Equestria Heroes: The 3Ds (starring: Spike, Discord, and Big Mac)

by Phantom-Dragon

The Evil Song of Princess Porcina

Author's Note:

Warning: A painful sight for sore eyes from Gen. 1. Earmuffs recommended.

Watching from a distance, the three pigs were astonished and dismayed to see that the boys have escaped, all in one piece, including the egg they had rescued.

"Oh dear," The first pig oinked in despair. "Who's gonna tell her majesty the bad news?"

"Don't look at me!" The second pig oinked in argument. "I ain't saying anything. You tell her!"

"Me?! I told her last week! And I won't do it again!"

"Oy! I got an idea!" The second pig perked up as he turns to the third pig, "Curly! You tell her!"

The third pig, now identified as Curly, asked, "Tell her what?"

"That we....you know, botched the mission," The first pig gulped.

"She's not going to like that," Curly whimpered, as he took out a glass orb, rubbed on its smooth surface, while whispering, "Calling Porcina. Come in Porcina."

With that, an image began to appear in the interior of the glass orb, revealing the image of Princess Porcina, looking rather displeased, courtesy of the boys' constant meddling. In appearance, Princess Porcina is a large pig, with a curly chocolate brown hair, blue eyes, and wore a rosy red lipstick, a crown, and a tattered blue cloak.

"G-G-Greetings, your majesty," Curly stuttered, only for Porcina to snort in response.

"Well, out with it, you incompetent swine!" Porcina snorted impatiently. "Why did you disturb my royal me time?"

"A thousand apologies, your highness," Curly whimpered, before he turned to his two comrades for assistance. The only thing the other two pigs could do was wave their hands to their comrade, gesturing to get on with it. "I-I-I-I have good news....and bad news...." He gulped. "The good news is....we did exactly like you told us to do...those three meddling boys came and blew up the base!"

"Then I take it the boys are done for?" Porcina asked.

"Well....that's the bad news," Curly sweated a storm.

"YOU MEAN THEY GOT AWAY!?" In a flash of light, the three screaming pigs were enveloped by a sparkle of blue auras, which took them through the orb.

Unknown location

"YOU INCOMPETENT FOOLS!!!" A loud voice screamed, followed by a blast of magics. "HOW COULD YOU LET THEM GET AWAY AGAIN?!!"

The three pigs trembled in fright, after they reported the recent bad news to their leader. The self-absorbed, pompous, selfish, bad tempered, tyrant Princess Porcina, herself.

"It's not my fault," The second pig oinked. "It was all Moe's fault! It was his idea!" He said, attempting to pin it on the first pig named Moe.

"MY FAULT?!!" Moe oinked. "That robot was your creation, Larry! I never should've let you try it out!"

"You were pushing the wrong buttons!"

"ENOUGH!!" Porcina shouted, getting the three pigs back on track. "You three imbeciles ought to be grateful that your little bungle at least provided a small distraction for the other pig squadron to snatch some more 'pretty, little ponies.'" Porcina snorted venomously. "But those three boys are getting even more troublesome. We need to get rid of them, and FAST!!"

"Yes, your majesty!" The three pigs saluted.

"And when they're through, I can finally have my revenge on Princess Celestia and the world for rejecting my beauty," Porcina ranted, much to the three pigs' discomforts.

"Here she goes again," Moe oinked in discomfort.

"Oooh, how I hated that Princess Celestia!" Porcina snorted in discomfort. "I'll never forget how she bested me, all those moons ago," Porcina sighed, as she recalled, "I remember it well. It felt like it was only yesterday, when I, Princess Porcina, was the envy of all the creatures in the world. Everywhere I went, I was admired, I was courted by the millions. All the reasons why I crafted the magic mirror to recognize my beauty, and my beauty only." Princess Porcina frowned, as she snorted in anger, "All I asked was simply, "Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all. And did it show my face? No! It simply showed me the face of a pony. And another, and another, and another, until at last, it showed me Princess Celestia herself! Ooh, that Princess Celestia, how she stole my title. The title that was RIGHTFULLY MINE!!"

"And when you tried to take her out of the picture, you got your butt kicked really bad," Moe stated, before he was elbowed by Curly and Larry.

"She took everything from me," Porcina frowned. "My fame, my beauty, my wings, and most of all, my hair...."

"....Your hair?" Curly asked.

"IT GREW BACK!!" Porcina snorted, before she resumes, "But still, nothing will please me more for when I have all the 'fairest 'ponies I need to repair my ruined cloak!" She pointed to the tattered cloak around her neck, "Without it, I can't perform any magical feat!"

As if to make her point clear, Porcina pointed her fingers at a nearby pedestal and shouted, "Kazim-kazam-kazoom!" She snorted, sending only a few magical sparkles to fly from her hands, and nothing happened. "You see?!" Porcina asked. "My magic is running low! And without glasses, how will any creatures admire my rare beauty?!"

"Well, what can we do?" Moe asked. "It's not like we're monsters or anything."

Porcina turned to the leading pig, pondering on what he said, before she grinned, "Why, that's not a bad idea, Moe!" Porcina snorted, before she walked over to a nearby bookshelf, pulling out a dusty old book, opened the pages before she found the spell she was looking for. Reciting some incantations in an ancient language, Porcina casted her magic over the three pigs, transforming them into three savage looking beasts, with the heads of fiendish dogs, but the bodies of dark, sickly, savage vultures equipped with sickle shaped claws on the bent of their wings, and on their first toes.

"You are now Raptorians!" Porcina announced. "You now possess the keen smell of dogs, the flight of vultures, and the savagery of all predators!" With a loud cackle, Porcina snorted, "Now go! Rid me of those boys! I don't care how you do it, but I want them dead! Go! Kill them!" With a bloodcurdling laughs, that belonged a pack of hyenas, the Raptorians beat their wings, as they took off into the sky.

"Fly my pretty birds of prey! Fly and feast on those troublesome boys! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-Oink! Oh, excuse me."

Oh no! When the bad guy is this happy, it always means one thing.

*drumroll please*

BAD GUY SOOOOOONG!!!

Look at me - Princess Porcina

"Uh, why the music stop?" Princess Porcina asked.

That was horrible! That pig was like poison for my eyes and stomaches! I need something cute and cuddly quick!

Ah, that's better.

Derpy - Nyan Nyan Nyan

Comments

[Godslittleprincess]

"That we....you know, botched the mission," The first pig gulped.

To quote Captain America, I understood that reference.

Is that nyan nyan song in Chinese or Japanese? "Nyan nyan" is Japanese for "meow meow," but "ni hao" is Chinese for "hello."

[Phantom-Dragon]

9014040
Both. Though the song originated from a Japanese anime.

[Phantom-Dragon]

GET OFF THE STAGE MISS PIGGY WANNABE!!