It was around midnight when Starlight’s eyes shot open, gasping after having a horrible nightmare. The same one she had the night before. She groaned and laid on her back, brushing the blanket that laid across her in anger. After staring at the ceiling for a bit, she sighed and rested her arm over her eyes, wishing this would end already, but part of her felt she deserved it, dreaming of everything that had happened all those months ago.
“Can’t let it go…” She thought to herself. “Can you, Starlight…” She took her arm off her eyes and looked out the window, seeing a crescent moon in the sky and the many stars that surrounded it. Feeling the need to relieve herself, she got out of bed and made her way to the restroom, hoping that that and a drink would put her back to sleep. She opened the door and walked in, not noticing a dark shadow dashing across the moonlight that shined through the window.
After finding slight relief, Starlight looked into the bathroom mirror, seeing the face of a tired mare. She sighed and closed her eyes as a pair of dark figures ran past the reflection. She didn’t notice as she walked out and into the open bedroom, rubbing her eyes and dragging her hoof down her face, still having a hard time seeing the room, even with the moonlight helping, she was about to flair her horn if it wasn’t for something bumping in front of her, making her fall back and land on her flank.
“AH!” Starlight stood up and put a hoof to her chest defensively, seeing a figure in the shadows, “W-Wh-Who are you!?” She yelled, lighting up her horn and preparing to strike the intruder. “S-Show yourself!”
The pony shaped figure emerged from the shadows and into the moonlight, showing its front hooves before the front of its body. Starlight’s jaw dropped and her horn un-flared once she saw what stood in front of her, knowing exactly who it was. After a short pause, the pony spoke. “I’m you…” It answered, sounding just like her as well.
Starlight seemed glued to the spot, shaking in both fear and confusion as her doppelganger stood in front of her with a wicked smile; the same one she had months ago when she fought against Sparkle. “M-Me!?”
Her twin leaned forward. “Who?” It asked, tilting its head.
Starlight would’ve screamed and ran, but a swift smack on the back of her head made her fall to the floor, she tried getting up, flaring her horn defensively, though it didn’t help once another hit came, making her vision go blurry and her hearing fade out as voices talked around her.
“Nice shot, Twig…”
“Did I get it, Shawn?”
The last thing Starlight saw was herself, looking down at her with a smile that gave her flashbacks to her dream, and the last thing she heard before she passed out was a sinister laugh coming from her clone, followed by a sentence that made her fear for the worst.
“The hive shall rise again…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first sense that Starlight regained once she started coming back into the world was her sense of touch, feeling as though she were laying on a hard, cold floor. She then felt a huge amount of pain in her head, making her wish her other senses would come back sooner.
“How much longer?”
Starlight’s ear flicked, thankful that her sense of hearing was working, but also terrified at the tone of that voice, sounding like its voice box had been thrown into a shredder then connected into an amplifier
“I dunno.” Another said in a similar tone. “How hard did ya hit her, Twig?”
“It was just a light tap, nothing too serious.”
“Twig, your definition of a ‘light tap’ isn’t really that-”
“Mhghhrhhm?” Starlight was surprised that she could say anything during this, even if it was nothing but groaning.
“Quick, she’s waking up! Everyling, get in positions!”
Starlight’s eyes slowly opened, her sight showing her nothing but darkness. In an effort to stand, she rolled on her side, still feeling the pain in her head. Before long, she was able to sit up and rub her eyes, hoping that doing so would help her see. After she blinked a few times, she finally managed to see what was in front of-
“Hello!”
Starlight screamed and backed up, yelping as she hit a cold wall seconds after. Her eyes darted around the dark area as hundreds of blue eyes lit up, coming closer and closer to her. Her eyes started adjusting to the darkness, now seeing sharp teeth and fangs under each eye.
Despite her lungs now going into overdrive, she asked the first of many questions that swam through her head. “Wh-W-Who are you ponies!?”
“Oh, we’re not ponies!” A voice called out. “We’re changelings!”
Starlight had never heard of such a word, nor a voice in such a weird tone. “Wh-What?”
“Ya know, those things that feed on love and that ponies call monsters.”
“Wh-Whu..Whaaat?” Starlight squeaked out.
“Here, lemme show you.” Starlight yelped as a black, hole filled, blue eyed, fanged creature with bug like wings stepped in front of her. “See;” It said pointing at itself. “Changeling, or you can call us bug horses, insects, overgrown cockroaches or-”
“Sta-Stay back!” Starlight tried lighting up her horn, but for some reason, it refused to do so, this only made her panic more.
As for the changeling, it just laughed at how she was acting. “Calm down, listen, my name’s Phil: new ambassador of the changelings.”
“‘New?’” Starlight repeated.
He, and others behind him, nodded. “Unfortunately, our other ambassador, or ‘speaker’ as he liked to be called, decided to go out on his own along with some other bugs, so, we all took a vote on who should be the new one and, after a month, we decided I should be the one to represent the hive!”
“A-A whole month?”
Some changelings shrugged. “It takes a pretty long time when you don’t have anyone to tell us how it works.” One pointed out.
Starlight continued looking around, now starting to see even more of these creatures in the room, which looked like a huge cave with no exits that she could see. This made her think of her next question. “W-Where am I?”
“You’re in the cave. Our home.” One changeling said proudly. “Well, our new home...I guess you can call it that.”
Starlight tried lighting up her horn again to, not only get a better look around, but to prepare for a fight. Unfortunately, her horn refused to do so. She looked up and tapped it with her hoof, feeling a strange, slimy substance covering it. “W-why can’t I...I-I…”
Phil noticed this and scratched his neck, looking away awkwardly, as did others. “Heh...y-yeah, Sorry about the gunk on your horn, we were too afraid you would use it before any of us could explain what’s going on,” He laughed. “but you probably know why you're here anyway.”
With her heart still pounding against her chest, she shook her head furiously. “No! I-I don’t!”
Many changelings looked at each other in confusion. “You...don’t you know why you’re here?”
Starlight thought of many reasons as to why she was here, each thought worse than the last. “I-I really don’t know...w-what do you ‘changelings’ want with me.”
Phil stepped closer, his smile not going away. “Isn’t it obvious?” He asked. “I mean, we freed you, brought you to our home, made you sit in front of all of us, we have a history that I’m sure you can relate to…”
The mare started having very dark ideas of her purpose. “L-Listen….I-I’m not that tasty, okay. I-I don’t even have that much meat on me anyway, a-and I doubt I c-can feed all of you!”
Seconds of silence came before the entire cave busted into laughter, Phil was the first to calm down. “Oheheh...Okay! First off, we’re not into that, and second, why would we want to eat our new queen?”
The gears in Starlight's brain momentarily stopped. “Q-Qu...Q-Que...QUEEN!?”
“Of course!” A changeling yelled. “What other reason could there be? It’s not like we take random ponies for no reason.”
Starlight was getting more confused by the second. “But why me? A-And what do you mean by ‘new queen’? W-Who was the old one? And where is t-this cave? A-And why did you ponynap me? A-And...a-and...”
Phil sighed. “I suppose we should explain.” He clapped his hooves, a group of changelings quickly flew off and rolled in a large cork board on wheels with many pinned up papers and pictures, a few files pinned up as well, filled with even more papers. “Let’s start at the beginning.” A changeling next to one of the boards pointed at a picture of their queen, her large fangs and catlike eyes gave Starlight chills down her spine. “Our queen, bless her dark soul, has vanished ever since we were flung out of that city.”
Starlight was even more confused. “City?”
Phil nodded. “The city of Canterlot was where we did our first ever attack on ponies for rejecting us of our need for love!” He cleared his throat. “I’m guessing you don’t know of our attack?”
Starlight slowly shook her head. “N-No...I-I don’t.”
Phil looked away. “Well, it’s best that you don’t know the details, just know that we were flung over Equestria from a magic blast thanks to that lovely couple and the element bearers."
“Element whats?”
“It’s a code name.” Phil explained. “A code name for those six ponies that defeated us...and we know that you know about who we know...ya know?”
Despite the confusing sentence, Starlight had a rough idea as to who he was talking about, and it only made more questions. “Y-You’re talking about Twilight and her friends?”
Phil nodded slowly. “That pony and her five stupid friends managed to get past the first fleet of bugs before being stopped by the next.” Others growled. “If our queen hadn’t told us to take them to her unharmed…” He snapped his teeth in the air, making Starlight’s heart leap to her throat. “Well, we wouldn’t be here, I’ll tell you that much.” Many changelings behind him nodded, showing signs of anger that Starlight had never seen on anyone.
Starlight bit her lip, knowing that she had to get on their good side if it meant getting out of this place. “I-I’m sure you wouldn’t…heh.”
Phil managed to regain his composure as he looked back at the board. “Anyway, long story short, the purple pony saw through our plan, she helped a princess escape, and managed to make her brother and sis-in-law blast us out of that city. We'll go more into detail later.”
Starlight was rather impressed. “S-She did all of that?”
Others nodded. “Yup.” Phil then closed his eyes and hung his head. “And, in the process, we lost...her, our one ruler, our only ruler, the one who would’ve led us to victory if it wasn’t for that STUPID MARE!” Phil stomped the floor, causing a slight uproar in the crowd.
Starlight’s eyes went wide, hoping they weren’t serious. “A-Are you saying Twilight...y-ya know...”
Phil opened his eyes. “We don’t know. We lost contact with the queen after everyling found each other. It was...heartbreaking, but we ended up moving past it and followed protocol.”
Starlight had to ask. “Which is?”
Phil turned to his brothers and sisters, wanting them to answer. “Find a new ruler.” They said in unison.
“A-And I was your first pick?” Starlight said.
Phil cringed. “Technically, yes, but we had other options.” He turned to the cork board, a changeling nodded and took hold of a file that said ‘C-King’ on it, handing it to Phil. “After sending our first search party out to find siblings or food, we caught word of a king, who had apparently been trapped for over a thousand years, had risen from his slumber and was preparing to invade a place known as The Crystal Kingdom.” Phil opened the file and held up several pictures of the kingdom.
“A-A king?”
Phil leaned his head over to the board, a photo of a dark cloud with a pony shaped head at the top. “King Sombra was very close to taking over that place...but guess who stopped him.” He growled as he slammed the file on the floor, pictures of the king being blasted along with Twilight and her friends in their crystallized forms. “They did it again...they stole another ruler from us!”
Sounds of anger echoed through the cave, making Starlight fear for her life. “W-Well, t-that must be terrible.”
“And those ponies didn’t stop there.” Phil continued as another changeling pointed at a picture of Discord while others picked up the file on the floor. “This mutant goat was on the list as well. His chaotic nature and his lack of mercy seemed like a good choice, but it would seem that after his second un-stoning, he...reformed…” Many changelings hissed at the word, as if it were the most vile thing they could ever say or hear. “So, no luck there.”
“But I’m-” Starlight then bit her tongue, knowing that telling them that would be suicide.
“And then there’s this blue mare who once fought that purple pony.” Phil pointed at a photo of Trixie, looking as though it was taken behind glass. “Unfortunately, this one also seems to no longer care for the element bearers, even though she came back twice…”
Starlight was getting more worried by the second. These bugs, not only knowing about Twilight and her friends, but also about the foes they faced was rather unsettling. “Listen, I’m not-”
“And then we had a breakthrough!” Phil smiled as more changelings pointed at a larger section of the board, showing many pictures of a giant red and black centaur. “Lord Tirek might have some unoriginal colors, but he looked like he knew what he was doing, he even managed to turn that goat back to his side and capture almost every element, but, like the other’s, he fell before we even had a chance to talk to him.” The entire hive sighed sadly. “We were sure that no one would ever try and face her again after that...but then, something wonderful happened!”
Starlight was almost too afraid to ask. “W-What happened?”
The bugs smiled as they flipped the board on the other side. Starlight gasped once she saw what was on it. “We found another…” Phil said, looking over the dozens of pictures, written parchments, and sketches all revolving around Starlight and her doings. “We found someone who had done it, who prevailed, who managed to trick the element bearers better than we, or any other ruler, ever could!”
Starlight’s eyes traveled the entire board, pictures of her smiling evilly, sketches of the staff of sameness and the cutie marks she had once collected, different pictures of the town she once ruled, even a photo of her yelling at Twilight to be quiet. “H-How did you get these pictures!?”
“Oh, we took em’ when we followed that purple pony to your location.” One changeling said, holding a camera in his hooves. “It’s kinda how we did it with the other rulers, just followed that purple pony around and, once we see who she fights, we take pictures just to see how good, or, how bad of a ruler they are.”
Starlight hated the way the bug said ‘bad’. “B-But I’m not-”
“For she knew how to rule!” Phil interrupted, making Starlight feel like Twilight when she did the same. “Managing to take over an entire village and stand over them was quite astounding to see, your ways of ruling, more than likely, put our former ruler to shame.”
Starlight wasn’t sure how a queen, who led more subjects than her, was less of a ruler than herself. “B-But how did-”
“Then came the despair…” Phil said, starting to annoy Starlight with how much he was interrupting her. “When we found out you had lost to those meddlesome ponies, we had nearly given up hope again. We didn't even try to look for you in the cave you ran to...but then, we saw that you still hadn’t given up! You were still with them...in the background, silently planning no doubt.”
Starlight’s eyes widened. “Y-You knew I was spying on her?”
Many changelings laughed. “Pssh, of course we knew.” One changeling in a helmet said. “You’re talking to changelings, creatures that are masters of stealth and espionage, so, ya, we knew you were still with them.
“But we have to admit,” Another said, scuffing the floor. “you really need to work on your undercover skills.” Many changelings nodded in agreement. “It was really shocking to see that the element bearers didn’t even notice you while us bugs could spot ya from a mile away.” He chuckled. “Hiding your face in a menu has gotta be the most hilarious thing we had every seen.”
More changelings laughed, making Starlight blush in embarrassment. “Regardless,” Phil continued. “we continued watching to see what you would do next...and when you finally made your move.” He chuckled. “We knew we finally found the right one to lead us.”
Starlight had a rough idea as to what he was talking about. “Y-You don’t mean…”
Phil waved his hoof, a table coming in between him and Starlight. Another changeling grabbed a file from the board and opened it on the table. Starlight’s eyes went wide when she saw what was inside. “Changing timelines…” Phil said, placing his hoof on sketches of almost every timeline Twilight had went through. “Something that we had never seen before, something that made us question our own reality, something that made hatchlings shiver, drones afraid, and our scientists go mad!” He breathed. “But, to be fair, our lab guys aren’t as smart as the next pony…”
The changeling that grabbed the file nodded. “Even our lead scientist, the one who named himself after some greek guy, started writing his own stories and ideas of other universes.” He snickered. “And boy are they stupid. Like someling can be afraid of a princess…”
Starlight was too busy trying to figure out how they drew these to pay attention to the conversation, the only one missing seemed to be the barren wasteland. “H-Ho...How in Equestria did you know about this!?”
Phil smirked. “We’re everywhere, Starlight…” Phil paused for a moment before letting loose his laugh. “Okay...m-maybe we just heard from that purple pony that she went through places where the villains won and we kinda...just sketched it” He grabbed one picture of a swarm of changelings. “I think this one’s the best. We look really intimidating, huh? You can thank the master of being without death for that.”
“B-But you know how it ended, right?” Half of Starlight hoped they would realize she no longer cared for defeating Twilight while the other half was afraid of how they would react.
Other’s nodded sadly. “Oh...we know, she defeated you...again!” Phil slammed his hooves on the table, making Starlight yelp. “You would’ve succeeded, you would’ve won, you would’ve prevailed in ending the timeline of those accursed mares, but some way or another, she defeated you.” The changelings growled. “We couldn’t figure out how. We were confused, angry, furious, hateful after hearing about this!”
Starlight gulped, not liking any of the looks these bugs had right now. “A-At me?”
The changelings stopped growling. “Wh-wha...n-no, not at you,” Phil motioned for another changeling to come, this one holding a hoof ful of darts. “but at HER!!!” Phil then threw one at a nearby dartboard, which had pictures of all of Starlight’s new friends hung all over, with one photo having more holes than the others, which the dart landed on. “Twilight Sparkle...the mare who took our queen away, the mare who saw right through our plan, the mare who has now left us to perish after everything that happened!”
Starlight needed to ask. “Uh...h-how long has that dartboard been there?”
“She’s done it all!” Phil yelled, making Starlight's face go deadpan. “She’s won, she’s been victorious, she’s beaten and knocked down every obstacle in her path, but NO MORE!” Phil got on the table and stood on his hind legs. “We have had enough of watching this mare and her five friends take away our hopes and dreams, watching her defeat foe after foe, watching her be happy and free while we stay here and rot!” He raised his hoof in the air. “For on this day, in the name of our fallen queen, will be perfect, for this day will be the day our queen’s dream will come true, for this day we will gather round and, with the help of our new queen, we will finally defeat TWILIGHT SPARKLE!”
A round of cheering and applause echoed through the cave, forcing Starlight to flop her ears. “B-But you can’t!” She yelled
Phil got off the table. “Of course we can’t, not without you.”
“WH-WHAT!?”
Phil shoved the table out of the way. “Starlight, you’re the only one left, we’ve seen what you’ve done, the plans you pulled off, the challenges you’ve been through.” All of them smiled. “We’re here to give you another chance, we’ve freed you from the dreaded prison she kept you in, and now that you’re with us, you can help save our kind!”
Starlight wasn’t sure how her bedroom was considered a prison. “Y-You thought I was in prison?”
“Of course you were imprisoned, did you see the accommodations she put you in?” Some changelings nearly gagged. “I'm sure Tirek has it easy compared to you.”
“L-Look, I-I’m not-” Starlight then saw the looks they were giving her, all of their expressions were filled with hope the more they looked at her.
“You’re not what?” Phil asked, stepping closer. “Starlight, you’re our last hope, w-we’ve been through so many tough months of being by ourselves, of constantly searching for a leader, of watching, hoping to find someone who can help...and I think we can all agree that you, despite being a pony, can lead us to victory!”
Starlight cringed, knowing that she would have to tell some truth or else she might lead an entire army of changelings into battle. “I-I’m just not comfortable leading...well, you guys.”
One changeling raised their hoof. “We can put equal signs on our flanks if it’ll make you feel better.” Green fire formed around his bottom half before a white equal sign was on both sides of his flank. “It’s not black, but it’s still pretty equal.”
To Starlight, this only made things worse. “I-I’m just not ready for something like this…”
“We can change into your enemy so you can prepare for your victory speeches.” One changeling walked up to her and bursted into green flames, disguising at Twilight without her wings. “Oh Starlight!” He acted. “How could I have been defeated by such a powerful mare like you? If only those accursed changelings weren’t in the way, maybe I would’ve had a fighting chance.” The disguised Twilight slid across the floor before he was at the hooves of Starlight. “Please, Starlight, have mercy on me!”
Phil chuckled and decided to join in on the act. “That’s queen Starlight to you, Sparkle, and we’ll talk about mercy...once we’ve drained you of all the love from your body!”
Disguised Twilight gasped and rose to his back legs, leaning his head back and putting his arm over his eyes. “Noooooooooo!” He yelled before coming back into his original form. “How was that? I didn’t get an A in acting 312 for nothing.”
Starlight’s jaw dropped. “I-I don’t-”
“We could even have a pretend fight to help you prepare!” Phil clapped his hooves, two changelings coming forward and changing into Starlight and Twilight.
“You’re time of doing evil is over, Glimmer!” The disguised Twilight yelled as they flared up their horn and shot a blast of green light right at the disguised Starlight.
The fake Starlight simply stepped to the side, the blast hitting another changeling, who had turned into one of Twilight’s friends. Fake Starlight sarcastically clapped their hooves with a smile, making the real Starlight shiver once she saw it from a different perspective. Phil stepped closer to her. “Are we great at acting or what?”
Starlight pushed him away. “Listen, changelings. I...I-I’m...I…” She knew that she had to tell them, but she needed to find a way to defend herself if things got out of hoof, it was then she noticed her gunk covered horn.
“You're what? Still not convinced? Because we even have a musical prepared if you don’t-”
“I don’t feel comfortable with this stuff on my horn right now!” She blurted out. “Uh...d-do you mind?”
Phil gasped. “O-Of course we don’t mine, why, it would be an honor!” Phil stepped up to her and opened his mouth, biting down on her horn, a mixture of fear, shock, horror, disgust, and arousal swirled through Starlight's mind until he tore the stuff off with his teeth, her horn sparking seconds afterwards. Phil then noticed the expression on her face and laughed. “Heh...s-sorry about that...It’s the only way to get it off.”
Starlight tapped it, seeing that it prepared for anything that might happen. “Well, now that it’s working...I-I need to...tell you all something.”
Many changelings tilted their heads. “What is it?” One asked. “OH! Don’t tell us, you have a plan to take her out, right?”
“Uh...no, I need to say-”
“That you’re prepared to lead us to battle!”
“No. I want to-”
“Tell us about how much you hate that mare and are prepared to end her?”
“No! I-”
“You want to rule the entire land of Equestria? Because we can do that if-”
“I’M NOT EVIL!”
…
The only sound coming from the room was the heavy breathing from Starlight, after some time, one changeling snickered, another did the same, and before anyone knew it, the entire hive bursted into laughter, some had tears down their face from laughing so much. Phil was, again, the first to calm down and say, “Hahaha! O-Oh, that’s a good one, my queen. You’re not evil? HA! A-And I thought we had some pretty good jokes.”
Starlight’s face went straight, knowing she had to tell the truth. “This isn’t a joke, I’m not evil, Twilight and her friends forgave me and I’m good now!”
As the laughter died down, one changeling flew in the air and smiled. “Oh, please, like you could ever turn good after the things you’ve done, I mean, you tricked those elements many times, you almost took their marks, you made that purple pony go through so much just to stop you, you have the best evil smile any of us have ever seen, you almost destroyed Equestria just to get to her. How can you not be considered a bad pony?”
Starlight knew they were wanting her to take that as a compliment, but all those things they said almost broke her heart. Despite this, she took a deep breath and continued. “But I’m not like that, and I’m sure others feel the same.” Starlight walked up to the board and flipped it the other way with her magic, pointing at a picture of discord. “I-I mean, look at Discord, he did bad things and he, was not only forgiven, but he was also reformed.”
Many changelings rolled their eyes. “Yeah, but he did it without reason, that’s more of being stupidly evil than being evil evil. Our past queen, and our new queen did it for a reason: to help the hive and to get revenge! Because everyone likes revenge, right?”
Starlight was baffled at how they thought that made sense. “T-That doesn’t even make any-”
Phil flipped the board back to the other side. “And the way you ruled over the ponies in that equal town...” Many nodded in agreement. “It would’ve make our past queen proud.”
Starlight started thinking, trying to figure out some way to make these changelings understand. It was then that she realized something. “Changelings, before I continue, I need to ask. Why did you invade Canterlot in the first place?”
Phil crossed his arms. “Because we’ve tried talking to ponies before, only for them to run away and scream, never giving us a chance.” He sighed. “So, in a last ditch effort, our queen planned an attack on Canterlot to harvest love and get revenge on the ponies who turned us away when we needed food!”
“T-They never gave you a chance?” They nodded sadly, though, Starlight wasn’t surprised, giving creatures who feed on an emotion and shapeshift into ponies a chance would be very hard. “I must say that’s...not a surprise.”
The bugs nodded, knowing what she meant. “Yeah…monsters that have fangs, glowing blue eyes, and feed off of love probably aren’t a creature anyone would like,” Most of them turned to the dartboard. “especially that pony!”
Noticing this gave Starlight an idea. “Listen to me, all of you. I know you hate Twilight-”
“Ain’t that the understatement of the century.” One sneered
Starlight ignored this and continued. “B-But she’s forgiving, along with the other ponies. I’m sure if you talk to them they can-”
“We’ve tried talking to ponies!” One bug pointed out. “They rejected us the moment we showed our true form, what makes you think a pony like her can forgive us!”
“She forgave me.”
All of them froze with wide eyes. Their minds hitting a brick wall with that statement. “S-She did?” One changeling asked, thinking that was impossible.
Starlight nodded. “Like you said; I’ve done some terrible things, and, just like you, I hated her for what she did to ruin my plans, but I realized how awful it was, and that being mad at her only made it worse.” She looked at all of them. “I can tell you right now, if she can forgive me after what I’ve done, I’m sure she can do the same for you.” She stepped closer to Phil. “You just need to let go of this grudge you have against her.”
The entire hive had mixed feelings about this, some understood, others were still upset, a lot were still confused, and many didn’t know what to do. “But how?” Phil asked.
“H-How can we…”
“W-what can…”
“W-What’s the first step in doing this?”
“We don’t have a leader who can help us anyway.”
“Where can we even begin?”
“How can we start?”
Starlight knew where this was going, that these creatures couldn’t do anything without someone helping them, and after everything they told her, she knew she was their only hope. “I’ll do it…”
Ear stems raised in the air once Starlight said those words. “R-Really!?” They said.
Starlight regretfully nodded. “But you need to promise to listen to me, alright.
All of them saluted “Yes, queen!”
Phil stepped forward, happy to know that their plan, even though it went in a strange direction, might still work. “So, what’s your first order, my queen?”
Starlight had many, ranging from not calling her queen, to showing a good impression, to making sure not to do anything stupid, to realizing the error of their ways, to help with their acting skills, but her first one was the most important, the one she wanted from the beginning, the one she should’ve asked from the start.
“Well, for starters, where’s the exit to this place?”
Nice story, though I must ask it doesn't seem tragic so what's with the tag?
SEQUEL!
You kinda left us with cliffhanger there.
I see no use for the tragic tag and it feels like a cliffhanger. Other than that I loved this good job!
I like the concept, but it really lost energy at the end. Cutting out some of the middle would help; there's not a lot of meat here and brevity is a virtue if you're going for random and silly.
Pretty good. The only thing tragic about this story is the use of the [Tragedy] tag though, tragedy is best applied where a well loved character dies. Also the A/N... protip: never apologise for what you've just written in the author's note! It makes people start looking for problems rather than enjoying what they just read.
Misunderstandings. Fun things.
Now Starlight needs to find a way to iron out the reputation of changelings.
Maybe just one at a time.
Feh, she'll think of something
A fun read though, good job!
Engage Twilight nerd mode.
If this sentence is switched to present tense, it becomes She groans and lays on her back […] , where it’s obvious that there’s something not right. As Grammar Girl describes it, you lay something down, while people lie down by themselves. Hence, the above sentence should use the past tense of lie, which is, confusingly enough, lay.
The second sentence isn’t a complete sentence. You can either:
• merging both sentences into one using a comma, i.e. […] froze with wide eyes, their minds hitting a brick […] , or
• rephrase the second sentence to form a complete sentence, i.e. […] froze with wide eyes. Their minds hit a brick […]
That semicolon should either be a colon (i.e. Like you said: ) or a comma.
Your dialogue punctuation and capitalisation needs some fixing (those are just two examples). I always link to The Editor’s Blog or Ezn when it comes to dealing with quotation marks, since they’re both excellent resources.
There’s also a few cases where you’ve forgot to put a piece of punctuation (either a full stop or a quotation mark) at the end of a line.
As for the image links, Google Docs unfortunately turned them into their own redirect pages:
https://www.google.com/url?q=https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/28/1032014__safe_fluttershy_screencap_smiling_animated_cute_looking%2Bat%2Byou_magic_flying_wide%2Beyes.gif&sa=D&ust=1460407555996000&usg=AFQjCNGnv7PNYv4pUbSTpQmwcIwbuhNjIA
instead of the original
https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/28/1032014__safe_fluttershy_screencap_smiling_animated_cute_looking+at+you_magic_flying_wide+eyes.gif
Disengage Twilight nerd mode.
(whilst sincerely hoping I didn’t invoke Muphry’s law)
These little corrections aside, it was an amusing story, bringing forth a sensible chuckle, especially in Faux-Starlight’s sarcastic hoof-clap – a nice touch.
giant.gfycat.com/HighInformalKentrosaurus.gif
Yes.
7118463 Woah. That’s a lot of corrections in one paragraph. Mostly past perfects and present tense mixing, but still…
7118974
7118463
Yeah, past and present tenses has always kick my butt...
It's as if I time travel from when I write this story.
So, sorry for the misteks I made while I write this fic.
I fixed it once I got a chance.
Sequel needed.
It bugs me that Starlight's mane isn't centered on her head, like how irl equines have it.
7119657 Bugging like a queen of the changelings?
(sorry, I just had to)
Oh I don't know, I though the ending was satisfactory enough, even though I kinda want to see Starlight pull this off now.
Ah, you thought the background your ally? You merely adopted the background. We were born to it, molded by it. We did not see the light of stardom until we attacked, and by then it was nothing but blinding.
7120058
- Was getting reformed part of your plan?
- Ofcourshe!
I got that reference!
7120546 Is that a reference to "Catherine the Great"?
7119267 There should be a sequel to this. Have Starlight bring her new hive to Twilight and go from there.
7120597 Nooooo?
7120597 It's a universal reference. In stories where Changelings don't have individual names there is ussually a speaker who speaks for the hive.
Catherine the Great is just one of many stories which do that.
7121761
7121050 Oooh. Ok.
I like the story so far, but as some others already mentioned, it really screams for a sequel now with such a cliffhanger
It could be good a sequel of how they try the good side making Twilight the next queen, only to see that they are not good being good.
As a one shot, it lacks a bit of punch. It would certainly benefit from a sequel or being just the prologue. I think it'd be funny to see Starlight slowly working to teach the changelings how to behave in pony society. Granted, there's quite a few stories with the same over all idea, but it's always interesting to see new takes on it.
7119267 Mistakes
Twilight is asleep. She is asleep, much in the position of a cat, with her snout pressed firmly between her back legs. It is just so nice. Celestia is already up and has already moved the sun into the sky today, but twilight can just rest. She doesn't have some super important duty that she must preform in order to maintain equilibrium within the world. Something presses at her unconscious awareness. There is a warm, pulsing intensity in her closed eyes. Her mind stirs away from slumber.
Her eyes open OHGODPAIN CLOSE THEM klawhfuiowerfahun Her eyes close. She can still see the bright, pulsing glow from her own rear though her eyelids, inches away. This begins her Tuesday. No Tuesday that starts like that can be good. She pulls her face back and squints open her eyes. Yep, the butt is still glowing. A copy of her cutiemark lifts up from her and glides out of the room, and only her uncomprehending gaze follows it. Her hair is unkempt, almost like some kind of bedhead. She yawns. The mark glides back in though the closed door and moves around erratically, before stopping. In merely hangs and pulses and glows.
With a gasp, Twilight is standing on her bed with an open mouthed smile and something close to sparkling anime eyes. There is no bad day. There are no bad days. To her, this is just an opportunity to see her friends. She is giddily contemplating who else the map might have called. The mark leaves again though the closed door, but she remains on top of her bed for a moment longer, rapidly alternating between standing on two hooves diagonal from each other, and standing on the other diagonal pair while making the high pitched noise that indicates adorableness and excitement, known as a "squee". This is Twilight Sparkle, and Twilight Sparkle is a positive person. After all, nothing bad has ever gone on for any length of time. There once was a time when she never left her books, and that was wonderful. Then, she did leave her books, and she discovered that that was wonderful too! She discovered her love of friendship, and it never conflicted with her love of books in any meaningful way. Her barest insane suspicions were always right, leaving her to never have to face her own ignorance, incompetence, and basic incorrectness, because she was not ignorant, she was right! When she walked out the door, the only things that could possibly happen, in her mind, was that she could find friends, find books, find chances to apply the knowledge she gained from books, and find individuals in extreme and burning need of one of her personal friendship and goodness speeches, which would obviously cause them to actually behave differently, just as it always had before.
Twilight opens her door and steps out to face the new day.
She wondered, "Could it be flutter-shy again? If it was, that would possibly indicate a pattern and some insight into the map's inner-workings. Where will we go? What will it have us do? What if everyone has to go? I hadn't accounted for that! I guess I'm a princess now, and this really does warrant royal funding. I should really find spike." "SPIKE!" she yelled with magical amplification. She returned to thought. "I need to check my checklist checking checklists so that we can go over the right checklists for each scenario. OH! Wait. I should check my 'start thinking about checklists' checklist." Twilight had had a special set of runes printed on that paper, and she simply teleports the 'start thinking about checklists' checklist to her. She opens it up. "1. Is there anything that requires action within the next 1 minute, and which will have negative repercussions if ignored? If yes, halt checklist checking and take immediate action, then check the 'compensating for taking drastic action' checklist." "No, the marks have never been urgent before." "2. Have you slept or eaten recently?"
Twilight stops reading and walking and giggles to herself. "SPIIIIIIKE!" Twilight turns and begins walking for the kitchen. Maybe she would even get to try cooking this morning, or maybe spike already made food.
Twilight notices something. Along the hall, lining the left side and the right side, there are shaved ponies. They are all stallions. They all have yellow eyes. They are all the same height. They all have the same muzzle. They all have the same posture and their ears are all pointed in the same directions. They all look dead ahead. None of them move. Twilight's breathing is heavy but short. It gets more rapid. Her horn starts to glow and she quickly spins around once. Her little heart is doing it's job, OH, SO enthusiastically. Before she can begin to sputter and stutter in a cracked voice, all the stallions speak as one, "Go to the throne room."
"W-wa-wh-who are all of you!? What are you doing in my home!?" They do not respond. "I... I'm an alico-" Twilight sits down. Her horn stops glowing as she closes her eyes does the breathing exorcise Cadence taught her a few times, rapidly. She put on a smile and opened her eyes. "Hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship!" She waved at no one in particular. "If you have friendship business that you think needs my attention, I would be happy to help!" No one responded. "So I..." Twilight takes a few steps backward. "IguessI'lldothat." Twilight teleports halfway across the castle, to the doors of the throne room, and opens them.
Starlight glimmer is sitting in fluttershy's throne. Starlight glimmer has that look, the one where her face is pointed a bit to the side and the closer eye is squinting while the more distant eye's eyebrow is raised. She is smirking. She is reclined, with her hooves behind her head.
Twilight is not quite able to comprehend what she is seeing. It is so close to something she knows, and yet, it can't be.
"Welcome home, Twilight." Starlight aggressively postures.
Under this betrayal, Twilight's world comes crashing down. She feels like a tight mesh is collapsing around her heart.
"But no, everything is fine, I'm just the queen of the changelings now. Hey, by the way, we should talk about that, while you're here." The stallions burst into green flames and turn into changelings. They then start to wander and mingle and chatter. Occasionally, a changeling gives Twilight a mean or fearful glance. One of them still looks like a stallion, and he also looks very confused. He runs out of the room.
"OoooOOOoooh... OK." Twilight is looking around with a bit of fear and a lot of wonder.Twilight sits down in her throne. "What did you do with spike?"
Glimmer points a hoof. Spike waves from a small pile of gems in the corner of the room. "He made you pancakes." The world is good. Nothing bad has ever happened. Nothing bad will ever happen. All moments are new opportunities to express your burning love of existence. "They were delicious."
Under this betrayal, Twilight's world comes crashing down. She feels like a tight mesh is collapsing around her heart.
Starlight pulls the plate of uneaten pancakes out and puts it on the map.
Twilight's mouth is now full of fluffy plant-mush soaked in saliva and the sugar-goop known as syrup. She happily nods her head while Starlight goes on about politics or racism or some other friendship thing like that. The world is good. Nothing bad has ever happened. Nothing bad will ever happen. All moments are new opportunities to express your burning love of existence. She runs out of pancakes, and she has no milk.
7121761 But how many changeling story have a Speaker "running away with a few other"?
Nice! I was kind of expecting a comedy of errors, with Starlight Glimmer having convinced the changelings that she was pretending to be good now as part of her secret plan, and that they needed to play along as good citizens of Equestria.
...While Starlight works with Twilight and Celestia to make the pretense come true!
7123472 A speaker actually runing away and leading the escape as a temporary leader?
Almost none if you think he escapes with a couple tens of bugs.
A shedload in fics where the whole hive ditches Chrysalis. An an absolute crapfull of those where the speaker leads after Chrysalis'es death - that's ussually the case, but there are fics where at the end the hive will be at the brink of extinction with the numbers you think abaut.
oh please do sing!
7122572 That was amazing.
7122572 Gold.
This is really some of the best stuff you've written up until the last quarter, where the story and tension sort of unravels and disintegrates with a sad little farting noise.
If you somehow manage to rework the last act to not be a fizzle-out, this could easily be your highest rated story. It's not my baby, but if it was, I would spend some time on it because it would really pay off in the end.
Not sure if you wanted "arm" to be in there, I assumed you meant forehoof. Moreover...
Awesome story, very amusing.
____________________________________________________________________
Yes please, I would love to see where this goes.
____________________________________________________________________
7122572
That was brilliant.
(Not to say you can't do better "Dr Atlas" because who's to say you can't.)
7127773
Well, I kind of assumed that dr atlas had another direction he wanted to take the story and another set of character traits he wanted to give twilight and he probably wanted to have the changelings actually express themselves, since they are kind of the focus of his story. Also, I kind of wrapped up the part of the issue we care about a little too tightly, too neatly, for the story to go on after that, and trying to fix that would take the punch out of my story. Basically, the comment doesn't quite work as a sequel, and someone other then me would end up adapting it into something other then what I made. It's more of a fanfiction of his fanficiton of a show based on an older show. I was kind of considering asking to post it on my own account, with a link to his story in the description.
Really, I don't care what he does with it, though I would just be kind of disappointed that I, personally, selfishly, didn't get to go a new adventure like everyone else when he posts it! You know, because I already know the story.
7127856
You have a well made point.
(Glad you don't mind.)
This can only end well...
Nice fic.