{Today was my big day. I was going to Canterlot Castle! I mean, I've been there before, but now I was going to meet Lu- I mean, Princess Luna. I had to straighten myself up though. I had to be professional. It wasn't like I was going on a date. I wasn't even going to think about her that way. She was a princess, and I... I was just another student now, a learner of the stars and all night-time heavenly bodies. But I would be close to her. Maybe... no, stop those thoughts. I'll botch things up if I think like that.}
Let me introduce myself: my name is Novalis. I'm just an average unicorn, with average looks and above-average intelligence. My friends and quite a few mares say that I inherited the best of both my parents looks. My mane and tail are a slight powdery blue, with streaks of silver and black, the same as my mother's. I sighed as I looked in the mirror, noticing my mane was unkempt as usual. I picked up my comb, attempting to brush it into behaving. Growing frustrated with its characteristic stubbornness, I decided to gel my hooves. With the mane product glistening, I brushed my irritating mane back smoothly, finally taming it.
I looked down to check my coat for dust. I have a dark blue coat, the same color as the night sky, but with a strange white crescent on my chest, which I got from my father. It was emblazoned on my chest brightly, standing out starkly against my dark coat.
I have soft silvery hooves, which show when I actually bring my long and unsightly fetlock hairs up so they don't drag on the ground, like they were now. They shimmered slightly in the light, accentuating my dark coat. I looked back into the mirror, glancing at my odd horn as I did so. My horn was unlike my dark blue coat: it was a strange gold-flecked silver.
My eyes are the only thing I am proud of, although they were often the cause of malicious teasing, when I was a foal. They fluctuated between green, blue, pink, yellow, and teal, much like the Auroran Lights of the coldest reaches of Northern Equestria. Those lights were the favorite thing that Princess Luna had created close to home. I was told by my mother that my eyes started changing colors when I was a foal, unable to control my magic; my young eyes had absorbed a spell, and doctors didn't know if that would be permanent.
The last notable trait I had was my Cutie Mark which was a full moon, surrounded by stars, with a telescope cutting through it. I received my Cutie Mark on the day of my graduation from Astrology School, when I graduated with the highest grade in that class.
I had one major vice with my appearance right now, which was my utter and complete lack of fashion, which normally didn't bother me. Lu- I mean, Princess Luna was a fashion queen, and she always wore a perfect outfit to any occasion. I want to impress her, and right now I was trying to choose between a black suit I wore to funerals and weddings, or a grey suit I once wore a long time ago. That grey suit was one of my favorites, with an accentuating trim of gold flecked silver thread, much like my horn. The body of the suit was dark grey, and the lack of color helped bring my eyes out more. It was my favorite article of clothing, but I HAD worn it on a date. What if Lu- 'I MEAN PRINCESS LUNA!' knew that? Would she think I was coming on to her? Sighing, I ran my hoof through my mane again in agitation, causing it to become messy like it normally was. Panicking, I levitated my brush to myself, frantically straightening my hair. I was going to have to control my nervous habits in front of Princess Luna.
Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I looked around my room. The comforting blue walls were decorated with pictures of the night sky, all taken from different parts of our world. I had enlarged the picture I had taken of the Auroran Lights, and had incorporated Princess Luna into the picture using magic to copy her from a picture I had from the day she had first touched my life. She was standing on a mountain in the picture, with her eyes closed and her mane and tail flowing back in the wind. Her wings were outstretched, and the look of peace on her face helped to calm me when I was distressed. Looking at her hanging over my bed, I fell into the trance I always did. My breathing slowed, my eyes became half-lidded, as I imagined that day once more.
Princess Luna was walking down the road, on an annual parade to honor her solstice, the longest night of the year. It was a night that was devoted to moonlit, romantic walks, soft music, candles, and stargazing. She had closed her eyes, enjoying the scents and sounds of the crowd around her. Each pony present had brought a different candle scent to try to capture her attention and earn a place next to her on the float that year. I had brought an unassuming scent: the soft fragrance of moon lilies. I wasn't trying to stand out. I just wanted one picture of her, one immaculate image using the camera my brother had gotten me for my birthday that day, and this was the perfect moment for it.
I had raised my camera, focusing on her, when I was jostled aside by the throng. I raised my camera, focused once more, and was delighted to see her in the same stance, and this time I took the picture. Almost immediately, the Night Guard was upon me, and I watched as black unicorns surrounded me on all sides and aimed their glowing horns at me. The Captain of the Guard, a renowned stallion with a reputation of severe punishments came forth to stand before me. He demanded that I hoof my camera over, saying I had no right to take any photos if I wasn't a reporter. I reluctantly levitated it into his hoof, and hung my head shamefully as he walked away. A single tear streaked down my cheek and fell with an audible sound to the ground. I was surprised, as I thought I had imagined hearing it, until I noticed the deathly quiet around me.
I warily raised my head, and I saw Princess Luna standing before her captain, whispering in his ear. He nodded to what she was saying, and hoofed my camera over to her. She took the most recent picture and held it before her as it developed. I winced, knowing the picture was likely an unflattering and ugly picture. Her eyes narrowed, then widened as she studied the photo. She took another couple pictures from the camera, pictures I had taken of the night sky earlier that night. She smiled at the pictures, and whispered to the captain once more. He nodded, gesturing towards me with his horn. My eyes widened as she walked over to me, levitated my candle up to her nostrils, and inhaled delicately. She smiled, her eyes half-lidded, and gave me the flower she had embedded in her hair, which to my shock was a moon lily.
I followed her back to her float, having received the honor that year of standing beside her. When I joined her on the stage, she levitated my camera around my neck, and returned all my photos to me, talking animatedly about how she loved them. She told me she thought I had captured her sky beautifully. She was impressed with the picture I had taken of her, telling me it had an air of tranquility within it, and she said I could keep all of them. I smiled nervously, and stole glances at her when she wasn't paying as much attention to me. She was stunning up close, wrecking my nerves with her gorgeous beauty.
The night eventually drew to a close, and my time allotted to be by her side was almost up. I was stepping down from her stage when she called me. I walked back, curious as to why she called me, and froze when she had asked me if I was interested in astrology. At that time, last year, I had more interest in photography than astrology, but I had said yes. She had been delighted, and her entire face lit up with joy. My heart began to beat faster, telling me that I was falling for her. She then offered to tutor me,which would allow me to take private lessons with her when she started teaching astronomy again this year. I promised to be there.
I have my Cutie Mark thanks to her. I had been a blank flank for so long, but shortly after my promise to her, I began to study Astronomy, star charts, heavenly bodies, and various other celestial phenomenon, eventually learning that not only did I love it, I was GOOD at it. I was excellent, really, astounding my teachers with my meteoric rise to knowledge. My Cutie Mark appeared the day I had graduated, much to my family's surprise and delight. We had a celebration that night, with festive partying, until a grey mailmare showed up with a letter for me. It was from Luna, congratulating me for my graduation, and asking me to show up on this date for my first class with her. My parents were excited for me, and my brother kept ribbing me, as I had already made the picture now hanging over my bed.
And now, here I was, trying to figure out what to wear. I decided I was going to take a chance, and wear my grey suit. I fitted my hooves through the sleeves, tightening and straightening the cloth over me. I recombed my mane and tail, straightening them so they didn't look so unkempt. Looking in the mirror, I criticized my appearance, wanting to add an accessory, but not knowing what. 'Ah, that will work.' I placed the moon lily I had preserved into my jacket, letting the delicate flower stick out of the pocket. 'Now I'm ready.' Today was a big day after all; I was going to Canterlot Castle! I took a breath, and stepped out of my door into the night, and into my destiny.
If you replaced "Novalis" with a canon character, it might be interesting.
I really enjoyed this story and I certainly will wait for more. Keep up the good work
Nice story so far.
Interesting, I think I'm going to have to stick around and see where this goes.
895740
What's wrong with an OC?
896135
EVERYTHING
Nah, just kidding. Maybe. Anyway, story's okay.
Yeah...whatever.
895740
I needed a male for this story, and none of the canon males fitted my requirements.
895776>>895810>>896135
Thank you all.
896161
Meh, can't make heads or tails of your comment, lol.
Well buck... Two hours since publication, and over 50 views and 6 likes, which whupped my first story, lol.
Hmm.... I like Novalis. Seems like a bro.
I like it.
ANOTHER!
Just the finished the first chapter
It's intriguing and well-written enough for me to want to read further, but have some of my thoughts so far:
Novalis seems likeable enough (just a guy in love who's been given a good opportunity), but his appearance does seem a bit Gary Stu-ish, what with the fluctuating colors of the eyes and the silvery, gold-flecked horn and whatnot. This has nothing to do with your skill as a writer, but creating such a seemingly "unique" OC can turn some people off. But in the end, it's the actual character that matters and not his appearance, and I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunity to get to know him in the coming chapters.
As for the writing itself, as I said before, it's good enough to keep me interested and wanting to read more. I noticed a couple sentences that seemed awkwardly worded or awkwardly long, as well as some occasional mixing of tenses. Also, the really long paragraph in the middle, where Novalis is flashing back, could stand to be broken up a bit to avoid that wall of text feel. For the most part, though, it was rather good
So yeah, I'll keep reading and be sure to give you my thoughts on the rest of the chapters
You use the words "astronomy" and "astrology" as apparently interchangeable. Is this intentional?
The description of Novalis in the second paragraph made me want to put down the story and forget about it. And for a while, I did. Then I realized that I wasn't giving the fic a chance, so I came back to at least finish the first chapter. Suffice it to say, the Stu-ish qualities of Novalis were a MAJOR turn-off for me.
1085898
Well, I don't think Novalis would agree with you, truth be told. Those eyes of his are problematic for him.
1085906
The part that bothers me is the fact that he has them at all. Whether he gets picked on or praised because of them, it doesn't matter to me. Eyes that change color are not natural, so much so that their presence (if they really must be there) should be a major plot point, not just a "hey guys, by the way, my eyes change color" kind of deal.
I think if his eyes didn't change colors but had different colors in them would make it more believable. but its your story and its good so yeah :3
Yay Luna deserves love she soo cute!
If I were a pony and if I was lesbian I'd date Luna!
Meteoric... I see what you did there
896135
It often reeks of self-insert. That's not in itself inexcusable, provided it's done well.