XX - T-Minus
Celestia stared at the hologram before her with a haunted expression. The image showed Garilend and its moon, sitting in an expanse of nothingness. A single red dot was headed right for it. A number was ticking down in the bottom of the screen.
Twelve hours. Thirteen minutes. Seven seconds.
Six seconds.
Five seconds.
"Sister..." Luna began.
"It's happening again," Celestia spoke, struggling to keep a straight face, "we can't escape it."
"Then we have to fight it!"
"...Last time we tried to fight something like this..."
Luna shook her head. "Sister, we cannot lose hope. We must continue. The people of this world need protecting."
"But how?"
Luna smirked. "...We have ships."
Celestia signed. "I... Just get the feeling they won't be able to do anything."
"Have faith, dear sister."
~~~
09:34:16
The first EG fleet jumped into interplanetary space, the twelve small chrome ships reflecting the light of the sun. The ships were all long, vaguely cylindrical, but with a hullplate that curved to a point. They were so small they wouldn't have even been visible on the same scale as the Ark, but size wasn't important for these ships.
Rainbow Dash sat in the main seat of the commanding ship, smirking despite the circumstances. It felt so cool to actually be in space for a reason. She had no doubt in her mind that they'd be successful in deterring the incoming threat.
"Everyone check in!" she ordered.
The eleven other ships sounded off, signaling their status. The last one brightened Rainbow Dash's smile further. "Penguin reporting in, Rainboom!" Scootaloo announced.
"Yeah, let's do this. First, examine. Then probably just blow it up with our bombs. Forward."
The ships fired their blue thrusters, pushing themselves towards the currently distant target - just a grey dot on the screen. As they approached, however, the dot became a large, round, lumpy rock riddled with craters. It had an odd sheen to it, creating ominous sparkles amongst the darkness of space.
Rainbow Dash blinked. "That's our death rock? I was expecting something... I dunno, flashy. Evil looking. It's just a rock."
"Scanning..." a dragon called in from another ship. "Well, don't know what I was expecting."
"What is it?"
"Its composition is hard to pin down for some reason. The outside is definitely your average space rock, slightly rich in silicone. But the inside is heavy, metallic, and refuses to let our sensors get a better look. This entire thing is as if something artificial was left in space for an extreme amount of time."
Rainbow Dash frowned. "...Weird. Can we blow it up?"
"Something of that density? Unlikely. We can blow it off course, but remember that it's already inexplicably changed direction once."
"Well, we'll try it. Let's hit it! Toss it away from the sun, kay?"
The bottoms of the ships slid open, revealing several glowing warheads each. Twelve of them launched at once, hitting the lit side of the asteroid, exploding with a burst of bright purple magic. Chunks of silvery rock blew off the main body, the trajectory visibly altered.
"Asteroid now on a flyby. Again," the dragon said.
Rainbow Dash smirked. "Watch it. If it moves somehow, hit it again."
Scootaloo called in. "Woah... Look at that!"
Everyone turned their attention to their various screens. With the outer rock blown off, the inside was revealed - a perfectly smooth black sphere was nested inside the rock. It reflected hardly any light whatsoever, making it seem like a hole in space at certain angles. It sat there, motionless.
Rainbow Dash got the feeling it was watching her. "...The heck?"
Then the asteroid moved, sliding itself back to its original course. No rockets or thrusters were observed. Though everyone saw the magic readings spike.
"...It moved," Scootaloo said.
"Thank you captain obvious..." Rainbow Dash halfheartedly responded. "Scans. What is it?"
"It's heavy and metallic," the dragon said, "and we can't tell much else."
Rainbow Dash frowned. "What abou-"
There wasn't time to complete her thought. A dark cloud shot forth from the sphere, tearing one of the ships apart like a swarm of locusts. There was no magical explosion - each piece was torn to shreds in such a way that no violent release of energy could occur. It was swift, calculated, and vicious.
"Retreat!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
The ships started to jump back to Garilend, but not before the swarm of black moved onto another ship, tearing it into apparent nothingness.
"Oh crap," Scootaloo said, firing her weapons at the cloud. Parts of it burned away, but the vast majority of the entity was unhindered. Scootaloo was helpless.
"Scootaloo!" Rainbow Dash yelled, taking control of her ship manually. She set her forward shields to maximum and rammed into Scootaloo's ship. The two shields reacted with each other, bouncing apart like two billiard balls. Scootaloo's ship performed a jump, vanishing to safety.
Rainbow didn't get to let out a sigh of relief - for the cloud was now coming for her. For the briefest of moments, she knew this was probably it. That this was the end of the line, she was about to be devoured by an alien cloud...
Her ship jumped out less than a second before the cloud made contact. Rainbow Dash slumped in her chair, grimace on her face. "This.... This is not good."
~~~
07:54:32
"Alien ship," Twilight announced. "That's what it is."
Emin, the current magnus of the United Garilend Nations, let out a sharp breath of air. "Match anything we know?"
"Nope. Not ours. Not yours. Not human. Not Keymaker. Something different."
"That's just wonderful," Forsoo muttered, adjusting his hat, "a great unknown flying towards us with a powerful doom cloud weapon and an intent to kill."
Luna frowned. "The nukes? Can we launch them?"
Emin nodded slowly. "We can try. We can launch everything we have. But the ships' weapons didn't even scratch that sphere. It's worth a shot but I doubt it'll work."
"Launch one," Twilight said, "see what happens."
Emin nodded. "I shall make the call. In the meantime, what other courses of action do we have?"
Everyone in the meeting room glanced at each other, not sure what else could be done.
Rainbow Dash sighed, looking up with concerned eyes. "We... Could try to create a weather system that'd lessen the impact."
"Do that," Luna said, "we need to try anything and everything to save us from the impact."
Orgis spoke up for the first time. "Use the bunkers."
Twilight frowned. "There's not enough of them for the population of Garilend..."
"Save who you can."
Celestia glowered. "I told myself I would never make such a decision again."
"You won't have to," Emin said. "I'm the final word here. Celestia, your dissatisfaction will go in the record. Everyone else, we're filling the bunkers, preparing for the worst. Make the announcement."
~~~
06:50:22
"I'm Jett Oviesr and we are going to completely disregard the rest of today's planned segment. A meteor - sorry, asteroid - is inbound to our planet, and it is apparently immune to our attempts at dissuading it. The highest among us have issued an order; get your families and your things to the closest bunker, if you can.
There will not be enough space for everyone. I am sorry. Do what you can. Save yourselves, if possible.
I... will be staying right here. You all know I'm far too stubborn to stop talking and cracking jokes even in the face of cosmological doomsday. Since I have no script at the moment, prepare for me to ramble like your regular newscaster, except I don't give a flip about public image and will say whatever I want.
I can't be the only one seeing this: civilization wipers. Equis fell due to an incoming asteroid. Now, we find ourselves in a similar situation with a meteor that will not be moved. I mean, that just screams genocidal alien race.
They must be complete and utter jerks, or at least inconsiderate. Now, the question is, why?
Obviously, they don't know what bacon is..."
~~~
06:12:43
From her perch in a tree, Applejack looked down at the hole in the middle of the apple orchard. It was little more than a manhole with a ladder along one side - a manhole that went down and down and down, further than Applejack could see, and that was when there weren't dozens of ponies and gari crowded around it, rushing to get down in the Bunker deep beneath the surface. There was worry and panic plastered on all of their faces. Just moments before there had been a small riot, one that had destroyed a large swath of orange orchard with dragonfire.
It was terrifying, to see people and ponies she knew so well breaking apart at the seams. She had seen so many - crying, yelling, screaming, even hurting themselves. Most had been driven to the point where they walked around with a hollow expression, knowing there was a sword hanging above them. They pushed and shoved, shuffling into the hole in the earth.
Would the bunker be safe? They didn't know. They knew that if it was, they'd spend the rest of their lives down there. And if it wasn't, they'd die soon. There was little hope that things would still work out.
Applebloom climbed up the tree, sitting next to Applejack.
"Applebloom... Aren't you supposed to be getting down there?"
"Ah'm not a little filly anymore," Applebloom said, "Ah can stay up here, make my own decisions."
"...Yes, you can..." Applejack sighed. "But... do you really want to stay up here?"
"Scoots and Sweetie are."
"Scootaloo is in orbit, safe, and Sweetie Belle is in Harmony City, also safe. This place isn't safe, not up here."
"You're stayin', Applejack."
"Ah have a responsibility to this place. Fifteen years of feeding ponies doesn't lend you to just pulling up roots and leaving. This all took time. It needs to be looked after... Even if the world ends."
"...Ah'm stayin' with you."
"That'd just be to watch me, sugarcube, and you know it. You never really had a connection to this place like Ah did." Applejack smiled sadly. "You should go stay with Sweetie, if you don't want to go down."
"...Ah want to be with you."
"Ah know, Applebloom, Ah know. But we both know that wouldn't be best for us. Plus, I'll have Big Mac and Granny, I won't be alone."
"...Yeah. Granny." Applebloom looked out at the hole. A red gari had shoved over a zebra, and a griffon had intervened. A brawl had started.
"You should go," Applejack said, "Ah have to deal with this." She leapt out of the tree and began to break up the fight.
Applebloom sighed. "Yeah..." She turned, trotting away. She made a quick call to Sweetie.
~~~
05:25:42
Flurry Heart marched up to Rainbow Dash. "Why am I not out there?"
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Can't have you getting injured starting up this storm." She gestured outside the cloud city with a wing. The wind currents were already visible, rushing around them. Clouds had started to form in dark, long streaks, stretching out for miles upon miles.
"There's no way I'd get injured out there. I'm the strongest flier you have."
"I'm the strongest flier I have," Rainbow Dash said, "and you're just reckless. You'll go out there and do something stupid. I just know it."
"You also know that I have enough power to double this storm's intensity, and give you enough to stop the meteor! Do you really want to take the chance that you didn't use me, if it might be the difference between life and death?"
"You have no right to ask me that question."
"I have every right to ask you that question. Do you want it to be blamed on you?"
"I wouldn't care if it was blamed on me-"
"Do you want it to be your fault?"
Rainbow Dash grimaced. "...Your mother asked me to keep you out of it," she admitted.
"Yeah, well screw her. She's not exactly the most clear-of-mind, you know."
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "You're still going to do something stupid. I can feel it."
"Did it occur to you that maybe you're confusing stupid with daring? And that we need something daring?"
"...Get out there and improve this storm. I'll go talk to Cadence."
"I think she already knows. She has that 'mother' sense."
Rainbow Dash let out a soft chuckle. "Oh boy, does she..."
Flurry Heart flew out into the winds, gracefully gliding against the hurricane - level wind speeds, and flapping hard. She lit her horn, embedding her wings with bright white sparks of magic, increasing her speed threefold. She traced out a white and pink trail in the winds, unleashing her own version of the sonic rainboom to stir the pot even more.
The clouds got darker, thicker, and more numerous. Hundreds of thousands of pegasi, magic spells, and even a few machines stirred the pot further and further, creating a stationary hurricane, ready for the incoming danger.
Rainbow Dash looked at the numbers on her screen. She shook her head - not enough power. She put on her goggles, spread her wings, and launched out into the roaring winds once again, bringing her rainbow trail into the swirl.
~~~
03:01:36
"Sunset! Your husband still hasn't stopped rambling on about alien invaders and bacon!" an aide yelled.
Sunset facehooved. "Jett... When this is over remind me to sic Discord on him again."
"Will do!"
Sunset turned back to the display - a nuclear missile barrage was en-route to the alien meteor. They had eventually decided to launch seven - seven yellow dots heading for a singular red one. All of the dots were painfully close to each other, but moving exceedingly slowly.
Discord appeared next to her. "I tried," he said, "it keeps seeing me and shooting no matter what I do. And it resists all the magic I try to shoot at it. And, to be frank, I don't want to see what the mysterious black cloud will do to me if it gets ahold of me."
Sunset turned to Lem. "...What's your conspiracy view on this?"
"Has nothing to do with the secret Gari society," Lem said, "but rather, it's a plan by an alien race to wipe out competition."
"And how is it immune to magic? For that matter, how can it use magic?"
"I don't know... Your magic comes from your Tree of Harmony, so... What exactly is the Tree of Harmony?"
Sunset shrugged. She didn't really have any idea. It was sort of just... there. Always had been.
Orgis walked up, looking intently at Lem. "It is our guardian and the source of our power. We thank it for all it gives. The Tree is the giver of life."
"Big help, you are," Lem muttered. "What I was trying to get at, is that if your Tree isn't responsible for this, something like it probably is."
There was silence. The yellow dots collided with the red one. The yellow dots vanished, and the red one remained, correcting its course within a few seconds.
"Yeah, no one expected that to work," Discord said. "Excuse me..." He teleported away, appearing next to Starlight, Trixie, and to his surprise, Thorax.
"We are..." he started.
"Doomed!" Trixie finished. She took another drink out of the bottle in her hoof. "So freaking doomed."
Thorax frowned. "It seems as if we just weren't destined for peace."
"You said it," Starlight said, "it's just not for us... I wonder if we'll survive again and have to find a new planet?"
"Screw that, Trixie is not sleeping for a thousand years again."
"We shall see..." Starlight said, "soon, unfortunately."
~~~
02:02:06
Discord appeared in the void of space. "You sure about this?"
"Yes," the Mite responded.
"It... was good knowing you."
"Likewise."
Discord left, the Mite sitting alone, drifting in space.
>>You're being foolish.
The Mite ignored the Hexalin's message, staying right where it was.
>>You cannot do anything in such a short time, and it is unlikely that something with magic will bend to you.
"Maybe."
>>I could order a drone to pick you up, take you back. You don't have to risk yourself.
"Don't."
>>...I will continue to look for answers.
"Good."
>>I hope you can defy the odds, and do something.
"Always."
The connection ended, and the Mite looked at the incoming black sphere. It spread its six legs - landing right on the flying globe. It didn't appear to notice the Mite's presence. The Mite skittered along the smooth surface, trying to drive its universal interface legs into anywhere it could.
The Mite's ears twitched. The surface was featureless. There wasn't even a place to interface with. The Mite tried to scan - but to no avail. The sphere blocked it all. It was worse than the Ark...
...And there was not enough time to learn.
"Bad."
~~~
01:57:54
Orgis stepped up to the podium.
"The world is under threat. We have tried to do what we can. We have one last line of defense - the New Cloudsdale superstorm - but by the time we know if that worked or not it will be too late to do anything else. The time is now. We must make peace with what we've done and where we are. We need to make up with lost relations. Make a phone call. Tell everyone we're sorry.
I'm sorry, I am sorry that this will not be the end for many of you. The threat cannot kill all of us. Those on the moon are safe. Those in bunkers are as well. Those of us here in Harmony City... maybe. But the planet is not. It will be hit harder than it ever has before, and it will be sent into an age of chaos it might not recover from.
And we do not know what the aliens' intentions are.
So this is a goodbye. I have consulted wth the Tree of Harmony and found this message. Stay strong. Stay determined. Guard your life with more determination than you ever have before. You will need it. And I really am sorry for all that I have done. And that which I will do. The story is not over. No it isn't..."
She walked offstage without another word.
~~~
00:04:33
In the final moments, everyone was in a specific, meaningful place.
Applejack and Big Mac were in front of Granny Smith's grave. The two were clutched in each other's hooves. Fluttershy sat off to the side, surrounded by animals, looking at the sky.
Rainbow Dash was doing all she could to enhance the storm - multiple rainbooms of hers had already gone off that day to create the magically surging hurricane, ready to try and catch the incoming object. The pegasi kept increasing the power put into it - it was reaching a point where they weren't certain they'd be able to stop it if they tried. Flurry Heart, for all her brashness, was providing the highest boost to the storm.
Spike, Twilight, Rarity, Celestia, and Luna all stood on top of Harmony city's tallest tower, looking at the fringes of the superstorm in the distance, hoping that the surging magical glow would be able to do something.
Sunset rushed into Jett's arms. The man went silent for the first time in hours.
Cadence and Shining looked out the windows of New Cloudsdale at the menacing clouds glowing all around them. They were looking for their daughter - hoping she was safe out there.
Lem and Emin sat at a table, looking at the floor. In another room Forsoo just kept cursing at nothing.
The yellow Overseer sat at what had once been the location of the Key, deep in the earth. He sighed - wondering if he would have been able to do anything more, had he still had the Seers of Garilend at his disposal.
Discord and Starlight teleported in front of the Tree of Harmony. Starlight was very drunk.
"Doom!" she giggled. "DOOM!"
"Yeah, it looks like that," Discord said, turning to the Tree. "Why don't you do anything?"
Starlight sighed. "Beyond its power now."
Orgis appeared beside them. "In theory, no. It's just the laws that say otherwise."
"What?" Starlight said. "What right do you have to say anything, liar?"
"I interpret the Tree-"
"However you gosh darn feel like it! The Tree of Harmony is something special. There's definite thoughts, dreams, ideals, weaknesses. You treat it like a god! That's not what it's supposed to be!"
"The Tree of Harmony is of the gods. I know this."
"Pfft!" Pinkie Pie said, appearing from nowhere. "You know more! There's evidence!"
Orgis ignored her. Starlight ignored her as well.
Discord just sighed. "One minute left..."
~~~
00:01:00
From space, the black sphere could see the great storm waiting for it, covering a continent-sized swath of the world. The sphere didn't care - it would plow right through. It entered the atmosphere, flames licking it on all sides. It sailed right into the superstorm, suffering extreme magical resistance that pushed up as hard as was physically possible. Lighting, rain, and sleet pelted the sphere as it fell through the miles and miles of thick cloud. The storm was effective - the velocity of the sphere did slow, but even at the reduced speed, an impact would be devastating.
The sphere changed course, heading through the storm at an angle, preparing to pop out one of the sides at high speed.
A certain young alicorn appeared in front of it. "I can take you!" Flurry Heart roared, lighting her horn and pushing back with everything she had. The black sphere shook and shuddered - undamaged by the magic blast, but still slowed down considerably. However, before she was able to unleash enough power, the black cloud launched out, and consumed her, disintegrating her from the outside in. "NO!" she roared, lighting her horn before the cloud got to it. She exploded. The intense energy of her very being managed to slow the sphere down to the point where it stopped burning.
Cadence wailed - she felt her daughter's magic extinguish. "WHY!?"
Several miles away, Rainbow Dash stared at the screen. "WHY!?" she echoed.
"That did it..." an orange gari said next to her. "It's slowed down considerably..."
The black sphere was undamaged - but it was no longer traveling at a dangerous velocity. It tumbled through the air, out of the storm, and towards a large city. It smashed into it sideways, spraying buildings, rock, and dust everywhere as it essentially rolled through the earth. Hundreds of thousands died instantly. But then the dust settled. There was no worldwide devastation. The planet hadn't cracked. There was just a large, elongated crater, and a ruined city.
Sunset and Jett looked out their window. They could see the resting place of the sphere in the distance.
"Well," Jett said, "now what?"
The top of the sphere slid open. A strange bunch of black metallic pieces floated out, connected by the unusual black cloud that had been encountered in space. The metallic swarm rose out of the sphere and took a moment to observe its environment. Then it devoured a toppled skyscraper, moving through whatever it could, reducing everything to base molecules.
Planes and dragons flew in to intercept - and the cloud just destroyed them with a flick of its body.
Then Celestia appeared. Her mane and tail were on fire, and her eyes shone with the intensity of the sun. "NO. MORE!"
The cloud being became engulfed in a miniature sun. The resulting shriek pierced the heavens, tearing at the minds of all who heard it. The metallic pieces melted, and the cloud vaporized in a haunting, guttural scream.
"This is just the beginning," Celestia said. She tossed a beam of solar energy at the ship itself - but it was unharmed by the blast. Celestia pulled back slightly, getting a sinking feeling.
Back at the sphere, the Mite crawled in the opening, wondering what it would find.
To its surprise...
"Life?"
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8054508 I haven't read the books myself. But I heard that Berserkers were programmed to destroy anything that was a potential threat to their creators. But said creators were massive egoists and when they wrote the part of the programming that would allow the Berserkers to recognize them and accept their orders they used a standard that none of them could actually meet in reality. The Berserkers promptly killed off the "imposters," and went on to follow their programming to make the universe "safe," for the creators they're sure will thank them any day now.
Oh, so Scoots is a pilot?
Whelp, never mind. She's probably dead.
And so is Flurry Heart?
Normally I wouldn't agree with the sudden death of two characters, but I trust there was a reason for this.
8071108 8071128 The deaths in this chapter irk me so much. And it's not cause they came out of nowhere, but that they feel forced... maybe to motivate Rainbow and Cadence... And it feels senseless with Celestia being able to kill the damn thing.
Also if feels short somehow, all the internal struggle Celestia was having happens off screen, and we get only a few glimpses into the reaction of the population to imminent death... Maybe explain why Flurry though jumping in front of the thing was worth it? In my opinion this should have been two chapters... The first one could explore the characters more, where they stand, why they do what they do. And the second one to cover the impact and potential more scenes before Celestia snaps, and why she does so.
8071108
Admittedly, now that I think about it, there probably wasn't much reason for Scoots to go...
So yeah, that's my bad. Strange, I wrote this story last year, and now that I'm typing it up I've had several "what was I thinking!?" moments.
That being said, Flurry Heart needed to go for reasons. The fact that I'm not that fond of her had nothing to do with it. Consciously.
-GM, maser of BREAK BREAK BREAK MY MIND.
8071127
I think I actually agree with you there. I wrote this a long time ago at this point, and as I mentioned in a lower comment I have had doubt about what I was doing when I wrote it. I added a LOT of scenes to this chapter - the Mite and Hexalin's talk wasn't even in there, and this is very much the longest chapter so far. I'm well aware I've gotten better at pacing as time goes on, and looking back at this... Well, yeah. Not the best.
And I will admit that, looking back, Scoot's death really doesn't have any influence. (Though Flurry has a point.)
That being said, what makes you think Celestia's managed to neutralize the threat?
-GM, master of comments.
8071137 The unholy death kneel... I might have misunderstood what happened if it's not dead...
8071149
Just throwing this idea out there, maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the only dangerous thing.
-GM, master of thingies.
Alien life. Extremely hostile. Exterminate with extreme prejudice.
Alas, poor Flurry, her sacrifice saved untold billions. May her name be remembered as the hero she became.
I don't know what I read , so I left. :)
You might oughta rephrase that.
8071207
CLOUDS! COULD! COULD CLOUD HAHAHA...
...fixed.
-Gm, master of ugh.
Bleh, such deaths mean I'm out. Good and all, interesting plot but not my thing anymore.
8071272
im staying, but i feel ya.
meaningless and sudden deaths pull fiction so close to reality it depresses.
This is weird, I know you wrote this a while ago, but the clouds that rip everything to shreds and chase ships reminds me of The Scourge in Mass Effect Andromeda.
Analysis:
-Clouds: screaming, moving, possible bio-mechanical microscopic lifeforms?
Ie: Ben 10: Nanomech
possible nano-machines, guardians, another ark perhaps?
No attempt to slow down, massive damage to planet. Cretaceous level mass extinction event.
Possible terraforming force? Secondary force (clouds) to wipe out remaining biosphere (The Day the Earth Stood Still) before intiating terraformation and planetary seeding? ('Life' the Mite found.)
Final analysis: ... more data required
Best Princess did a thing!
... this chapter kind of reminds me of the last Harry Potter book, killing everyone in sight with little to no apparent reason.
Scootaloo's death I can kind of understand from a plot standpoint as a way to show the sudden appearance of the doom cloud and it's speed, but Flurry Heart's was really kinda of meh.
Your story up to this point was really good, so I hope that whatever you have planned for later manages to compensate for this.
Does not compute.
So, a big safety pod carrying life, but it also kills everything there before.
8071928
...but I liked the last Harry Potter book... XD
scootaloo? Scootaloo's was the one that seemed more meaningless too me - Flurry Heart's was a sacrifice. ...And I have the benefit of knowing that her influence will be felt in the future.
That being said, It's not like this all the way to the end. Even I look at this chapter and think "yeah this was not the way to do it." I may edit after I finish the story, I'm not sure. It all depends. I will say that I have two-three really cool things planned for the path leading to the ending, though.
-GM, master of endinglices.
8072115 Flurry Heart's 'sacrifice' was kinda of mild in my opinion because there was absolutely no chance for me to make an emotional connection with her in this story since she barely appeared and had no impact on it.
In the story she first briefly appeared as destruction alicorn foal TM, then had an even more brief appearance as grumpy teenager fighting with mom and dad for unexplained reasons, and then an even more brief appearance for her three seconds limelight sacrifice scene; in other words she is basicaly a background pony by this point, and not even a popular one at that.
Frankly in my opinion making Scoots drive her ship in front of the death-ball-MacGuffin in order to slow it down would have made an far better sacrifice scene.
Oh my god. It's perfected a gray goo weapon.
RIP Flurry Heart. You saved thousands with your explosion.
I actually thought, with all the pointless deaths out if nowhere, that this was an April Fool's day chapter that I had missed.
8072153
Yeah.... Good points.
Sadly can't just change it even in post-edit, since I need Flurry Heart gone so Cadence has a reason to do... certain things
-GM, master of chocolate.
The whole scene in space with RD trying to divert the asteroid with an attack on it reminded me of a part of my favorite movie. The black evil sphere, the ships firing missiles at it to try to stop it, even the failure at the end is very similar.
https://youtu.be/iZGLigsqnEY
Those two character deaths felt out of nowhere, but not in a good way. They feel cheap and shoehorned in to give RD and Cadance a desire for vengeanceignore above, it's pre edit.
Much better this time round. I still don't get much of an impact from Flurry's death, but I think that's mainly because it's used as less of a "anyone can die" moment and more of a the "That alien just beat up Worf!" moment to show the power of it.
8073352 There's always other ways to go about it.
The big issue here is it's literally whiplash. 0 build up, 0 connection to character, suddenly she appears, and dies, and...okay?
If you want her to croak, you need to sell it first - give the 'I can do this!' talk, or something, ahve someone try to talk her out of it, give a lead up where it's clear she knows what's probably coming and does it anyways.
But honestly, this one felt like it was written while drunk compared to previous chapters; there's a lot of sloppy mistakes I noticed in spelling & whatnot that I don't recall reading in previous ones.
8073871
Yeah, as mentioned in the blog post I just made, I will be redoing this chapter before next update. Sorry for this. Everyone.
Plz no kill me.
-Gm, master of commentus.
8073904 No worries!
8073352 Cadence is going to do to whatever's in that ship what the Gari Illuminati was originally going to do to the Equuians
I liked it!
Though that's probably for the wrong reason. I just find this kind of whiplash so funny I was laughing my ass off.
It was alittle too much at once. First the 15yr timeskip and now so much death. If you're rewriting it I'd concider making a full chapter telling us what has changed over those 15 years so we'll have some setup for the deaths down the line. Also I really liked Punk-ass Flurry Heart. Shame she died, but it was really badass. I'd love to know how she ended up that way.
Also, please tell me Sunset became the mascot of that bacon shop!
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Yep, definitely the wrong reason
Unfortunately, I will not be rewriting the story to insert a new chapter to say 'what happened in the 15 years,' so sorry. I will just be rewriting this one - though a consequence may be that I add more information about the past.
Also, this will never be mentioned in the story, but Sunset's image was used as the mascot for the bacon shop until it got into legal trouble.
-GM, master of visage.
Dang, I didn't think you'd take down ALL of my Idea's and run with them. also The chapter is much better than last time. Keep up the Good work GM.
Better, much better.
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That's okej! I respect your writing so I'm not gonna argue what you should and shouldn't do. I'm sure it'll work out great.
Hope I didn't come across as rude before. If I did I'm sorry.
Hey I actually started drawing fanart for this chapter. It's not done yet by a long shot, but would you like to see it before I publish it?
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YES SHOW ME YOUR ART! SHOW IT! I WILL EAT IT UP!
PM me if you don't want everyone else to see it. ;P
-GM, maser of ARTS.
Flurry Heart's death served no purpose except cheap shock value, which didn't even work because there was no build up.
I am now strongly reminded of Totally Legit Reviews.
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