Unhinged

by SirNotAppearingInThisFic

Sneezing System [Slice of Loaf] [Georg's "The One Who Got Away"]

SPOILER WARNING

This is meant to be a side-story to Georg’s The One Who Got Away, taking place around the middle of chapter 7 (the last chapter). If you have not read that (yet) and do not mind spoilers, here is the minimal context summary:

Baron Gaberdine has spent about a week in the castle – a smallish, run-down steamship – of his Barony of Fen – a river. Sen is the old seneschal who lived there since the old Baron ruled, and Ripple is an enthusiastic young unicorn/seapony of about nine years of age who lives in the river with her family, and hopes to be an engineer one day. After being gifted a new toolkit for earning her cutie mark, “Sen poked his nose into the bedroom and stated that the toaster had ceased to toast and wondered if perhaps there was anypony in the vicinity who could repair it.”

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“Breakfast was a disaster. Sen was sound asleep, and Gaberdine really did not want to disturb him, but after burning several pieces of toast, nearly chopping a hoof off while slicing a grapefruit and managing to squirt both of them in the eyes with grapefruit juice, he somehow reduced an entire pot of boiling oatmeal to a gluey substance that claimed three serving spoons before he gave it up as a lost cause and dropped the whole mess into the sink.”

--Georg, The One Who Got Away

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Ripple considered the broken toaster on the counter before her. It looked mostly fine on the outside – aside from a collection of dents, scratches, and smudges of burnt toast – but Sen reported that it had finally ceased to toast entirely, so it must have broken on the inside. A good enough place to start for any engineer, aside from one problem. “There aren’t any bolts or screws. How am I supposed to open it up?”

She pulled the largest screwdriver out from her brand-new toolkit, figuring that the long metal rod coming to a flat tip would give her the leverage she’d need to pry it open, if only she could get it lodged in between the plates of thin metal casing. Maybe someday, when she had a lot of practice being an engineer, her magic would be sufficient to disassemble anything she wanted without needing tools.

Sen grunted, then he walked across the galley and unplugged the toaster. “I think the ponies that make ‘em figure you’ll have to purchase a new—”

There was a loud crack as something gave way. “Better. Wow,” Ripple remarked. The inside was nearly completely black with soot, in stark contrast with the definitely-used-to-be-shiny casing.

“Sen, have you ever cleaned this out?” she asked, casting him an inquisitive glance. His expression told her he was more than a little worried about what she had done. Even if the cover didn’t snap back on, it would at least make the toaster easier to clean out in the future. Given how often Mister Baron Gaberdine incinerated slices of bread, and her suspicion that he had completely forgotten to remove one of the most recent ones, she figured that easily-removed casing was an improvement.

“I’ve given it a fair up-ending once or twice. Last time’d be about a month ago. This one’s only a couple of years old.”

Ripple started to poke around the ash pile of an unfortunate piece of toast with her screwdriver. It hit something hard and fork-shaped a moment later. “I think I found—”

Dislodging the fork freed the spring, which happily returned the toast-holding-bar to its raised position, sending burnt crisps and former-toast-ash flying at her. Her snout responded with a sensation not unlike the one that followed inhaling a minnow.

She sneezed. Several times.

When the gritty black powder settled and her eyes stopped watering, she heard Sen mention something about a broom and towel before he walked off. She couldn’t help but notice that his coat now resembled a burnt orange, and wondered how Mister Baron Gaberdine had managed not to burn any oranges yet.

Ripple turned her attention back to the toaster. When she picked it up with her magic, more toast-ash found its way to freedom. This was clearly an invitation to shake all the toast-ash from the toaster, and Ripple happily complied. A couple of metal tabs, a bread knife, and enough ash to make up at least one whole loaf of bread came tumbling out. She found herself wondering just how often Mister Baron Gaberdine tried to make toast.

She checked to make sure that the spring was properly freed, then inspected the piece of casing she had removed. By the look of it (and the metal bits in the pile of toast-ash), she had snapped off a couple of the metal tabs that held it next to the rest of the casing. Still, it slid back on nicely, even if it was a little loose.

Satisfied, Ripple replaced the power cable in its socket and dug around the galley until she found some bread. Sure, the insides of the toaster glowed like they were supposed to, but how else could she know if it would toast properly again?

Sen made his way back in just in time for the toast to pop – perfectly done. Ripple watched him take in the scene, and took a moment to appreciate how much toast-ash she had blown around. She also noted that she hadn’t remembered to use more tools from her new toolkit. Maybe for another project.

Finally, Sen let out a sigh. “Alright, that settles it. If’n I’m not makin’ toast, we leave the toaster unplugged. Now le’s get this cleaned up ‘fore the Baron stops starin’ at the river.”

Author's Note:

RoboFoME card:

Sneezing System

2R

Legendary — Pony
Flying together. If your controller color of a spell or activated ability until end of turn target land can't loses deals 5 damage to the magic doesn't untap step. If your mana cost equal to." If turn

Adorable finally begging some on, she’ll make constructionism is a few more.

Comments

[SirNotAppearingInThisFic]

There you go.  More Ripple (and some of those other characters, too).  I’d like to thank Bugsydor and (especially) Georg for taking some time to proofread this.  I hope I haven’t made Georg cringe too much – it has only been about three weeks since I finished reading The One Who Got Away (and I highly recommend it).

In performing cursory research to determine that toasters could reasonably behave as I wrote this one, I found that wikipedia article on toasters had about one entry in the Risks section.  It’s one of those things that’s full of stupid and wrongness in that way that makes you want to ask where these ideas come from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toaster#Risks
(Edit: That entry has, unfortunately, been modified to a more sane statement.)

If you followed that, I’m hoping that at least half of you are normal enough that you wished you hadn’t.  Just because, note the picture of a hot dog toaster just a little farther down.

Anyway, The spoiler section up top is emulating Horizon’s Never the Final Word, and I’ve tried to emulate Georg’s style for much of the story and notes formatting, with the notable exception of using Ripple’s PoV.

As per Georg’s style, here are a couple of the notable comment chains that formed when Bugsydor and Georg were proofreading:

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(On Gaberdine sacrificing vs. incinerating bread in the toaster)

Bugsydor: [sacrificed] To what?

Georg: To the Breakfast Goddess, of course :) (even though Ripple would not think of it that way)

You may want to use 'incinerated' instead of 'sacrificed' although the latter does match with his sacrifices to the River Goddess. :)

Bugsydor: Mister Baron Gaberdine sure does make a lot of sacrifices.

Me: I am hoping to strongly imply that he gets nothing out of the ordeal of making toast. Not even the satisfaction of killing bread.

Georg: or 'snackrificed' maybe ? :)

Bugsydor: That's not what the word evokes for me, as sacrifices are typically done with a purpose.

Good pun, though!

Me: "Mister Baron Gaberdine says that's the bucking incinerator."

I suppose 'incinerate' works well enough.

Georg: Unicorns: The only Equestrian race who is perfectly fine with poking around the innards of a toaster with a fork.

I think bzzat that the bread bszzzt is just stuck down bzzzat below these wires bzzzzzz--Pop! Oh, darn. There goes the breaker again. Why does this keep happening?

(On snapping metal tabs off of the toaster casing)

Georg: somebody will complain that loose metal tabs in the toaster will cause fires. You can use 'bent' here to keep the loose part count down.

Me: A fork probably causes shorts and fires too. I should probably just note/imply that the tab is definitely not in the toaster.

I debated having one of those serving spoons show up, but those were eaten by the oatmeal.

Georg: Nothing says you have to limit yourself to one fork, anyway. :)

Me: Maybe the bread knife will come out with some of that toast-ash.

Bugsydor: "I was wondering where that one went."

Georg: +1

[FanOfMostEverything]

Fantastic stuff. Thankfully, that wasn't 5 damage worth of carbonized bread crumbs, but it definitely kept Ripple tapped down for a while. I may need to reread sone Georg and see if there any story hooks poking out.

In any case, thank you for the chapter.

[Malandy]

I thought the basis story was the one where Gaberdine has romance with Pearl, 'cause the title sounds so romancy. but no, that's the sequel? Or something. whatever. Basically, I've read this, so there's no spoilers for me!

Her snout responded with a sensation not unlike the one that followed inhaling a minnow.

She sneezed. Several times.

LOL!

his coat now resembled a burnt orange, and wondered how Mister Baron Gaberdine had managed not to burn any oranges yet.

Lol!

Adorable

Yes!

Slice of Loaf

[howard035]

8306978 Definitely makes it worse, it means that after the cockatrice petrified those other gnomes, some heartless bastard came along and painted their bodies in pastels.

[PresentPerfect]

Oh my god, I can still hear the VA saying "Mister Baron Gaberdine" in her adorable, adorable Ripple voice. ;_; Well done.