The Taffy Tale

by yotoeman

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“Bon Bon, Bon Bon! Wake up!"

“Wha.. what is it?” Bon Bon was still half asleep when she heard her name being called. It can’t be time to wake up already can it?

“Boooon Boooon, Boooon Boooon!” the voice calling her was getting closer. Bon Bon was just about to get out of bed to see what was going on when suddenly her door slammed open as a hysterical Lyra Heartstrings ran inside her room eyes wide open with fear.

“Are you alright Lyra? What happened? Did somepony come inside your room?” Bon Bon asked concerned at the green unicorn’s terrified expression.

“Oh Bon Bon, it was terrible! I can’t begin to tell you and Oh my god Oh my god! It was harry, and big and Oh my gosh Bon Bon I’m so scared!” The green unicorn looked as if she were going to cry as she grabbed Bon Bon’s hoof.

“Alright let’s just calm down for a second please.” Bon Bon said trying to make some sense of what Lyra saw, “Now tell me exactly what the thing is that you saw.” Bon Bon wiped a tear from Lyra’s face with her hoof and grabbed a tissue box. After several more whimpers, Lyra finally stopped crying and began to speak intelligibly.

“Oh it was horrible Bon Bon. I was just coming back from using the bathroom when out of nowhere a huge gigantic normous spider crawled from under my bed!”

“Really? Really...” was all Bon Bon could say, “Did you really just wake me up in the middle of the night because of some dumb spider?”

“But Bon Bon! It was a huge gigantic normous spider!”

“Sigh... alright Lyra wait here I’ll be right back.”
Bon Bon left the room. Moments later, Lyra heard what sounded like the slams of a broomstick followed by the flushing of the bathroom toilet. Bon Bon returned to the room with a broom in hand.

“Is it gone Bon Bon? Is it really gone?

“Lyra... I got rid of your little spider problem. Now for Celestia’s sake please go back to bed. I’ve got only a couple hours now until I have to wake up and buy groceries so please allow me to catch some shut eye until then.”
Lyra still seemed skeptical that the foe had actually been terminated. She cautiously walked back to her bedroom as Bon Bon closed the door slowly shaking her head before going back to sleep.
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The next morning was very similar to the morning before that except this time, instead of removing the covers from Lyra’s bed, Bon Bon choose the method of whacking the unicorn with a large breadstick in order to wake up the mare. The day went on in much the same way as the previous one except this time, the customers started to come much earlier. By the end of the day, the two mares had earned 200 bits. The next few days followed this same routine as the store began to rise in popularity.
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“Bon Bon, wake up, wake up.” Bon Bon awoke with a gentle hoof shaking her shoulder.

“What is it this time Lyra? Another spider crawl from under your bed?”

“Ha ha, not this time Bon Bon,” the unicorn responded, “I’ve just been feeling kind of...lonely lately. I was wondering if maybe, if it’s alright with you... if I could sleep here tonight.”
Bon Bon gave the unicorn a look due to the odd request but then thought about the situation that Lyra was in; she was probably far away from home be that Canterlot or not and she didn’t know many other ponies in Ponyville. It makes sense that she would feel quite lonely at times.”

“Did you bring your own blanket?” Bon Bon asked. Lyra nodded.

“Alright then little filly, hop in and try not to drool on my bed,” Bon Bon said with a smile. Lyra smiled back and jumped in next to the earth pony.

“I guess that nickname’s sticking then?” Lyra whispered quietly

“What, little filly?” Bon Bon whispered back "Of course it is, now go to sleep, we’ve got another long day tomorrow ahead of us. Lyra nodded in agreement as the pair put their heads down falling fast to sleep.
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“Huh what, whose that?” Bon Bon woke up to a sound that dinged in her ear. “Ding Dong.” Upon the second time Bon Bon heard the sound, she realized it was in fact the doorbell. But it's only 8; the store didn’t open for another hour. Bon Bon looked down at the sleeping unicorn next to her.

“Nope, it definitely wasn’t Lyra getting herself locked out of the shop. Hmm... that means it has to be...Oh Horseapples!” Bon Bon sprang up out of bed as she realized who was at the door. Bon Bon ran to her dressing cabinet and grabbed the bag of bits that she had earned in the past week. The doorbell continued to spam noises as a familiar voice from outside shouted, “I know you’re in there Ms. Taffy!” Bon Bon ran as quickly as she could and opened the door to greet the less than humble businesspony.

“Oh uhh... howdy Mr. Tate, has it really been one week already? Oh time goes by so fast nowadays doesn’t it ol’ buddy ol’ pal. Now then...”

“Cut the crap Bonnie and hand me that bag of bits your holding.”
Bon Bon handed over the bag to Golden Tate.

“Oh please Celestia,” Bon Bon prayed silently, “Let there please be at least 2000 bits in that bag.”
After a few minutes of counting, Golden Tate finally looked up at Bon Bon with an evil smile on his face.

“That’s only 1500 bits, you know what that means don’t you Miss Taffy?”
Bon Bon gulped.

“Well, this is the end I guess,” she thought.

“Hold your horses there,” a voice from behind Bon Bon said startling both Bon Bon and Golden Tate,

“Here’s 500 bits for you.”
Golden Tate caught the bag that the green unicorn that appeared behind Bon Bon tossed to him.

“Who? Who are you supposed to be exactly?”

“Not relevant,” replied Lyra, “What’s important is that I have 500 bits to pay you. You can count yourself if you don’t believe me.”
As Golden Tate began to count the bits, Bon Bon looked at Lyra worriedly.

“Lyra when did you wake...”

“I heard the spamming of the doorbell.”

“Where did you keep your 500...”

“Lyre case, holds all my valuables.”
At this point, Golden Tate finished his counting and looked back up at the pair.

“You’re still not Bon Bon and are not authorized to pay for her.”
Lyra rolled her eyes at the response

“Okay then wiseflank, I’ll give these 500 bits to Bon Bon then. Now they’re hers and “she” paid you”
Golden Tate raised a hoof about to speak again but then decided against it and started to turn his back to leave.

“Well fine, you win this round,” the businesspony said gruntingly, “But Miss Taffy better have at least 1000 bits for me next week.”

“Oh yeah, about that, that won’t be necessary either. How much in total does Bon Bon owe you now?”

“Uhh... 3000 more bits why?”
Lyra grabbed her lyre case which was apparetly lying right next to her and started searching the case. Bon Bon quickly stuck out a hoof to object.

“Wait Lyra, you can’t seriously...”
It was too late though, the unicorn pony pulled out another bits bag and tossed it to Golden Tate who opened the bag and began counting the bits.

“Don’t worry about it Bon Bon, I know what I’m doing.”

“What! You can’t be serious right now Lyra, 3000 bits is a lot of money even for a pony like...”

“That is 3000 bits,” Golden Tate interrupted shocked at the money he just recieved, “But how could...”

“Great, now that you have your money, I bid you farewell sir!” Lyra said angrily. With that she slammed the door in Golden Tate’s face. Bon Bon stood there in shock trying to process what had occurred. Finally after several minutes, she was finally able to find words.

“Lyra, why...why the hay did you do that! I know you’re rich and all but 3000 bits? That’s got to be at least a quarter of your total...”
Bon Bon paused noticing that the Lyra had been even more stunned at the actions she herself was.

“Lyra? Are...are you okay?”
Lyra looked up at the earth pony as she tried to search for words.

“I...I don’t know why I just did that. I’ve only known you for about a week and already I... Oh Bon Bon, I’ve got a confession to make.”
The unicorn seemed to be on the verge of tears. Bon Bon noticed this and placed a forehoof on the mare’s shoulder.

“There there, don’t cry, you can tell me.”

“Oh Bon Bon, I don’t really have any friends in other cities either. Everypony I’ve tried to ever get close to they always... they always hated me because I was a sloppy pony, because I had weird obsessions, because I had all these fears, because of all the shenanigans that I get involved in but yet you... you cared for me. You don’t want me to change and just let me…well, you just let me be me. Oh Bon Bon, I didn’t want to tell you this but you’re really the only friend I have in this world so I just... I just felt like I owed you.”
The green unicorn could barely finish her sentence as she fell onto the earth pony’s shoulder in a full sob. The two ponies stayed in this position for several minutes as Bon Bon gently rubbed Lyra’s back. Finally, Lyra’s last tear dried and Bon Bon broke the silence.

“Oh Lyra, you’re my only friend in this world too. But together we aren’t lonely anymore now are we?”
She smiled at Lyra who smiled warmly back at her.

“And plus, I’m sure someone as rich as you can...”

“It’s another lie,” the green unicorn blurted, “I’m not really rich, those 3000 bits were the last I had!”
The unicorn cringed up into a ball. She was half expecting the earth pony to slap her across the face. Instead however, she was greeted with a kind hoof and a continued smile from the earth pony.

“Well then,” the earth pony said laughingly, “it looks like you’ll be spending more time here than you originally intended.”

Comments

[CoastalSarv]

Go on, please...

[Zasyri]

Your story is rather cute, and grammatical errors aside its quite readable for a beginner. I would suggest writing out your numbers in word form, and refrain from abbreviating particles as if you were texting on your phone. Writing 'Oh' as 'O' and 'You' as 'u' is quite an eyesore. As for Bon Bon most likely squishing that spider in chapter five... I'm going to say that you should fact check things like that. As far as I can tell, canonical ponies don't kill things no matter what they might be or how threatening they are.

tl;dr version : good job, please keep writing. You have a few things to work on but your story is a fun read. This story gets a thumbs up from me, looking forward to more.

[theRedBrony]

769429 Depends how 'O' is used, but the only instance that is passable is in ch 3, 'O dear Celestia.'

'O' makes it sound more dramatic, it's kinda like old english, makes me think of a Shakespearian play. But still, all of them should be replaced with 'Oh' imo.

[yotoeman]

Thank you all for the feedback. As a first time writer this is very helpful to me. I went back and brushed up on the grammar and will be updating more chapters very soon. Btw, where's the part where I used 'u' instead of 'You'?

[Jeta]

Two beautiful lines:
"I heard the spamming of the doorbell."
And
"... I bid you farewell, sir!"

Amazing story!
Keep up the good work!