Apple Family Feud [Comedy]
“Consarn it!” Applejack huffed. The northeast carrot field had been completely ruined, and she knew it wasn’t the bunnies that had done it this time.
Almost two weeks prior was when the trouble started. First, it was only a few apples that someone or something had eaten and left the cores of scattered about the orchard. Applejack hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but it didn’t take long to escalate. Some of their vegetables were next on the menu, and a whole case of cider went missing a couple of nights after. Neither Big Mac nor Apple Bloom had seen anyone or anything, and while something had excited Winona a couple of times, her presence didn’t seem to have any effect.
Worse yet, Granny Smith didn’t have a clue. At least, not at first. When tools started moving when nopony was watching, and the crops under attack weren’t eaten or stolen, but rather left on the ground uprooted, she had ordered a complete lockdown of all objects, tools, and crop fields.
“Garden gnomes,” she had said. “I ain’t ever seen one before, but I hear rumor from your aunt-in-law, Grape Vine, that they caused a lot o’ trouble for quite a few Apples down south almost ten years ago.”
Applejack asked Twilight if there was anything she could do, but after several hours of research, Twilight didn’t have any good news.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “but there’s very little information on garden gnomes, and what I have found isn’t reassuring. About half of all known instances of infestation usually led to total devastation, with the majority of the remainder still suffering significant losses. I would help out myself, but magic is specifically noted to have no practical effect on them. In both cases ending in minimal loss, Celestia had to send a rather large contingent of guards to help keep watch night and day. After that, the gnomes didn’t seem to bother them.”
“Then tell her to send ‘em again! I’ve saved Equestria more times than I can count with my hooves; the least Equestria can do is save my crops!”
Twilight chuckled at that. “I’ll let her know about your situation, but keep in mind that guards eat food too. There might be another option, though. From what I can tell, garden gnomes come from the south, past Equestria’s borders… and we do know a changeling. It’s possible that Thorax might have encountered them before. I can send a message through Cadence, if you want.”
Applejack had told her to do so, but two days had passed with no reply, and now she had found at least three bushels’ worth of carrots prematurely harvested. There wasn’t any use in letting them go to waste, though, so she diligently went to work gathering them up. The pigs would eat them at the very least.
About half an hour later, she had just finished storing the gatherings in the barn closest to their home for sorting the following morning.
“Applejack!” Apple Bloom called, evidently returned from school. “We got a letter from Thorax!”
They hurried back inside the house and told Granny. “Good,” she replied, “because the gazeebo’s been gnawed on like one o’ Winona’s chew toys.”
Apple Bloom unfurled the paper and read aloud:
“That’s terrible news, Applejack. I hope it isn’t too late to save your farm. It is true that your ‘garden gnomes’ usually live south of Equestria, and we changelings have had dealings with them for centuries. Their weakness is their shyness.
“Gnomes don’t like to be seen more than anything else, and they won’t cause you any trouble so long as they know that you are watching. As a hatchling, I would practice my shifting by appearing inanimate until one came near, then changing back to frighten them. It’s a rather common pastime of young changelings, in fact.
“There was a brief changeling-gnome war, but it was before my time. After a year of troublemaking, the changelings carved stone beasts to keep an eye on the gnomes and protect our territory. After that, the war pretty much ended.
“While gnomes usually avoid a number of creatures, not all of them will work as well in stone. I made a few sketches of the beasts they built, and Cadence assures me that the throne has already put resources towards crafting a number of them for your fields. The beasts are from old changeling legends, so I apologise if you find them unpleasant.”
Apple Bloom flipped the piece of paper over. “Hold, on, there’s a note: ‘Statues due to arrive tomorrow morning at castle. Come with cart.’ It’s from Twilight.”
Applejack sighed in relief. “I don’t care what the stone creatures look like if it means no more garden gnomes.”
* * *
The next morning, Applejack was presented with an assortment of about two dozen of the strangest stone statues she had ever seen. They were little peachy two-legged things that wore pants, jackets, and pointy red hats. All of them looked unreasonably cheerful, and most of them held some sort of gardening implement in grubby little paws.
“What the hay…?”
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So, Harry Potter style Garden Gnomes blocked by Muggle Garden Gnomes, like Scarecrows, sorta. Interesting...
I gotta say, it's impressive how many words from the cards you work into these things
YES! Just the card I was looking for for some anti-War Changeling Masonry tech!
Casting cost seems a little prohibitive, though.
My only disappointment is that Applejack didn't consult Twilight in Fluttershy's new gazebo. Aside from that, amazing work.
Also, I'm actually kind of surprised that I haven't made a card called Apple Family Feud yet.
thought much
Loved the bit about Grape Vine. Good to see you're leaving no pun unwritten.
7772682
I didn't get that until just now!
Oh geez
7768697
7769841 Just realized why this technique is so effective. In a land where cockatrices are very real, seeing large numbers of stone versions of yourself would probably scare away almost anyone.
8306974
Cool explanation! ... But they're painted... That sorta ruins the effect? Or does it make it worse, being reduced to decorations?