this is a story of how quickly life can change from good to bad to worse. While also having some fun along the way, this is a story of being ripped out of one life and put in a new one, what would you do differently if you had the chance.
There's spurts here and there that hint at some potential but...well, it is currently stymied by really bad grammar and punctuation. Seriously, proper capitalization, knowing when to use commas, and watching your spelling could potentially save this but there's a lot of work to be done. It would be prudent at this time to find an editor. They're out there, just gotta put some feelers out. Oh, and maybe even a look at the writing guide for good measure.
(As someone who's been on the site for several years, I'd attend to the issues sooner rather than later. I'd hate to see another new (I'm assuming this is your first story) author drown in a sea of red thumbs. Not trying to be rude, just trying to give you a heads-up.)
I don't like displacement fics, so I'm not going to comment on the quality of the story or anything like that (nor will I leave a drive-by downvote). What I will do is point out that getting an editor is a must. You need an editor, and this would stay true for even a professional author.
For example:
[being ripped from one world to another can de quite disorientating but that's nothing compared waking up in a whole new body.
I count five errors in the first sentence of your summary, alone. This kind of error (errors in the summary) can easily be a story-killer. It's just as bad as if you misspelt something in the title or chapter titles.
And for some pro bono work, here are the errors in the mentioned sentence:
(1)[(2)being ripped from one world to another can (3)de quite disorientation(4) but that's nothing compared (5) waking up in a whole new body.
1. Random opening square bracket. 2. First letter of the first word in a sentence needs to be capitalized. 3. The word should be "be", not "de". 4. A comma would go well here, though it could be argued that it's not necessary. For this case, I'd recommend putting it in anyways. 5. You're missing the preposition "to".
Either I couldnĀ“t really concentrate, or there was a problem with the writing, because I more or less only understood the most important points, but not everything. However I liked it.
7131995 I'm looking into getting the first one edited and cleand up, and I'll start on the next one today but chances are the updates won't be all that regular until I finish this university year. Hope fully it won't take long. Thanks for taking an interest.
Also if anyone know a good proofreader it will also help catch anything that might slip Through the net. I'm hoping to make this story as highest quality that I can. grammatically that is weather it's any good or not is another matter.
ok chapter one is now being edited by Jacknife557 (thanks) and im working on chaper two and hoping to get it done soon with the end of the year due date from uni coming by i'll have less time to focus on this but that will only be temporary. thanks for the feedback guys it helps.
OK so chapter 2 is in the process of being edited sorry taking ages and the end of this uni year has left me with less time than i'd like but its summer now so i'll have more time to work on this. thanks for the feedback
terribly worry about the delay editing this am currently in the middle of exams so i don't have much time to edit the chapter. exams will be finished on the 1st next month and i'll send it to him the same day again sorry for the delay
There's spurts here and there that hint at some potential but...well, it is currently stymied by really bad grammar and punctuation. Seriously, proper capitalization, knowing when to use commas, and watching your spelling could potentially save this but there's a lot of work to be done. It would be prudent at this time to find an editor. They're out there, just gotta put some feelers out. Oh, and maybe even a look at the writing guide for good measure.
(As someone who's been on the site for several years, I'd attend to the issues sooner rather than later. I'd hate to see another new (I'm assuming this is your first story) author drown in a sea of red thumbs. Not trying to be rude, just trying to give you a heads-up.)
if you want i could take a look at the spelling a grammar for you if you want
I don't like displacement fics, so I'm not going to comment on the quality of the story or anything like that (nor will I leave a drive-by downvote). What I will do is point out that getting an editor is a must. You need an editor, and this would stay true for even a professional author.
For example:
I count five errors in the first sentence of your summary, alone. This kind of error (errors in the summary) can easily be a story-killer. It's just as bad as if you misspelt something in the title or chapter titles.
And for some pro bono work, here are the errors in the mentioned sentence:
1. Random opening square bracket.
2. First letter of the first word in a sentence needs to be capitalized.
3. The word should be "be", not "de".
4. A comma would go well here, though it could be argued that it's not necessary. For this case, I'd recommend putting it in anyways.
5. You're missing the preposition "to".
Either I couldnĀ“t really concentrate, or there was a problem with the writing, because I more or less only understood the most important points, but not everything. However I liked it.
7073341 thanks for the advice, ill try to get an editor do you know anybody who may be interested.
7073186 thanks grammar was never one of my strong points.
7072978 thanks ill look into getting and editor.
7084128 just pm me when the next one is done
I have to say this sounds awesome grammar here and there but it is something I would like to read more of. Great Job!
I can sum it in ten words. Pretty good story, same old cliches, need help with grammar.
this seems good sso far
Sounds promising. The grammar has been mentioned often enough I suppose .
7084132 when is the next chapter?
7131995 I'm looking into getting the first one edited and cleand up, and I'll start on the next one today but chances are the updates won't be all that regular until I finish this university year. Hope fully it won't take long. Thanks for taking an interest.
Also if anyone know a good proofreader it will also help catch anything that might slip
Through the net. I'm hoping to make this story as highest quality that I can. grammatically that is weather it's any good or not is another matter.
7133647 cool hope the second chapter if this story is good i like the story
ok chapter one is now being edited by Jacknife557 (thanks) and im working on chaper two and hoping to get it done soon with the end of the year due date from uni coming by i'll have less time to focus on this but that will only be temporary. thanks for the feedback guys it helps.
ok the first chapter has been clean up ( again thanks jack) and im about halfway through the next one.
Please try reading this story out loud and see if it sounds like something someone would actually say.
OK so chapter 2 is in the process of being edited sorry taking ages and the end of this uni year has left me with less time than i'd like but its summer now so i'll have more time to work on this. thanks for the feedback
terribly worry about the delay editing this am currently in the middle of exams so i don't have much time to edit the chapter. exams will be finished on the 1st next month and i'll send it to him the same day again sorry for the delay
not bad...