• Published 2nd Dec 2016
  • 793 Views, 121 Comments

Unhinged - SirNotAppearingInThisFic



A collection of short stories inspired by Magic cards generated by RoboFoME. No understanding of Magic is required to read these.

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Blatant Mailpony Diplomat [Slice of Life]

Derpy sneezed violently. She liked how pretty the everfree forest was when everything was in bloom, but those were pictures, and pictures didn’t produce pollen. These were real flowers – they were quite pretty – and she had real allergies, and had once again forgotten to take anything for them.

She had only made it a few steps before she felt the urge to sneeze again.

“Ah… Ah…”

She waited for it to come, but it didn’t. After a few more seconds passed, the urge finally died down.

I hate it when that happens.

She tried to shake away the last remnants of the not-sneeze, and picked up her pace. She would have flown, but the treetops looked all the same from above, and she couldn’t make out the trail. She had a hard enough time following the trail as it was: it got so little use that it was little more than a subtle lack of underbrush, stones, and streams. Coupled with her difficulty with depth perception, she had already found herself nearly walking into brambles once.

None of that was going to stop her, though. She had one small, paper-wrapped parcel that clearly stated that it was for Zecora, the zebra that lived in these woods, and she had no intention of doing anything less than her job. These trips made great stories to tell Dinky anyways.

It was only a couple of minutes before she could make out an oddly decorated tree hut. She smiled. Giving ponies things always made her happy, because it usually made other ponies happy.

She had the best job ever.

But Zecora’s not a pony. Derpy Blinked. Don’t think like that. She acts a lot like one. Satisfied and still smiling, Derpy knocked on the door, parcel at the ready.

She sniffled, feeling another sneeze coming. Please don’t sneeze. She closed her eyes and concentrated on not sneezing.

The door opened, and Derpy could feel her nose burning. Zecora watched for a moment before raising a quizzical eyebrow. Derpy felt a rush of embarrassment when she realized that she wasn’t smiling anymore – her face was just downright scrunched instead.

It was all she could do to aim sideways before she sneezed again anyway.

“Sorry.” Hoping to salvage whatever was left of her dignity and her job, Derpy proffered the parcel. “I... uh, have some mail for you.”

“It is unfortunate that you should come all this way to make up for something another did say.”

Derpy scrunched her face – in confusion this time – as she tried to wrap her mind around Zecora’s words. “I’m not sure that I understand.”

Zecora sighed. “How about you come in for a spell while I will fix up something to make you well.” She held to door open and gestured inside.

Derpy shrugged and stepped in. The room wasn’t large, and much of it was either covered in foreign artifacts or potion ingredients. She found a clear spot on one of the smaller tables to set the parcel. “So... I delivered this because somepony else said... something?”

Zecora, already at work gathering supplies for her task, chuckled. “For some needs, I must go into town, yet this time – once – it is you who’ve come down?” She started mashing something into a thick cup.

Derpy nodded. “This is the first time that I have delivered mail to somepony living inside the Everfree. Is it something that couldn’t wait for your next trip to Ponyville?” But it’s not even that far… “Or is it something that you didn’t know to pick up?”

Zecora smiled, and mixed something else into the cup. “Close.”

When she didn’t elaborate, Derpy kept thinking about what Zecora had said so far. “An apology?”

Zecora nodded very slightly.

“From who— whom?” Derpy rubbed her nose. It was still a bit itchy.

“From the Princess of Friendship one day ago, I was accused of practices from quite long ago, as though my people had not long since said ‘no’. I know she had no poor intentions, but her words were naught but false contention.”

“Princess Twilight?” Derpy blinked in surprise. “But… how could she not know? I mean, I haven’t met any zebras besides you, myself, and I don’t remember reading much of anything about you, but Twilight is a Princess!”

“Indeed she is, but my people are reclusive, so information on us can be quite elusive.”

“Does that mean you forgive her?”

By now Zecora had poured her mixture into another cup. She set that cup on a small metal apparatus and lit a small flame under it. “Perhaps.”

They sat in silence for several minutes while the Zecora’s brew heated up. Derpy glanced around at some of the masks (she was pretty sure that’s what they were) that decorated the room. They definitely wouldn’t be her first choice, but they were in somepony else’s house, so she tried to appreciate the level of detail that went into carving and painting the expression of each mask.

Eventually her exploring gaze landed on the parcel that she set down earlier. “Aren’t you going to open it?” Zecora turned to her, and she nodded towards the little brown paper lump on the table. “If Princess Twilight is willing to at least try, I don’t think you should ignore her apology. I mean, sometimes ponies get angry at me if something goes wrong with their mail, even when it isn’t my fault. I guess you could say I have experience with both sides. In the end, I still have to do my job, and the other ponies need me to do it, so there’s no reason to stay upset with each other.”

After she spoke, Derpy realized that Princess Twilight probably already knew that. “I think I see why Princess Twilight sent it by mail after all.”

Again, Zecora smiled. “The words that you speak are quite true; Twilight was correct to send you.” She also lifted the cup up off its heater and offered it to Derpy. “A few days’ time this brew will last, so hurry not for home too fast.”

Derpy took a sip. For what she presumed to be either a magical potion or some sort of medicine, it wasn’t very bitter. “This lasts days?” Spring would be much nicer if I didn’t have to remember to take something every day.

Zecora nodded. That was enough for Derpy to quaff the rest of her magic potion. She was pretty sure it was magic if it lasted that long. By the time she had finished, Zecora had already unbound her parcel. The bulk of its contents appeared to be an assortment of herbs in either whole or powdered form as far as Derpy could tell. What stood out was Pinkie Pie’s standard-issue, brightly-colored “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” card, which also elicited a raised eyebrow from Zecora.

“Is it your birthday today?”

Derpy could have sworn it looked like Zecora blushed, and her response was unusually quiet. “It seems so.”

If Zecora was as reclusive as she suggested zebras tended to be, Derpy could reason that she wouldn’t want a party, but it still deserved some form of recognition. In her experience, even grumpy ponies liked being wished a happy birthday. “There’s an old pony tradition for pony birthdays,” she said. “It came from around the time of Chancellor Puddinghead, maybe a little earlier. Even though it started as an earth pony tradition, after Hearth’s Warming Eve, it spread across all of Equestria. Every year for my birthday, my parents would sing me this song, and I sing it for my little Dinky for her birthday.”

The cautiously amused expression that Zecora wore was definitely worthwhile.

“And I’m going to sing it for you.”

“Oh?” Now Zecora’s expression was more cautious than amused.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll like it; it has a great message, and it even rhymes.” Derpy Smiled, and cleared her throat. With Pinkie Pie in town, she had attended countless birthday parties, and as the friendly town mailpony, she’d been invited to a few more besides. Before long, she ended up leading the rest of the group in song more often than not. It was one of her favorite parts of the party.

Happy birthday to you…

Author's Note:

The card as copy/pasted from RoboFoME:

Blatant Mailpony Diplomat
4GGGUUUUUUUUUU
Legendary Creature — Song

Activate as it to that creature.

Whenever a creatures

"To excess. Elegance. I wouldn't know which friends.
Do not get how of decora, zebra shadow often piece of this
4/4

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