• Member Since 7th Apr, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Viper Pit

im not the best writer but I'm proud of every story I make some more then others tho Also I would love to do crossover's they are so much fun


a strange creature appears in Sweet Apple Acres one day and starts a panic after casting what appears to be a spell that cause ponies to see hear things that aren't there with more to come unless they can catch it before it causes any harm but Fluttershy seems to have doubts about this creature intent to harm anypony

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 117 )

If you're going to publish a story that is not a trollfic, at least capitalize the damned title.

Good job so far its well written. And we definitly dont have enough Zoroark fanfictions here (just the theory of a single pokemon being thrown into mlp i find very interesting) But now to the critics While it reads fluidly its sometimes easy to lose the row or the exact word. the writing seems very cramped into a tiny space (im sorry that i can't offer advice on how to fix that im not a writer its just the only flaw i have noticed so far [Excuse my grammar and spelling issues please english is not my native language] )

A good start. But, I highly suggest proofreading it. Question; Do you use Microsoft Word? If so, good. If not, I suggest you do. It's great for helping with work like this. Either way, you've got potential and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

I don't think any of us want another Evictus. Why don't you take some time and read other people's fics and see what they do? Grammar, and punctuation, and just how to write in general are aplenty on here. Take a gander.

Hope to see you improve!

8098233 Seeing this comment about Evictus made me think of this, immediately;

But, yes, this story has got the makings of a great one.

yea sorry about that it was originally 2 chapter but my brother recommended that i merge the two because of he thought it would flow better together then apart and i kinda agree with him so that might answer some of the issues

8098496 A poor writer on here who never learned, despite receiving help and reassurance and support. Story after story were filled with the same mistakes and errors.

8098534 well hopefully i wont end up like that i try my best to fix mistakes the first draft of the story was a lot worse then what you see now

I'm aways happy to read more Pokemon crossovers. :D

8098587 me two i hope this story turns out well and i should stop repling to comments on focus XD

You could use an editor, but I like the concept.

Try making a post in the Group Looking for Editors. You'll find lots there.

Nice chapter, by the way.

8099837 thank you but i not sure how a editor would work because i dont wanna bother people if i dont have to

8100401 Most people would be happy to help you, if only you ask. I would know, I post on that group often and a lot of people reply. Take a chance and see what you get.

8101824 any recomentations then cause i;m a little shy when it comes to asking people for favors

8102496 I would make a post on Looking For Editor's forum and see who replies. Just make it simple, like "Hey, I have this story that needs an editor, and they need to have Pokemon knowledge. Anyone is welcome."

Allow me a Bible reference. "Ask, and you shall receive."

Good luck!

8102579 i got pokemon knowledge for days its just i like knowledge on how the ponies would react

8102584 If you make a post, you could mention that.

Interesting. But again, editor and proofread it. There are a number of mistakes here. If you have Microsoft word I suggest using it because it will help loads. Keep it up.

Yeah, nice chapter, BUT YOU REALLY NEED AN EDITOR.

Even I have one for at least half of my stories.

8102584 I like this idea, do you mind if I try writing my own version? I promise to give credit where credit is due.

8111044 go right a head id love to give it a read when your done with it :3

8110888 i have a editor i think im not sure tho i did get one for chapter one tho if that helps

8110744 i dont care much for microsoft word its just from all the times i had to use it in school i kinda started to hate the program after a while

Theres going to be tree sap en't there?:ajbemused:

8176443 trees sap is that a ship name or something or are you talking about actual tree sap

Crusaders+cutemark crusading= tree sap FROM TREE'S! If you look up cutiemark crusaders covered in tree sap you'll under stand then. Its huge meme.

It means at the end of crusading they will be covered in Tree sap...Always
And most of the time they don't even no how it got there.

8176720 that might happen we will have to see

8184922 thank you for watching me and im glad ou found the story enjoyable so far the next chapter in underway

I might have some ideas!

well that is funny but most of mine are just people giving me tips

I like it so far... Keep it up.

Wait a sec, Zoro managed to withstand the CMC's cuteness?

keep in mind that zoroark come from a world that has jigglepuf, iggybuff, pikachu and lots of other cute things plus he's also a contest pokemon so he would see cute all the time

thank you that makes me smile knowing I made someones day

...Would you like someone to edit this for you?

I would but I have been told that I am makeing fewer mistakes

Login or register to comment