Wow. I expected a strange clopfic where Twilight/Chrysalis has sex with friends, and instead got some dominance play followed by some hypnosis leading into a changeling takeover plot. This is rapidly becoming a favorite fic.
I hope we see a bit more resistance from Twilight. Maybe not anything effective, but it's no fun if she's all aboard the rape train so quickly.
7035710 Next chapter should calm things down somewhat, basically the more Twilight feeds on lust the more she is okay with what is going on, as she calms down she becomes mare... critical of her situation.
/aloe and lotus- drone or breeder Big Mac- Breeder for amusement, or guardian Mayor Mare- Drone/nurse (nurse so she can help spread things maybe, or drone to help ease the way.) The flower Trio- Breeders, definitely need to shut them up somehow. Zecora-- Breeder/nurse... her knowledge of the everfree could be useful too. Berry punch- Drone, good to keep tabs on the bar/especially the gloryhole portion Thunderlane-either a drone for pleasure or a breeder for humor. Caramel- dunno. Braeburn- if he comes to visit he definitely needs to go back as a nurse or maybe a soldier. Spitfire- Just because I would love to see her converted to either a soldier... or RD's personal breeder. Soarin- Soldier or maybe convert spitfire to a soldier and him to a proper breeder... would be amusing Vinyl and Octavia- Not sure on these too, would be awesome to see... but they have such interesting personality potential it would be a shame to make them completely mindless.... so drones?
As for the next of the main 6... I vote RD! need to ensure her loyalty is properly put to use.
I think Twilight should go see Applejack, and turn her and Big Mac into Hive guardians, Apple Bloom drone along with Granny Smith. and on the way maybe turn Caramel into a Drone.
For Rarity, she should go to Canterlot make Blueblood into a Breeder(her would be her bitch ), FancyPants solider Fleur de Lisse Breeder, Jetset Uppercrust Drones
for RD, she Should be a Warrior, Tunderlane Warrior, Rumble Drone, Clould Kicker Flitter Warriors
Rainbow Dash into a Breeder, MacIntosh into a Soldier. They're both strong in their own way, but Big Mac is more level-headed. He's the one you want protecting you. Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, will be perfect to breed a new generation of super-fast Changeling drones! You could even have Mac breed her.
Applejack knows the earth. She's a good Guardian. And she has the hips to get some little ones of her own. Or more than just some...
Fluttershy is perfect in a position where she can care for others, even if said "care" is weird. She could be a Hive Nurse alongside Rarity. They'll have much fun together.
Twisalis won't need to convert many stallions into mares, if any at all. Ponyville is already mostly populated with mares. She could turn most of the stallions into soldiers and still have enough breeders (in any way, shape, or form) to go around. In fact, Soldiers might be rare under normal cirumstances, but perhaps having a strong guard force is a good idea considering how the Mane Six clobbered so many of them back in Canterlot.
I think she should visit Fluttershy next. Fluttershy won't be missed for a while if she's gone, as long as Angel keeps quiet. And Fluttershy has such a sweetly submissive personality, she'll probably submit quite well. We know she'd like to be a pet, and we can suspect she'd like to try out some restraints at some point ("I'd like to be a tree", "I am weak and helpless").
I suggest that Twisalis goes next to Rainbow Dash since she is the most dangerous Threat at the Moment. If the Athletic Mare notices what is going on, Twisalis will have Problems in catching up with her as she will Zooms out to Warn the Celestial Sisters. So yeah...they should go for Rainbow and make her a Breeder, maybe Twi could invite her for a discussion over the newest book of this Adventure pony (Sorry, forgot the Name...) and give her a spiked drink >:) Applejack and Bic Mac make splendid Guardians, Fluttershy a wonderfull Nurse (Maybe having her (corrupted?) pets fertilize the eggs within her, Pinkie is plain simple the Perfect drone, she would LOVE to have fun with both Tools. The Cutiemark Crusaders can be used to lure in other colts and Fillies as well as Perverted Mares and Stallions. Spike would be a perfect Soldier and, when growing in size, a Guardian. Never underestimate a changeling-Dragon.
Considering the concept you have here, I think some hyper-pregnancy would be in order soon. So whoever Twisalis goes after next should totally be a breeder. Maybe Fluttershy, I bet she'd love being a Mommy to hundreds of babies at once.
Votes for role RD Guardian 1, AJ Guardian 4, Spike Guardian 1, Sunset Guardian 1 FS Breeder 1, RD Breeder 2 RD Soldier 1 FS Nurse 2 PP Drone 2
Interest Mane six: Applejack 4 rainbow dash 5 Flutter Shy 5 Pinkie Pie 3
Background: Sunset Shimmer Spike 2 The Cutiemark Crusaders 2 aloe and lotus 2 Big Mac 4 Mayor Mare The flower Trio Zecora Berry punch Caramel 2 Braeburn Vinyl and Octavia Wonderbutts: Spitfire, Soarin, Ect Canterlot: Blueblood, FancyPants, Fleur de Lisse, Jetset Uppercrust,ect Ponyville Peagissies: Tunderlane, Rumble, Clould Kicker, Flitter, ect
Some very sexy comments have been left and I have been given a bunch of ideas. I had written a bit of the next chapter already but I will be redoing it and I think it will be much better for that!
This is the final vote this chapter, you can all vote again next chapter to see who is next
With this backstory... one wonders why Chryssi did the whole invasion thing in the first place.
This concept would have worked better as the initial invasion plan which these particular changelings would have assuredly used instead of outright abduction.
7041194 YEAH~! (Put the main sex in because I like to blow air out my mouth, apologizes.) Firstly Spike is a primary target and needs to be dealt with, closeness and all. Our dragon benefits and he has a exotic and strong body, add to that since we don't need a hive right away, Rarity has her first mate. Spike as a Drone is best as they fulfill many rolls and he has the ability to be as flexible to fit them.
Fluttershy as a breeder, pretty obvious reasons, most due to her nature.
Guardian for AppleJack and Big Macintosh, both are naturally built for it so half the work is done, they wont need heavy intelligence. like a soldier would. Rainbow dash is fast and quick witted, and fit, making her a solider would be a natural pick.
Lastly or at a surprise order for the main members a Drone for Pinkie Pie, as...well placing her as a soldier would be a waste given how much she can work and build. Besides making Pinkie a herm, would be interesting.
As for back ground characters Thunderlane as a Soldier along with Lyra, to be part of Dash's troops. Bonbon into a breeder, and Nurse Redheart a nurse for puns sake. also if you generous, Ms.Cake a breeder, and Mr.Cake a drone since hes more unremarkable than anything.
Since this story asks me to NOT THINK and just assume Twilight would be okay with betraying her friends for someone who's repeatedly assaulted her and tried to murder her, how about...NO?
Forgive me, but this hits a point where you require a proper grammar and spelling check. Chrysalis was spelt Crysalis multiple times, and a lot of other grammatical punctuation errors.
Also, I get Twilight was stuck within Chrysalis unable to control her actions, but I don't see why she's going along with Chrysalis all of a sudden. Okay, let's just say Chrysalis somehow altered Twilight's thinking far enough to let her go along with it, then fine. This is a story with some potential that tickles some fetishes, but I cannot give it an upvote or any of my favour in it's current state.
I'm sorry to place it so bluntly, but it's current success and attention is probably founded on the fetishes it touches, not the writing or diction presented. I highly recommend getting yourself a pre-reader, or running through your own story.
7041960 Firstly, no one needs to ask you not to think. Secondly, there is no evidence that Chryaslis has attempted to murder anyone at any point of her failed conquest. Finally, Twilights capacity to make informed dissensions is compromised due to her position, this has been reinforced in the story.
Its fine to have problems with the narrative of my story, please come up with a reasonable argument next time.
What do you call her many, many attempts to kill the Six during the invasion of Canterlot? Or all the stuff she does in the comics? She's not some misguided sort. She's a selfish monster who does things more for the evulz than for her hive. If she honestly cared about them, she would have just approached Celestia and asked nicely for help. Instead she skipped straight to kidnapping, impersonation, attempted murder and forceful take overs.
7042150 I am writing this because I enjoy doing it, I think I need to stress this right off the bat. I do not have a great amount of technical skill in writing due in most part to being largely self taught but I am doing my best to develop that skill but its slow going. This odd precedence that fimfiction readers have that demands a perfectly edited story for it to be worthwhile or gain positive attention regardless of the narrative merit boggles the mind.
While I appreciate comments like yours, I assume you mean well, I can hardly see the value of a comment that simply states that there are errors in a work and that the author should get a pre reader has. Do you assume I have not been looking for a pre reader? I can assure you I have and my skill notwithstanding I have done my best to edit the chapters to a point where I find them to be readable enough to enjoy.
Moreover to end your comment with a statement like this.
I'm sorry to place it so bluntly, but it's current success and attention is probably founded on the fetishes it touches, not the writing or diction presented. I highly recommend getting yourself a pre-reader, or running through your own story.
Is utterly backhanded and devalues the effort I have put into this story, true enough I require a pre-reader but to imply that the only value in my work is the flight of fetishistic fancy of the readership is very insulting.
Again I appreciate what you are commenting and I hope you do not assume there is malice here.
What do you call her many, many attempts to kill the Six during the invasion of Canterlot?
Soft hooved attempts to restrain the mane six as evidenced that when the Changeling's finally overwhelmed them they restrained them rather then killed them.
Or all the stuff she does in the comics?
Not cannon.
She's not some misguided sort. She's a selfish monster who does things more for the evulz than for her hive.
Prove it, the only actions we see her take is a concerted effort to feed her hive.
If she honestly cared about them, she would have just approached Celestia and asked nicely for help.
Yeah sure, a race that relies upon being hidden and stealing to survive would absolutely expose themselves and beg for help therefore losing there only strength and exposing there huge weakness, that sounds like a great idea.
Instead she skipped straight to kidnapping, impersonation, attempted murder and forceful take overs.
All valid tactics and the changelings did not even resort to murder. I am not saying that they are in the right and ponies are in the wrong, defending yourself from an invading force is never wrong, I am saying that your characterisation of the changelings is bunk.
Yeah, the comics ARE canon. You're whitewashing what she did cuz you find her sexy. And if the Queen can find it in her to let DISCORD have a second chance, why wouldn't she do the same for the Changelings? They never even tried. And it wasn't "soft hoofed", she's the typical megalomaniac who likes to show a pony they're powerless and helpless. AND she's forcibly changing Twilight and her friends against their will. That's also wrong.
7042432 the comic's status as canon is somewhat debateable. It's certainly lesser canon at best-if something in the show contradicts the comics, the comics are what get thrown out. I mean, we see a changeling sitting peacefully in on a wedding in the show (though the kids are scared), which conflicts with the always evil status we see in the comics...
And everyone is sitting FAAAAR away from him. Or her. The point being their race alone has such a bad reputation for everything it's done that even normal partygoers aren't trusted. It's be like inviting an Orc to your wedding in Middle Earth. Sure, you might know him as a nice guy, but his species has been so violent and killed so many and for so long of COURSE everyone else will freak out.
Yeah, not a pretty sight now, is it? What we got was basically the Equestrian equivalent of Far Cry: Primal. The Wenja-like ponies have lost their homeland, the survivors or at least the resistance forced to retreat to the Everfree in hiding from Equestria's new Udam-like, brutal buggy masters. For the love of all things HOLY, take a look at Equestria's map in this timeline: https://derpibooru.org/1032961?scope=scpe547aaffdf78508133a8df6b3e6a41b9d1662d79c
And this is all FROM the show. All canon. This is what would happen if the Changelings pretty much took over. They would DEVASTATE the land.
I'm gonna quote my friend on this. "I mean, the IDW has already provided us with plenty enough evidence to not only dispel, but utterly crush this particular fanon, but any time I bring this up, I always get the "they're not canon" argument. Well, the official, 100% canon show doesn't have that impairment, so I'm not sure how what we saw the changelings doing in the alternate timeline can be looked at any other way than them acting as the Always Chaotic Evil species of barbaric conquerors the writers always intended them to be."
So sorry, but...the Changelings really aren't poor, misunderstood widdle bugs. No, they're monsters. And so is Chrysalis. Oh, but they get a free pass cuz they're SEXY, and as we all know, if a villain or villainess is sexy or "cool" in how they come across, we AUTOMATICALLY excuse EVERYTHING bad they do and try to make excuses for them! Cuz we looooove bad boys. Well I ain't buyin' into that.
7044261 Again, nothing there disproves my point, but more important then that.
Why are you even following this story if you find the character motivations so abhorrent? What do you get out of this? All you have done is project your headcannon onto this story that clearly does not follow said headcannon and then you are getting snippy in the comments when I point out that your headcannon is not valid? Are you just here for the fetish? I am not judging you. I am just confused.
7044274 Spoiler the videos are I will delete your comments dude, and this is it, PM me if you want to continue this I am happy to talk to you over this despite your backwards attitude.
I will delete any more comments you make on this subject unless they are in response to someone else in the comment section, I don't like doing this but I can tell this is getting nowhere.
EDIT: And the "Don't like don't read argument" is not a logical fallacy its just a weak argument, beyond that I did not tell you to stop reading, I would be delighted to have you continue to read my story, I was just confused over your comments and I could not figure out what you could possibly enjoy about my story.
Don't attribute peoples comments to malice when there is none.
Fine, I've removed it as a "Youtube" thing and just put in a normal link. You know, people like you abuse your first amendment rights. Instead of actually using your authorship-bestowed powers to crack down on legitimate flaming like someone calling you the n-word or an f--ggot or actual insults, people like you just use it to get rid of comments that point out plot holes or character flaws and the like. That's not how this works. You don't get to silence someone just because they're pointing out flaws in your argument. That's like shutting down the Nostalgia Critic cuz he said your movie sucks.
7044287 The large videos make navigation of the comment section a hassle, Its the same reason why images should be marked as a spoiler, on that subject make sure any video or image you post is marked as a spoiler, thanks.
As my final say on things I want to say right off the bat, I have no first amendment rights. Just putting that out there.
I am not silencing you, if I was I would have done so already. How about you stop being rude to someone online and talk to them like they are trying to regard you, be a bit more polite. If you feel the need to have the last say in this for... Whatever reason feel free to do so, but otherwise please PM me rather then spamming the comment section of my story.
I actually use this comment section for feedback and polls, crazy right?
7042371 Perhaps I placed it too bluntly. Forgive me!
I do not uh...not appreciate the work you put into the story. As a matter of fact I do, the only part that irks me is the fact that I usually have to insert commas in my mind itself to get the picture you're saying, which...sort of puts some distance from me and the story; which is why perhaps I don't particularly enjoy reading it.
I don't assume anywhere that you aren't looking for a pre-reader. I just sorta state you may need one.
And on my final comment, I apologise entirely; my intention is not to devalue your work (Excuse: I was really tired at 4:55AM and probably a bit irritable after some 'family matters') what I meant to say is that the value of this story right now, is higher on the scale on fetishes vs. the diction. I can still see that is a bit insulting but trust me, I always value this kind of entertainment writers put up for free, and I really apologise for making such a blunt statement. It has gained positive attention and it was wrong for me to puncture that bubble with a false comment, so again, sorry. I'll be more guarded in all my future comments.
Another thing I note: If you have somehow from my statements got the sense that I think your technical skill is horrible, I do not. I've read your comments and in the one I'm replying too right now, I know beforehand and right now that you do have the ability to write very well.
7044340 I think I was at fault here for being a bit sensitive, It was also very early in the day for me but that is hardly an excuse.
I want to stress that I am happy with all the feedback I get and I am happy that anyone would take the time to enjoy my work, I will get better and provide more polished material as time goes on.
Please forgive me for being a bit reactionary with my last comment.
It sounds very... Borg-like to me. Don't get me wrong, it's still fetishy as all hell so I'm compelled to keep reading-- a randy catsuit that puts itself on you, what's not to like about that? Heh!
Just hoping the Princesses don't show up and ruin the "fun". You can just tell they'll be a stick in the mud about Twilight 'making' a whole bunch of new friends. Only problem I can see is that it's still parasitic for the ponies getting assimilated, but that's what you get when you play god and create sapient biological armor. Chrysalis was just made that way. ;)
7044350 I'm sorry too. Anyway, I sorta-am still following the story and looking forward to what's next. I am interested...Why Rarity first though? RariLight fan?
7047357 Right now things are still following the order I had set up for the mane six and I do have a big reason for setting them up that way but its not... Imperative that things are done a certain way.
I did want to do Applejack first, then Fluttershy and so on when I started this story but that quickly became a bit of a hassle what with Applejack living outside of the town.
So yeah I do have a reason for setting things up as they are
If I may, please change the ''there''s to ''their''s in the spots where it's like his or her. That's all I ask. It's a bit distracting. Other than that, keep going. I can see ambition.
If that is the case then why are your other comments still up. That would lead me to believe 1.that he is not deleting true plot point holes or 2. that he is but he just randomly decided to delete that one. Also, if either of those are true then you are openly admitting that your previous points have no merit. In that case you are trying to get the conversation to go a different way because you are aware that you are losing ground on a pointless verbal battle. I rest unless I see more flaws in previously mentioned points or added points.
Applejack next then rainbow dash
Wow. I expected a strange clopfic where Twilight/Chrysalis has sex with friends, and instead got some dominance play followed by some hypnosis leading into a changeling takeover plot. This is rapidly becoming a favorite fic.
I hope we see a bit more resistance from Twilight. Maybe not anything effective, but it's no fun if she's all aboard the rape train so quickly.
7035710 Next chapter should calm things down somewhat, basically the more Twilight feeds on lust the more she is okay with what is going on, as she calms down she becomes mare... critical of her situation.
However this is a romance fic for a reason.![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
Applejack and Rainbow Dash into hive guardian.
Flutter breeder!
Spike! you should bond spike with a hive guardian!
/aloe and lotus- drone or breeder
Big Mac- Breeder for amusement, or guardian
Mayor Mare- Drone/nurse (nurse so she can help spread things maybe, or drone to help ease the way.)
The flower Trio- Breeders, definitely need to shut them up somehow.
Zecora-- Breeder/nurse... her knowledge of the everfree could be useful too.
Berry punch- Drone, good to keep tabs on the bar/especially the gloryhole portion
Thunderlane-either a drone for pleasure or a breeder for humor.
Caramel- dunno.
Braeburn- if he comes to visit he definitely needs to go back as a nurse or maybe a soldier.
Spitfire- Just because I would love to see her converted to either a soldier... or RD's personal breeder.
Soarin- Soldier or maybe convert spitfire to a soldier and him to a proper breeder... would be amusing
Vinyl and Octavia- Not sure on these too, would be awesome to see... but they have such interesting personality potential it would be a shame to make them completely mindless.... so drones?
As for the next of the main 6... I vote RD! need to ensure her loyalty is properly put to use.
I think Twilight should go see Applejack, and turn her and Big Mac into Hive guardians, Apple Bloom drone along with Granny Smith. and on the way maybe turn Caramel into a Drone.
For Rarity, she should go to Canterlot make Blueblood into a Breeder(her would be her bitch ), FancyPants solider Fleur de Lisse Breeder, Jetset Uppercrust Drones
for RD, she Should be a Warrior, Tunderlane Warrior, Rumble Drone, Clould Kicker Flitter Warriors
Fluttershy Hive Nurse, th Spa sister Breeders, Cheerly Breeder
Pinky Pie should be a Drone, the Cakes should Nurse or Drone along with Pond and Pumpkin
Sunset Shimmer might make an interesting Guardian.
It's not a bad fic at all, but I just couldn't help but notice a lot of 'there's that should be 'their's
e.g. black carapace of "there" body
I would consider finding somebody that will look over and edit your chapters, otherwise they're really good.
Pinkie must become a drone. She's got such a wild and bubbly personality that she'll be up for anything, whatever it is.
Hoh. Let's see.
Rainbow Dash into a Breeder, MacIntosh into a Soldier. They're both strong in their own way, but Big Mac is more level-headed. He's the one you want protecting you. Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, will be perfect to breed a new generation of super-fast Changeling drones! You could even have Mac breed her.
Applejack knows the earth. She's a good Guardian. And she has the hips to get some little ones of her own. Or more than just some...
Fluttershy is perfect in a position where she can care for others, even if said "care" is weird. She could be a Hive Nurse alongside Rarity. They'll have much fun together.
Twisalis won't need to convert many stallions into mares, if any at all. Ponyville is already mostly populated with mares. She could turn most of the stallions into soldiers and still have enough breeders (in any way, shape, or form) to go around. In fact, Soldiers might be rare under normal cirumstances, but perhaps having a strong guard force is a good idea considering how the Mane Six clobbered so many of them back in Canterlot.
I think she should visit Fluttershy next. Fluttershy won't be missed for a while if she's gone, as long as Angel keeps quiet. And Fluttershy has such a sweetly submissive personality, she'll probably submit quite well. We know she'd like to be a pet, and we can suspect she'd like to try out some restraints at some point ("I'd like to be a tree", "I am weak and helpless").
I agree with the Great Derpsby.
I suggest that Twisalis goes next to Rainbow Dash since she is the most dangerous Threat at the Moment.
If the Athletic Mare notices what is going on, Twisalis will have Problems in catching up with her as she will Zooms out to Warn the Celestial Sisters.
So yeah...they should go for Rainbow and make her a Breeder, maybe Twi could invite her for a discussion over the newest book of this Adventure pony (Sorry, forgot the Name...) and give her a spiked drink >:)
Applejack and Bic Mac make splendid Guardians, Fluttershy a wonderfull Nurse (Maybe having her (corrupted?) pets fertilize the eggs within her, Pinkie is plain simple the Perfect drone, she would LOVE to have fun with both Tools.
The Cutiemark Crusaders can be used to lure in other colts and Fillies as well as Perverted Mares and Stallions.
Spike would be a perfect Soldier and, when growing in size, a Guardian. Never underestimate a changeling-Dragon.
Please go on with this!
Considering the concept you have here, I think some hyper-pregnancy would be in order soon. So whoever Twisalis goes after next should totally be a breeder. Maybe Fluttershy, I bet she'd love being a Mommy to hundreds of babies at once.
So... changelings are essentially biological power armor, but Chrysalis want's to make them true creatures by integrating ponies.
Am I getting the just of the idea?
Well done.
7040040 yes that basically covers it.
7036044 7039620 7036205 7036345 7036465 7036512 7036583 7037449 7037764 7038390
Votes for role
RD Guardian 1, AJ Guardian 4, Spike Guardian 1, Sunset Guardian 1
FS Breeder 1, RD Breeder 2
RD Soldier 1
FS Nurse 2
PP Drone 2
Interest
Mane six:
Applejack 4
rainbow dash 5
Flutter Shy 5
Pinkie Pie 3
Background:
Sunset Shimmer
Spike 2
The Cutiemark Crusaders 2
aloe and lotus 2
Big Mac 4
Mayor Mare
The flower Trio
Zecora
Berry punch
Caramel 2
Braeburn
Vinyl and Octavia
Wonderbutts: Spitfire, Soarin, Ect
Canterlot: Blueblood, FancyPants, Fleur de Lisse, Jetset Uppercrust,ect
Ponyville Peagissies: Tunderlane, Rumble, Clould Kicker, Flitter, ect
Some very sexy comments have been left and I have been given a bunch of ideas. I had written a bit of the next chapter already but I will be redoing it and I think it will be much better for that!
This is the final vote this chapter, you can all vote again next chapter to see who is next![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
With this backstory... one wonders why Chryssi did the whole invasion thing in the first place.
This concept would have worked better as the initial invasion plan which these particular changelings would have assuredly used instead of outright abduction.
7041043 If i had known it was a true vote I'd been more detailed and said more on my thoughts, if its not to late would you mind me doing so?
7041179 sure I am still working on the chapter so feel free to extrapolate :D
7041194
YEAH~! (Put the main sex in because I like to blow air out my mouth, apologizes.)
Firstly Spike is a primary target and needs to be dealt with, closeness and all.
Our dragon benefits and he has a exotic and strong body, add to that since we don't need a hive right away, Rarity has her first mate.
Spike as a Drone is best as they fulfill many rolls and he has the ability to be as flexible to fit them.
Fluttershy as a breeder, pretty obvious reasons, most due to her nature.
Guardian for AppleJack and Big Macintosh, both are naturally built for it so half the work is done, they wont need heavy intelligence. like a soldier would.
Rainbow dash is fast and quick witted, and fit, making her a solider would be a natural pick.
Lastly or at a surprise order for the main members a Drone for Pinkie Pie, as...well placing her as a soldier would be a waste given how much she can work and build. Besides making Pinkie a herm, would be interesting.
As for back ground characters Thunderlane as a Soldier along with Lyra, to be part of Dash's troops.
Bonbon into a breeder, and Nurse Redheart a nurse for puns sake.
also if you generous, Ms.Cake a breeder, and Mr.Cake a drone since hes more unremarkable than anything.
Spike needs to go, that or rainbow dash
Since this story asks me to NOT THINK and just assume Twilight would be okay with betraying her friends for someone who's repeatedly assaulted her and tried to murder her, how about...NO?
Forgive me, but this hits a point where you require a proper grammar and spelling check. Chrysalis was spelt Crysalis multiple times, and a lot of other grammatical punctuation errors.
Also, I get Twilight was stuck within Chrysalis unable to control her actions, but I don't see why she's going along with Chrysalis all of a sudden. Okay, let's just say Chrysalis somehow altered Twilight's thinking far enough to let her go along with it, then fine. This is a story with some potential that tickles some fetishes, but I cannot give it an upvote or any of my favour in it's current state.
I'm sorry to place it so bluntly, but it's current success and attention is probably founded on the fetishes it touches, not the writing or diction presented. I highly recommend getting yourself a pre-reader, or running through your own story.
7041960 Firstly, no one needs to ask you not to think. Secondly, there is no evidence that Chryaslis has attempted to murder anyone at any point of her failed conquest. Finally, Twilights capacity to make informed dissensions is compromised due to her position, this has been reinforced in the story.
Its fine to have problems with the narrative of my story, please come up with a reasonable argument next time.
7042306
What do you call her many, many attempts to kill the Six during the invasion of Canterlot? Or all the stuff she does in the comics? She's not some misguided sort. She's a selfish monster who does things more for the evulz than for her hive. If she honestly cared about them, she would have just approached Celestia and asked nicely for help. Instead she skipped straight to kidnapping, impersonation, attempted murder and forceful take overs.
7042150
I am writing this because I enjoy doing it, I think I need to stress this right off the bat. I do not have a great amount of technical skill in writing due in most part to being largely self taught but I am doing my best to develop that skill but its slow going. This odd precedence that fimfiction readers have that demands a perfectly edited story for it to be worthwhile or gain positive attention regardless of the narrative merit boggles the mind.
While I appreciate comments like yours, I assume you mean well, I can hardly see the value of a comment that simply states that there are errors in a work and that the author should get a pre reader has. Do you assume I have not been looking for a pre reader? I can assure you I have and my skill notwithstanding I have done my best to edit the chapters to a point where I find them to be readable enough to enjoy.
Moreover to end your comment with a statement like this.
Is utterly backhanded and devalues the effort I have put into this story, true enough I require a pre-reader but to imply that the only value in my work is the flight of fetishistic fancy of the readership is very insulting.
Again I appreciate what you are commenting and I hope you do not assume there is malice here.
7042339 Okay lets do this one at a time.
Soft hooved attempts to restrain the mane six as evidenced that when the Changeling's finally overwhelmed them they restrained them rather then killed them.
Not cannon.
Prove it, the only actions we see her take is a concerted effort to feed her hive.
Yeah sure, a race that relies upon being hidden and stealing to survive would absolutely expose themselves and beg for help therefore losing there only strength and exposing there huge weakness, that sounds like a great idea.
All valid tactics and the changelings did not even resort to murder. I am not saying that they are in the right and ponies are in the wrong, defending yourself from an invading force is never wrong, I am saying that your characterisation of the changelings is bunk.
7042394
Yeah, the comics ARE canon. You're whitewashing what she did cuz you find her sexy. And if the Queen can find it in her to let DISCORD have a second chance, why wouldn't she do the same for the Changelings? They never even tried. And it wasn't "soft hoofed", she's the typical megalomaniac who likes to show a pony they're powerless and helpless. AND she's forcibly changing Twilight and her friends against their will. That's also wrong.
7042432 the comic's status as canon is somewhat debateable. It's certainly lesser canon at best-if something in the show contradicts the comics, the comics are what get thrown out. I mean, we see a changeling sitting peacefully in on a wedding in the show (though the kids are scared), which conflicts with the always evil status we see in the comics...
7043600
And everyone is sitting FAAAAR away from him. Or her. The point being their race alone has such a bad reputation for everything it's done that even normal partygoers aren't trusted. It's be like inviting an Orc to your wedding in Middle Earth. Sure, you might know him as a nice guy, but his species has been so violent and killed so many and for so long of COURSE everyone else will freak out.
7042394
Also, you're forgetting THIS...little thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKPSClGMdfs
Yeah, not a pretty sight now, is it? What we got was basically the Equestrian equivalent of Far Cry: Primal. The Wenja-like ponies have lost their homeland, the survivors or at least the resistance forced to retreat to the Everfree in hiding from Equestria's new Udam-like, brutal buggy masters. For the love of all things HOLY, take a look at Equestria's map in this timeline: https://derpibooru.org/1032961?scope=scpe547aaffdf78508133a8df6b3e6a41b9d1662d79c
And this is all FROM the show. All canon. This is what would happen if the Changelings pretty much took over. They would DEVASTATE the land.
I'm gonna quote my friend on this. "I mean, the IDW has already provided us with plenty enough evidence to not only dispel, but utterly crush this particular fanon, but any time I bring this up, I always get the "they're not canon" argument. Well, the official, 100% canon show doesn't have that impairment, so I'm not sure how what we saw the changelings doing in the alternate timeline can be looked at any other way than them acting as the Always Chaotic Evil species of barbaric conquerors the writers always intended them to be."
So sorry, but...the Changelings really aren't poor, misunderstood widdle bugs. No, they're monsters. And so is Chrysalis. Oh, but they get a free pass cuz they're SEXY, and as we all know, if a villain or villainess is sexy or "cool" in how they come across, we AUTOMATICALLY excuse EVERYTHING bad they do and try to make excuses for them! Cuz we looooove bad boys. Well I ain't buyin' into that.
7044261 Again, nothing there disproves my point, but more important then that.
Why are you even following this story if you find the character motivations so abhorrent? What do you get out of this? All you have done is project your headcannon onto this story that clearly does not follow said headcannon and then you are getting snippy in the comments when I point out that your headcannon is not valid? Are you just here for the fetish? I am not judging you. I am just confused.
Oh and please spoiler that video in your comment.
7044274 Spoiler the videos are I will delete your comments dude, and this is it, PM me if you want to continue this I am happy to talk to you over this despite your backwards attitude.
I will delete any more comments you make on this subject unless they are in response to someone else in the comment section, I don't like doing this but I can tell this is getting nowhere.
EDIT: And the "Don't like don't read argument" is not a logical fallacy its just a weak argument, beyond that I did not tell you to stop reading, I would be delighted to have you continue to read my story, I was just confused over your comments and I could not figure out what you could possibly enjoy about my story.
Don't attribute peoples comments to malice when there is none.
7044282
Fine, I've removed it as a "Youtube" thing and just put in a normal link. You know, people like you abuse your first amendment rights. Instead of actually using your authorship-bestowed powers to crack down on legitimate flaming like someone calling you the n-word or an f--ggot or actual insults, people like you just use it to get rid of comments that point out plot holes or character flaws and the like. That's not how this works. You don't get to silence someone just because they're pointing out flaws in your argument. That's like shutting down the Nostalgia Critic cuz he said your movie sucks.
7044287 The large videos make navigation of the comment section a hassle, Its the same reason why images should be marked as a spoiler, on that subject make sure any video or image you post is marked as a spoiler, thanks.
As my final say on things I want to say right off the bat, I have no first amendment rights. Just putting that out there.
I am not silencing you, if I was I would have done so already. How about you stop being rude to someone online and talk to them like they are trying to regard you, be a bit more polite. If you feel the need to have the last say in this for... Whatever reason feel free to do so, but otherwise please PM me rather then spamming the comment section of my story.
I actually use this comment section for feedback and polls, crazy right?
7042371
Perhaps I placed it too bluntly. Forgive me!
I do not uh...not appreciate the work you put into the story. As a matter of fact I do, the only part that irks me is the fact that I usually have to insert commas in my mind itself to get the picture you're saying, which...sort of puts some distance from me and the story; which is why perhaps I don't particularly enjoy reading it.
I don't assume anywhere that you aren't looking for a pre-reader. I just sorta state you may need one.
And on my final comment, I apologise entirely; my intention is not to devalue your work (Excuse: I was really tired at 4:55AM and probably a bit irritable after some 'family matters') what I meant to say is that the value of this story right now, is higher on the scale on fetishes vs. the diction. I can still see that is a bit insulting but trust me, I always value this kind of entertainment writers put up for free, and I really apologise for making such a blunt statement. It has gained positive attention and it was wrong for me to puncture that bubble with a false comment, so again, sorry. I'll be more guarded in all my future comments.
Another thing I note: If you have somehow from my statements got the sense that I think your technical skill is horrible, I do not. I've read your comments and in the one I'm replying too right now, I know beforehand and right now that you do have the ability to write very well.
7044340 I think I was at fault here for being a bit sensitive, It was also very early in the day for me but that is hardly an excuse.
I want to stress that I am happy with all the feedback I get and I am happy that anyone would take the time to enjoy my work, I will get better and provide more polished material as time goes on.
Please forgive me for being a bit reactionary with my last comment.
I've got five more background pony names ... if that would be helpful?
1. Photo Finish - Hive Breeder
2. Amethyst Star - Hive Drone
3. Dr.Whooves - Hive Guardian (because he's very clever)
4. Derpy (don't be angry at me please) - Hive Nurse (because she's great with young ponies)
5. Filthy Rich - Hive Drone (because he's so snooty)
7041043
It sounds very... Borg-like to me. Don't get me wrong, it's still fetishy as all hell so I'm compelled to keep reading-- a randy catsuit that puts itself on you, what's not to like about that? Heh!
Just hoping the Princesses don't show up and ruin the "fun". You can just tell they'll be a stick in the mud about Twilight 'making' a whole bunch of new friends. Only problem I can see is that it's still parasitic for the ponies getting assimilated, but that's what you get when you play god and create sapient biological armor. Chrysalis was just made that way. ;)
7044350![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
I'm sorry too.
Anyway, I sorta-am still following the story and looking forward to what's next.
I am interested...Why Rarity first though? RariLight fan?
7047185 I will be doing Rainbow next, just working out EXACTLY what happens, I like Rarity however she is great!![:raritywink:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritywink.png)
7047248 It's just a minor question that I might be looking into too much, but does the order of uh..."victims" mean anything significant?
7047357 Right now things are still following the order I had set up for the mane six and I do have a big reason for setting them up that way
but its not... Imperative that things are done a certain way.
I did want to do Applejack first, then Fluttershy and so on when I started this story but that quickly became a bit of a hassle what with Applejack living outside of the town.
So yeah I do have a reason for setting things up as they are![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
If I may, please change the ''there''s to ''their''s in the spots where it's like his or her. That's all I ask. It's a bit distracting. Other than that, keep going. I can see ambition.
Derpy Soldier![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
7044287
7044299
If that is the case then why are your other comments still up. That would lead me to believe 1.that he is not deleting true plot point holes or 2. that he is but he just randomly decided to delete that one. Also, if either of those are true then you are openly admitting that your previous points have no merit. In that case you are trying to get the conversation to go a different way because you are aware that you are losing ground on a pointless verbal battle. I rest unless I see more flaws in previously mentioned points or added points.