I eventually lashed out with my tail and unseated my captor before summoning my sword and spinning for all I was worth. I was rewarded with yelps of pain as it sunk into soft flesh. I dropped it before leaping off the cliff and spinning in midair. As I fell below their line of sight I recalled one of the spells I’d been studying last night. I fixed an image of me flying up, out of the valley in my mind before saying,
“Fudra khan ichtes.” (Fool their eyes)
As I’d hoped, as I felt the magic drain my strength, the bandits pointed up and took to the skies, the pegasi carrying the other ponies. I sighed in relief even as my strength continued to wane. Eventually it stopped, but only when I was completely exhausted. I tiredly gazed at the approaching river and groaned,
“What is with me and falling into rivers?”
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I enjoyed the chapter...
better than slow updates, unless those updates include massive chapters like"Diaries of a Madman"
8537333
Good to know.
How dare ye.
You fall off a cliff into a river and leave us hanging at the cliff!?
You Cliffhanger-ing cur!
But twas a good chapter so I guess we can wait and set camp on the cliff.
8537686
I know, I was going to continue it, but it was already past midnight and I had papers to write. Also, I wanted to leave it a literal cliffhanger.
Couldn't read this yesterday but good story. I'm upset because some wannabe gansta broke my banana. An actual banana I had like a 5 minute swearing session at him.
8538109
Huh... he broke your banana. That... sounds like an evil backstory or something. “It all happened when they broke my banana....”
8538114
"After ten years of my planning I finally took over the country and put him in maximum security prison."
8538689
Me:”Why! Why would you do this!”
You turn from on top of the mountain of carnage created by your rampage and frown.
“Because... he broke my banana.”
8539129
"He stole it...and then he RIPPED it in half...right in front of me. So I ripped his esophagus in half."
8539345
“...That’s pretty metal.”
8540212
It's so edgy I think I might bleed out.
8540525
Edgy.
8541746
The names edgelord bleedingrazor
I miss my ex...
8542236
You are a true edgelord.
8543145
I miss my sense of self-worth and motivation.
8547466
My ex is those things
8547472
Oh.
8551640
i.pinimg.com/736x/8c/13/c2/8c13c21e9b444a2c7587effc6f3bff15--fun-t-shirts-awesome-t-shirts.jpg
8558157
Heh.
8558659