2. Guilty Bystanders
Thoughtletts
(When you come to a fork in the road, take it. — Yogi Berra)
(From The Hat Man’s blog post on shipping Turing Test The Love That Dares Not Perk Its Name )
"Twilight Sparkle, I have something to confess."
Turing Test had been almost silent in the kitchen until that point, and Twilight jumped while fumbling her coffee cup, almost dropping it on the floor. She levitated the cup over to the counter and dug into the cabinet while grunting, "Can it wait a minute? I'd like to get my morning coffee first."
"No, Twilight Sparkle. It cannot wait. You see, I have found true love."
"Oh?" Twilight surfaced with a tin of coffee in her magical grasp and began to look around the counter for the percolator. "Congratulations. Let's celebrate with a cup of coffee. Have you seen the—" She stopped, looking at the chrome and glass appliance tucked under Turing Test's foreleg. "No."
"You can not have him," said Turing. "He is mine, and I do not wish to share."
(From Skywriter’s Blog, Wishing You a Happy Lovebutt Day 2017)
Hearts and Hooves day was wonderful. All of her friends were out with their significant other, their special somedragon, or other good special friend to enjoy the day. Even Fluttershy and Discord had taken off to… wherever it was that Discord went whenever he was not tormenting Twilight. It was quiet, which was just perfect for Her Highness, the Princess of Friendship (and Castle Librarian). She had just settled down with a dozen books, only seven of which she had already read, flat on her belly in the Librarian Throne (i.e. a dozen cushions on the library floor that kept her off the chilly crystal), when she thought she heard a noise in the map room.
After a quick dash in the hopes that some critical Hearts and Hooves day mission was in the air, she trudged back into the library.
False alarm.
About four hours later and after another half-dozen false alarms, along with a trip down to the kitchen to brew up an unnecessarily complicated cup of coffee, Princess Twilight Sparkle was about ready to abdicate her throne, go down to Bon Bon’s candy store, and eat her way through all of the leftover inventory.
The faint ruffling of leaves on her book distracted her for a moment, then the magical energy grew into a blazing flash of light in the middle of the History section, and when she could see again, Flash Sentry blinked back at her.
He looked rather odd, with a bouquet of snow roses stuffed in his mouth, a box of chocolates tucked under one wing, and a solid gallon of butter-nut ice cream sitting on his back, but the baffled expression in his eyes told the whole story.
“Let me guess, Flash,” said Twilight with a brief moment to rest a hoof against her forehead. “You were moping around the Crystal Empire on this day of all days, and you had the misfortune of wandering into Princess Cadence’s line of sight.
He nodded.
She sighed, but with a smile.
Getting to her hooves, she headed for the door. “Come on, let’s get the ice cream into the freezer and see what she sent for chocolates. Then we can talk for a while before you catch the train—” Twilight sighed again and rolled her eyes “—for the trip back. Seriously, give the Goddess of Love the ability to teleport somepony else, and she gets all shippy.”
“Are you going to smear lipstick around my face again?” asked Flash from around the roses.
“It makes her happy,” explained Twilight Sparkle. “And you don’t mind, do you?”
“Not at all. I mean, no I think I can tolerate it.” Flash gave a little concealed smile as he trotted along behind Twilight Sparkle on the way to the kitchen.
Best Hearts and Hooves day yet.
From a random thought
The Empress's' New Clothes (the short MLP version)
"Princess Cadence is naked!" declared one small colt along the parade route.
There was a short pause, everypony shrugged, and the procession proceeded as planned
From Kudzu’s blog post on how to get premium appt. space in Canterlot
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/705603/how-to-solve-space-issues-in-a-crowded-city-like-canterlot-
Paper Pusher had barely swallowed away the nausea due to his trip through the magical doorway before the real estate agent was nudging him forward. "Don't worry about any inner ear disturbances caused by the reduction spell, sir. After several trips, the residents of Diminutive Estates hardly notice. Plus, it keeps out unauthorized visitors, since the transformation spell will not affect anypony without a key." Once they had passed through the glass atrium, Platt swept a hoof around the open area that was revealed. "Well, sir. Welcome to Diminutive Plaza. How do you like it?"
On the outside, the building had only looked like an ordinary two-story residence with the requisite number of windows and an exterior of plain blocked granite, much like hundreds of expensive house rentals in Canterlot. On the inside...
Rows of doors and interior walkways extended upwards of twenty or thirty floors, all opening up on a central green park with trees and a small pond containing a few boats floating around it. Above it all, a huge glass skylight allowed the bright noon sun to fill the entire plaza with warm and comfortable lighting. At normal size, the luxurious housing complex would have easily covered two or three city blocks, and even getting a look inside would have cost Paper more bits than he earned in a month. It was a stunning view, and well under Paper Pusher's estimated housing allowance with more than a few bits left over. There was just one problem.
"Spi—" he stammered, pointing with one hoof. "S-s-spi..." Ending with a shriek, the prospective renter turned tail and ran as if all the hounds of Tartarus were in pursuit. It made Platt frown and look in the direction his escaped meal ticket had just pointed at, and when he saw it too, he gave a fierce frown.
"All right," bellowed Platt, pointing at the gigantic creature crawling down the inner wall of the apartment complex. "Somebody didn't pay attention to the 'No Pets' clause in the lease. Who owns that tarantula?"
From Bad Horse’s Breaking Peaved, about Fluttershy’s role in the town
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/332780/breaking-peeved
"So what does she--" started Twilight before being cut off by Mayor Mare.
"Keeps the lesser urlocks out of Ponyville," declared the mayor in her most declarative voice. "For that, she gets a salary of two hundred bits a month, plus incidentals. Now, I'm sure you have questions about the rest of the budget, Princess Twilight, so let's just--"
"What's an urlock?" asked Twilight Sparkle with a frown. "I don't seem to remember them from the Wildlife of the Everfree Forest book in the library. That is before it was blown up." She looked up to see the mayor looking back, with a faint but well-hidden hint of absolute panic lurking in the back of her eyes.
"You. Don't. Want. To. Know." The mayor cleared her throat and pointed to the budget again. "As I was saying..."
Kris Overstreet’s post on Changeling Space Program
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/704170/first-on-the-moon-or-how-important-05-seconds-can-be
...because it was too dangerous, even on paper, to consider.
Chrysalis came around the corner of the hallway to see Cherry Berry, or at least a pony who looked like Cherry Berry, reaching around a doorway with a long stick. The stick was easy to identify, because it was a stick, but the pony, less so. Normally, the colorful creatures would be easy to pick out by their color code and the convenient label on their rump, but this one was totally wrapped in padding, wearing a helmet, and had some sort of plexiglass plate propped up in front of her as a shield.
She did not want to ask the question, but she had to, even though all Chrysalis wanted to do was turn around and pretend she didn't see anything.
"What are you doing?"
"Using a mirror to read a fuel mixture chemical breakdown of lithium-borohydride in hydrazine sent to us from the Cabinet Secretary in Canterlot," hissed the pony in a voice that sounded a lot like Cherry. "It's the only way we'd get Stack 17 off the pad and to the moon, but it's very dang—"
Whatever she was going to say next was blotted out by a titanic explosion that filled the hallway with smoke and knocked Chrysalis backwards, not really from the blast but from the blastee, as Cherry still had substantial V upon impact, but the padding prevented any serious damage to either of them.
Once all the coughing and counting of limbs was complete, Chrysalis fixed the now unpadded pilot with a fierce glower. "Cabinet Secretary?"
Cherry nodded.
"Ye gads." Chrysalis shook her head. "I'd hate to see what your munitions experts are up to."
From a random thought
Celestia (In a panic) It's a wrinkle, Luna ! This is a disaster!
Luna: 'Tis simply a laugh line, dearest sister. Although..." Luna's magic touched Celestia on the back and came out with a single white-ish hair "Your coat does a good job of disguising them, but you must really see about some dye."
From Mr. Numbers The four horsemen are actually children
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/701886/flash-fiction-until-regular-posts-resume
The summer rain fell gently upon the Carousel Boutique in a peaceful thrumming, a carefree break from the baking heat and humidity of the season that any pony would find relaxing. Any pony except for young students out on summer break, of course.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders lay slouched across Sweetie Belle’s bed while staring out of the window, waiting for the interminable rain to quit so they could go back to their favorite outdoor activity, i.e. anything that wasn’t an indoor activity.
“It’s probably a good thing we’re staying inside today, girls,” said Sweetie Belle with a sniff and a wipe of her nose that left a glistening yellow trail across the back of her hoof. “I really don’t feel like crusading outside today anyway. I’m probably going to wind up with tubes in my ears if this keeps up.”
“Again?” grumbled Scootaloo. She tapped against the window with one hoof while looking upwards for a flash of color, or perhaps a premature hole in the cloud cover. “Well, I suppose I wouldn’t get to go outside today either, since I’m grounded.”
“You shouldn’t have been fighting with Diamond Tiara again,” warned Apple Bloom. She dug underneath the bed and dragged out her saddlebag, but a quick search did not reveal what she was looking for. “Durn it. Ah’m out of apples. Do you think we can go down to the kitchen and get some snacks from your sister, Sweetie?”
“In a little bit.” Sweetie Belle leaned up next to the glass and blew out to fog up one of the panes, leaving behind a faintly greasy spot once the condensation evaporated. “Yeah, I need to get another glass of juice anyway. Come on.”
The three Cutie Mark Crusaders trudged down the stairs, leaving behind a dented and scratched scooter leaning up against the window. A few hairs decorated its metal surfaces from residents of Ponyville who had not moved fast enough when they heard the buzzing of tiny wings, but it had not tasted blood yet.
But soon. Very soon.
From Kudzu’s Cookie Court
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/352811/1/a-day-in-the-cookie-court/just-one-cookie-thats-all-you-get
I really expected Gosling to summarize what was wrong to the little squirt as "The Crown sends tax money for new textbooks every year, so if your school isn't getting new textbooks, that money is going somewhere it shouldn't. Think of it as a leak in the money pipe, and I'm--"
"A plumber?" The foal squinted at him. "You're weird. Nice, but weird."
Seriously, I can hardly wait until Prince Gosling goes to talk to the textbook manufacturers.
Gosling rubbed his forehead. The hair on his coat was starting to thin there, and if he kept it up, he was going to have an embarrassing bald spot before he was even old enough to grow a good mustache. "So the textbooks you sell to Equestrian school now cost more because they're 'enhanced' for the modern age?"
"Yes, Your Highness," said the small, mousy stallion on the other side of the table. It was a table piled with 'Sample' copies of his company's books, all of which Gosling had briefly flipped through and none of which looked familiar from his fairly recent time in school.
"These enhancements you're so proud of include an update service for any current historical events, such as Luna's return," added Gosling before hefting a fairly thin history book and opening it up to the back. "In this case, the return of Princess Luna well over two years ago, which your modern and up-to-date history book refers to by way of stapling the official press release from the Crown onto the back cover."
"Yes, Your Highness. The updated edition will be out next year, when the previous edition expires."
"And by expires," said Gosling, his lips thinning into narrow lines, "you refer to the fading enchantment with which all of your 'enhanced' editions use so the schools have to re-order their textbooks from you every single year or be faced with a shelf full of blank pages. And not just history books. Math, science, alchemstry..."
"It's only fair," said the textbook representative. "They're only licensed for a year, and the schools get a rebate for sending the blank books back."
"Five bits each," said Gosling. "A princely sum, considering the new book costs five hundred bits!"
Equestria : 1940 (By the way, this is going to be a story eventually. I’ve got something like six chapters drafted with four near final editing.)
>>5618283 You know, there's a good chunk of potential in the alternate history here, although I'd nix the "Celestia raises the sun and moon" idea and replace it with a little Ra the Sun God meme as being revered for doing it, even though she doesn't, and can't get her ponies to stop crediting her for it.
You could start with a small colony of earth ponies who returned with Leif Erickson and lived in Iceland until disease and warfare wiped them out. Later, in the era of Christopher Columbus, a loose pegasus named Corrigan is blown by a storm into Spain/Portugal, taken to Isabella and Ferdinand's court, and eventually (darned language) reveals the location of the Equestrian homeland, an island about the size of Ohio in the middle of the Atlantic. (Because seriously, that's as big as it needs to be.) Columbus gets funding to take the wayward explorer home (and also check to see if their island can be used as a base for further exploration in the direction of the Far East, because sailing ships work best when they can stop to resupply every so often) You can segue into the various world powers deciding to nip off little chunks of the Equestrian Principality and the sharp nips that get delivered in return as Celestia attempts to remain neutral despite it all. Then The War To End All Wars where neutrality can no longer be maintained, and the amazingly popular sequel in which Unicorn translation spells make hash out of the German ULTRA codes and U-boat assaults are repulsed by pegasus patrols.
"No signs of allied patrols. All clear with a moonless night. Perfect hunting weather." The captain of U-79 rotated the periscope around one more time just to be sure and opened up his mouth to give the command to surface and recharge the batteries, only to jump back with a muffled curse.
"Captain?" The first officer did not leave his post, with his thumb over the intercom button ready to give the expected command, but he did eye Captain Hermann rather suspiciously. "Is it a patrol? Should we dive?"
The captain took a moment to catch his breath before walking deliberately up to the periscope and taking another look. This time, the huge yellow eye which had been looking back was not present, but there was a placard being held in front of the periscope lens.
"There's a pegasus holding a sign in front of the periscope," he explained. "U-79, you are in violation of the Equestrian neutrality zone. You are ordered to surface and surrender your vessel or..." He broke off as the periscope gave a distinctive rattle, much as if a necklace with an attached remote-control thaumaturgic bomb on it had just been looped over the pipe and slid down to rest right above his head.
Codex
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/350412/2/pony-courtship-rituals/chapter-two-chrysalis-prepares
(Chrysalis has put on perfume to go out on a date with Twilight)
This date was going to be perfect. The kind of date of which she’d dreamed of since she was a larva. There was just one problem.
“Twilight,” asked Chrysalis, “why do you keep looking around the restaurant and sniffing?”
“I can’t help it.” Once again, Twilight lifted her nose up in the air and took a series of sniffs. “There’s an overdue book around here, I just know it!”
“Oh.” Chrysalis thought for a long moment. “Oh!” She dug frantically in her purse, hoping her instincts were correct and cursing the the changeling who had given her the horrible, terrible advice.
I should have gone with the Eu de Dead Manticore.
She found the perfume bottle, and for one hopeful moment, Chrysalis thought she had been mistaken. There was the label, saying ‘Book’ in big, bold print, but when she folded back the corner of the label which had curled over, she found something truly terrible.
Eu de Overdue Book
Admiral Biscuit http://www.fimfiction.net/story/296543/1/not-another-clopfic/twilight-learns-about-courtship
Anypony who dates Twilight had better have a fairly large tolerance for being used (just a little) as a research subject.
All Flash could do was stare. "You told Princess Celestia?"
"Yes?" Twilight squirmed, seeming to inspect a fascinating section of floor tile. "I had to! She was my teacher for over a decade!"
"Well, if that's all you told, I suppose..." Flash Sentry broke off at the obviously guilty look Twilight was radiating out of every pore. "Don't tell me. Let me guess. Cadence."
"Actually... I told her third, because Princess Luna had a completely different view on what we did, and I needed a neutral third party to break the tie, such as it was." That floor tile was getting an even more intense inspection now, as Twiight's nose was almost low enough to touch it. "Boy, did she break the tie. Shattered it all over the place. Hours of talking about stallions and... Not my brother, though. We didn't talk about him. Or to him about it. Ever."
"Well..." Flash Sentry bit his bottom lip and considered his position before saying it out loud just to reassure his nervous brain. "So the three other Princesses of Equestria know, and that's it. At least that's all the ponies who know. I'd hate for Shining Armor to find out before we have enough time to get him used to the idea."
About five years should do it. And a fifth of scotch.
"Yeah," said Twilight. She rubbed her nose against the floor tile and sighed. "Unless he reads the article I wrote for Equestrian Physiology Review. It should be out tomorrow."
The best way to handle spoiler requests: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/283960/best-way-to-handle-spoiler-requests
Lord Morgraine Thissledown certainly filled up the casket, with all of the weight he had put on in the last weeks of his life. It had taken six stout ponies to lift it, and that was with a few nearby onlookers quietly adding a little bit of magical boost to their strength, and even then it made a ground-shaking thud when dropped next to the open grave for the final words.
"I thought I was going to break my back," whispered Thudmore to his brother Smirk. "What did he make that out of, lead?"
Smirk shrugged. "He was a little loopy in his last days. Made a lot of orders. Something about if you can't take it with you..."
Both earth ponies suddenly took a long, long look at the casket before Thudmore reached out one hoof and drew it along the side, revealing a long, golden line beneath the paint.
"I guess you can take it with you," said Smirk.
The Pride of Pegasi
free verse of visiting the cloud city
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/102166/2/lost-cities/the-fortress-city-of-the-clouds
comment: pegasus city is still Zephyns (Athens) which features the Partlynon (Parthenon) as the centerpiece
On a summer day wracked with clouds
grey and dank, a sweltering haze
I took to wing, and northward bent my path
Far from the realms of pony and griffon
to where only the ice would be my guide
Far beyond the mountains of glass
Farther even past the heaving ice-packed seas
until the winds bore only me and none other
save one, a shadow in the frozen mist
far, far above where mortal wings dared
I reached, I grasped, I nearly fled
as I recognized that ghostly spectre
The ancient city of the pegasi, lost to the ages
drifting with the wind
home to naught but the dead and their ghosts
I could hear their voices in the wind
as it whistled through the decaying bones
of visitors long ago, left bleaching in the sun
They peeked out from
(with apologies to Percy Bysshe Shelly)
My name is Hurricane, Ruler of the Sky:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level clouds stretch far away
Twilight’s Greatest Fear http://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/284687/fears
There was a bite of chill in the evening air as Princess Twilight curled up in her bed and reached out with her magic to close the shutters on the window. A crystal castle was amazing, but as winter approached, it was looking to get quite chilly, and once the snow began to blow, she was afraid she was going to wake up some morning to a few snowdrifts in her bedroom.
“Warming spells,” she muttered, crawling under the chilly covers and pulling them all the way up to her nose. “I was reading some notes on them just last month. Where did I put them?”
She would have called for Spike, except he was curled up in the next room and already fast asleep. Besides, after a moment of thought, she remembered where she had put the book last. Sticking one hoof out into the chilly air, she reached underneath the bed in the muddle⁽*⁾ of books she had stuck there and began to work her way down the collection by touch.
(*) A muddle is much like a heap, only organized by the Dewhoof Decimal System.
“History,” she murmured. “Equestrian Lit. Fashion. Really need to get that one back to Rarity sometime. Biology.”
Twilight stopped and poked the book a few times. It was very un-booklike, as it was somewhat smooth and covered with small scales. She poked it again with one hoof before starting to crawl out of bed with a muttered, “Spike, you said you were a big dragon now and didn’t need to sleep in my room any more, but if you really want to—”
She cut off abruptly as Twilight Sparkle got a better look under the bed.
It was not Spike.
Her scream woke up half of Ponyville.
*
“Out!” declared Twilight, standing in the doorway of her bedroom and pointing at her bed with one stern hoof.
Fluttershy frowned and bit her bottom lip in an adorable pout which was not having much effect on her friend. “But your fight with Tirek tore up so many of the creatures’ dens, and you always said, you’re willing to give a friend in need a place to stay.”
“I’ll dig him a new tunnel if I have to,” snapped Twilight, still pointing an unyielding hoof. “I’ll dig him two, just get your snake OUT FROM UNDER MY BED! He’s not welcome here!”
“Can she at least leave her eggs here until spring?” asked Fluttershy with an uncomfortable fidget.
*
Rarity only stumbled a little on her way down the stairs to answer the strenuous knocking on the front door of her boutique, but her yawning cut off abruptly as she caught sight of Princess Twilight Sparkle standing in her doorway wearing flower-print pajamas and holding a pillow.
“I need a place to stay for a few years,” said Twilight. “With no snakes.”
From MyLittleEconomy
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/684277/other-ways-season-6-could-have-ended-spoilers
"Thorax?"
"Yes, Your Majesty?"
"Remember when I came up with this genius plan where you would befriend everypony in the Crystal Empire and we would put on this clever show about how giving love can turn all the changelings good, and how it would ensure all of the changelings would have enough love to consume forever?"
"You came up with--? Oh! Yes. Your plan. Most certainly your plan. Yes, I remember."
"Remember when I asked about what shapes and colors these 'good' changelings would change into in order to fool the ponies?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. You said I was to just deal with the problem and get out of your room before you had me eviscerated."
"Right. Now that it's all over, I just have one question. Are you color-blind?"
"Since hatching, Your Majesty."
"I thought so."
From Kudzu’s blog (discussing his need to write a ‘Mature’ fic)
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/695557/a-pubic-service-announcement
You Can Lead a Nerd To Water
Description: All of Twilight Sparkle's friends agree that she really needs to get laid. There's only one problem: Twilight Sparkle.
"Look, Twi." Rainbow Dash held a hoof up in front of Twilight's eyes. "It's undeniable. You've been out-nerding yourself for the last few weeks. You reorganized all of the bookshelves in our houses! Twice! Starlight's off in the Crystal Empire getting some, and Spike's with Cadence until she gets back, so we've got a week to get you some action so you don't drive us all crazy!"
"It's not that bad," protested Twilight. "Besides, Applejack only had one book in her library." Her eyes tracked the nearby shelf and she gave a minor twitch. "There's a book out of place over there, so if you would untie me for just a minute."
"Ain't doin' it," said Applejack with a huff. "That there's my best rope, and you're staying in it until you agree to peg some poor stallion and calm down. Heck, do a mare for all I care. And leave my copy of Apples, Apples, Apples alone," she added with an additional huff.
“I can provide you with a list of potential romantic pairings if you’re shy, darling.” Rarity produced a sheaf of paper and placed it on the desk with a thud. “You can think of it as a checklist of sorts, complete with their favorite quirks and—” she coughed into one hoof “—preferences.”
"It's only natural," said Fluttershy. "You'll feel a lot better afterwards, and you'll quit trying to alphabetize all of my creature friends while they're sleeping. You just need to get some… some."
“And it will be fun!” said Pinkie Pie, bouncing around her tied-up friend. “You can even keep the rope if you want and take turns.”
Twilight Sparkle ceased her struggles with the rope and hung her head. "Okay, you're my friends, and I should listen to your advice. Just one thing." She lowered her voice. "What is 'getting some'?"
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8066064
Yes, and delete it every year on the second. Gotta leave them in suspense, right?
Fun! Thanks for assembling these fragments!
In Empress's New Clothes, I'm guessing some filly tried to get her cutie mark in sewing, but she did such a bad job that Celestia said her project turned invisible?
And in Four Horses of the Apocalypse, I'm guessing Conquest would be Babs or maybe Gabby (either way, not appearing in this fic because she's out conquering)?
And yes... "My name is Hurricane, Ruler of the Clouds" really fits. Perfectly. Except that something else did stand... thanks to her friendship.
A delightful collection of your shed ideas. I wish I'd thought of this. I don't exude as many story snippets as you do, but I know there are some buried in forgotten comment sections about the site.
In any case, thank you for sharing these.