The first stirrings of anger fuzzed over Gosling’s thoughts and the muscles in his legs twitched from the anticipation of conflict. Why was he angry? He thought about that while making purposeful strides down the long hallways and he already had himself a conclusion: he’d been lied to. Clearly, something shady was going on, and if he hadn’t been lied to lied to, then at the very least, somepony had been less than honest with him. Luna’s illusions were too strong, there were gaps in available information, and Gosling was almost absolutely certain that he sensed a cover-up of some kind. There was a hole in need of filling and the complete lack of anything was all the evidence he needed to know that something was amiss. This administration was too thorough, too perfect, too completionist to leave out such a significant chunk of Luna’s life.
Yes, Gosling decided, they had goofed by going against their own established directives, he told himself. Canterlot Castle was all about rules, directives, protocol, everything was structured and rigid; any variation at all from the rules was frowned upon. As all of this settled into Gosling’s mind, he knew, he knew that something was amiss, and with his certainty of wrongness, his anger grew, clouding his good sense and judgment.
Something unpleasant happened to pegasus ponies when they felt that their loyalty had been snubbed, something primeval, the primordial pegasus pony spirit within recoiled over the fact that he had been wronged. It didn’t take long for Gosling to work himself into a seething lather and pulsating, throbbing veins stood out in his neck, despoiling his exceptional beauty. His proud, pompous peacock strut became something else entirely as he closed in on Cadance’s known location.
He would get his answers… or else.
The musty smell of the library tower made Gosling want to sneeze. This was once the residence of Twilight Sparkle, back when she was still Celestia’s student, and she and Cadance were here now, reminiscing over days gone by. The pair of them stood near an enormous hourglass having an animated discussion—and Gosling didn’t feel bad in the slightest for interrupting them.
Perhaps sensing trouble, Twilight’s friendly demeanour departed, her eyes narrowed, and her ears pivoted forwards in Gosling’s direction whilst he approached. Cadance too, cottoned on that something wasn’t quite right and after casting a sidelong glance at Twilight, she whispered something to the smaller mare out of the corner of her mouth.
It was Twilight who came forward and in a cautious voice asked, “Is something wrong, Gosling?”
“I came for some answers,” Gosling replied and he kept his eyes on Cadance.
“Well…”—Twilight let out a nervous chuckle while stepping sideways to be closer to Cadance—“you’re in luck, Gosling, this is a library.”
When Gosling did not laugh, concern deepened the furrows on Twilight’s brow. Cadance seemed to be sizing up the situation and within Gosling, a major battle raged: his guard training demanded that he be servile to the princesses that he served, while his pegasus nature seethed for want of answers. It was an awful place to be in and it only served to make everything worse. His own loyalty demanded that he do his job without question and it was difficult to override his sense of duty.
“Gosling, what troubles you?” Cadance asked, and the warm, sincerity in her voice made it difficult to be angry.
But Gosling wanted to be angry, because it felt good. All of this had been building up for a while, and after getting worked up about it, he sought release. Having convinced himself that Cadance had answers—that Cadance had withheld those answers—Gosling found it difficult to put together whatever it was he wanted to say in response. Far too late to do anything about it, Gosling found himself in the Soldier’s Dilemma, where one had to confront somepony higher in the chain of command. It only added to Gosling’s growing frustration.
“By any chance, Gosling, would this have something to do with you searching for information about Luna?”
She knew. Somehow, she knew. A hot prickle slithered up the back of Gosling’s neck, snaking through his mane, and it made all of his muscles go tight. If she knew, if she suspected something, it stood to reason that she had something to hide. Cadance—the busybody—knew. His breathing quickened and though he had so much to say, he still found himself at a loss for words.
“Cadance, what’s going on?” Twilight asked while turning her head around to get a better look at her sister-in-law’s face.
In a commanding, imperious tone, Cadance responded, “Twilight, stay out of this—”
“Don’t you talk down to me like you’re still my foalsitter!” Twilight, suffering from major piloerection, now had all of the hair along her spine standing up. Now that she had her dander worked up, she took a few steps away from Cadance, swung her body around, and now stood in a place of neutral ground, away from the now-startled pink alicorn. “What’s this about Luna and why is Gosling so upset? Why are you suddenly so defensive, Cadance? This isn’t like you at all. Did you bug out on me again?”
“Twilight, now is not the time.” Cadance’s voice was commanding, but gritty. “Gosling, I’m sorry that you stumbled into this, but you really need to leave this issue alone. Respect Luna’s privacy.”
While Twilight bristled and her face purplefied, Gosling found his tongue. “So something is being kept from me. I thought so. I want to know what’s going on with Luna. I’m not leaving until I get answers. Tell me, Cadance, or I’ll go right to Luna and demand some answers. Who knows how upsetting that might be. I’m trying to save her feelings right now and you can spare her some grief by telling me the truth.”
“You are in no position to lay down ultimatums,” Cadance snapped while her body took on a more defensive posture. “You will do no such thing, Gosling. Now drop this issue and let it rest.”
Drawing herself up to her full height, Twilight Sparkle went stiff-legged and her eyes narrowed into fine slits while she stared at her sister-in-law. “What’s going on with Luna and why is Gosling being denied information about his wife?” Now as purple as a dangerous stormcloud, Twilight advanced on Cadance, her movements jerky and her wings fidgeting against her sides. “What is going on with Luna that I don’t know about?”
Emboldened by having an ally, Gosling also advanced. “Something is being hidden, Twilight. Something big involving Luna. You save her from Nightmare Moon and she comes back as a filly. You saw her! You were there! Not long after, she just vanishes from public view completely, and when she does make a return to the public eye on Nightmare Night in Ponyville, she’s a fully grown adult mare. Does this seem odd to you?”
Twilight halted, her tail swishing from side to side in agitation, and her eyes widened while understanding ripped through the purple stormcloud that was her face. When she spoke, her voice wasn’t one of anger, but of distracted curiousity. “Hey, waitaminute, that's more than a little peculiar…” Her lips continued to move for a time, but no words came forth, but then she shook her head and looked up at her former-foalsitter. “What’s going on, Cadance! Is Luna a changeling?”
“What? No! Twilight, stay out of this!” Cadance snapped and her own face had progressed from pleasant pink to perturbed purple on the emotional-equine colour scale.
Something happened, Cadance’s horn flashed with pink light, but Twilight’s horn also flashed and now, Cadance appeared profoundly panicked while Twilight’s fury seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds. From the looks of things, Twilight was even angrier than he was, and something about that felt great.
“No, Cadance! No teleporting away to avoid this! As your fellow princess, I demand to know what’s going on! What secrets are being kept from me? Why wasn’t I trusted? Why can’t I be treated like an equal? Don’t I deserve it? Haven’t I done enough? Why is it that I am always the last to know anything? I’M SICK OF IT, CADANCE!”
“Twilight, back off! Now is not the time, and no, Luna isn’t a changeling!” Cadance, angry and panicked, took several steps back and was halted when her backside bumped into a half-height bookshelf that was devoid of books.
“No running away, Cadance. Now I want some answers!” Since Cadance had nowhere to go, Gosling advanced and moved closer to Twilight’s side. “I want to know who I married, Cadance—”
“GUARDS!” Cadance’s voice was like a deafening thunderclap in the spacious confines of the library; the word pealed and echoed through the room, causing Twilight and Gosling’s ears to prick in pain.
“Cadance, I’m not fuckin’ around witchu, I want some answers!”
Perhaps because help had been summoned, Cadance took the offensive. “How dare you speak to me like some Broncs hoodlum!” Her words were punctuated by a distant horn blast and her eyes blazed with a renewed confidence. “You will stand down, soldier, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner! STAND DOWN!”
Gosling flinched as every muscle, every nerve in his body jerked to obey, and just as he started to back away, Twilight delivered a stunning slap to his face with her wing. The pain was enough that it flooded his eyes with tears, his nose had a second heart thumping within, and his head—though swoony from pain—was free of Cadance’s command. Gritting his teeth, he took a moment to pull himself together while Twilight bared her teeth at her sister-in-law.
“That’s fighting dirty, Cadance! That’s sissy filly fighting! I thought you were better than that!” Twilight sucked in a deep breath with a wheezing sound and was about to unleash a torrent of words upon her former foalsitter, but explosive flashes of light burst all around her, and caused Twilight to go on the defensive.
Guards had arrived—unicorns dressed in ornate armor— and they arrived by the score. With each flash, more arrived, and in the span of an eyeblink, the library had become crowded. Gosling found himself surrounded and dozens of razor-sharp spears were now pointed right at him. Twilight too was in a similar position, and a wall of armor was now around Cadance.
A century of Immortal Solars had arrived.
More annoyed than angry, Twilight’s lip curled back in a sneer, she snarled, and with an explosive burst of magic that made Gosling’s ears pop in such a painful way that he feared that they were bleeding, every single guard in the room vanished—but their armor and spears were left behind. Twilight was powerful beyond measure, but teleporting a hundred ponies, plus their weapons and armor were beyond her limits. For now.
“Dirty pool, Cadance…” Twilight began clucking her tongue and she kicked a helmet away from her. “Dirty, dirty pool.”
For the first time in his life, Gosling watched as the sun rose indoors…
Princess Celestia exploded into existence, causing several bookshelves to go flying. Gosling was lifted from his hooves and thrown into the massive hourglass, while Cadance was flipped over onto her back. Somehow, Twilight was the only one who didn’t budge, and she had an unbearably smug look upon her face while she stood rooted to the spot.
“Since you called the guards, Cadance, I called the teacher!”
Wings out, eyes white with crackling energy, and her mane popping with thousands of tiny, fiery explosions, Celestia was a terrifying figure. Gosling had never seen her like this, and though it was dreadfully stupid to do so, he reminded himself that this was his wife and that he had a right be angry, so he held on to his fury, refusing to let go. Groaning, Cadance rolled over and got back up on her hooves, then stood there, rubbing her head with one dusty wing.
What is going on here?
Celestia’s terse sentence shattered the hourglass that Gosling was standing near, and he shielded his face with his wings. It was that voice again, that strange overpowering voice that seemed to be more inside of the head than outside of the head, and he could never quite make up his mind on what it sounded like. Only one thing was for certain: it was the voice that would announce the end of the world.
“Cadance was being a real bi—”
Be silent, Twilight Sparkle!
This time, the force of Celestia’s voice blew over a bookcase and sent hundreds of books spilling out onto the floor. Twilight’s ears flapped like windsocks in a hurricane, and her lips were peeled back from her teeth. Had her hooves not been rooted to the floor by magic, she might have gone tumbling to the far side of the room.
“I came for some answers!” Gosling, emboldened, lowered his wings and dared to look Celestia in the eye. “There’s something funny going on with Luna and I have a right to know!”
The alabaster alicorn blinked, but the white flames that concealed her eyes didn’t extinguish. If anything, they blazed even brighter and Gosling was torn between throwing himself down upon the ground so he could prostrate himself before her or to stand in defiance. Thankfully, Celestia spared him the decision, because she focused her burning stare on Twilight once more.
You. You forcibly conjured me to this location against my will. Explain yourself at once, Twilight Sparkle. Give me a reason to spare you for your trespass.
Twilight, now cowed, took on the aspect of a small, frightened filly. “The guards showed up. Cadance sicced the guards on Gosling and he had spears pointed at him. It felt terribly unfair. All he wanted was some answers, and Cadance got ugly about it.”
Is this true, my former student?
Cadance, who was now the recipient of Celestia’s burning stare, shrank back and begin to squirm, but was unable to return Celestia’s gaze. Looking down at the floor, Cadance shuffled her hooves and she too, appeared very much like a scolded filly. “I was angry and when I felt ganged up on, I panicked. I suffered a moment of poor judgement.”
I can expect this coming from him.
Celestia extended one wing and pointed with her primaries at Gosling.
He is still a colt whose blood runs hot. It shames me to say it, but he is justified in his anger. As for the two of you… neither of you have any suitable excuse for your actions. While I am positive that both of you have plenty to say for yourselves, I have no desire to hear it at the moment. Both of you have failed me.
Perhaps it was his youthful, heated blood as Celestia had put it, but Gosling made a bold advance upon the astronomically angry alicorn. She burned like the sun and he could feel waves of heat striking him with near-physical force. The stone floor was unbearably warm and grew warmer with each step closer to Celestia. Gosling himself was burning up from within, his pride still pricked, and his anger left unsatisfied.
“I want some answers from yous,” Gosling said as he came to a stop a yard away from Celestia. “And you’s going to cut it out with that voice thing you’s doing, ‘cause I ain’t gonna put up with that shouting nonsense.”
Is that so?
“I CAN SHOUT TOO!” Gosling bounced around on his hooves, flapped his wings, and then put himself into Celestia’s face. It was like standing too close to a fire, and he began sweating right away. “I SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS YOU AND I’VE WATCHED AS YOUS DROPPED A DEUCE IN THE TOILET! I’VE SEEN YOUS AT YOUR BEST AND WORST! AND I AM NOT GONNA PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT!”
Twilight fainted and hit the floor with a meaty smack.
“Secrets were kept,” Celestia said, her voice a calm, emotionless deadpan, but her eyes still blazed with inner light. “Secrets had to be kept, and the fewer that knew about them, the better. You have my most sincere, most heartfelt apology, Gosling. It was I who commanded that these secrets be kept.”
“I told you this was a bad idea.”
Whipping his head about, Gosling almost gave himself a neck injury trying to look at Luna. Something about her words were off, something about the way she spoke, which seemed to change at odd intervals. He considered her for a moment, then considered Celestia, and tasted hot bile in the back of his throat.
“No fuckin’ way am I fallin’ for that shit,” Gosling said while backing away. “Luna shows up after Celestia does the big angry alicorn thing and takes the blame for it, while saying this line of nonsense about how she thought it was a bad idea.” Wings out, trying to make himself as intimidating as possible, he sneered in contempt at Celestia. “You’s still trying to protect your sister by trying to redirect my anger away from her. You’s trying to take the blame for this alone, so I won’t be pissed at Luna. What, yous think I’m stupid? Is that what yous be thinkin’? Yous think yous married a stupid prettyboy? Whossat pretty fuckin’ birdy?”
“I wanted to tell you—”
“DON’T FUCKIN’ LIE TO ME!” Bucking out with his hind legs, Gosling bashed a fallen bookshelf into splinters. “I don’t even fuckin’ know yous! I have no fuckin’ idea who yous even are! I married a stranger who FUCKIN’ LIES TO ME!”
Frozen in place, Luna sniffled and her mascara began to run. It appeared as though she was about to say something, her mouth opened, but no words came out. She blinked, her mouth still open, and then there was a soft click of her teeth when her mouth closed. Perhaps sensing trouble, Cadance lifted Twilight, wrapped herself in a fizzling, popping shield bubble, and then made a hasty retreat for the door.
Celestia did nothing to stop her.
“The truth is,” Luna began, and her voice was strained, “Celestia wanted to tell you. I swear this is the truth. We fought, she and I. We bickered. Things were said. Even though she was uncomfortable with it, in the end, she agreed to keep my secret, but also said that things might end in disaster because of my bad decision.”
Cringing from mental pain, Gosling ground his teeth together and then turned away from Luna. “I don’t believe a word you’s saying. The way you’s speakin’ right now, it’s off, Luna. I don’t even know who yous is. You’s is still lying to me. You’s an illusion Luna, whatever yous is right now, yous ain’t real.”
“It isn’t an illusion.” There was a gulp as Luna swallowed and the soft rustle of feathers rubbing against fuzz could be heard while she squirmed. “This is an age spell I cast upon myself. It is magically taxing, rather than mentally taxing, and I do it when I need to be lucid and have clear thoughts. When mine sister sent me a message that the worst has happened and that everything she had said would come to pass has actually come to pass, I came to face the music, as the modern parlance goes—”
“But you couldn’t face me as yourself?” Gosling demanded and the back of his mind took some small comfort in the fact that Celestia’s message to her sister had included an ‘I told you so.’ Every muscle in his body had frightful twitches and he could feel the blood pounding in his ears.
“Gosling, Equestria must appear that it is ruled by competent leaders. I am eternal, so I changed my outsides to reflect what I am on the inside—”
“Don’t even start with that!” Gosling stalked away, his hooves stomping, and he waved his wings about in an effort to cool off. “You lied to me! You deceived me! You—”
“What does it matter how I look on the outside to you, Gosling? I am eternal!”
Seething, Gosling bucked out and kicked another bookshelf, which also shattered into splinters of sundered wood. He tried to speak, couldn’t and stomped away again, snorting and flicking his tail in the rudest, most inconsiderate way he could muster. While his body language suggested a pegasus looking for a fight, his retreat from Luna also had much to say.
“Why are you so angry?” Luna demanded. “I don’t get it! If you would just tell me, we could work this out!”
“Because!” Gosling spat out the word and then hesitated, unsure if he should speak in anger, but then the words came tumbling out anyway. “Because, more than once now, I’ve almost fucked you and the idea that I might’ve been fucking some little filly in disguise MAKES ME HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS, YOU DUMB, IGNORANT, OUT OF TOUCH CUNT!”
Celestia face-winged and very nearly impaled herself on her own horn. Luna’s mouth fell open in shock. As for Gosling, he took out his fury on another bookshelf and smashed it into bits. Still angry, Gosling bucked a bust and though the stone pony head didn’t break, it did tip over with a mighty, mighty crash. It just wasn’t enough though, so Gosling continued to storm about, smashing and breaking everything in his path like a whirlwind dervish of destruction.
“I deserved that.” Luna’s words were enough to make Gosling stop mid-buck and a bookshelf was spared—for now. “I… I… think I understand. In the modern parlance it is called ‘informed consent.’ I offered myself up to you without revealing myself to you. That… that was wrong of me. You have every right to hate me… I would apologise, but at the moment I am not certain it would make any difference.”
Gosling glared, but said nothing.
“I should go—”
“Luna, don’t you dare.” Celestia’s voice was as cold as a winter’s dawn. “I put my own relationship and happiness on the line for you. If you walk away right now, I will be gravely insulted.”
“What can I say, Sister?” Luna shrank away from Celestia like a shadow retreating from the advancing sun. “Everything you said would happen has happened. You were right. Again. I was foolish and unreasonable. Again. And after everything fell apart, you tried to take the consequences for me. Again. I am unfit to rule, I am an unfit sister, and I am an unfit wife. Again. I shall be in my airie, contemplating my many failures.” Covering her face with her wing, Luna turned to go.
“Yous! Get your sorry, lying, cowardly ass back here, I’m not done witchu! I’m not letting you go off and wallow in your stupid self-pity, you whiny, deceitful, treacherous little crybaby!” Gosling stomped his hoof and did not see the wide-eyed stare that Celestia was giving him. “You walk out that door and we’s gonna throw down, Luna. I don’t care if yous kick my ass, I’ll make yous do it. Somehow, one way or another, yous is gonna eat the consequences from this.”
Freezing on the spot, Luna stood, unmoving, hardly breathing, and the loudest sound in the room was of Gosling’s panting. Celestia, now more or less herself, her eyes a rosy shade of dawn once more, crossed the room to where her sister stood, reached out with her wing, and patted her on the neck.
“Come into the light, Luna.” Celestia’s voice was little more than a whisper. “You just made our beloved husband threaten to kick a filly’s—”
“I am not a filly!” Luna blurted out and she slapped her sister’s wing away with her own. “But I cannot deny that I do so rightfully deserve a good and proper beating. Sister… truly, I did believe I would’ve been able to maintain the illusion until things fixed themselves and everything sorted itself out.”
“Right now, Luna, you’re still clinging to the lie and Gosling has no way of knowing who—or what you are. He has lived with your deceit… and both of us have failed him. Me most of all, because I allowed this to happen for your sake.”
Casting her gaze downward, Luna deflated and appeared defeated. “Maybe I am a filly, but I am not a little filly, Gosling. I assure you, I’m of age—”
“By which standards?” Gosling demanded. “Which age? Which era?”
Eyes flashing with anger, Luna bared her teeth, then replied, “I’ve born foals in a body younger than this one! Look, I don’t know how old I am, not exactly, but I am not so different from you! Right now, I am going through the most difficult puberty I’ve ever gone through in my long, troubling existence, and these constant illusion spells are ripping my mind apart! I didn’t have a choice! I had to be the princess that ponies needed! It feels like everything is tearing me—”
“I feel like I don’t even know you,” Gosling said, cutting Luna off.
“You know me best when I’m your playmate, you ignorant boob! That night when I scared you in the hallway and snapped your picture! All those times we played and had fun together! Watching movies! Playing arcade games! Chariot races! That was me being me in the only way that I possibly could while still doing what was expected of me! I’m about the same age as you are, you bookshelf smashing featherbrain!”
“I swear, if I married some underage filly—”
“Gosling, I allowed for this ruse to happen, and for that, I am deeply sorry, but I would not allow you to compromise your values in such a way.” Celestia cleared her throat, reached out, and patted her sister once more. “Chronologically, Luna is about your age. Maybe just a little younger. I fretted about this for a long time, and so did Cadance. And the whole thing with Cadance is my fault—”
“Your fault?” Eyes narrowing, ears pricking, Gosling gave the white alicorn a nod.
“The secret had to be protected. Cadance… she’s been in on the plan since the beginning and is one of the few ponies that know. Without Cadance’s knowledge, I placed a geas on her, binding her to protect the secret at all costs. I… I… I did it after the changeling invasion of Canterlot. It was an act of desperation, I’ll confess. If the rest of the world found out that Luna is still little and underpowered, it would go bad for us. If our enemies found out, if they sensed weakness, they might move to strike.”
“You bitch!” Gosling spat out the words in contempt. “You owe Cadance the truth and an apology!”
Bowing her head, Celestia let out a sorrowful whinny, and then replied, “I do.”
Standing amidst the now-ruined library, Gosling realised that both of his wives were strangers to him. Betrayed, angry, furious, he thought about leaving. No, more than leaving, he thought about leaving. A more permanent goodbye. Whilst he thought about it, he thought about his mother, and his thoughts of her were like a great weight upon his spine. It would break her heart if he were to quit now, if he were to walk away. As bad as this was, as awful as it was, it wasn’t adultery, the only justified reason that Gosling held for divorce. The pegasus ponies of the First Tribes mated for life, and it was a sacred bond.
He shared his mother’s pain and shame for her having never married.
With a heavy heart and great sadness, he considered the foals in Celestia’s belly. No, walking away was not an option. He was the Confessor of the Pegasus Pony tribe. Walking away meant never saying why he walked away, because he would keep this secret. It would mean deep and abiding shame, and casting an awful shadow upon the Sisters. The First Tribes would whisper, and conspire, and speak in hushed whispers to one another about adultery—why else would he leave otherwise?
With a defeated sigh, Gosling’s rage left him, leaving him with only the dull ache of profound emptiness. Luna kept trying to slap her sister’s wing away, but Celestia was persistent and kept trying to comfort her sibling. Trying to muster some emotion to fill the empty void within him, he kicked a suit of armor out of his way and then stared down at a nearby spear.
“You’re thinking about leaving—”
“Reading my mind, Sunshine?” Gosling didn’t bother to raise his head to look at her.
“No.” Celestia’s voice was flat, unfeeling, and cold. “Just saying aloud the one thing that I am most terrified of. I don’t want to go back to how I was. Loneliness was like a cancer in my bones. Gosling, I am so sorry… I wanted so much to tell you—”
“No, I get it, I do.” More bile crept up Gosling’s throat and made his voice scratchy. “I’m temporary. You and Luna have each other forever. So because I’m just a pretty butterfly of spring that’ll be dead by fall, you kept your loyalty to Luna. I get that. I understand. I do.”
“Gosling, that is very unfair of you to say—”
“Doesn’t make it any less true though, does it? I mean, we’re being honest now, right? At least I’m trying to be. I have no idea about the two of you.” When Gosling looked at the two sisters now, he felt like an outsider. “One day, I’ll be gone, and you two will still have each other. You two have to live together, and you’ve already hurt each other a lot. Luna betrayed you, I’m guessing that you’ve betrayed Luna in some form or another, and now, you two are committed to one another. You must be. You have to be. I have proof.”
“I wanted to tell you—”
“And even though you knew it wasn't the right thing, you still took your sister’s side. Even worse, when confronted about it, you tried to trick me into blaming you, so Luna would be blameless.” Turning around, away from the two sisters, he looked at a painting on the wall of two beautiful alicorn princesses chasing each other around a stylised, overlapping moon and sun. Nausea overcame him and he felt rather sick. The yogurt and the oats had turned on him, and were now a major liability.
“I can’t let this happen!” The panic in Luna’s voice caused it to crack. “I’m losing my best friend… my playmate. My roostmate—”
Upon hearing her evoke this sacred bond between pegasi, Gosling winced with pain and almost vomited.
“—that I trust so much. I was once the Element of Loyalty. Look what I have become now. Please, Gosling, let me fix this somehow. Please? I deserve your anger, not my sister. She was covering for me, just as she has always covered for me, and I manipulated her emotions to get what I wanted. I was selfish!”
Closing his eyes, Gosling refused to look at Luna as she approached, and the sound of her hooves striking the floor caused his muscles to bunch up in painful ways. Resentment came rushing in, a torrent, a flood that filled the empty spaces within—but no anger. His rage had flown from him like a bird in autumn fleeing the cruel chill of winter.
“Gosling, I beg of you, turn around now and see me for who and what I truly am. I throw myself upon your mercy and vow to never keep another secret from you, but please, spare my sister. It is time I took the blame for my actions. Please, turn around and look at me.”
Undecided on his course of action, Gosling pondered what to do next, because whatever came next would involve committing to it, and he was hesitant to commit to anything right now. His trust had been wounded, and while he wanted some time to go off and lick his wounds, he thought about what Luna had said. Roostmate. That was more than a lover, or a friend, it went beyond those things. Was she lying? Playing with his emotions? Surely she understood that such a word would yank his chain. It was the most sacred of pegasus bonds and was never said lightly.
But how she had lied…
She had lied to her roostmate.
This made everything hurt all the worse.
Swallowing the phlegmy lump of bile in his throat, Gosling had no gods left to turn to, to pray to, to make supplications to. His gods—both of them—the gods of the First Tribes, had betrayed him. Did they even realise what they had done? Everything that made him the pony that he was, all of his faith, his devotion, all of his goodness, it all felt smashed to ruin right now.
“Confessor… I beg your forgiveness, for I have committed great wrong!”
Something cold lanced through Gosling’s heart, a pain like nothing else, and it robbed him of his ability to respond. Facing the wall, Gosling was forced to make the most important decision of his life, and everything hinged upon this moment. In silence, aware of Luna’s torment, Gosling searched his heart…
Well the cat is finally outta the bag it would seem
Confessor listen to the sins of your beloved and forgive.
Sorry couldn't help my self lol.
Well, this just got riveting!
Is that supposed to be "wasn't" ?
Yeah, I don’t see how the chapter could be broken up. And I kindof expect shouts of “CLIFFHANGER” etc..
I surmise the following...
That whole Confessor of the First Tribe thing is really weirding me out.
Gos is Confessor, more or less the defacto leader, of the First Tribe, who worship the Sisters, who are also his wives. And now Luna is seeking forgiveness from Confessor, the leader, of the religion that worships her.
I don't even know how to process that.
8768804
Gosling's faith is pretty much destroyed at this point. The First Tribes worship broken gods who lie and do awful things.
How does he reconcile that?
I’m curious about something: The Chapter where the three of them went out on the town, disguised: In Luna’s case, how much of that was actually a disguise?
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Well, she was a unicorn.
Damn this got heavy and deep really damn fast. What a chapter.
If he does forgive them I would like to see a side fic in which he didnt
Oh damn
nice and heavy
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orig00.deviantart.net/c51b/f/2017/200/1/c/lemon_hearts_cliffhanger_by_lynx318-dbgx0rt.jpg
...
...Whu
*scrolls up and down*
Where's the rest!?
WHERE'S THE REST?!
8768809
He doesn't. I think his whole outlook on the First Tribe, the Sisters, and his wives have just changed. And I'm the wrong pony to try and figure out how it all changes for him, but I'm pretty sure life ain't gonna be the same after this.
Hardcore....
8769021
this. this is the appropriate reaction to how this chapter ended.
He is being a baby about this. It was necessary for reasons of state. Gosling, you’re the one that agreed to marry both of them, and you’re the one that agreed to the date of the marriage and to not wait to get to know both of your wives better. Their loyalty to each other is beyond question, and it wasn’t done maliciously, though yes of course you should have been told and yes you needed to know. Everyone keeps secrets sometimes and they aren’t done out of malice.
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Gosling was acting his age...
It seems like it's getting to you. Maybe you should take some time off....
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Indeed! Perilous Gestation felt the fluffiest of the ongoing Weedverse stories, but it just grew some teeth :P
I cannot support the depths of Gosling and Twilight's anger in this issue. Being upset about something like this is one thing. But both of them took it too far. Twilight used it as a soapbox to air her feelings about not feeling equal - and given that I think this is before the events of Ink, she is decidedly not equal, only in name of her rank for officiating matters in relation to the rulership of Equestria. Not the more deeply private lives of her seniors. And Gosling... halfway through this I just wanted him to be wrestled down and shut the hell up before he said something too pigheaded to be taken back, but on he went saying everything but how unfair the world is against him.
This can't even be held under 'it has to hurt before it can get better' because THAT went too far. That was not 'upset', and just about everything he implied was factually wrong. That's the kind of rage reserved for being cheated on, and the first person who tries to tell me that AN IMMORTAL using an age spell because they're stuck in a young adult body and not telling anyone about it is equivalent to that level of betrayal is going to catch it across their metaphorical face. She is thousands of years old if not older, the fact they tend to have eternally, what, 20-30-something equivalent bodies naturally is no different than what Luna's doing now.
And don't get me started on the hypocrisy. At a point he's complaining about her physical age which should make no actual difference given how old her mind is and the fact they don't have a sexual relationship anyway beyond being upset no one told him something that he never asked about before freaking out without even knowing if his thought was right or not, when he had issues with thinking how ponies would respond to the oldest mare in the nation taking a stunted and vain, colt-looking basically-teenager as a husband.
If he's upset over not being told something, they've already proven to him they have far more history than they ever COULD tell him, and definitely have not even begun to do so. He wasn't upset then, even though any of the millions of things he hasn't been told automatically indirectly affect both of the Sisters and thus also his relationship with them - not even including things which could come back to bite them all. So why over this? He denied her as a person, denied her as an existence, denied her as someone who cares for him, and insulted her the whole way through. Insulted Celestia, who chose to save her sister's secret, goodness me if she decides that her companion of thousands of years deserves some peace of mind even if she disagrees with it personally. Has it even been ONE year since they've been with Gosling? Versus how much of Equestrian history that the Sisters have been through together?
This was not the proper way to approach this. Self-inflated anger does not justification make. I am the angriest person I've ever known and I know that to be true. Luna and Celestia are going to beg and plead for this, but if he doesn't catch an even worse hell for how he BOTCHED this whole debacle I'm not sure if I'll be able to stand it. This is how you make an enemy, or a suicide. This is NOT how you cure self-deprecation and paralyzing fear. He took this well beyond what he was owed by them, and he was definitely owed being upset, and getting answers - even distance while he sorted through what they had to say and made decisions about their relationships. This? This was abusive.
I think the main reason Gosling is all fucked up about this age thing, isn't because she might be a little younger than 14. But because his only experience with young people like himself, is that asshole popular girl who he didn't have sex with that claimed he raped her so she would get money from her teenage pregnancy.
I made a really ranty thing about how fucked it was that they lied and how even though I like what happens in later chapters, I think he should have either just left, or killed himself to spite them. Because if he killed himself and put all the blame on them, they would feel that regret for hundreds, if not thousands of years and maybe it would positively affect future relationships.
But personally I've always liked Young Luna, she the best overall. She the most relate able one of all even though I'm now nearly 20 oh my god I'm too old with doing nothing with my life. I've just chilled here at my computer for literally years.
I think I'm just saying all this shit because I've been drinking and I don't know what else to do but rant lol. Loving the stories as always, hope you keep it up even if I don't completely agree on the direction.
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Gosling has physical maturity, but he lacks mental maturity.
He was acting his age.
For that matter, so was Luna. Luna was acting her age. She's been a rebellious, sulky, moody, petulant adolescent this whole time.
As for Celestia giving in to a couple of rebellious, sulky, moody, petulant adolescents, mistakes were made all-around.
8769128
The whole point, is she- no. THEY lied about something "So small that didn't matter" But was at the same time VERY important for the rest of the world. If they lie about that what else are they willing to lie about. It's fucked up. It'd be the same thing if it turned out Gosling is actually even older than them and just changes form every 30 years or so for no reason other than to always be young. "Oh he's just being pig headed." OK. Imagine you are 18. And you are dating someone who is mentally 2K years old, or more you don't really know. But she looks 25+ but less than 35. You are also dating her sister, same deal. Then, it turns out they both have been lying to you, and one of them looks 16. Now, within literally all the states in the US that's still fine, but she still lied. And so did her sister. And you have terrible experiences with having girls her age lie about you, now tell me how you would react?
8769123
True. I’ve certainly done thing my older self would slap my younger self for.
8769154
Don't demand I postulate. I've got a better grasp of this situation than you and I've already proved that, Mr. "HE SHOULD JUST KILL HIMSELF TO SPITE THEM". You advocated suicide as a tool to HARM PEOPLE over something that can be fixed with a painful heart to heart and time to discuss the issues. As a person, you sicken me. Back to your bottle with you.
8769145
I know Kudz, I know. But that doesn't change that he fucked up. Being effectively a child compared to them (and pretty much any middle-aged person) and acting childish doesn't make it excusable. He DOES actually know better. The reason we give kids a pass is because we assume that they CAN'T know better because they are young, and you've proven already that even though the foals and such in your writings are still well and truly kids, that they are more mature than anyone gives them credit for. And honestly, should be judged based on that maturity.
I'm going to withhold further judgement until I see how this turns out, but know from my corner that he approached their wrongdoing (and I've acknowledged several times that they did wrong - I fully agree with that intention in your writing and anyone who says they messed up) in the worst way, and I have trust that you'll handle it appropriately.
8769174
Gosling, for his part, just had his faith in his gods destroyed... by his gods. He's gonna be a little moody for a while until he can sort this out.
It's awful, but Gosling had to have the last of the illusion stripped away. He had to see that they were ponies. Not so different than him, just with longer lives.
8769193
I agree with this sentiment completely. I have a somewhat first-hand experience and many cases of second-hand experience with this myself, and I know you do, as well. He lashed out when he should have turned inwards to find out what he was feeling, and that happens sometimes. But just because something is understandable doesn't make it any less devastating to others. I've nearly been shot several times by people lashing out over the same things I might have myself. I live with a veteran who suffers from PTSD, I understand self-inflated anger, I understand that selfish fear, and cobbled-together feelings of betrayal. I've felt them myself, and I can tell them apart from the real thing.
I accept Gosling is less mature than everyone in that room and everyone who WAS in that room (though Twilight using Gosling's anger to jump-start a tirade about her own insecurities makes me wonder), and myself and some of the readership. I understand he is not me, and I accept that this is in-character for him. I am not criticizing your characterization of Gosling, you did a bang-up job there. I am, for lack of a better term, disagreeing with how the character chose to handle this situation even with the reasons why he ended up doing so. This is the kind of thing one should be punished for. You don't meet a wrong done by someone who loves you and didn't want to hurt you with a greater wrong unless there's a dagger sticking out of your back. Figuratively. ... Hopefully not literally but I've been in both of those places, too.
8769145
I agree here as well, even if what I say doesn't seem to. I just know, that Gosling being a petulant, sulky fuckin' etc. Teen would at least consider doing what I said. But he's probably more 'Mature' than that and will do the 'Right' thing even though leaving because of that level of betrayal makes perfect sense. At least, based on his experience.
8769162
And YOU. Did you even read what I said in direct response to you? If so, I am willing to bet you have never had literally everyone lie to you just because they thought it would make sense. Have you had your step-father go to Iraq with the rest of his friend and all that for two years just to have it turn out that he actually went to prison that whole time and your family was lying to you and now you will never see your favorite parent again because they are getting a divorce because your mom is a dick who goes through relationships all the time because she picks the "Worst guys" she can? And then have it where a couple years later your mother moves everyone into her new boyfriends place, and you are suspicious the whole time, but start to warm up the closer it gets to their wedding and when they get married it turns out you were right the whole time and the boyfriend, now husband is just and asshole that is overly strict about literally everything and so you are used as the example that is used to keep your siblings in place for over a year and then your mom finally ships you out to her mothers house because "Nobody can control you or make you do anything" When all you want to do is just chill and read, and then you literally just raise yourself for the next 7 years of your life because your grandmother kinda lets you just do whatever you want?
Because obviously I have, and it fucks me all the time. I am super bitter about everything and I always hate being lied to. Whether I'm just an asshole through and through, or it was what has happened to me that has made me a spiteful little shit I don't know. Yeah obviously what I said in the "Just kill yourself to spite them because it will fuck them up for a VERY long time" post is kinda a dick thing to say, I know I have thought about doing it more times than I can count when I lived with my last stepfather. Which, by the way, my mother divorced only 2 years later, when he started to physically abuse her, since they were still arguing about me all the time even though I wasn't there anymore.
Fucking awesome being me. I'd "Go back to my bottle" of beers but I only have a couple and I won't have money for more liquor for over a month probably because I still don't have a job because I still don't have a GED because my mother "Homeschooled"(I mean that she would have homeschooled me, but never forced me to do my work or anything. And it actually works for most people that do it.) me even though she didn't actually try to teach me shit and then basically kicked me out so she could live with her piece of shit husband. The best part is, is that she to this fucking day says that I am wasting my potential. And that I used to be so smart, and other shit like that. When she is the fucking one that fucked me over.
8769210
Celestia should not have capitulated to Luna's demands. Luna is, at the moment, immature and her judgement really is compromised. She is not sound of mind, not in the slightest, and to be objective, Celestia made a poor decision based on emotion. Doubly so with Cadance, because the consequences of that became very real very fast. Mistakes were made all around, and have been made for quite some time.
Things exploded.
The sphincter did not hold.
Luna used emotional blackmail to compromise her sister's happiness, Celestia allowed herself to be emotionally blackmailed, and Gosling decided that this would be the ideal moment to just dump all of his stress and have a blowout.
This whole situation was avoidable.
8769210
Also, unrelated to anything else we say, or have said here, I like this "argument" it makes sense and I can agree with it. I don't really know why I'm commenting here needlessly on the other stuff, I should have kept my anger generated from the BS Gosling was going through and how I feel he should act, away from my comments and if I commented at all I should have just said what I said previously to Kudz, I don't remember what I'm so fuckin' tired right now. But whatever I said there. I'm going to go to sleep now, even if you get tilted about the other stuff I've said, I'm sorry. I'll reply in the morning with a great hangover, hopefully the beer I'll drink early when I wake up will help me out with not feeling awful lol.
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8769210
OI !, cut it out, this is getting silly.
8769240
Ayy, I read a lot of your comments. Unless he/she has said something since the last comment I posted, they only said one thing to me and it was negative, me I've been all over the place mostly being a dick, but near the end here I was like: "Meh whatever sorry about that, obviously I'm just being an asshole" so I've already stopped, and even said I'd reply in the morning.
8769224
I read it. But you don't get to try and force my postulations to match yours just because you're feeling your oats. You don't get to draw attention away from the horribly inhuman bullshit you said just prior. I'm not going to allow that subject to be changed. Your life sucks, it's true. If you'd said all of that in any other situation I'd be right there for you with some pearl of wisdom or a metaphorical shoulder to cry on because fuck it everyone needs support, doesn't matter how gnarled or hardassed they are.
But that's not just 'kind of a dick thing to say', that is perhaps one of the worst things someone COULD say aside from telling me you kidnap and eat goddamn babies. Suicide as a tool? Suicide as a weapon that would ONLY hurt because these people love him? Over the kind of shit that an argument, some tossed lamps, back and forth bitching and a good cry would start to fix? Are you sane, man? I know anger. I know rage. I have been so incensed that I have suffered a simultaneous heart attack and stroke that left my face paralyzed and I nearly fucking died on the way to the hospital. All from lies and betrayal of the people closest to me, that cost me EVERYTHING that I'd been living for.
So don't talk to me about how you get to say someone should kill themselves to make a point because you're angry about lies of omission. Because your own life isn't wine and roses. None of us are alone in that, and neither you or I are the worst off, so what are you trying to accomplish by taking this up against me of all people, someone who'd be in your corner if you'd realize that you're still basically defending that horrendously fucked up crap you spewed earlier.
SHIT. It feels like someone had gripped mine own heart. Amidst all the smashed bookcases and stressed bonds, this felt like the record scratch/pin dropping punctuation that just leaves me in suspense.
Wowzers
8769226
I agree with this, and I gleaned this from the writing while I was going through the story. Luna forced Celestia's hand out of fear, Celestia gave in to Luna's fears for likely both logic and love, and perhaps even some guilt over the whole moon-banishment thing. Cadence was wronged in this by Celestia and by Gosling, and by extension by Luna.
Twilight was wronged by no one. She is not entitled to deeply personal secrets, she is not a daughter or wife of the people in question. She is family by marriage, and equal in name alone. If Luna wants to keep secrets from her that don't personally affect her she is more than welcome to. Twilight herself was doing some maneuvering there underneath their noses. If anything she wronged Cadence - preventing a teleport like that when Cadence is in the throes of a panic or anxiety attack (or coming up against her geas, possibly) is not too different from physically preventing someone from escaping, while making further demands. Cadence was cornered enough to call the guards on a princess of equal rank (and lesser seniority), and the Royal Husband, and rather than accepting that she was pushing too far Twilight made it even worse - and she didn't even have Gosling's reasons for being upset. That just seemed to be her own personal insecurities fueling an unnecessary rage to the point she abused her sister in law.
Gosling was wronged by Luna and Celestia. Of this there is no doubt. He did have a right to know. My issue is he didn't have a right to handle it... like this. And knowing how you write, flipping out too hard over a chapter before seeing how it continues is usually cause to put foot in mouth after the fact. I've fallen to this myself, and had to warn others about it for years. So permit me that emotionally-powered analytical outburst for Gosling treading on a nerve there.
8769272
Twilight is stressed out over the whole my best friend was a changeling! thing that happened and the events of Lulamoon Hollow, where secrets were kept from her. So she's just mega peeved at the moment and spoiling for a good fight.
8769275
Lulamoon Hollow WAS a mess there for her. Can I be forgiven for wanting her to be slapped for how she handled that, though? It wasn't written in a tone like she was a valiant in the right of things so I feel like she wasn't being defended by the story and we were supposed to see her as being necessarily correct.
More like this is just one of those clusterfuck train crashes families tend to have every now and then, when everyone fucks up at the same time and it all comes to a head and people just fuck up even harder.
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8769233
Fine. A moment to cool down and I recognize wisdom I would have used myself had I not been part of this.
Brute, if we have further personal issues over this subject feel free to PM me and we'll hash it out there. Boulder is correct. We've said our bit in the comments and I think we've both said more than we should have. It's not something I'll apologize for, but is something I realize probably should not have happened. And likely wouldn't have had we not already been emotionally charged.
8769289
Hey, I removed that long af comment I just posted here a few minutes ago, I'll PM it to you, just in case you were busy reading it, or were about to read it. Once again I for sure don't feel any ill things toward you, or your 'argument' on this. I get pretty tilted when I start typing about something and I rile myself up. And I like talking/arguing to/with people like this but usually they just get angry and stop talking to me.
8769302
I hadn't seen it yet, sorry about that. Also, I totally feel where you're coming from. I've... something of a reputation around the FIMFIC community for being that way myself (fairly sure the only reason I have followers was just to watch me argue), which I've started to shake in the last couple of years by taking my own damned advice for once. Still some slip-ups, obviously, but I wouldn't be human if I was perfect.
shit be going down... and i dont just mean the story lol
8769050
You are absolutely right about how Gosling reconciles this: He just doesn't. The First Tribe, the Sisters, or his wives: If he's going to move forward, he will have to abandon something, and as already explained, he can't abandon his wives without abandoning everything else, too.
As for the rest of it: I just don't know.
I have a really hard time seeing Gosling's anger as anything other than completely justified; maybe even reasonable. This was no casual lie, but was an active conspiracy to conceal information about his wife from him. It was concealed from others too, sure, but those others didn't marry Luna. The really is going to give the impression to Gosling, who places very high value on honesty and loyalty, that his own wives didn't trust him, and I have to agree with that: At the very least, Luna didn't trust him.
I have a hard time not sympathizing with Twilight. She's insecure about her role as a Princess, sure. This is Twilight Sparkle, and I think that's to be expected. But she's supposed to be equal to her three compeers, and this secret was concealed from her entirely. What else could be concluded from this other than Celestia and Luna do not see her as an equal, and they do not trust her?
I can't decide how I should feel about Luna. This was not the correct thing to do; it was neither moral nor ethical. But like Gosling, I get it, so I don't know how to feel.
Cadance... gets a pass. Nothing that happened here was her fault, because nothing that happened her was her decision, and it's just that simple.
Which brings us to Celestia, Mendax Invictus. Again, like Gosling, I get it. Luna is forever, God willing, while he is not. So siding with her, I get it. This doesn't change the fact that she lied to her husband, and doesn't appear to trust him.
She's called Twilight her equal (taking into account, of course, where this story falls in the timeline), but that's clearly not true, and she likewise doesn't trust Twilight. Not telling Gosling, fine, but if the reason for concealing it was to keep Equestria's enemies unaware that Luna is not up to full power, then Twilight should have been told so that she wouldn't devise or improvise plans that hinge on Luna being at full power: Not only is this a dishonest, disloyal thing to do, it is strategically unsound and tactical suicide and needlessly compromised national and global security.
And then we come to Cadance, who was told and is therefore clearly a trusted equal. And then, a geas is placed on her without her knowledge or consent to protect that secret at all costs. Ok, fine: I'll ignore the fact that this is outright evil is addition to being unnecessary, but I cannot ignore "at all costs." It's a damn good thing that Cadance was able to call for Guards, which led to Celestia being called in. What if she hadn't been able to call for Guards, and Twilight had blocked completely her ability to leave. Congratulations, Celestia; you and Luna are now widows. Gosling and Twilight are dead, because that is what "at all costs" means. "At all costs" means the secret is kept no matter how many corpses are thrown on the pile or who those corpses used to be, no matter what buildings are destroyed, no matter what ancient evils are unleashed. "At all costs" means the secret will be kept even if Equestria is burned to the ground and the ashes scattered to the winds. That is the cost of "at all costs." But hey, what's that matter, really? After all, when you're willing to pay any cost, then even if Gosling and Twilight aren't equal to you, they're still just like everyone else: Expendable.
That's all I'm going to type about this chapter, including replies to this comment: I feel like I just finished Blighttown.
8769312
I sent my PM FINALLY after I accidentally clicked cancel, I'm sure I'll come off as a dick there but I didn't want to back down from saying the last part, even if it's probably wrong. But still, I enjoy seeing your comments here once again, don't want any ill feelings here. I can't really hold grudges against people I move on too quickly for that. And they always just make me feel really sad when that kinda stuff happens, instead of trying to hash it out like adults people just get angry and don't take even short breaks to try and think logically to make their important decisions.
8769332
I'm sure it'll be fine by the morning, I'll put off viewing it until then. I also agree, someone has to have an utterly infantile argument for me to just choose to ignore them, and they have to be a goddamn enormous jackass for me to hold any sort of grudge. That covers a number of people from the lows to the highs on FIMFIC in the last seven years.
Story-wise, in the end I just want everyone to be ashamed of themselves for their actions and reactions. That will at least make this clusterfuck they've birthed for themselves have meaning.