17: The Decline
Chapter 17
The Decline
I sat there in the meadow for an hour or more, simply enraptured within the serenity of nature. In the early afternoon sunlight, the wildflowers upon the valley floor shimmered as a blanket of jewels upon an ocean of green. The gentle breeze made its way across the valley, forming waves in the bejeweled sea before me. As beautiful as it was in spring, my mind’s eye still conjured forth an image of the scene ablaze with the glory of autumn. The splendid shades of red and orange spilled across the lands. Alabaster pillars stood out in stark contrast to the backdrop of fiery brilliance, providing a wonderful brace; pillars ‘neath which I would give myself to Joy evermore. The scene was so vivid in my mind, it was as if I was actually there in the moment. I could smell Joy’s perfume, hear the joyous sounds of happy ponies, and almost taste Joy’s lips pressed against mine.
This was not a hope, nor a dream; this was destiny. It was simply meant to be. Never before in my life had I ever paid mind to such ridiculous notions, scoffing at the belief that there was a “greater plan” and other such nonsense. I simply refused the concept as a ridiculous attempt to shift the blame from a person to a mysterious and omnipotent force, claiming that “it simply wasn’t meant to be” instead of owning up to one’s own failings. And yet… here I was. There was simply no denying it. This was deeper than a gut feeling, deeper than intuition… I can’t even properly describe it. This feeling simply resonated within me in a way that words fail to capture. Come hell or high water, I would fight through fire and flame for Joy’s hoof in marriage.
I took a long and deep inhalation, breathing out slowly and savoring the sweetness of the air for a moment longer. I opened eyes I didn’t recall closing and stretched languidly before commencing the trek back into town. I sauntered through town, energized by my relaxing sabbatical in the meadow. The day was no sunnier than it had been all day, and yet everything seemed… brighter, more vivid somehow. I had no ready explanation for this, though I cared not. Despite the somewhat unusual start to the day, this was still one of the better days I'd had in a good long while. Judging by the position of the celestial orb, it was nearing sixteen hundred, and was coming rapidly upon the time of Joy’s return. Despite my relaxed pace, I still managed to cross a good portion of the town’s width in less than a half hour.
I opened the door and strolled to the living room, favoring Dawn with a smile as I passed the kitchen. She replied in kind and bade me a good day, a gesture that I reciprocated. I'd only just sat down before Dawn followed me from the kitchen, a silver platter balanced on her haunches. As I unbuckled my bags, she set the platter down and distributed a trio of cups and saucers around the table. There came the sound of a door being opened and closed, followed by a set of hooves drawing closer. Joy rounded the corner with a slightly haggard look on her face, though still sporting her lovely smile as she deposited her book bag and took a seat next to me. I leaned over to nuzzle her neck, and she did the same to me.
The tea was poured without a word, yet the silence was anything but awkward; a comfortable stillness had settled ‘round us all. Joy snuggled against my side, resting her head upon my shoulder as she seemed to be unwinding from what was undoubtedly a long day. Across from us, Dawn was reading a newspaper and sipping her tea contentedly. I'd not had a chance to grab mine before Joy took her seat next to me, and I was now unable to get up and get it. I came upon a solution; a solution that was borne halfway out of desire not to move and disturb Joy, and halfway out of because-I-can. I extended my wing on the non-Joy side, using my primaries to cradle the cup and saucer as I brought it to my hooves.
Or, I tried to. The tea was halted just beyond my reach by a faint blue glow. Sighing in resignation, I looked at Joy with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow. She looked up at me from the corner of her eye, trying to hide her smile by sipping on her tea. You had to hand it to this mare, she could be cute and devious at the same time. She finally released her grip on the teacup, allowing me to finally partake in the relaxing beverage. At the first taste, my mind lit up like a fireworks display.
The taste of honey danced across my tongue, and my heart skipped a trio of beats. Derpy's face filled my vision, the image of her lips pressed against mine dominating my thoughts. I somewhat enjoyed the image, and I found that to be rather disturbing. How could I even think about something like this when I'd gone shopping for a wedding band not even three hours ago, and the mare to which I was to give my everything was physically pressed against me? I tried to retain my outward composure as I internally grappled with this incongruous notion.
What the hell is wrong with me? How can I even think about enjoying something like this when my marefriend is resting at my side at this very moment?
Well, let's not be too quick to beat ourselves up over this. The situation wasn't unpleasant, and there is no shame in that. You didn't ask for it or encourage it, it just happened. And it's not like you're going to leave Joy for Derpy or run around on your marefriend. It's not something that you should ever admit to anypony under any circumstances, but the fact that you liked it is not your damnation. So go ahead and enjoy it, and don't feel guilty about it. Besides, she did taste pretty sweet...
But... no, it still seems wrong. I get it that it wasn't my fault, but I --
Stop. Stop right there. "Fault" implies that it was something bad. It may not have been intentional, but it was not something malicious or shameful. If you keep thinking about it like that then you'll always feel guilty for no reason. It's like thinking about your ex and remembering the fun you had, even though you are now with someone who makes you happier. The memories don't become "bad" because you left the person you made them with, and you can smile about the past without betraying the present.
Whoa. When did I become so introspective and enlightened?
Come off it. We both know that you are far from stupid, you just make poor choices and find conscious thought to be bothersome.
Yeah, I suppose that's fair. I'm still not entirely comfortable with this, but I can see the logic behind it. Well, I feel better than I did a minute ago, so I guess I'll be fine.
Satisfied by my own answer, I ventured back into the world of the living; for once, I hadn't been missed as I let my mind wander. Joy was still snuggled into my side, and Dawn was still flipping through the pages of the newspaper. Clearing my throat, to get Joy's attention, I looked at azure mare by my side.
"So Joy, have I got a story for you or what..."
Joy turned towards me and regarded me with a raised eyebrow, inviting me to begin my story.
“Well you see…what had happened was… I’d started to clean out my saddlebags, for lack of better things to do; and when I got to the bottom, I found a lovely emerald. I wanted to see what it was worth, so I ventured into the town to a place I’d passed by on occasion to get it appraised. Are you familiar with a place by the name of Diamond’s?”
Joy did a spit-take right then and there, and I swear I could feel the disapproving glare that Dawn was shooting at me from over the top of her paper. I figured I had roughly ten seconds to plead for my life before it was forfeit.
“See, based on your reactions, I’d say you’ve heard of the place before, at least in some capacity. Well, I hadn’t. And a place named after a precious stone seemed like a sure bet to get a jewel appraised, at least in my strange little head. About two minutes after I entered, I left that place like it was on fire, and I’m pretty sure that my blush was visible from the moon. I was so embarrassed, worried, and concerned about the whole event and how you would take it, that I was debating how to tell you for the better part of the afternoon. I finally gave up and decided that the best thing to do would be to simply come right out with it and hope for the best. So, heck of a story, eh?”
Joy facehoofed, but she was smiling. “Dave… only you. Only you could walk into a brothel looking for a jeweler, and not figure it out for two whole minutes. Really, what was the tipping point for you?”
“When Diamond came out wearing some dominatrix gear.”
Joy buried her face behind her hooves again, and it was a little difficult to tell whether she was laughing or crying at first. As soon as her hoof slipped from her face though, there was no way to hide her grin, spread as it was from one ear to the other. Joy was laughing so hard she was unable to make a sound, and I could hear the paper rustling as Dawn tried to contain her own chuckles. The silence was short lived as the pair of them descended into guffaws of raucous laughter at my misadventures. Relieved at how well this had gone over, I allowed myself a sigh of relief and a little chuckle at my own expense.
Joy wiped a tear from her eye, placing a hoof on my shoulder as she looked me in the eye. “Oh, Dave… see, this is why I never leave you alone. Next think you know, you’ll be followed around by a veritable harem of mares under the impression that they are your ‘fan-club’ or some such nonsense.”
I adopted my best serious-face as I asked “Wait, you mean that’s not normal?”
Joy looked unsure whether this was a joke or another instance of me being a naïf, and had I been able to hold my poker-face a little better, she might have had a few more seconds to ponder. Betrayed as I was by my smile though, the only thing she was left pondering was how best to punish me. I got off a bit lighter than I would have expected, receiving only a magical pop on the snout. I suspected that there was further retribution to be had in the future, and that I'd pay for this when I least expected. Alas, such is the price of female companionship. My mind’s rambling was interrupted by Joy’s sweet voice posing another question.
“So, what other comically improbable antics have you gotten yourself into today? Anything I need to know about before the civil guard come knocking at the door?”
Well, I used the aforementioned emerald to secure a line of credit with which I will be buying your engagement ring and wedding ring.
“Nothing comes to mind, love. Had a sandwich, went for a walk. I was trying to keep a low profile after the previous events, for obvious reasons.”
Joy fixed me with a half-serious and half-amused glare, letting me know that the window for amnesty was about to close. I simply smiled at her, content that I'd said everything that I'd needed to. Seeing that I'd come clean (at least as far as she knew), Joy exhaled, deflating slightly as the apprehension of further revelations left her. Slumping against my side once more, we enjoyed our tea in silence for a while longer. Dawn was the first to leave, making her way to the kitchen after only a half-hour or so and causing a small racket as pots and utensils collided in the room adjacent to Joy and me.
Another half-hour or so passed in amicable silence before Dawn intoned from the other room, inviting the two of us to join her for dinner. The dinner was a vegetarian stir fry, and was quite delicious for not having any meat in it. Dinner was eaten in something near silence, interrupted only occasionally by small talk of some sort or another. A strange quiet had descended upon our usually vociferous party, though it wasn’t unduly awkward. Compliments were exchanged and dishes were done with a minimum of communication, and shortly afterward Dawn excused herself as she retired to bed, presumably. Joy and I made our way to the couch, snuggling up together instead of our usual brushing arrangement. After all, it was not time for bed just yet.
As I laid against the couch with Joy cuddled up to my chest, she recounted her experiences throughout the last few days as she adjusted to her increasing workload from school. So far, she was managing to keep up with the assigned work within an hour or two after class let out by heading straight to study hall and knocking it out while it was still fresh in her mind from the lesson.
“And that’s been working well enough for me so far, but soon the amount of homework and research projects are going to increase dramatically, and I’ll have to either stay out later at study hall to get it finished, or I’ll have to take it home with me and do it here. Which, since you’ll be on nightshift from Monday onward, might be my best bet. The study hall librarian is a bit less than friendly after a certain time at night.”
I shrugged and nodded. Some ponies just aren't night owls. “Ah, I can imagine. And with me on night shift, you should have the peace and quiet you need to get your work done. I will admit, there are times where I can be somewhat distracting.”
“Times? Somewhat? We obviously have different definitions of these words, Dave. But, with you gone, at least I’ll have my work to keep me occupied. As much as I’m loathe to admit it, I think I might actually miss your shenanigans at night. And I will definitely miss the brushings. Go figure, you manage to integrate yourself into my nightly routines just in time to be put on night shift and send everything topsy-turvy.”
I leaned over and nuzzled her, happy that I would be missed. Luna knows I was going to miss her, too. “Hey, it’s what I do. You know you love it.”
“Fine, you got me there. You keep it interesting, and I like that about you. Sometimes, a little bit too interesting, but I guess I have to take the good with the bad and all that.”
“A wise mare, you are. Between the two of us, we average out to only slightly stupid.”
“Slightly stupid? Either you underestimate my sheer brilliance, or I’m underestimating your... not-so-brilliance.”
I scoffed, placing a hoof over my heart in a wounded fashion. “Is that your fancy way of calling me dumb?”
“What? Why, I would never… but if the horseshoe fits…”
Joy chuckled at her own joke, and though I found it rather amusing as well, I still gave her my most melodramatic “oh, how you wound me” bit, complete with swoon. We continued in this manner for an unknown period of time, eventually ending our shenanigans when Joy indulged in a theatrical yawn.
“Tired, Joy?”
“No, yawning is good for the circulation. Though on an unrelated note, I find myself quite drowsy.”
I kissed her on the forehead, drawing from her a shimmy of pleasure and a smile. “Well, then take a nap, love. I’m going to stay up for a bit longer, hopefully get myself adjusted to the night shift somewhat before Monday rolls around. Go nocturnal, and all that jazz.”
“Aww, drat. I’ll miss my pillow. How do you plan to stay awake?”
“I figured I'd go for a walk, try to keep awake until zero two or three.”
Yawning again, Joy stretched a bit before responding. “Jeez, isn’t that a bit long to be awake?”
“Huh? It’s a little under a full twenty-four hours, and nowhere near the longest I’ve stayed awake at a stretch.”
Joy rolled over onto her stomach, propping her chin on her elbows to look at me. “Really? And just how long have you stayed up at a stretch?”
“By the longest stretch without sleep, or by least amount of sleep on average over a given period of time?”
Joy blinked in confusion at the way I’d worded my question. “Wait… huh?”
“Longest period awake with no sleep was a little under forty-five hours. Least average sleep per day was a two-week span where I averaged two to three hours of non-consecutive sleep per day.”
“Holy… whoa. I'd tell you how unhealthy that is, but I have the distinct impression that you know from experience.”
I nodded. “You’d be right on that one. But anyways, a little less sleep isn’t going to kill me. Sweet dreams, love, and I will do my very best not to wake you when I return, okay?”
“Well… alright, I suppose. I’m still not entirely sure you should be allowed out after dark without supervision, but what the hay… what’s the worst that could happen?”
I couldn't help but smirk at the way she tempted fate. “Famous last words… “
“On second thought, perhaps you shouldn’t go. Just… be careful, okay Dave?”
I smiled at her, stroking her shoulder to reassure her. “Of course, Joy. I’m just going to be wandering around aimlessly until I get tired, and then I’ll head back and rack out until tomorrow afternoon.”
“Okay… well, I’m tired and going to bed. Have fun out there.”
I shot Joy another reassuring smile as I leaned down to kiss her goodnight. She smiled and bundled the blankets tighter around herself, closing her eyes and drifting away almost before my eyes. I killed the light and stepped into the hallway, opening and closing the door as quietly as I could. I stood in the sweet coolness of the night, marveling in awe at the incredible tapestry of night that was stretched across the heavens.
Staring towards the inky blackness of the night sky and the stars which shone like so many jewels, I instantly felt a pang of sadness for Luna. Truly, this night sky was every bit as beautiful as anything the day had to offer, and almost nopony was here to see it. This was simply… tragic. I flapped my wings a few times to clear the buildings around me, hovering somewhat shakily in the sky as I reveled in the panorama of the night sky. Under my breath, I whispered to nopony in particular.
“Luna, thank you for this beautiful night. Should all other eyes be hidden from its majesty, mine shall yet seek it out. What a wondrous sight to behold.”
A small shooting star flashed across the obsidian dome above me, and a childish part of me wanted to believe that this was a sign that Luna had heard me and was thanking me. I knew it was rubbish, but I held onto the notion regardless; it filled me with a little ember of pride and wonder. The mere thought that the Princess of the night had heard my declaration was my own personal fallacy, a belief that I knew to be false but held onto anyways because of the way it made me feel. Grinning like a fool and giddier than I should have been, I ceased flapping and coasted back to the street, landing softly before setting off at a lazy trot to explore the town after dark.
The town had a distinctly different appearance once the sun went down, and not only because of the different illumination. The shops and stands that usually adorned the sidewalks and streets were either closed up or gone entirely, making the areas they usually occupied appear vast and empty in contrast. Row upon row of houses were closed and darkened, save for a few lanterns burning in the windows of those not yet asleep. The peace and the stillness of the night was a gift to me, one which never grew old or unwelcome in my eyes. I passed Berry’s, seeing it closed up for the second time in my stay in town. A single light burned upstairs, in what I assumed was Berry’s bedroom.
The thought of Berry in conjunction with a bed, in a bedroom, inspired a flash of thoughts I had to shake my head to clear out. I stalked quickly away from the shop, trying to leave those thoughts behind. I eventually passed what I assumed to be the post office, judging by the stylized envelopes emblazoned across its windows. Vaguely, I recalled that Derpy’s house was very near here, and after a few moments of searching, I nailed the most likely culprit. After all, who else but Derpy would have a pair of muffins painted on their mailbox? Smiling to myself, I kept walking around the town, stealing frequent glances at the shifting of the night sky. I picked out a constellation earlier in the night that reminded me of Orion, and I was using its location in the sky to keep track of the time and of my heading, trying not to get lost at night without landmarks to help me find my way home.
I found myself stifling a yawn, and checked my watch to see if it was late enough to head home yet or not. Seeing that it was already zero two, I figured I could start along a winding path home and get there in a reasonable amount of time. In a straight line, I could be there in ten minutes. As I'd wandered around town, I'd spent more time walking down alleys and side-streets than walking away from home, and thus had covered very little distance from where I'd started. As I continued my meandering in the direction of home, I passed by Daffodil’s diner, taking note that it was still open in the wee hours of the morning. That would be handy to know when I got a case of the midnight snacks on night shift.
My meandering came to an end right on schedule, and I stealthily entered the house at just before zero four. Shucking off my saddlebags as quietly as I could, I managed to climb into bed without rousing Joy, a feat in which I took much pride. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was again swept away into dreams of flight, though this time I was neither falling nor conversing with the moon Princess. I slept fitfully, roused a few times by the sounds of life going on around me as I slept. By the time my alarm sounded at fourteen hundred, I found that I was still tired. I rolled out of bed in a fog, making my way to the latrine to shower and conduct my morning rituals. As soon as I emerged from the ablution, I found myself feeling rather refreshed and energized, having washed away the lethargy that plagued me.
This was not the best part of the day, either. I emerged to the smell of something wonderful being cooked up in the kitchen, and the sing-song voice of Joy beckoning me to join her for a late lunch. We ate at the table together, and I found myself enjoying the food more than I usually did. Joy kept trying to get a rise out of me by poking fun at me for sleeping so much, but I was blissfully unaware of anything other than the delicacy plated in front of me. As was its wont, the food once more disappeared entirely too soon, leaving me craving more. Joy sensed her opportunity and launched once more into her well intentioned jabs at my sleeping habits, drawing a sigh from me. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought to myself ‘here we go again’.
The rest of the day passed in what I would consider a normal fashion. Joy took me for a stroll to one of her more favorite places, the place she would come to think or relax when life was becoming too much to bear. This place was a special place to her, as it had the almost mystical ability to put her at ease regardless of what was on her mind. So tranquil was this place that she had christened it “The Quiet Place”, and noted that it was her safe place. She shared all of this with me as I followed her, noting that some of the landmarks near me were beginning to look familiar. We took a turn away from the town, venturing into a small patch of woods. In but a moment, the town was all but gone from view, as was whatever sounds it produced. There was naught to be heard other than the whisper of the breeze through the branches overhead. The trail twisted and turned a few times before finally opening up to reveal a verdant meadow, resplendent with wildflowers in bloom. In the midst of the valley floor was a small hill, on which there stood a lone oak tree of incomprehensible age and wisdom.
I recognized this valley, as it was in this very valley that I had sat and daydreamed about the future not a full day prior.
I looked at her, feeling the emotions stirring in my chest, and confessed that I'd been there before. “So, this is your safe place? Drat, I’ll have to find a new one.”
Her Jaw dropped. “What? You’ve been here before?”
“Yeah, I ended up here yesterday, after the whole incident with Diamond’s. I sat under that tree for a few hours and just allowed my mind to wander.”
She smiled at me. “Ordinarily, I’d make a comment about how it’s too small to be out on its own like that, but I’ve spent many an hour doing the exact same thing. Though when I daydream under here, I’m sure I dream of different things than you do. After all, I dream about what all little fillies dream of.”
“Did you dream of an autumn wedding?”
Her jaw hung wide open. “What the… how did you… actually, yes. Yes I did. How did you know?”
“Just a guess. I found myself thinking about the same thing, actually. A few years in the future, most likely, but I could see everything as if it was actually there.”
Okay, that last part might have been a bit of a lie, but Joy didn’t need to know my plans just yet. She didn’t answer me directly or verbally, rather she just shook her head in disbelief. Honestly, I found it to be a little too coincidental and did my best to just accept it and not think about it too deeply. This place just seemed to exude the spectre of fall, so that probably had something to do with it.
We passed the rest of the afternoon in the meadow, lost in thoughtful conversation about the future and the present, though never the past. The sun was caressing the horizon as we turned to head home, having ridden out the end of the daylight hours lost in conversation. I stopped Joy as she turned to leave, beseeching her to stay a while longer.
“Joy, let’s stay here for a bit. When’s the last time you sat and reveled in the splendor of the night?”
“’The splendor of the night’, you say? Where do you come up with these terms?”
I waved a hoof in the air, as if conjuring an apparition. “Spectacular vernacular, and such. But really, when is the last time you sat outside and stared into the night sky?”
“Oh, I can’t even remember the last time I did that.”
“Well, was it before Luna’s return?” I questioned.
“Yeah, a few years before, at the least.”
My smile broadened. “Okay, well you really need to see it in that case. It’s simply awesome.”
“I guess so, considering how excited you seem about it.”
We sat in spellbound silence as we watched the day give way to the dominion of night, birds and clouds giving way to the stars and clear skies of night. In an hour, the sun had vanished entirely, along with the fiery colors of the sunset. In its stead there sprung forward the cool colors of night and the plethora of stars that dotted the sky like jewels. Though the horizon was still lightened from the setting of the sun, the sky overhead was the dominion of the night. I took a moment to lament that Joy would not be awake in the wee hours of the morning to experience the full majesty of the night as it held total reign over the skies, the Equestrian equivalent of the milky way stretching across the sky like a faint skein of starlight.
Even under the modest control of the Night Princess, the sky was still a marvelous tapestry atop the world, and it captivated Joy entirely. Joy’s fascination with the stars reminded me of my own reaction to their splendor, and I sent forth another silent prayer to the Moon Goddess.
“Luna, I thank thee once more for this marvelous night you have given us, and for the soft light of your moon to light our way home.”
No sooner had I finished than a large meteor streaked across the horizon, bright enough to leave a streak in my vision as it passed. For the second time in a row, my prayer to Luna had been followed by a shooting star, and I was beginning to doubt that this was a mere coincidence. Could it be that Luna could really hear my prayers, and was answering them with a meteor as her way of smiling upon me? The thought was almost preposterous in its un-likelihood, but I couldn’t shake the notion that it might be true.
Satisfied that Joy had embraced the wonder of the new night sky, I nudged her to get her moving as we began our trek back to the house. As we turned to leave the meadow, I caught sight of a single cloud floating far from town and impossibly high above the rest of its kin.
Could it be… could it be her? The similarities between this scene and the one in the dream were notable at the very least. The meadow, the night, and the lone cloud so far above the rest, seemingly mocking all those who would try to reach it. It was simply not likely that the princess of the night would be loitering in the skies over a town such as this, one with so little night-time activity. Yet I still found myself falling prey to that most resilient of notions, found myself possessing a gleam of hope.
Hope is a strange emotion in and of itself. With the exception of perhaps love, no other emotion endures so valiantly even in the face of overwhelming odds and evidence to the contradiction of its existence. Hope seems to be strengthened by the adversity facing it, thriving in the mounting odds. All of this to say that I knew that Luna most likely was not up on that cloud, most likely not watching over me and answering my prayers with comets and meteors. And yet, I chose to believe, because maybe… just maybe…this wasn’t a dream.
Joy was lost in the stars, her eyes hungrily drinking in the night sky she had never seen as we made our way back home. Several times, She let out a dainty yawn as the excitement wore off and the lateness of the hour began to take its toll on her. Within a half hour of arriving home, she was in bed and fast asleep. For lack of anything better to do, I made my way outside to once more embrace the caress of the night. I couldn’t ask for a better time to practice my flying without the hassle of onlookers, and so I spread my wings and took to the skies. My launches were getting much smoother, and I felt as if I was finally mastering the transition from ground to flight.
I soared over the town in lazy loops, picking out the landmarks that I knew and building a mental map of the town from an aerial point of view. By the time midnight rolled around, I was able to effectively navigate the entire town from the air, and I found that this was a far quicker way to get across town, not that it was much of a surprise. No traffic or twisty roads to slow me down. I reveled in the exhilaration of flight, interspersing a few of the maneuvers from my training so that I could practice them in the privacy of the night. Turns out, the practice wasn’t even necessary after all of the drilling that Coach had made me do. Every time I went to try something, I could hear her voice in the back of my head telling me just how it needed to be done. I even started mixing and matching the drills into my own creations, or into my best approximations of things I’d seen in footage of dogfights in the glory days of aerial combat.
One such move that pleased me to no end was the Split-8, or the “inverted switcheroo” as I liked to call it. From flying forward at a high rate of speed, I would perform and aileron roll to my right, stopping when I was inverted fully. From there, I would angle my ailerons and my “rudder” (which was nothing more than my tail and legs) while pointing my nose upwards. What this served to do was pitch my nose (and subsequently the rest of my body) in an upwards direction, which was towards the ground in my inverted state. I kept pulling “up” until I was traveling parallel to the ground in the opposite direction I’d been traveling a moment earlier. This served as a very effective way to switch direction quick, fast, and in a hurry. Once I’d worn the shine off of my new tricks and exhausted myself, I made my way to the meadow I’d been in not more than a few hours earlier that evening. I sat in the same place that I’d sat earlier, and I looked up to the moon in its new position among the stars; if the night were a cathedral, the moon would be the keystone in the archway, holding everything in place like the jeweled centerpiece of the night sky.
From the corner of my eye, I spied once more the lone cloud floating far from all the rest, solemn and forsaken over the Everfree forest. Visions of my dream from a few nights before flew through my head, but I quickly discarded them as flights of fancy. Even if Luna really was up there, I'd have no idea of how to introduce myself, or whether or not she’d be upset with me for breaching her solitude. No, this was a fantasy best left as just that – a fantasy.
I sat there under that tree and watched as the seemingly endless parade of stars made their way across the sky. The night air possessed a slight bite of cold towards the wee hours, and I found myself wrapping my wings around myself to fight off the chilly breeze. With my wings wrapped around myself like a warm blanket shielding me from the bite of the breeze, I found myself drifting away into a semi-lucid dream as the sky began to lighten in the east. I recall nothing from that point on, though I found myself roused from slumber by Joy’s insistent nuzzling of my shoulder. I opened my eyes to look around, and saw that the sun had somehow managed to climb into the eastern sky without me noticing it. Dazed, confused, and entirely exhausted, I followed Joy home.
From what little sense my sleep-addled mind could make of the things she said to me, I gathered that Joy had become concerned when I failed to come home by morning’s light, and had set out to look for me. After checking with Berry to see if I'd been hanging out there, she had a hunch that I'd be in the meadow. Joy’s instincts had served her well, and she soon discovered me under the tree, wrapped snugly in my wings, drooling happily and mumbling in my sleep. Demonstrating once more that she was far better a partner than I had any right to, she’d ventured out into the mist of early morning to seek me out and ensure my safe return to the couch. The last thing I recalled as I clambered into bed was the sweet taste of her lips against mine as I drifted away to sleep once more…
When my alarm sounded, I woke up to a very unfamiliar sensation… that of an empty bed. I sighed, clambered to my hooves, and began my day with the same routine as always. In the fridge I found a lunch and a breakfast for me, prepared by Joy at some point during the day. I gathered the foodstuffs into my saddlebag and left for work. I arrived about twenty minutes early, which mean that I was over half an hour ahead of my shift, what with being fifteen minutes early to everything. I grabbed the work orders from the front desk and made my way to the janitorial grotto for some light reading. I met Scruffy, who was sitting in his usual place behind the desk. I pulled up a chair, and we conversed idly about the state of the clinic and what needed to be done overnight. After a little advice on what to tackle first, I was ready to get my first night as manager underway.
Ten minutes prior to shift change, I was introduced to my coworker on night shift as she walked through the door. I finally had the opportunity to formally introduce myself to the mare known as “Buffy”, whose skill for polishing anything and everything was borderline unnatural.
“Good evening, miss. You must be this Buffy I’ve heard so much about. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
She met my smile with a skeptical half-smirk, as if unsure of what to make of me. “Uh… hey? Yeah, I’m Buffy. Who are you? I was expecting to see Brass… “
“Oh, right. Sorry about that. My name’s Dave, and I’m your co-worker on nights.”
“You? Co-worker? No offence, but are you up for the job? Scruffy, is he one of yours?”
Buffy followed her declaration with another skeptical look, turning to Scruffy for confirmation. The older pony had been monitoring the exchange from behind his newspaper, and apparently sensing that his input was needed, he folded down the top of his newspaper to address the two of us.
“Young lady, this stallion right here may’ve referred to himself as your coworker, but make no mistake about it, he’s your boss. He’s just too polite to put it all blunt-like. From what I’ve heard about him, Dave’s a decent pony and he’ll do right by you so long as you do your job.”
Buffy looked like she’d just been reprimanded, immediately adopting a submissive posture as she began to apologize for her outburst.
“Oh, horse apples, I didn’t—“
I cut her off at the start with a wave of the hoof. “Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. No harm; no foul, right?”
“Uh… okay, I guess? Are you sure you’re not a little ticked?”
I shook my head with a smile. “Nah, simple mistake. So, are you ready to make this place sparkle?”
Buffy met my challenge with the same cocky grin that I sported from time to time, answering me confidently. “I thought you’d never ask.”
And just like that, we were off. Buffy knew what to do, setting off on her own to take care of the general housekeeping in the clinic as I began to take care of the work orders for the night. Had I harbored any sort of expectations for the tasks ahead of me, I might have been disappointed. I changed out some lights, fixed some squeaky doors, stopped a dripping faucet, and replaced a window screen. Not exactly what one would call an exciting night, but it was a good way to start the night shift. By midnight everything on my list had been completed, and so I ventured back to the office to see about ordering supplies as I waited for Buffy to finish up with her tasks. I was only mildly shocked when I entered the office and found aforementioned mare reclining in the office chair and staring lazily at the ceiling.
Hearing me enter the office, she snapped out of her daze and popped to her hooves, stammering excuses for sitting or some such nonsense.
“Whoa, calm down. I saw you sitting in the chair, so that must mean that you’ve finished everything on your list, right?”
Buffy nodded sharply, still looking at me as if she was expecting something bad to happen. To this, I merely shrugged and asked a few follow-up questions. “Alright, I’ll take you at your word. So, how long does it take you to complete your tasks?”
“About three hours, unless something is really dirty or somepony makes a mess and I have to go back and clean something again.”
“So, you’ve been here for… how long?”
She shifted on her hooves, looking uncomfortable. “Erm… about… two hours?”
As she spoke, her voice grew quieter and quieter, to the point that I almost didn’t hear her say “hours”. I let out a low whistle.
“Wow, not bad. Kudos on the speedy job, Buffy.”
The compliment seemed to catch her off guard, and she blinked absently for a second before replying.
“Yeah… thanks.”
“Do you have anything else to do right now?”
She reached up and scratched the back of her head. “No, not really. I usually end up re-washing everything a time or two until shift ends.”
“That’s not necessary. Tell you what… go ahead and take a break. If you come back at zero-four, can you clean everything you need to before shift change?”
Her head cocked to the side at this one, trying to discern if this was a trick or not. “I… well, yeah… but… I don’t want to take a four hour break. I need as many hours as I can get, I have bills to pay… “
“I never said I'd clock you out. The way I see it, you are getting paid to do a job; getting paid to clean the clinic. If you can bust your rump and get it done quickly, then I see no reason why you shouldn’t have that extra time to yourself. You’ve earned it by working as hard as you did. So long as you let me know where I can find you if something comes up and stay out of trouble while on the clock, I’ve got no problem letting you go do your own thing. Sound fair?”
The skeptical look made its return at this point. “Are you sure? Is this a setup?”
“Huh? What… no, this isn’t a setup. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just thought it would be nice to get out of the clinic for a bit since you’ve finished everything here. I’m releasing you until zero-four, at which time I expect to see you standing in front of this desk and ready to go. What you do between now and then is your own business.”
“If you’re sure about this, I guess I’ll take you up on it. So you don’t care where I go, as long as I let you know where I’ll be, right?”
“Yep. Just try to stay in the vicinity so you can get back here quickly if need be.”
“Can I go to Berry’s?”
I answered with a smile. “Only of you bring me back a smoothie.”
Buffy seemed to blanch at this a little bit, dropping her gaze and pawing a tile.
“I… I don’t have enough bits for two smoothies. I think I’ll just stay here, then… “
“I wouldn’t make you pay for my smoothie, Buffy. That’d just be a jerk move.” I slid a few bits onto the desk, along with my coupon card for smoothies. “Here are the bits for my smoothie and yours. Since I’m making you carry it all the way back from Berry’s, it would be rude of me not to give you something for your trouble. All I ask is for a smoothie, and to get Berry to punch the card.”
Heh, Berry… punch.
For the first time since I'd met her, I got the mare to smile. “Alright, sounds good to me. A free smoothie is a good smoothie.”
Buffy scooped the card and the bits off of the table and set out into the night, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I pulled out a clipboard and started an inventory on cleaning supplies, compiling a list of things that I needed to order. Ah, the glorious life of night shift janitorial duties. I was just finishing up when Buffy returned, bearing a smoothie and a befuddled look. Upon asking her what was confusing her, she hoofed me the smoothie and mentioned that Berry had said that this was “for Flyboy, from Fruit Butt”. I chuckled for a moment before I stopped and explained the joke to Buffy.
The rest of the shift passed in a blur, and before I knew it the shift was over and I was walking home. The sun was just beginning to crest the mountain to the east, and I fought back a yawn. My sleep schedule was not quite adjusted to the night shift yet, and I was dragging ass. I got home, ate, showered, and fell into bed. The last thought that crossed my mind as I drifted off to sleep was how empty the bed seemed without Joy in it.
The rest of the week passed in this same manner, and I found myself missing Joy more and more with every day. We would come into work early to spend time with each other, as well as staying late to get one last kiss after shift change. The weekends became our time to catch up with each other, our time to be together and shower our pent-up affections on the object of our affection. The weekends was us adopting a semi-nocturnal sleep schedule as we adjusted our rest periods to better coincide with the other’s. Late evening picnics became our favorites, and we would head out to our special place to watch the night wrest control of the sky from the day.
Alas, Monday came all too soon; we were once again relegated to the opposite sides of the clock. In this manner, the next month passed without much deviation. The biggest and most noteworthy thing to happen in the first few weeks was the increase in my pay. I'd known that I was getting a raise, but I hadn’t bothered to find out exactly how much it would be. When I went to collect my pay, I was initially convinced that I'd been overpaid. After consulting Brass and the banker-pony, I determined that I hadn’t in fact been overpaid, I was just stinkin rich. It took me a good ten minutes to regain my self control and suppress the urge to buy everything within sight.
Once I had reestablished control over my spending urges, I placed myself in the back of the line, aiming to speak with the banker-pony again. The line finally cleared up, and I was able to speak to the banker at my leisure. He was a middle-aged earth pony with a pale green coat and a darker green mane, sporting bi-focals that magnified his intensely blue eyes. Despite the hard lines in his face from a lifetime of frowning, the stallion named “Till” was a good natured individual, and much friendlier than his looks implied. In only twenty minutes, I'd set up a savings account with the Ponyville Bank.
This was a far better method to save for Joy’s ring than to pile the bits under the couch and hope that nopony would notice. Additionally, I found that I could send payment directly from the bank to Emerald City to pay for the ring, negating the need for trips during the daylight hours. Yes, things were going swimmingly. With my newfound wealth I was able to not only pay for the ring, I could also afford to take Joy out to dinner every Saturday night, earning us a reputation as “regulars” at the Fleur de Lis. Heck, we had our own table and everything. Snazzy, huh? At the end of the month, even after all of the date nights and the ring payment, I still had bits left over, bits which rapidly began to accumulate in my account.
The months passed in a dreary blur of nightshifts, punctuated by the fierce flurry of the weekends and the affection lavished within. I stayed in contact with Derpy through the mail (how else?), occasionally sending her a basket of banana nut muffins to accompany the letters. My midnight strolls to Berry’s had become a nightly staple once I was confident that Buffy could hold down the fort for an hour at a stretch. Berry and I would chat for a bit, though it usually consisted of her sharing gossip and me reveling in the tales of everyday hilarity like I was some school-filly.
Before I knew it, May was upon us. As the month drew near its end, so too did my patience. I found myself getting anxious and frustrated at the smallest things, having to catch myself several times when I was about to overreact to something. Everypony could see it, and everypony was constantly asking if they could help make me feel better, if I wanted to talk about it. I politely dismissed them at first, but woe to those who couldn’t take a hint. I'd ended up sending out nearly a dozen apology-bearing fruit baskets by the time everything was said and done. The one pony who I never allowed to see my bad side was the one who asked the most questions… Joy; my blessing, my curse.
Joy… nopony was more worried than she was. And of all the ponies, she was the one I wouldn’t allow myself to snap at, and she was the one to whom I could say nothing. Every question she asked me about how I was feeling or what I was thinking about was met with the same cryptic reply:
“I’m just being haunted by shadows of the past. I can’t talk about it anymore than this.”
After a while, she too let it drop.
What was I supposed to tell her? Tell any of them? Was I supposed to just come right on out and tell them that this had been my wife’s birthday? That this was the time of our anniversary? How could I tell anypony about something like this? I simply couldn’t. And so as the days wore on, so did the turmoil building within me. I stopped sleeping well, tossing and turning throughout the day as shattered fragments of remembered times were dragged across my mind.
The day we exchanged vows. The time I showed up at her house at zero one with a box of chocolate and a single rose, tattered to hell inside my motorcycle jacket as I rode to her house. I remembered how I felt so ashamed of that thrashed flower with all of its bruised petals and broken stem, and yet she smiled like it was the best rose there had ever been. How could I sleep with these feelings within my breast? So very many feelings collided within me, vying for dominance… pride, shame, remorse, contentment, despair, loss… the list went on and on. The feeling that weighed the heaviest upon me, however, was guilt. What was Devin doing right now, back home? Was she crying alone on the sofa, trapped within the confines of her grief with nobody to comfort her? Was she trying to be strong for our son, trying to put on a brave face and swallow the pain in her heart?
I was far from the perfect husband, I know this. I had many faults, and some of them were very ugly. Even so, I tried to be a good husband; I gave it my all, dammit. And now here I am. In a moment of weakness and stupidity, I'd managed to throw away everything I'd ever done. I wondered if Devin… if Devin thought I was dead? I'd been gone for three months already, at least as far as I knew. Our anniversary fell on her birthday, and it was always nice to celebrate growing another year older together. But this year… this year, there would be no celebration. There would be only sadness. She might not have been the perfect wife, but she gave it her all, every day. I could never ask for anything more, and I loved her for it.
And yet, she was left alone, scared, hurt, and confused as she lamented the death of her husband and the father of her son because of me. And here I was, falling in love and moving on like she’d never meant anything to me at all. I despised myself so intensely that I was becoming ill from it. I was hardly able to eat, and when I did manage to eat something I had to fight my body to keep it down.
The past I’d tried to forget, to hide from myself and everypony else, began to well up and engulf me. I’d never gotten closure, never dealt with the very real and very intense feelings of loss and isolation and betrayal… I’d just distracted myself with day-to-day living in my newfound paradise, allowing these malignant emotions to fester and metastasize into something rotten in my soul. Instead of facing my past and coping with these emotions, I ignored them and was now paying the price. Every happy memory I’d made since I’d arrived here, every smile, every bout of laughter, and every blossom of warmth in my chest was consumed by my guilt, fueling its growth.
I had never lost anybody before I found myself in Ponyville; and suddenly, I found that I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d not only lost everybody I had known before, but that I’d lost them all at the same time and hadn’t spared more than a moment to mourn for them. I wanted to be resilient, to overcome this adversity by way of character strength and positive attitude, but I simply could not. The full scope of my loss pressed upon me bit by bit, slowly crushing me under its weight. It was simply too much for any one person (or pony) to handle. and instead of reaching out for help when I so desperately needed it, I was doing the opposite; pushing away those who tried to help. In some sick way, I felt that I needed to suffer alone for my mistakes. And so I did.
Everything I’ve ever been taught about dealing with loss told me to do the exact opposite of what I was doing. I knew better, at least in theory. In reality, the first victim of my depression was my judgement. And so it was that I found myself in a rapid downward spiral, unable to eat or sleep properly, locking me more and more firmly into the spiral.
May twenty-fourth. That was the date. My decline had begun on the fifth, and it had been swift and brutal. By the fifteenth, I'd lost at least five kilos. On a frame my size, that was a very significant amount. Everypony was growing more and more concerned, and that concern soon evolved into worry and then fear. Whatever it was that was eating at me, ponies had long since learned not to question me about it for fear of reprisal. Through this time, Joy was constantly by my side, having requested a temporary move to night shift in order to watch over me better. The fifteenth of May, I was put on a thirty day paid vacation by Brass. She was convinced that it was the stress of the new job that was doing this to me, but she didn’t have the heart to outright fire me. I couldn’t bring myself to care. I had allowed my grief to fester and putrefy, and now it was killing me from within.
By the twenty-first, I was so malnourished and weak that I could barely get out of bed, barely walk to the bathroom on my own. I was unable to keep down much of anything, and the toll was becoming apparent. I began to fade in and out of consciousness, and that’s when things started to get… strange. I closed my eyes in the living room, and when I opened them, I was outside. It was night time, and the breeze was warm and heavy with the scent of grass and a building storm. I blinked, and there was a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring into mine. I felt warm rain drops falling on my face, the smell of skies pregnant with torrential rain was nearly overwhelming. The wind roared in my ears in a strange rhythm, one that was both familiar and alien at the same instant.
The sky was torn by a blinding light as the universe seemed to explode in a terrible cacophony of noise. Heavy beads of freezing rain pelted my body, a sensation I only half registered.
Strange… I thought the water was warm a second ago…
Again I blinked, finding myself no longer in the darkness and the rain, but rather bathed in light and quite warm. The strange howl of the wind was still present, rising and falling in a manner that beckoned my mind to grasp it. There was a sharp beep that rose periodically, following its own rhythm in the midst of such chaos. Everything went dark as the sounds faded away to silence.
I found myself sitting upon a cloud under the pale moon’s light, the night sky stretching immaculately above me. The gentlest of breezes caressed the strands of my mane, causing them to dance slowly in the night air. The breeze carried the scent of lavender, presumably from the meadow far below. I knew that there was a meadow below me, because I'd been on this cloud before. In my dreams, I was not a withered husk of a pony; I was Dave, at my fullest glory. I turned slowly to my left, coming face to face with the princess of the night.
“Good Night, Luna.”
“Hmm. It is, isn’t it? You know, you are one of the few ponies who actually takes the time to enjoy it. I find it quite sad that most ponies know not the splendor of the night sky.”
I nodded in agreement. “As do I. I’ve never seen anything so spectacular.”
Luna favored me with a small smile. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Dave.”
“I'd argue this point, but I don’t think I'd win. Oh well. It is a compliment, take it or leave it as you will.”
At this, Luna raised an eyebrow quizzically. “What happened to your obsession with titles and formality during our last visit?”
I wing-shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure whether you are real or not right now, Luna. You may be the princess of the night and weaver of the tapestry of stars and the cosmos, or you might just be a byproduct of my malnourished brain as neurons fire in a last blaze of glory. If you are the latter, then it matters not how I address you. If you are the former, then I suppose at some point I should seek forgiveness… assuming I survive.”
Luna looked into my eyes, and it felt for all the world like she was looking through me instead of at me. “There is a strength in you that is very hard to find; you know this as well as I. Yet there is much darkness in your heart as well, and the darkness threatens to consume you. What is the cause of this?”
My heart jumped into my throat. “Princess Luna—“
“Please, Luna will suffice.”
“Luna, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. And if, and follow closely here because there are a lot of if’s, if you are the real Princess Luna, and if you believe me, and if you decide that my nature makes me a threat, then you may very well have me killed or imprisoned or banished or… something equally terrible.”
I now had her full attention. She slowly rose to her full height, walking atop the springy surface of the cloud to sit in front of me. “Your nature? What nature are you if not pony?”
I debated concocting a lie, or another cover story, or anything other than the truth, but then I realized I didn't care. I deserved whatever came of this. “Well, it’s a bit difficult to explain. You know what? Fuck it. Princess, have I got a story for you… “
Luna cocked her head. “What is this ‘fuck’ word you used?”
“Fuck…“ Sure Dave, let's just curse up a storm in front of royalty, you classy motherfucker.
Luna pointed a hoof at me. “That. That word. What is it? I am not familiar with it.”
“Fuck… this word is a naughty word where I come from, and it means, more or less, to fornicate. That is the root of the word, but not its meaning. In this context, it could mean ‘forget it’, ‘I don’t care’, ‘here goes nothing’, so on and so forth.”
“Very well then. Fuck it, as it were, please present your story.”
I did a double take at this one.
What sort of hell have I unleashed? Bah, probably nothing, since this is a dream anyways.
I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts and began at the beginning, where the start of all of this mess originated.
“Well, I was once a human. About two months ago, I was transported here by some strange magic… “
What felt like an eternity of questions later, Luna was pacing on the cloud, visibly agitated at my lack of knowledge as to the exact method of my transportation. She had long ago concluded that I really and truly didn’t know anything useful and had moved on to musing to herself and occasionally spouting a question in my direction. About the time that she was realizing that I was almost entirely ignorant, I came to the realization that I was really and truly boned in the worst kind of way. She was asking me advanced magical theory questions and using terms I'd never heard of before, things that made no sense to me even after repeating the question two or three times. Because of that, I was able to draw two conclusions. First, this was the Real Princess Luna. Second, I was so incredibly boned. I'd just blabbed the entire circumstances of my arrival (minus the part about my military training) to one of the two ponies who could conceivably have me sent home.
I was going to beg for clemency, plead to stay, grovel for my live… until I was brutally wrenched from the dream by a body-wracking convulsion that traveled from my gut outwards. My eyelids snapped open as the dream gave way to a waking nightmare. My stomach was revolting for all it was worth, and it felt like I was going to break myself in half. I have no idea what was happening. There were bright lights and blurry shapes, the roar of the wind was reaching a cyclone’s pitch, and the mellow beep from earlier was now a shrill jackhammer screeching away at my ears. There was a jab of pain and then everything went black once more. This time, there were no dreams. I was welcomed solely by the void.
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whoa. Almost 200k. This deserves a like just for the wordcount alone, and that's not even counting the story.
2132884
I'm still amazed by this... I never thought of myself as a writer. But 200k is nothing, there are authors out there whose wordcount (not to mention their skills) put mine to blathering shame. Even so, I appreciate the like nonetheless
2132902 200k for a ponystory is dedication most people don't wish to take upon themselves. Because when you think about it, I average about 1k every two hours if you count in writing it, then re-reader it, then re-reading it again. So, that's 400 hours right there, which is, quite a while to spend doing something. A lot of people seem scared by it.
2132919
Yeah, I know the feeling. If you had told me a year ago that Ia'd be writing well over a quarter million words for fun, I'd have given you the penis-growing-out-of-your-forehead look. And yet, here we are.
When I get into the flow, I can write a thousand words per hour, between distractions.
That is my goal for this upcoming chapter, and I intend to have it entirely written and ready for editing my tomorrow morning. I want this to be a 2-chapter weekend. 
So... much... writing...
Glad to have you back! This chapter definitely strikes true on being broken down by your past, especially trying to move on from something that you were never able to nor wanted to. I love this story more and more by the chapter and you never cease to amaze me. Can't wait for more! -Quickfix
2133121
I'm very happy to hear that this chapter struck home the way I wanted it to. I try to write every single word from the bottom of my heart, drawing on my experiences and my emotions to try and convey these feelings to a stranger, thousands of miles away, with nothing more than lines on a page. I take immense satisfaction and pride from each and every comment that lets me know that it worked, that somebody out there felt what I felt, if only for a moment. So QuickFix, thank you for your comment.
Should Dave ever fall into a deep enough funk, take him to Technia's on a Wednesday. Also looking forward to seeing just how boned he is since speaking with Luna the psychologist (she specializes in dreams, so why wouldn't she be one?). One can only hope that the shenanigans in her court (at least the ones with her new word) remain mild. But if the equestrian press is anything like what it is here, they will be all over it for a while.
And a 2 chapter weekend? What manner of blasphemy is this madness? Have a percentage of my Yes that gives you a sufficient quantity, but still leaves me with enough to regenerate for other cases when I need it.
2133534
Hmmm.Not familiar with Luna's court. And you are right about Luna's specialty, but we won't see too much of that. It'd take entirely too long to suss out properly.
And I have deemed that this is indeed a sufficient quantity of Yes.
Next chapter is a little over 2,500 words so far, and I have 6 more hours to write.
Holy fuck dude. The fact that you decided to share all that with us shows us the depth of your character, and I for one am impressed. I never share my problems, even with my friends, let alone to strangers over the internet!! I sincerely hope everything works out for you.
Now on to this chapter. I am left with only one question. Just when is Luna going to turn up in Ponyville to talk to Dave, and he still thinks it's a dream?
2134265
I decided to share it because it tied into the chapter. I just wanted to show that I am a human, same as any of you out there. I am gloriously stupid and flawed, but that is what makes me who I am. I shared this story because it is a perfect example of why you should seek help... If help had not found me when it did, who could say how much longer I would have been around. I want to encourage anybody out there to seek help, even if it is from someone as gloriously stupid as me. It isn't easy to do it face to face (trust me...that was one of the most frightening tings I've ever done), so I offer a mostly anonymous alternative for those who would want it.
Another army brony, again and again you manage to move me and in all honesty you give me the same impression that makes me want to wrap you up and just cuddle you tight (despite being same gender and "not that way inclined")
now I could rant on with some philosophical pony poop but that isn't me so im not going to bother :) just thank you again and have another fluttersquee 
<--- (you know what to do!)
2134453
I have no qualms about hugging another man. Love is universal and non-gender-specific. Thank you for your kind words; it is the knowledge that I have indirectly touched the life of another that keeps me at my keyboard through all hours of the night. We are all nothing but humans; inherently flawed. Therein lies our strength, our beauty.
I don't know why but I feel so bad that I've been to busy the past 5 months that I couldn't read any new updates of this since October. I'm only typing this I just feel bad about it for some reason sooo...sorry I guess?
2139345
Boy howdy, do you have some catching up to do.
Regardless, No need to feel bad. My intent is to make people happy with my story, not sad.
Yet.
Sadness will ensue eventually. For now, happy times.
2139507 I guess 7 a.m.'s not a bad time to start eh?
This was a fantastic chapter, though it kicked me a bit in the gut at the end - the sudden decline was precipitous indeed. I am not sure how I feel about it from a writing viewpoint - on one hoof it seemed a bit rushed, to be honest, on another hoof, I cannot say I would have enjoyed a long, multi-chapter descent into emotional hell one shiny golden bit. It worked, but it did feel just a little fast.
I greatly appreciate and admire your personal story appended to the end - I had suspected something like this simply because elements of your story rang with an emotional truth that I could recognize. That is the joy and the problem with 'write what you know' - such work has emotional solidity, but it is also greatly exposing and intimate. Reaching out like that at the end is kindness, and I admire kindness.
So basically, I honor you for that.
I still lay in terror of Bad Stuff happening for Dave and Joy, because I have come to care for them so much, but that does not keep me from reading your clever and enticing prose. It is always a treat when you post a new chapter. You are an author I look forward to reading.
i'm just going to throw this out there,
I've been reading this story for a good while now but what you put in the authors note really got to me.
this is what it means to be a Brony and a good person. you opened your privacy and time to anyone in need and i'd just like to say thank you.
If you truly think that there were any "glory days" in war, you are so mistaken.
That you had had a wife before.
Same thing.
Yes.
Yes.
Easily, you just do.
To put it in another way, the trick is to make everything "weigh" the same amount.
If I'd gotten a € every time I rolled my eyes when reading this chapter, I would be a rich... someone indeed.