It would be shameful to admit it, but Cadance was almost enjoying her aunt’s discomfort. Celestia was a creature of routine and it could be said that she was set in her ways. There were, of course, well disguised efforts to have a little fun, but it could be said that Celestia truly wasn’t herself during those moments.
Last night, her aunt had been herself. She had bared her soul. Last night, Celestia had made a connection with another pony, as another pony. Not as a monarch, not as the Solar Empress, not as the Princess of the Sun, not as the ruler of Equestria, not as a teacher explaining the mystery of life to a student—last night, she had simply been Celestia.
In Cadance’s opinion, the date had gone well, far better than expected. It had gone well enough that Cadance now had her hopes up. She was starting to allow herself to dream just a little bit for her aunt and she worried about her aunt having dreams for herself. Celestia’s dreams had always been for the benefit of others.
“Cadance…”
Lifting her head, Cadance saw a scowl of concentration upon her aunt’s face. She had at least stopped pacing back and forth. Cadance would say nothing of course, but her aunt was nervous enough that she was leaving damp hoofprints on the floor because of her sweaty frogs. This was a private moment, a treasured thing for Cadance, this was the Celestia that nopony saw, even Twilight for all of her knowledge of Celestia never saw Celestia at her worst.
“Cadance, darling, how old is he if you don’t mind me asking… I feel I am entitled to know.”
“Auntie, in time—”
“No, Cadance, I really must insist upon knowing right now so I can make a decision.” Celestia’s voice was firm, stern, hard and flinty. “I have done everything to respect your process, but now you need to respect mine.”
“Auntie, he’s old enough to die for you in your service… old enough to be shipped overseas and do battle on another continent. He’s old enough—”
“How old?” Celestia turned a commanding eye upon Cadance.
Ears drooping, Cadance knew when she was defeated. She bent her neck to appease her aunt. She had brought up a good point and Cadance needed to respect her aunt’s way of dealing with things. Cadance coughed, cleared her throat, and then replied, “He’s fifteen.”
“Cadance, really? Fifteen?” Celestia looked stunned as she stood there, blinking at her niece.
It was time to salvage this mess. Cadance’s brows knitted and her expression became almost as stern as her aunt’s. She forced her ears to rise, almost as if she was raising her flag, her battle standard in preparation for a pitched, protracted fight. Celestia of course would dash her against the rocks in mere seconds if she wanted to do so, but Cadance was a captain who would go down with her ship in every way that mattered.
“As I have stated, he is old enough to die for you in your service. He’s a very mature and responsible fifteen year old. He sends most of his paycheck home to his mother so she can live comfortably. He joined the guard when he was fourteen, the minimum age, and he had his mother’s permission. Plus, all of this is your fault.”
“My fault?” Celestia blinked in shock and surprise. “My fault? How is this my fault? Do tell!”
Feeling pleased with herself, Cadance felt her courage surge. She had Celestia confused and on the defensive. Now, she had to make a calculated strike and hope for the best. “Yes, your fault. You wanted a virgin! Do you know how hard it is to find a virgin now in modern society that is of a reasonable age? Or among the guard? Your guards screw anything that walks and if it doesn’t walk, they’re polite enough to check for a pulse first.”
Score! Cadance could see that she had made a direct strike upon Celestia’s heavy armor. She watched her aunt take a step backwards and Cadance wondered if a follow up strike would be necessary. Celestia’s ears were raising and lowering as her lips moved, but no words were coming out, at least for now. Cadance chose direct bombardment.
“It isn’t like the age matters. No matter what, no matter who, you are robbing the cradle. As an extra added bonus, if we find you a nice young colt, you’ll get a few extra years that you might not get with a fully matured adult male. You might get a full century out of this relationship. You get to teach him how to do all of the right things and I daresay that you’ll be learning a few things from him. He’s smart, witty, and kind… he’ll make for a fantastic consort and Shining Armor is already vetting him.”
Cadance, feeling immense personal satisfaction, watched Celestia go down in flames. Down her aunt went, her backside making a muffled ‘whump!’ sound as it hit the stone floor. Celestia’s wings went limp against her sides and her mouth hung open.
“Auntie, please… let this happen... this could be the most wonderful thing that might happen to you during this era. Don’t let such a trifling thing such as a few years of age rob you of your happiness. Please?” Cadance, as a last ditch effort, turned the sad foal eyes upon her aunt and allowed her lips to pucker into a well practiced pout.
“Very well, Cadance. I raise the white flag of surrender. I have some real reservations about this, but I shall trust your judgment on this issue. After all, you would not have chosen to commit to this action had you not thought it through and reflected upon the potential consequences.”
“Good.” Cadance’s expression became one of joyful triumph and she leaned forwards. “This is good. Because you have another date tonight—”
“What?”
The shocked look upon her aunt’s face was priceless and Cadance would be savouring it for years to come. “You have another date tonight. A blind date. My client found his courage. I spoke with him earlier this morning. Unlike you, he’s not a big fraidy pony. He’s excited, eager, and champing at the bit to continue forwards. If things go well tonight, we might even do a reveal.”
“Cadance, I feel as though this is being rushed.” Celestia shook her head.
“Auntie, we move when my gut feelings and hunches tell me. That’s how the process works. I bring ponies together. That is what I do. I bring ponies together that are meant to be together and I remove all of the obstacles that keep them from each other. I remove all of the barriers that keep them from being happy. You move the sun and you keep everything as regular as clockwork. Love is not like the sun… it’s more like a whirlwind. Stuff happens on its own schedule. You really can’t control it, you can only guide it and then watch it happen.”
“Love is a fire… you ignite it and run away before you get burned,” Celestia said.
Cadance shrugged. Being burned was part of the job and she had learned to minimise risks long ago. One eyebrow arched and Cadance pushed her advantage. She felt as though she was now able to deal with her aunt as an equal and she was confident that she could make this work.
“If the reveal happens tonight, he’ll know who you are. He will be told to be discreet of course. Shining Armor is already preparing for all of the hard work ahead. He doesn’t strike me as the type that will go bragging and boasting to his fellow guard that he went on a date with some stupid sexy white alicorn—”
“Mi Amore Cadenza!”
“What?” Cadance blinked at her aunt and tried to look as innocent as possible.
“Cadance!”
“What?” Cadance repeated herself and refused to give ground.
“Cadance!” This time, Celestia shook her head to express her disapproval.
“Do you think you are the only one who has fantasies?” Cadance asked, playing a dangerous game of truth. “Let me tell you something… when I was younger, I used to have hot sticky dreams about plunging my muzzle deep into your marshmallowy goodness.”
“Cadance…” Celestia’s voice was a squeak.
“Yeah… think about that. I had the hots for teacher. It is a perfectly natural response. Most students have their first sexual fantasies about somepony that they trust. Somepony close to them, somepony safe and approachable. I indulged myself in a lot of imaginary role play and I enjoyed it for what it is… a fantasy. Having these normal, healthy sexual fantasies aided me in my sexual development. You could be my client’s sexual fantasy… come to life.”
This time, Celestia did not say Cadance’s name, but Cadance could see her aunt chewing on her lip. Celestia was still sitting on the floor, looking very much like an oversized confused filly.
“I used to dream that you would grade me on my performance,” Cadance admitted just so she could watch her aunt squirm.
The room filled with the rustle of feathers as Celestia extended one wing and began to fan herself. Cadance smiled, feeling satisfied, and she felt no need to mention to Celestia that Shining Armor had also had similar fantasies about being teacher’s pet or that Cadance herself had played the role of a very naughty Princess Celestia on more than one occasion and had put Shining into detention.
“I’m very flattered that you thought of me that way,” Celestia said in a low voice that sounded nothing like her usual eloquent manner.
“Do you think you can handle a reveal tonight, should I think the time is right?” Cadance asked. She watched as her aunt’s muzzle wrinkled and Celestia’s ears twitched like tiny semaphore flags trying to send a message of extreme discomfort. “It is going to happen sooner or later. You can’t hide the alicorn in the room for very long. It’s like tearing off a bandage. ‘Tis better to rip it off in one go rather than slow torture.”
“Cadance, try to give me a little more time.”
Cadance, hearing pain in her aunt’s voice, acquiesced. After her earlier victory, she would have to be satisfied. She nodded in agreement and studied Celestia’s face, hoping to understand her aunt.
“If you truly think the time is right for a reveal, then do so, but as a personal preference, I would like more time. I trust you to do the right thing.” As Celestia spoke, her wing folded against her side.
“Continuing with the bandage analogy,” Cadance began, “love is like jumping into chilly water to go for a swim. Wading out into the cold water is torture… it is far better to just dive in and get it over with. That’s the thing with love, Auntie, it is best to give yourself over totally and completely and then see what happens. For too many ponies, they hesitate. They’re slow. They want to be in control.” Cadance paused and considered her words for a moment and she watched Celestia listening.
“That’s why first love is so heady and powerful. We just throw ourselves in and we’re swallowed whole by it. The experience consumes us. For many, this is the only love they will ever know, like Twilight’s parents, Night Light and Twilight Velvet. For ponies like you”—Cadance gestured at her aunt with her hoof and shook her head—“you’ve experienced that magical first love and now it is gone. It’s left you wounded and hurt. You can’t throw yourself in. You can’t give yourself over. It is very difficult to recapture that heady rush of first love the second time around because we become conditioned to be hurt… to be harmed… our tender hearts will not allow us to just give ourselves over so completely.”
Cadance saw Celestia’s gaze drop to the floor and her aunt closed her eyes.
“So we guard our hearts and most of us will never know that rush of all consuming love ever again. Each time we love afterwards, we become more guarded, more bitter, more cynical, more jaded, life continues to wear us down until at last, our hearts become stone and we feel only the barest of emotions. Scar tissue becomes hardened and scars on top of scars prevent us from feeling the most magical of all emotions, it robs us of the very thing that rewards us for making life continue.” Cadance watched as Celestia lifted her head and looked at her.
“Since when did you get so wise?” Celestia asked.
“Oh, I had a great teacher. A wonderful, wise, and witty teacher… who was just a little bit sexy.” Cadance kept a straight face but she saw a faint, sad smile spread over Celestia’s muzzle. “One day, it is my most sincere hope that I can find a way to remove all scars from a pony’s heart and allow them to feel love unfettered and free once more. It is my hope that all love will feel like first love and ponies will be happy.”
“That is a noble goal,” Celestia said to her niece in a husky, raspy voice that bubbled with emotion like a boiling cauldron.
Cadance laughed, hoping that her laughter would make Celestia feel a little bit better. “Hey, a mare has to have hobbies…”
DAYUM CADANCE! Fry your poor aunts brain with TMI.
I think you got the coverart wrong it's:Keep Calm and PRAISE THE SUN!!!lh5.googleusercontent.com/-0NZdPb1z_8U/U-564MC6gXI/AAAAAAABXgM/Rm3ddhVXrWI/s1600/PraiseTheSun30minutechallenge.png
I'm quite certain that the very model of beauty is Princess Celestia. It kind of comes with the terreritory of being the most important being in the kingdom for over a melenium. No doubt many a stallion (and mare) fantasize about her.
7109961
Agreed. Occupational hazards.
Really.
By that logic, she might as well just skip the middle man and start dating a five year old. There's a number of issues with this, firstly, while it might be true that there's going to be a significant age gap between Celestia and anyone she dates, that isn't the same as her dating someone who probably should still be in school. Moreover, there's nothing to suggest that this colt is someone who actually wants to be a guard--it seems to me that it's just a job for him, and possibly one that he's only taking simply because he has no other options. By dating him, Celestia is going to end up binding him to herself whatever he might ultimately want--and I can't imagine someone who sends his paycheck home to his mother is going to be able to refuse Celestia to begin with.
There isn't anything among Celestia's original preferences that suggested she was looking to date a guard.
A very wise and touching story of love and acceptance. One would think this story exists to teach us how love works yet guide us in a sense. Very well done......... I hope to see and read more, FAR FAR more......
I can only say bravo and continue waiting. Hopefully not long
7109996
The fifteen was intentional bait. I wanted people to focus on that and insert their human bias into a story about an alien species.
Who aren't human.
This was a nice... Filler chapter.
I'd like to point out to anyone who complains: if 14 is the legal age to join the Guard, then it is likely also the legal age of consent. That's how it works in most real world countries. If you are old enough to join the armed forces, you're old enough to give informed consent for sexual relations.
Also, real life horses of both sexes are capable of reproducing at a single year of age, though on the outside it's more like 18 months and they'll definitely be able to make more little horses, sometimes 1yr is a smidge too young.
Cadance is being pretty clever here, I think. If she's set up with Flash Sentry, Twilight is there as a bonus.
Two chapters in one day?
ABSOLUTE
MADMAN
7110064
I've put seven or eight chapters in a day. It happens.
7110027
And human girls can get pregnant as young as 13, it means very little. Similarly, while most horses are capable of breeding at 18 months, they're almost never actually bred until they're at least three years old--or twice the age at which they are capable of it.
7110019
Except Celestia appears to react in much the same way: she isn't exactly comfortable dating someone so young.
7110019 it caught me off guard a bit, but then I thought "must be a pony thing"
7110079
Actually, that isn't what is bothering her. Sorry.
What she's actually worried about is what other ponies will think.
And it really doesn't matter the age. If it wasn't the age, Celestia would have found something else to focus upon and worry about what other ponies think. Oh, he's an earth pony, that might be making a political statement... oh, he's bright day glow green, what will little ponies think... etc, etc, etc. Had you been paying attention to her character, this would have been a bit more obvious.
As stated, the fifteen bit was bait to draw attention. It is a fishing hook with dynamite intended to create discussion. It makes readers care. It will anger some, titillate others, and for many, will cause them to focus entirely upon all of the wrong things so I can sneak in subtle details into other places where people aren't looking. Classical magician act. Check out this hand so you can't see what the other hand is doing.
7110079
Man you are taking this way too seriously. My point was just that Kudzu is going even farther than meeting reality halfway.
I remember someone from the show saying once that the Mane 6 were around 16 at show start. If 16 yr olds can own their own businesses, be legal guardians, and save the country then I don't think it's unreasonable to consider a 15 yr old an adult capable of making their own decisions.
Welp, here we are again. Kudzu writes another small story, it's not even half way over, and I'm already thinking, "Nope, the estimated ten chapters aren't going to be enough."
I have so many questions in my head right now about where this will all go...
This has been a real nice role switch. Seeing Celestia and Cadance like this and seeing Cadance have the opportunity to be so open to the point of shocking Celestia is a real treat.
Well done. I look forward to more.
Upvoted and followed.
7110090 loved the line where Cadance points out no matter who it is that Celestia will be "robbing the cradle".
7110090
This is actually really disappointing to see you say. Celestia being bothered by what other ponies will think certainly makes sense, but you're treating the age difference as if it's not important. Like the only value of it is how flustered you can make your readers. But a major part of any Celestia is that she's older than ten grandmas put together. There will always be a huge age difference. You're, apparently, having her date the human equivalent of someone 18 or 19 years old, bringing the age difference to an extreme. And you say that it's not actually important.
Perhaps you're simply being disingenuous? It's not like you can't have both an important and obvious issue and also an understated issue that's also important. It's just, I've seen stories where the author brings up an issue, gets the readers invested in it, and then pulls a fast one by saying that it never mattered at all. That always makes people upset.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEn, EIGHT, NINE, TEN
She's out!!!!!!
7110430
The age is important, but it wasn't the point. That's not the real issue here is what I was trying to say. Here, the age was just being used as an excuse, It is important, but in this instance it is just a convenient way for Celestia to back out. The point I was trying to make is that she could have just as easily used any other convenient and readily available excuse to try and get out of this.
7110750
Cool beans.
Well, that went a slightly unexpected direction. I think the real question at this point is: what is the actual age of consent in this Equestria? Not what the show or show staff implies, but in this story verse specifically. Additionally, are there any funny rules the nobility goes by that might make a difference, like arranged marriages between people of vastly different ages, or anything like that?
Also, I rather disagree with Cadance's point about cradle robbing. Regardless of Celestia's advanced age, there is a huge difference between robbing the cradle when the robbee is at or even slightly under the local age of consent, and robbing the cradle when the robbee is far enough under that they're still a child. Celestia could be 40 or 4000 and it wouldn't matter at all of the other side of the relationship is not actually mature enough to be considered an adult who can make adult decisions. Celestia is looking for a special someone, not a scandal.
I still love this, age difference aside, but I suppose it's rather unfair to place that expectation on an immortal character.
7110019 And thus, the Derpy has judged.
7110614 You should stop making seafood puns. If you don't, I swear to Cod you're gonna give someone a Haddock
7111163
Frankly Scallop, I don't give a clam.
7111176
Just don't blow a seal.
We know this is in the Weedverse... but we don't know the time frame. While I don't think it's true, it is hypothetically possible it's Sumac. Celly was, after all, trying to bribe him to be a guard.
Hmmmz. Mild disapproval but cautious optimism...
7111258
Mild disapproval?
7111221 While Sumac might fit partially, it is not fully. For it to be Sumac, it would have to be 10 years after Twilights School as he is only 5 or so in that. Second, his marefriend would have to have been Pebble and I highly doubt she'd do those terrible things to him. As well as the fact she'd probably be raised to wait for marriage as well. Third, if this was set some time after Twilight's School, Kudzu wouldn't be constantly yelling "NO Foalcon" everytime I jokingly mention Storm Blitz would be a possible Candidate for Celly as he'd around... 20 I am guessing. Fourth, no mention of Boomer anywhere. I highly doubt Sumac would have left Boomer behind.
Also, I doubt Kudzu would let us know this far in advance that any Romance between Sumac and Pebble ends this badly.
Your guards screw anything that walks and if it doesn’t walk, they’re polite enough to check for a pulse first.”
This statement settles any question of which branches of the Equestrian military supplies most of the Royal Guard. it is obviously the Royal Coast Guard and the Royal Marines.
7111648
Nah... Royal Navy and Royal Marines. Coasties can't find (any) ass with both hands, navigation computers, targeting lasers, remote optics, five search teams, an extremely detailed map, and a signalling crew. In bright daylight, I might add.
Blue water >>> brown water. ;)
7111714
Oh come now! Who do you think keeps the Navy sweethearts warm while they are gone on those looong deep water trips. And if it wasn’t for the Guard those Marines would never find a beach.
Semper Paratus and Semper Fi forever
7110019
Unless it has actual relevance to the story, (i.e. he's not really fifteen, but is just Cadance getting under Celestia's skin) it seems more like a detail added to provoke or shock, rather than forward or deepen the story. We have no other viewpoint BUT human to assume age. You have built a universe off one that is (loosely) based on human values. This heavily stretches if not breaks that 'believably,'
You have not built up a sufficient world to argue the human/alien bias, since the story itself is based in a universe WITH human values and assumptions.
Cautiously still following....then again, if they don't find a way to make this suitor immortal, then it's rather null at this point.(which, for the record, is a pet peeve of mine) and I thought you addressed it brilliantly earlier. The whole love-and-lost thing.
Tl:dr, the age details seems more like a thorn to poke the readers, than anything else.
7111890 if you haven't read the weed this will have a few spoilers.
i don't see a problem with the age to be honest. Tarnish was 14 when he got kicked out of ponyville and married maud. While i don't believe maud was ever goven an age my guess is early 20s shes still older then tarnish. So for me this isn't really any more shocking to me.
7112004 I agree
7110019 Fun fact, horses are considered to be fully developed adults when they are 5 years old in our world.
I think the biggest hangup people have about the whole age thing is Celestia's fault. Up until this point the weedverse hasn't set any precedence for the age of consent. Then we see how negatively she reacts to hearing that her date is only 15 and it doesn't take much for us to make an assumption that it's improper.
7111209
7111176
This whole thing smells fishy...
Oh... Touché, good sir.
Welp... Now I have a sad.
Blargle.
Ahem! Traditional man, not overly influenced by title, virgin at a reasonable age and saving himself for marriage! Nope, none of any of those around here.
7136238 Amen to that. Did Cadence really have to get a 15 year old because no one else was a virgin? Wow. That... doesn't bode well for Equestria.
The princess of shipping, I see what you did there
I laughed at this more then I should have.
7110231 Goodness...
And DAMN!!! That response to his age. I mean, Tarnish was what? 14? 16? When he married Maud who is in her 20's. Kudz hasn't clarifed any consenting age. (Spoiler is for "The Weed", go read it you sods!)
what are you going to do, run and hide in the cold and dark? or be in the warmth and the light?