It was a nice day, a little damp from a spring shower that happened late last night. Fluttershy was tending to her garden, animals, and various chores around her house.
''Fluttershy, are you here?'' yelled Applejack.
Fluttershy was startled at the sudden appearance of one of her friends, but happy to see Applejack all the same. ''I'm in the garden'', Fluttershy yelled back. Applejack made her way to the garden, in Fluttershy's back yard, to find Fluttershy with a water container in her mouth, watering her cabbage.
''So Applejack, why are you here?'' asked Fluttershy.
''Winona has been barking non-stop since the storm last night. I went to see what she was barking at, but I had no luck finding anything. I thought your special talent might be able to help find out what has her so riled up'', Applejack explained.
''Oh, I see. Give me a second to get ready'', Fluttershy replied. Fluttershy finished watering her garden and made sure all her animals had enough food and water for the day, then Applejack and Fluttershy left for Sweet Apple Acres.
After a while, they made it to the orchard. When the two friends arrived at the orchard, Applejack noticed claw marks on a few of the trees outlining the farm. ''What, in tarnation, happened?'' asked Applejack with a confused, yet angry expression on her face.
''Oh my!'', Fluttershy said while examining the claw marks. "These marks were made by something with 3 claws and it had to have been about a foot taller than most ponies".
''What ever varmint did this is going to pay'' Applejack proclaimed.
''Now, now'', Fluttershy put a hoof around Applejack trying to calm her down. ''It's just following its instincts'', Fluttershy continued. ''It's like getting mad at Twilight for reading'', she pointed out.
''Yeah, I guess you got a point there'', Applejack agreed, reluctantly.
At that moment, a loud cry was made and Winona came whimpering, with fear in her eyes and her tail between her legs. Fluttershy hid behind one of Applejack's trees as Applejack herself, went to comfort Winona. A second Winona followed close behind the original Winona with what seemed to be malicious intent. The copy canine stopped just before Applejack and stared at her. With a flash of light and the sound of a vacuum, the second Winona seemed to have disappeared. The trees around them seem to come alive and began attacking them with the apples from their branches, as if they were throwing them.
''Quick, to the barn!'', Applejack shouted. They bolted in the direction of the barn, dodging apples left and right. It wasn't until they saw Big Mac doing some of his usual chores, in the sea of apples being hailed down upon them, Applejack saw some passing through him. Applejack realized something was up.
''Hold it, Sugarcube'' she said as she held out her hoof and stopped Fluttershy. Fluttershy slammed into Applejack's hoof, knocking the breath out of her. ''Sorry about the hoof, but I don't think these apples are real. I think they are some sort of illusion'', Applejack tried to explain as an apple flew right though her.
''I think we may need Twilight's help with this'', Fluttershy said, trying to catch her breath.''You wanna wait til after this weird spell ends?" Fluttershy asked, to be met with a nod of agreement from Applejack.
After about an hour the spell wore off and the trees stopped hurling apples at the pair.
''Well its about time'', Applejack said, with a smile on her face. Fluttershy was playing with Winona, who was feeling loads braver after being scared like that.
''Oh, is it time to go already?'' Fluttershy asked. Applejack simply nodded and whistled for Winona to come as well. They leave with a single question on there minds, 'what was that thing? Was it a changeling or something?' It was a silent walk all the way to Twilight's castle, with only a bark every now and then from Winona to break the silence.
Fluttershy, Applejack, and Winona made their way to Twilight's castle.
''Where do you think Twilight is, in this place?''Applejack asked.
''5 bits she's in her library''Applejack commented.
''Is that a bet?'' Fluttershy asked, with a slight smirk growing on her face. They head towards the library in a lighter mood than when they had arrived. Twilight is reorganizing her library again when Applejack and Fluttershy come through the door.
''Hey Twi', how's your reading going?'' Applejack questioned, as she nudged one of the books to get Twilight's attention.
''Hello girls, what's up?'' Twilight said, as she put the book Applejack nudged back in its proper place.
''Well there's this critter on the farm with some weird magic, and me and Fluttershy here, thought you could help'', Applejack explained.
''I see. Well, what type of magic did you two witness?'' Twilight asked, her interest having been peaked.
''Well it seemed like Applejack and I were being bombarded with apples being thrown by the trees, only none of the apples hit us and looked as if they passed through us'', Fluttershy said while looking at Winona with a grimace on her face.
''But before that, there was a second Winona'', Applejack chimed in.
''A second Winona?'' Twilight raised a eye brow in disbelief while reaching up to rub her chin. ''And you're sure it wasn't a changeling?"
''I'm pretty sure it wasn't a changeling'', Applejack said, getting a little annoyed.
''Well let's get going then, I'll need to see this magic for myself", Twilight said, walking towards the exit of her library. Applejack rolled her eyes and followed her. Fluttershy and Winona followed shortly behind.
They made their way back to the farm and they go over the story a couple more times, considering Twilight couldn't quite put the pieces together. Once they arrive, the group saw Big mac running in circles with Applebloom standing still, as if she's frozen in fear.
Twilight prepared a spell to break them of their illusions. Her horn glowed and a ball of white light shot and it dispels the illusions that Big mac and Applebloom are under. Upon being released Big mac collapsed from exhaustion and Applebloom runs to Applejack with tears in her eyes.
''Applebloom, what happened? What did you see?'' Applejack asked comforting her younger sister.
''I was on a cliff, my back against a wall, and then I was on a wobbling giant rock that was gonna fall if I moved'', Applebloom cried out, taking a deep breath with every other word.
''We better find this critter before it causes any lasting damages'', Applejack said with anger in her voice, as she tried to calmed Applebloom down.
''Applebloom, did you see what put you in that illusion?'' Twilight asked, putting her hoof to her chin.
''It looked like Winona, but with a deep scarlet surrounding its eyes'', Applebloom revealed, wiping some of the tears from her face.
''Fluttershy, can you ask Winona what she saw?'' Twilight inquired.
"Okay, I'll try'', Fluttershy said leaning down to hear Winona's answer. ''Oh, alright. I see. Well, okay then'' Fluttershy said while taking careful notes of what Winona says.
''Well, what did she say?'',Applejack asked.
''It was tall. It had red hair. It had black fur. Then Winona bit it, which caused it to scream."
''Well that explains that noise we heard just before the attack.'' Applejack said, with a bothered tone.
''Then it threw Winona. After throwing her the monster turned into her, then proceeded to chase her away'', Fluttershy stated. Twilight started pacing around a tree as she thought.
''I've never seen an animal like that before'', Fluttershy said, while petting Winona for the good job.
''I don't think anypony has'', Applejack said, scratching the back of her head at the same time.
If you're going to publish a story that is not a trollfic, at least capitalize the damned title.
Good job so far its well written. And we definitly dont have enough Zoroark fanfictions here (just the theory of a single pokemon being thrown into mlp i find very interesting) But now to the critics While it reads fluidly its sometimes easy to lose the row or the exact word. the writing seems very cramped into a tiny space (im sorry that i can't offer advice on how to fix that im not a writer its just the only flaw i have noticed so far [Excuse my grammar and spelling issues please english is not my native language] )
A good start. But, I highly suggest proofreading it. Question; Do you use Microsoft Word? If so, good. If not, I suggest you do. It's great for helping with work like this. Either way, you've got potential and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
I don't think any of us want another Evictus. Why don't you take some time and read other people's fics and see what they do? Grammar, and punctuation, and just how to write in general are aplenty on here. Take a gander.
Hope to see you improve!
8098233 Seeing this comment about Evictus made me think of this, immediately;
But, yes, this story has got the makings of a great one.
yea sorry about that it was originally 2 chapter but my brother recommended that i merge the two because of he thought it would flow better together then apart and i kinda agree with him so that might answer some of the issues
8098233 whos Evictus if i may ask
8098496 A poor writer on here who never learned, despite receiving help and reassurance and support. Story after story were filled with the same mistakes and errors.
8098534 well hopefully i wont end up like that i try my best to fix mistakes the first draft of the story was a lot worse then what you see now
I'm aways happy to read more Pokemon crossovers. :D
8098587 me two i hope this story turns out well and i should stop repling to comments on focus XD
You could use an editor, but I like the concept.
Try making a post in the Group Looking for Editors. You'll find lots there.
Nice chapter, by the way.
8099837 thank you but i not sure how a editor would work because i dont wanna bother people if i dont have to
8100401 Most people would be happy to help you, if only you ask. I would know, I post on that group often and a lot of people reply. Take a chance and see what you get.
8101824 any recomentations then cause i;m a little shy when it comes to asking people for favors
8102496 I would make a post on Looking For Editor's forum and see who replies. Just make it simple, like "Hey, I have this story that needs an editor, and they need to have Pokemon knowledge. Anyone is welcome."
Allow me a Bible reference. "Ask, and you shall receive."
Good luck!
8102579 i got pokemon knowledge for days its just i like knowledge on how the ponies would react
8102584 If you make a post, you could mention that.
this is pretty good ?
8445767
good to hear
While I liked the comment about "5 bits she's in the library", I feel that comment would have been more in-character coming from Applejack rather than Fluttershy. It doesn't really seem like something she would say, to me.
Otherwise, very good start!
8499954
thanks i'll make the changes later hope you enjoy
It starts interessting enough for me
This is gling to be awesome
9526574
Be warned it's the first story I wrote so it's full of errors