• Published 13th Jul 2017
  • 2,850 Views, 86 Comments

This Can't Be Legal - MareDoVVell

Sunset's struggle to protect her sanity and Twilight's innocence from the only slightly evil machinations of Adagio Dazzle

  • ...

Dawn of the Second Day

Clad in a tank top and pajama pants, Sunset staggered out onto her balcony like a particularly sleepy zombie, complete with a gasping moan of "Neeeeeed Nicotine!"

Slumping haphazardly against the railing, she squinted in concentration as she dug around in the little box in her hand, finally pulling out a lightly bent cigarette and raising it to her lips, before setting fire to the tip and inhaling like a drowning victim hauled back to land.

"Sweet Celestia that's good..." she burbled to herself as puffs of smoke poured from her mouth. With a contented sigh, she straightened up some and stretched her arms up high above her head, already feeling infinitely more awake.

"Good morning." A voice purred behind Sunset, causing her to glance over her shoulder.

Adagio stepped through the sliding door and onto the balcony, practically gliding towards Sunset before hopping up onto the small table standing beside her.

"Good to see you decided to wear clothes this time...barely." Sunset grumbled around the butt of her cigarette as she observed the siren's attire, which consisted of a dangerously baggy t-shirt and the smallest pair of underwear she had ever seen.

Adagio grinned like a serpent. "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!" she whispered in a sing-song tone before reaching up and snatching the cigarette from Sunset and pressing it between her own lips, puffing lightly.

"Hey! Get your own!" Sunset whined, "Do you even smoke?"

"I do not." Adagio admitted, her grin turning even more mischievous than usual. "I just wanted to taste something that had been in your mouth..." With that, she gently placed the little paper tube back in Sunset's mouth, taking a moment to appreciate the flair of color quickly growing on the girl's cheeks before giggling and heading back towards the door. "Well I'm going to make a pot of coffee, would you like some?"

Sunset stared at her for a moment, completely at a loss, before just rolling her eyes and turning back towards the railing. "Sure I guess, should be in the cabinet above the coffee maker."

Upon hearing the door slide closed again, Sunset let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Stupid sexy siren, why did I ever agree to this?" Taking a few more contemplative puffs, Sunset checked her watch before flinging away the half finished coffin nail and heading back inside.

Much to her relief, she found Adagio at the small kitchen table, seemingly too absorbed in the magazine she was reading to tease her further, instead content with just sipping her mug of coffee every few moments. Taking advantage of the tranquil scene, Sunset pulled a mug from a cabinet and poured herself a cup before quietly heading off towards her bedroom.

"And where are you off to in such a rush hmmm?" Adagio called, not even looking up from her reading material.

"I'm supposed to be meeting Twilight at the library in a bit, and it's halfway across town." Sunset called through the bedroom door as she shuffled around the room, swapping her sleeping attire for real clothes.

"The library?" Adagio called back. "I thought you were done with school?"

Sunset hesitated for a moment, trying to decide how wise it might be to spill her not-so-legal ambitions to Adagio of all people, but in the end decided there wasn't much danger to it. "Well, I am, but she's helping me figure out how to fake my way into College."

"College? Why?"

Sunset could hear genuine bewilderment in the girl's voice as it floated in from the kitchen. "Well what else am I supposed to do? Sure there's plenty of jobs out there that only require a High School Diploma, but I'm not really interested in any of them, I'm hoping to go to Law School..."

Adagio finally laid down her magazine and cast a curious look towards Sunset's bedroom door. "But why bother going at all? Aren't you like, independently wealthy at this point? Why not just lounge around, do whatever you want, spend time with those ridiculous friends of yours?"

"They aren't ridiculous!" Sunset called back defensively, "and I'd kinda like to, y'know, do something with my life. I may have given up on apotheosis and rule over Equestria, but I haven't lost all ambition in my life." She explained with a roll of her eyes as she walked back out of her bedroom, now clad in jeans, a clean t-shirt, and one of her many leather jackets. "How do you know about my financial situation anyways? You never explained how you knew I owned this place..." she added suspiciously.

For once, Adagio looked slightly nervous, rather than smug or flirtatious. "Ohhh heh heh...you know, just keep my ear to the ground is all, you know how the rumor mill can be!"

Sunset narrowed her eyes. "I don't think so, most of my friends don't even know yet." She studied the girl's nervous behavior for a few moments before balling her fists. "Adagio, have you been stalking me!?"

Adagio threw her hands up defensively at the accusation. "N-no! Well maybe a little, but I wouldn't call it stalking! That makes it sound so much worse, I was just...keeping tabs on you...for years..."

Sunset grit her teeth, resisting the urge to throw the girl out right then and there, before selling the apartment and buying a new one in a different part of town. "Why?" she ground out between clenched teeth.

Adagio frowned, before heaving a sad sounding sigh. "At first it was...to try and take revenge, but after awhile, everything I thought of to get back at you just seemed pathetic, so I gave up. From there it just sort of became habit to keep an eye on you I guess, get an idea of what the other Equestrian refugee was doing, maybe try and follow your example a little..."

Much to her dismay, Sunset couldn't stay furious in the face of an explanation like that, and she felt the fire in her chest quickly fizzle out. "Ugh, whatever, just...just don't anymore I guess, if we're gonna live together I'm sure you'll see plenty of my life anyways."

Adagio nodded quietly, looking like a scolded puppy.

Sunset groaned in frustration. "Don't look at me like that! It's even worse than the heavy-handed flirting!"

As if someone had a flipped a switch, Adagio immediately perked up out of her sad routine and jumped up from the table, slinking towards Sunset. "Oh really now, you prefer that? I'd be happy to oblige."

"Ah, no no no!" Sunset shouted as she backed towards the front door to the apartment. "IgottagoI'llseeyoulaterbye!" she spouted as she slipped out the door and threw it shut before the foul temptress could get to her.

"You know you want it!" Came a muffled call through the heavy wooden door.

Sunset huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, before turning and heading off down the hall.


Adagio smiled happily to herself before turning back towards the table and scooping up her coffee mug. "This should be interesting, don't think any of my past roommates have made it past the first night without sleeping with me before, well besides Aria and Sonata, but that's different, though there was that one time..."

Her musings were interrupted by a knock at the door, followed by a disgruntled yell. "Adagio, let us in!"

"Ah, speak of the devil!" Adagio made her way to the door, opening it to reveal a scowling Aria Blaze and an awe filled Sonata Dusk.

"We came to check out your new digs." Aria grumbled, pushing past Adagio.

"Woooow this place is really nice Dagi! Guess all that time you spent stalking Sunny paid off!" Sonata added, as she surveyed the open living room.

"I wasn't stalking her!" Adagio quickly snapped.

"Suuuuuuuure." Aria rolled her eyes, "We all know you have a thing for her, what are you trying to hide?"

"I do not have a "thing" for her!" Adagio growled, "Adagio Dazzle does not have "things" for anyone!"

"Whatever." The other two sirens dismissed in chorus.

Adagio sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "What do you two want anyways?"

"We just wanted to see your new place. When you didn't come back last night, we assumed your little plan went off without a hitch." Aria admitted with a shrug.

"And to get you to buy us breakfast, since you have your new sugar momma and all!" Sonata cheered.

"She is not...ugh, why am I even bothering, fine, you've caught me in a good mood, let me get dressed and we'll go." Adagio huffed as she walked towards her new bedroom. "But we're keeping it under $10 each! I still have to pay utilities."

Aria and Sonata just grinned at each other.


Sunset cut the engine on her motorcycle as she pulled up to the library, figuring it would be much more polite to walk the bike into a parking space rather than drive it. Finding a convenient spot, she pulled off her helmet and jumped off the bike, giving it a proud once-over.

The brand new Triumph had been her other big splurge purchase after graduating, one she had saved up for on her own even before receiving a sack of valuables from another dimension. Most of her fellow bikers had her pegged as a Harley girl, and she loved subverting their expectations.

Finally tearing her eyes from the beloved machine, she made her way into the cavernous library building and began walking along the shelves, scanning the tables, until she found what she was looking for, a head of purple and pink hair extending just over the top of a large book.

"Morning Twi." She called in a muted voice, so as to avoid the wrath from any nearby librarians. Predictably, there was no response from the bookworm, who, if anything, leaned even closer into her book. Sunset rolled her eyes before taking a seat across the table and extending an arm before giving Twilight a good flick in the center of her forehead.

"Ow!" Twilight immediately set her book down and rubbed at the tender spot on her head. "Why do you always do that!" she hissed, giving Sunset a glare.

"Because it always works." Sunset replied with an unapologetic smirk. "You know I always try a non-violent option first, but you ignore me everytime."

Twilight pouted, still rubbing at her head. "Yeah well when I get diagnosed with brain damage or a tumor or something in 20 years, I'll know who to blame."

Sunset chuckled at that. "Ok well when that definitely happens, rest assured, I'll feel super bad about it. What were you reading anyways."

Twilight frowned, but eventually gave up on being cross with her friend. She closed the book and held it out towards Sunset. "'A Brief History of Canterlot Community College', take a look."

Sunset gave Twilight a confused look, taking the book anyways. "Ok, um...why?"

Twilight rolled her eyes, "Because they offer a program for an Associate's Degree in Paralegal Studies, it'll be much easier to fake your way into alocal Community College than someplace like Hayvard." she pointed out bluntly.

Sunset nodded in understanding, before sighing in defeat. "I guess that's a good idea, but I don't want to be a Paralegal, I wanna be the real deal, y'know?"

Twilight nodded, "Yes, of course I know, which is why we start here, and in two years, you transfer to a full fledged law school, and with a transcript from Canterlot CC, nobody will question your credentials anymore, they'll just assume you must be legitimate if you've made it this far."

Sunset stared at her friend with wide eyes, stunned by the simplicity of the plan. "How did I never think of that? I'm supposed to be the duplicitous one!"

Twilight just giggled, before taking on a more serious expression. "Don't get too far ahead of yourself, we still have to find a way to get them to accept you, which I don't have a plan for just yet."

Sunset frowned, feeling her new rush of hopeful enthusiasm begin to ebb.

"On the bright side," Twilight continued, "we have an in."

"What do you mean we have an in?" Sunset gave Twilight a concerned look, becoming a bit worried at how much she was beginning to sound like a master criminal rather than a scientific prodigy.

"Simple," Twilight grinned like a cheshire cat, "both Applejack and Rainbow Dash are starting there in the Fall."

Author's Note:

Two chapters in and this story already has a weird fixation on Sunset's non-canon smoking habit. Not sure why I decided to put it in this story, I quit years ago, but I guess it was sort of a major part of my life during my time in college, maybe it makes it easier to get in the right head space to write about it.

Also apparently Triumph and Harley exist as brands in my head-canon for EQG world, because fuck it. If I wanna project my extremely limited motorcycle knowledge onto Sunset to make her look cool, then you can't stop me!

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