7012538 I am doing my best to improve my work but its a bit of an ongoing thing, most of my improvement comes from the kick in the butt comments like this give me so keep it up
7013583 And here I was worried I did not do enough! I try to be a detailed as possible while still allowing for ponies to imagine what they can but it is a hard balance, I hope you enjoy what I have planned for chapter two!
7013823 Welcome to pony hell we have sex, friendship and Parties!
Interesting idea, but the constant mechanical errors interrupt the flow.
Spike slept soundly in a small a smile on his face… Missing a word. …snuck into the room there moments inaudible next to the… I believe you meant ‘their movements’. …picking up the dragons bed… The possession wants an apostrophe. …her rump neck and head pressed against the chittens body… Listing three or more items requires commas: ‘rump, neck, and head’. And that would be ‘chitinous’. ‘Chittens’ sounds like it's taking about the cute feelines they keep around the hive. …as she fed off the mares unknowing love, This also wants an apostrophe. …often sneak into lonely ponies beds at night… This also also wants an apostrophe; In this case, at the end of the word (ponies'). Because English. …from the Night Princesses embrace. You know what's coming? Apostrophe! This time in place of the last e (Princess's).
Just a sampling from the beginning of the story. There's also a whole slew of missing commas. If a sentence is getting long, it probably wants a comma somewhere.
Non-mechanical note: Was knowing what Spike was dreaming really necessary? It seems rather superfluous.
7014052 Thanks for this, I am trying to get better and this did point out more then a few errors. As for the spike thing? I have no idea something compelled me to write that.
Uh, I'm pretty sure Twilight's NOT gonna be okay with you ruining her life, Chrissy, and turning her into a freak. And considering you were easily creamed by the others before, and only able to ward off anything due to being hopped up on someone else's love...
It was an interesting concept, one I've not seen changelings used for, but the pacing and the grammar were pretty bad. I don't usually comment on grammar as it's something I'm always working on myself, but this was bad enough that I feel safe mentioning this.
What you have here is a great story idea, but an absolute fuck up of an execution. Grammar, tense, punctuation... you name an error type, this story has it, and probably more than once. Trying to decipher just what the hell is going on fully negates any entertainment derived from the experience.
3 out of 10. There is an idea, and minimal effort was applied to get it on paper. Not much else to say about it though.
what is this a chrysalis fucks twilight or the other way around
7012280 Read it and find out
7012306 i have a stong suspion it is
this is a great story so far, but I find that you would need to put more punctuations to your sentences and break them down to be smaller.
Interesting. Tracking to see where this goes.
Welp, this is extremely relevant to my interests. Please keep it up!
I love how descriptive you went with the vore and transformation! Very well done and very hot indeed!~
Well I thought I would not like, but I found it rather... hot.
Well im definitely going to hell.
7012538 I am doing my best to improve my work but its a bit of an ongoing thing, most of my improvement comes from the kick in the butt comments like this give me so keep it up
7012982 You wont be disappointed~
7013297 You have good interests!
7013583 And here I was worried I did not do enough! I try to be a detailed as possible while still allowing for ponies to imagine what they can but it is a hard balance, I hope you enjoy what I have planned for chapter two!
7013823 Welcome to pony hell we have sex, friendship and Parties!
Interesting idea, but the constant mechanical errors interrupt the flow.
Just a sampling from the beginning of the story. There's also a whole slew of missing commas. If a sentence is getting long, it probably wants a comma somewhere.
Non-mechanical note: Was knowing what Spike was dreaming really necessary? It seems rather superfluous.
7013823
All of the best people will be there.
7014052 Thanks for this, I am trying to get better and this did point out more then a few errors. As for the spike thing? I have no idea something compelled me to write that.
ChryLight? Instant fav!!!!
So when is a new chapter going to be?
Interesting concept, could use a proof-reader or two though. Keeping an eye on this!
Uh, I'm pretty sure Twilight's NOT gonna be okay with you ruining her life, Chrissy, and turning her into a freak. And considering you were easily creamed by the others before, and only able to ward off anything due to being hopped up on someone else's love...
7014072 have you ever heard of something called a comma?
It was an interesting concept, one I've not seen changelings used for, but the pacing and the grammar were pretty bad. I don't usually comment on grammar as it's something I'm always working on myself, but this was bad enough that I feel safe mentioning this.
Interesting concept. The grammar and typos hold it down, but not enough to make it unreadable.
uhhhhhhhh... medic, what the fuck is this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t348e24vDyA
What you have here is a great story idea, but an absolute fuck up of an execution. Grammar, tense, punctuation... you name an error type, this story has it, and probably more than once. Trying to decipher just what the hell is going on fully negates any entertainment derived from the experience.
3 out of 10. There is an idea, and minimal effort was applied to get it on paper. Not much else to say about it though.
Have you ever read a story called "given shape"
Yo, this looks promising, but seriously? Get an editor. Because damn.
7017911
Not to mention bullshit luck and the incompetence of the mane 5 and Celestia.
1.
See: Living clothes
2. 2016