Unhinged

by SirNotAppearingInThisFic

Howling Me"Pinkie's Lassoeratorseshoes!"A True, Trap [Random]

Pinkie Pie bounced happily along the road.

Boing. Boing. Boing. Stop.

Yep. From her front door, it was three boings to her mailbox. Sugarcube Corner’s mailbox, really, but given her residency, it was also hers on top of that. She hardly expected something to arrive every day (though that would be awesome), but today specifically, a delivery was due. She had ordered a set of appropriately themed horseshoes for the cowgirl competition that she and Applejack were entering in Appaloosa next week.

She opened the mailbox, only to find it completely empty. That was disappointing. She’d just have to go to the post office and ask them if they knew why it hadn’t arrived when it was supposed to.

Unless… nah.

She boinged her way to the post office and tried not to think about what could have gone wrong. When she got there, Paper Trail – one of the resident mail clerks and just the pony that Pinkie wanted to see – was at the desk. Sleepy looking, but at the desk nonetheless.

“Hey, Paper Trail? I was supposed to get a delivery today from Hoofington, but my mailbox was empty.”

The grey mare tried to stifle a yawn. “The day’s deliveries already went out this morning. It’s either one of the last few things to be dropped off, or the package hasn’t arrived in Ponyville.”

Pinkie tried her best not to frown. The catalogue said ‘Guaranteed delivery by Tuesday the 23rd.’ She pulled out her pocket-calendar. It is Tuesday the 23rd. “And you don’t know which?”

Paper Trail lifted her head off the counter a bit. “No.”

That wasn’t very helpful. Usually Paper Trail knew these sorts of things. She usually didn’t take naps during her shift, either. Pinkie made a mental note to cheer her up later (a good mystery novel usually did the trick). First, she had to get home and check her mail again. There was another possibility that Paper Trail hadn’t considered.

* * *

Pinkie Pie had carefully paced herself on her way back to Sugarcube Corner. She couldn’t let on that she was suspicious of anything, or they’d know she was on to them… if there was a them. If her mailbox had the horseshoes in it, then all was fine and Ditzy had just delivered them at the end of her round. If her mailbox remained empty, clearly the Appleoosans were trying to sabotage her game by stealing her shoes, because the mail couldn’t be late. It was never late. She sent letters to other ponies, and she got responses when they had time to reply. The mail system worked a lot like Spike’s ability to send scrolls to Celestia, except it included a lot more ponies. Sometimes Celestia took time to send a letter back, which just proved to Pinke that the reason mail took so much time was because ponies got busy sometimes. In short: mail was like magic, only more consistent.

She found her mailbox to be still empty. It was almost one o'clock, and the day’s mail was always delivered by noon.

The catalogue promised that she would have her wares by Tuesday, so they must have had time, which meant that they sent it, which meant that it was in her mailbox, and since it wasn’t, somepony must have stolen before she had checked, and the only ponies who would want to steal her special horseshoes (they’d look really good while she operated a lasso) would either be Appleoosans or some other ponies that wanted to win the cowgirl competition.

And now she had to catch them to prove it. And to get her shoes back. Since the Presumably-Appleoosans must be checking her mailbox to have gotten to it first, all she would have to do is set up a trap.

* * *

Pinkie Pie had nearly forgotten about her worries the next day. She hadn’t forgotten about what she’d done, but she’d stopped worrying. As soon as the mail came, she’d be waiting, ready for—

“Pinkie Pie!”

Uh oh. That wasn’t the howling of an Appleoosan successfully thwarted. It was a sound that she was far more familiar with (though her imagination probably counted for something – she liked to think she would have been familiar with the sound of thwarting scheming Appleoosans). She tentatively made her way outside and poked her head over the edge of the hole. A meter or so down, Ditzy glared back up at her.

“I told you to stop leaving me ‘surprises’ in the mailbox. Apparently I was too specific.”

“Um. Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to wind up in here.”

Ditzy brought a hoof to her forehead before she had realized that it was muddy. “And just who were you expecting to come to your mailbox, if not the town mailpony?”

“The ponies who stole my mail yesterday!”

Ditzy’s glare remained. “You didn’t get mail yesterday. How could anypony have stolen it?”

“But I was supposed to,” Pinkie replied. “The catalogue I ordered my shoes from said they would be delivered yesterday!”

Ditzy sighed. “Did you check at the office?”

“Yes, but Paper Trail couldn’t tell me what happened to it.”

“Then it hasn’t even made it to Ponyville, or she would have known about it.”

Pinkie frowned – not a frown of unhappiness, but one of confusion. “Why not?”

“Because she doesn’t have access to record updates that haven’t arrived yet either,” Ditzy said.

“Nono. Why isn’t it in Ponyville yet?”

“Because mail takes time to get places? There was probably—”

Pinkie interrupted with one of her wind-tunnel-esque gasps of realization and disbelief.

After it stopped, Ditzy quickly added, “There was probably a delay.”

“You mean—”

Ditzy yanked on her hair. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN, PINKIE! Just help me out of this hole already!”

“Oh, right.”

“I’ll be happy to deliver your package in person when it arrives. That way you don’t have to worry about anypony stealing it. Celestia knows I won’t be using the mailbox for a while.”

Author's Note:

RoboFoME Card:

Howling Me"Pinkie's Lassoeratorseshoes!"A True, Trap
2
Sorcery
Tap target creature. You may spell, country on you control, you contain-rooted Cohort of up to X cards once each player, copy targets +2/+1 and put it.

"Is this you like a hole."
—Ditzy Doo, spell of bloodcurdler!"
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter my ink.

~ ~ ~

hawthornbunny has also written a RoboFoME-card-prompted story, which can be found here!

Comments

[hawthornbunny]

At least this was more effective than the last pit trap Pinkie tried to set for Derpy. ^^

[QueenMoriarty]

Pinkie Pie had carefully paced herself on her way back to Sugarcube Corner. She couldn’t let
On that she was suspicious of anything,

Random paragraph break.

Not even gonna try to pretend I understand this card.

[SirNotAppearingInThisFic]

7787231
I should probably remove that. Believe it or not, I had to change what I was planning to write a couple of times.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Pinkie's very lucky that either this isn't a worldline where Ditzy can cast bloodcurdling spells or that she has sufficient restraint to avoid doing so. Still, just tapping her isn't worth getting that worked up.

In all seriousness, great work with a very bizarre prompt.

[Bugsydor]

In short: mail was like magic, only more consistent.

What kind of mad fantasy world does she live in?

Actually, don't answer that.

[PresentPerfect]

That was really something. XD