Chapter 2
Pins and needles. Everything was pins and needles. The past three days had been almost agonising. Celestia had seen Cadance during the past three days, but Cadance was on her vacation and Celestia hadn’t said anything so that Cadance could enjoy her time and relax. But today… today, Cadance was coming by for a talk. She had sent word to be ready.
Celestia did not understand Cadance’s mysterious ways. She knew Cadance had clients; ponies that she helped. She had a network of helpers who had a variety of talents that included everything from matchmaking to psychoanalysis. And then there was Cadance herself and her ever so mysterious love-sense. Cadance knew when there was attraction present, Cadance knew when there was a crush, and she knew when the conditions were just right for love to blossom. No feeling of love could be hidden from Cadance, and Celestia had borne witness to this. Cadance had known about her teensy weensy fantasy about Twilight, a harmless, never once acted upon fantasy of being Twilight’s teacher in the ways of love.
Twilight was just so adorably awkward.
Now, Cadance was working, whatever that meant, even on her vacation. That was the thing; alicorns really didn’t take vacations. The sun and moon had to keep moving. Twilight shepherded the ebb and flow of magic, even if she didn’t realise it. What a day that would be, the day when Twilight truly understood the extent of her talent. It would be a momentous day of discovery and Celestia couldn’t wait. Ponies continued to fall in love and have troubles in love. Because of this, Cadance and her network were needed.
Love was a funny, fickle thing in a species dependent upon destiny. Sometimes, destiny got confused and needed help. There was just the right pony for everypony, but with the population explosion, massive cities, and sheer number of ponies that now existed, sometimes love needed help to bring two ponies together. Destiny was a funny thing indeed. Destiny guided your direction, it helped you along. Destiny, like a cutie mark, could give you a nudge in the right direction, but ultimately, one had a responsibility to make the journey happen and then seek out help if they floundered.
Princess Celestia had once lobstered, but she had never floundered. Nope.
Thankfully, destiny had helpers like the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Ponies who worked hard to help the magic happen. These facilitators made the world a better place by the virtue of their very existence. Now, all that was needed was a pony to help manage the names—they had become a bit unwieldy. Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer; there were only so many ways one could describe the evening followed by a descriptive verb. Whatever cosmic force responsible for names was clearly getting tired, worn out, and needed a helper or three.
The news that Cadance was coming caused Celestia to pace like a flustered school filly.
Seeing Cadance, Celestia could not help but feel a little disappointed. Flurry Heart was not with her mother. Sure, Flurry Heart had just been here in Canterlot yesterday when Cadance was visiting and they had all had fun together, but now Cadance was working and little Flurry was in Ponyville. Probably destroying Twilight’s castle, making her father and her aunt beg for mercy and no doubt being spoiled by her grandparents.
Celestia let out a wistful sigh. Canterlot was still relatively intact after Flurry’s visit.
“Hello again, Cadance,” Celestia said, wanting oh so very much to get the pleasantries out of the way and begin talking about the real reason why Cadance was here. But Celestia had to be patient, gracious, she had to slow down and act her age. She was still quite young, all things considered, but the common little pony would not understand that.
“I’ve found somepony,” Cadance replied as she tossed herself down upon a sofa and let heave a weary, worn out sigh, the sigh of overworked mothers everywhere. The pink alicorn made herself comfortable and began eating some of the flowers out of a nearby vase, chewing them with an almost orgasmic look of pleasure upon her face.
So soon? Shocked, Celestia shook her head. She knew that she should sit down, but she couldn’t. She wanted to dance in place, unable to stand still, and she was in such a flustered, worked up state that her own feathers felt itchy and hot against her sides. She almost couldn’t bear the anticipation.
“I don’t want to say too much as I want to protect the process, but I can tell you a little,” Cadance said around a mouthful of daisies.
Celestia fidgeted in place, restraining herself from singing or diving onto the sofa beside Cadance, so she could hug her, squeeze her, and then do whatever was necessary to make Cadance talk and make Cadance tell her everything… everything. Everypony had a weakness and could be made to talk.
“He’s a current client. Has been for a while now. He’s a little old fashioned, he’s a traditionalist as you will soon discover, and he has romantic, courtly ideals. He wants to find a mare that can appreciate him for how he is and not laugh at him because he’s different. His last adventure in love has left him wounded and he has a tender heart. He’s scared of being hurt again, which is why he was getting counseling.”
“Cadance, darling…”
“Yes, Auntie?”
“Forgive me for being so direct, but it sounds as though his last encounter left him a little more than wounded… if it hurt bad enough for him to seek out help, it had to be pretty bad.” Celestia’s eyes narrowed and her keen, logical mind was already picking apart every word that Cadance had said, trying to glean as much information as could be had.
“He… well… hmph.” Cadance eyed the now empty flower vase and looked disappointed. “I don’t want to go into too much detail, but as stated, he has certain notions about courtly love. He’s saving himself for marriage, you see. You know, that funny old outdated notion—”
“Cadance, that is an important tradition for many,” Celestia said in a low voice.
“I know,” Cadance agreed, shaking her head, “but I find it fraught with hazards. A couple should try things out before committing. Sometimes, things don’t always fit like they should.” Cadance’s ears drooped and she gave her aunt a stern look. “It means I have to do a lot of work to repair the relationship sometimes… I’m just saying, it’s practical to experiment before saying ‘I do’ and committing yourself to what should be a lifetime partnership.”
“I think I understand,” Celestia said, trying to be gracious.
“Anyhow…” Cadance continued, “he was put under a lot of pressure to perform and he said no. I found what he did rather brave. The filly he was dating, well, she took the rejection badly. She ridiculed him, shamed him, and then started some truly awful rumours about him and spread them around school. It caused him no end of grief.”
“That’s awful.” Celestia lifted her head higher. “How could one pony do that to another?”
“I don’t know,” Cadance replied, “but they do. And she did. He was brave and did the right thing though. He sought out counseling. And that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.” Cadance grinned, a wide satisfied smile spread over her muzzle.
“Cadance, you have to tell me more,” Celestia said in commanding tones.
“Nope.” Cadance shook her head. “That’s all you get.”
“But I need to know more.” Celestia took a step forwards and her ears perked at the sounds of her own feathers ruffling. She realised how devious Cadance was. Cadance had just told her enough to engage her emotions and make her care. She cursed Cadance’s competence and stolid nature. Celestia had done a little too well with this particular student. Cadance was a fiend. A little pink nightmare. Celestia had never been more proud. A princess had to have just the right amount of ruthlessness and Cadance was sugar and spice with a side of naughtiness.
“You will be learning more tonight,” Cadance said to her aunt in teasing tones, “‘cause tonight, you’ll be going on your first date.”
Celestia, who held up the sun and sometimes even the moon in a pinch, now had trouble holding up her own body. Her knees wobbled and she felt her breath catch in her throat. Her barrel hitched and she let out a most embarrassing hiccup sound.
“We need to discuss some ground rules. Think you can handle a serious discussion?” Cadance peered at her aunt, her eyebrows knitted together and a few faint wrinkles adorned her muzzle.
“Yes.” Celestia wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor. Her noble, regal, majestic voice now sounded like a rusty hinge. She hoped that Cadance was enjoying this. Celestia refrained from saying anything else, not wanting to hear the sound of her own voice.
“No names,” Cadance began. “You will call him Mister and he will call you Miss. You are not to reveal who you are to one another. I will be watching and waiting in the wings with silence spells to deal with any failures in the process. No revealing tribe… you would not believe how damaging this can be. Ponies find out a tribe and immediately began with the harmful, hurtful preconceived notions about how different tribes are supposed to act.”
Celestia nodded to show that she was paying attention.
“You are not to reveal that you are a princess… that would be bad. He would figure out who you are through process of deduction alone. The big reveal will have to come later. Be gentle. No interrogation. I’m trusting you to obey my rules and follow my processes. I know how clever you are and how well versed you are in statecraft. If I find you using your skills to undermine my efforts and circumvent my processes, I will be very, very hurt and I will be disappointed in you. I might even back out of this whole venture. I need for you to understand how damaging this could be to our relationship if you try to find someway around the safeguards I have put in place. I pride myself on my job and I don’t hurt ponies, I help them. I don’t want you hurt, and I don’t want him hurt. Respect my processes and do not mess with my safeguards.”
“I understand,” Celestia said in the squeaky voice of a filly. “I’ll be on my best behaviour, I promise.”
“He’s a little shy and he’s scared out of his mind. I know for certain that you are as well. Keep that in mind: the two of you already have something in common. Common ground, and all of that.” Cadance pursed her lips together and studied her aunt. “The date will be simple. I have a cafe here in Canterlot already selected and I’ve set up a safe room. You will be going in blind and so will he. There will be magic used to change both of your voices. The table will have a selection of goodies and treats that you’ll have to work to find and your drinks will have straws in them. No magic… I mean that, no magic. Magic can give things away and reveal things before they are ready. So you might end up with some chocolate on your snoot. Deal with it. I will be in the room with both of you, keeping track of everything and gauging both of your reactions. I’ll be testing everything with my love-sense and trying to determine what I’m working with. I’ve already promised him the first report after the fact, but at some point tomorrow, I’ll be by and I’ll let you know how things went from my perspective, and you and I will talk about how things were. I might also give you a list of things you need to improve upon if you want this to work.”
“Okay,” Celestia replied, now realising the gravity of this situation. It was almost startling to see Cadance in command, with so much control, so much poise, so much professionalism. Celestia realised that she had never really seen Cadance work—she had never given Cadance and her job the attention it deserved. There was a twinge of guilt; Celestia was now getting to see everything only because she had been desperate and had come to Cadance seeking help.
When this was done and over, Celestia planned to sit down and have a sincere heart to heart with Cadance so that she could tell her what a magnificent and wonderful pony she was. Celestia wanted Cadance to know how proud she was of her.
“Tonight. Nine o’clock. Be ready. Again, I must say, do not disappoint me."
Celestia nodded, more to cement her own resolve than to let Cadance know she wouldn't let her down. There was simply too much at stake.
Thanks, Rocinante 
And a big thank you to everyone reading so far.
Next chapter: A blind (quite literally) date.
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Why can't I like this more than once?! Hyper-competent Cadence is MAGNIFICENT.
7107053
Cadance had the best teacher.
Well, that was his fault for not being up front and honest from the beginning of the relationship and her fault for expecting him to break away from something he fully believed in.
Well, this should be interesting, I look forward to chapter 3.
I like this! Also, you're featured! Congrats!
7107092
Maybe he was upfront about no sex until marriage. Just look at what happened with Pinkie's Relationship when she made it clear she was waiting for marriage before actually doing anything sexual.
Wow. Cadance takes her role very seriously.
Wait I'm confused... Is Celestia going in as in disguise or just walk in?
Because I'm sure the poor guy we'll have a heart attack if he sees her in all her glory
Question! So is she going to be on different dates? Like she would learn from each one to get better and better than finally finds the right stallion? Or is it just this guy?
You know... I think someone like Link from the Zelda tv series would be funny for Celestia. Well excuse me princess!
7107196 True. Then again, teens are the most confounding creatures on the planet.
I really like seeing this side of Cadance. We've seen Luna as the hyper-competent dream surgeon, Celestia as the hyper-competent wielder of solar magic (well, in well-done fanfic, not so much in the series), and now here's Cadance showing what she's good at.
Doubleplusgood!
7107218 I am sure disguises may be needed. Their voices will be masked. They might be blindfolded...as in taking a blind date in the very literal sense of the word.
7107218
Cadance made it pretty clear what was going to happen. Dialogue is important and should be read carefully.
And this is still being featured...YAY !!!!!
7107524 ok
Curious...my feed does not show this new chapter...I only knew ´bout it ´cause I clicked on the feature page to check the comments...
Edit: Forget it, I clicked on "Read it Later"", not in "Tracking"...
Interesting to see Cadance take charge like this. You walk a fine line with a set-up like this, but it's interesting to see you bring something so interesting to the table. Cadance clearly has a system worked out and it shows, I'm very excited to see what happens next. :)
When it comes to matters of love, Cadance is just as protective of her little ponies as Celestia!
School? Huh. There's a few ways to interpret this, so I'll shut up and continue eating my pizza.
School?
My questions are as follows:
>How is the education system in Equestria structured?
>What is the age of consent in Equestria?
Because this could end up creepy in a hurry.
7107959
I only have this to say...
t9kattachments.s3.amazonaws.com/2012/08/259568_eb5ff6728d7f09b765436ee2a7d96d28.png
Oooh this is gonna be good *rubs hands together excited*
Hmmm so far so good, wonder who shes going to be with? hahahah this could get really weird later on but i like weird most of the time lol
Heh.
Vases serve kind of a hilarious dual purpose in Equestria. Look nice, also an emergency food source.
I dunno, she seems a little shellfish. I wonder if the difficulty scales any higher? Air least she's not looking for a mate for the halibut. She's not gonna skate out of this. But there's a ray of hope...
7110614 would you be a dear and hold this grenade for me? Thanks I need to kill you before you lay eggs.
Ah, my heart is already in my stomach, oh i hate cringe. I can read horror no problem, i still hunt for a truly dark fic, but i can tell, im going to throw up any minute now. Keep it up Kudz, dont let me stop this train.
*claps*
dance
I find Cadance to be...unnecesarity harsh...I understand her being serious about Celestia not messing it up, but come on...
I really like this with every aspect. The comment about Twilight being responsible for the flow of magic is one I like she is the Alicorn of both magic and friendship after all. I enjoyed Cadance's comments about marriage and she probably only chose to get actually married because the Canterlot nobility wouldn't stop pestering and bothering her otherwise.
I get the feeling this is going to be hilarious, all through the process. My money is on him being a Guard.
Fridge logic: This implies that he's school-age or nearly so. Perhaps "around his workplace" might work better? Or "that was ten years ago, and he hasn't dated since"?
May-December romances do happen, but as an adult Celestia is presumably looking for someone who is also an adult. Clarifying that in the text might help avoid confusion.
Chapter 2
ICR who said it "May/December romances are one thing, but this is BC/AD"
7753222
Think it violates the half-plus-seven rule?
Naaah.
...And she should be punished for that, for wrecking the guy's school life. She should've been made to announce she had lied, and then to publicly apologise to him. If that resulted in her life being tarnished, in her gaining a negative reputation as somepony who would spread false and damaging rumours about a stallion just because of something petty, thus preventing her from getting decent jobs, then it's her own Celestia-damned fault.
Like tribe, but Celestia's not a unicorn. It's not going to give away her 'tribe', just that she happens to have a horn - which could result in a false impression, but I don't see it "giving things away and revealing things".
...Snout, you mean. 'Snoot' is slang for 'nose', and Celestia won't drink with her nose - nopony with social skills snorts milkshakes.