Three months have passed since Shining Armor has been trapped as an earth pony maid. Now known as Lowly Servant, she had given up all hope of rescue. She thought it was over until Twilight's error prone pupil, Evening Storm turned her into a filly!
6763493 Ah yes, I agree with the characterization of the original fic. I didn't care for how heartless some acted, and did my best to change/explain that in this fic.
As for Fake Shining acting so un-Shining like. I'm saying that he got Cadance to cast the 'dispel' on him sometime before she went on her jog the next morning. It's the best I can do to explain that away.
As you said, I'm limited on what I can do via how the first fic went. That was sorta the challenge. To write a sequel that changed things up, yet still felt like a sequel.
6763516 I know, and the thing is, this is about as 'dark' as I can go. I'm sure many would love to see this continue with what I tease at the end, but I'm just not into doing more along those lines right now. At least not what would be needed. I could condense it into a one shot, but that wouldn't really do the idea justice.
The other factor, is the simple fact that I have other stories I need to work on. Once I'm done with the bonus chapter, I'm done. I've spent far longer on this then I ever meant to.
As for Fake Shining acting so un-Shining like. I'm saying that he got Cadance to cast the 'dispel' on him sometime before she went on her jog the next morning. It's the best I can do to explain that away.
? i haven't delved into this fic yet but you're talking about what happened in the time of the previous fic here right?....
6763578 Wait, you're arguing a point and you haven't read my story yet? You might want to do that first. Otherwise, nothing I say here is going to make sense. Just take comfort in knowing that I did my best to address your concerns of the first fic.
.... why didn't I recognize you before and... I guess it MAKES sense since Runway has.... well... your OC as the main character..... well... that explains where Evening Storm felt familiar from....
oh and question: in this epilogue, you wrote that Evening "knew what it meant to not see themselves in the mirror as he turned himself into a filly for a month", is that the famous "he turned a guard into a filly for a month"? And all those in the loop just went for: "it was a guard" (or better yet, Evening himself was a guard until that happened)
What the fuck, Blueblood. Double what the fuck, Shining Armor?!
Speaking of which, the reason he had that ability? It was a way to get rid of the vibrator spell. I simply was NOT writing a story where a small filly had that spell on them. Wasn't happening.
You have no some idea how relieved I was to see that not happen.
Here's a not dark solution to blueblood turn him into a filly so his probably slight pain tolerances are gone and paddle him til he cries then after leaving him for a month as baby bluebelle in cellies care change him back. Or kill him.
“Yeah, Nurse Red Heart told me it’d be like that for a while.” Evening huffed. “We have magic that can change your age, change your form, even horrible things that can force ponies how to act, but we don’t have magic that can instantly heal wounds.”
“It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries isn’t it?”
thank you for touching upon this.......also screw you for still using it in the fic.....
“It scans any pony that enters and flashes if they’re under any powerful enchantments. It makes a noise too.”
“Ah! A way to make sure nopony is under the persona spell. Good idea.”
waaaat but i thought cadance was the only pony capable of using that kind of magic :l ?........
He was a firm believer that you weren’t made evil, you became it. It all depended on how you were raised.
i could help educate him so he would firm knowledge of that being the case.....
Of course there was no reason to tell Shining about the month he spent as a filly when younger.
wait what? what's this all about?....
So yeah, when I first read the original story to this, it really did stick in my head. I felt slightly depressed and I couldn't sleep well thinking about the ending.
that's happened to me with a few fics , but not the original to this one cause i considered it to be so poor , as for yours here , oh that's right i forgot to mention along with everything else i've already said , for the most part the tension was very real for me , i was just as nerves as any other character in any given scene was despite knowing that this was going to be a good end fic , so there's that.....
but as for yours here , i just didn't feel like leaving this one unread after i started......
before I knew it I was about 25 or more pages into writing a sequel. Right now I'm almost at page 90
how do you count pages?....
Then I remembered that fake Shining said his commands were above all others,
oh that's right he did say that , does saying that actually work though when cadance was the caster and original imprinter of there to even be hypno persona to begin with?....
However, I've always wanted to write a story staring my OC as a 'hero' and well this was the perfect chance.
and it was a valiant effort i would say , in fact im planning on doing something similar soon.....
Hopefully those of you who stuck with this story enjoyed it.
over all i'd say i didn't , but im not putting it at the same level of dislike of the original that's for sure.....
..............................oh right , that's where i recognize your icon from , you're the guy that's doing the fan sequel that's never going to be completed to ones of my favorite fics ever royal duties...... ...ah darn , this other fic you mention here is eqg , to bad that i hate that , if it wasn't i would probably be interested in checking it out.....
6773543 how bout you screw off and let him do what he wants, besides, if you hate it so much, why not write you're own stories, i bet you have a lot -_- oh wait, no you don't
I'm so glad someone I am familiar with had similar thoughts about the original story. After I read it, I had trouble sleeping the next two nights because my mind kept thinking about Shining's situation. A story sequel started forming in my head, but I never quite got to that point. It was such a relief to see two other authors tackle this.
Brilliantly, I might add. Regardless of "The dreaded OC" trope, the story was quite enjoyable. Evening is a well developed character with great flaws, and I think he deserves some more attention. (I will definitely have to read some of his other stuff.) All the other characters, especially Twilight, felt spot-on. I d'awwed very hard at Peppermint and Evening (He really would make a good daddy ), and the scene of breaking the curse was epic.
It's been a long while since I have focused on Otaku Ascended-related stuff, but when I was it was a good time in my life. I hope you two are doing well.
Okay, may i say, this story was awesome! It had all the ingredients of a good story and i honestly enjoyed it more than the first. every time that Lemonfresh/Shining would be ""on screen"" i would be thinking "Oh PLEASE let her get a fitting comeuppance!!" and that happened too. All told, i loved it!
10/10 on the itude meter, with a Shining Armor seal of approval (if i could FIND one. #thanksfornothinggoogle) I'm adding this to my faves list!
Normally, when I see a story with chapters that have 8K+ words, I avoid it, or it takes me forever to read it. This story engrossed me so much, wanting to know what was going to happen to everypony, that I actually read this in TWO HOURS. That is why I have given this story a fav.
Blueblood is the type whose had decorum hammered into him likely as hard as the maids, I'm stunned at him EVER using that kind of language. You think SA would be shocked too.
He needn’t fear this idiot.
Except we've learned Blueblood isn't an idiot, he's spoiled and a slave to creature comforts, and a classist, but he's NOT stupid.
And ironically, it's shown that Blueblood DOES have some inkling of respect for his hired help.
Perfect for that little shit if I do say so myself.
Again, this language feels out of character for Blueblood, he's a brat, but he's fixated on what's 'proper.'
Let it stay just a thought if you don't want to lose yourself, Shiny. Just...let it die.
In truth I'm not sure Twilight and Cadence would agree to it to begin with, both because of the trauma of what Shining has been through, and because it's just plain a nasty idea.
Mind you, if they could somehow get Blueblood to go along with the idea willingly, perhaps as a challenge of sorts?
“Indeed.” Evening watched as Shining once more began to stare at himself in the mirror, though this time his expression was one of content. It was so weird to think that this hulk of a stallion was not only the fragile and humble maid Lowly Servant, but also the small adorable filly Peppermint. His temporary daughter for one night.
I do think you could have maybe added one more scene. One between the dinner and the ice cream. That he plays with her and maybe scolds her. Have a few more scene's with them being father and daughter in a relatively normal way.
“Not that! I mean the maids! Why are you letting them have free expression? Why did you send the lovely Miss Marinette to be re-trained at Canterlot? What happened to Noblebroom?” Shining balked. That’s what he wanted to talk about?
Why would Blueblood care about such things? Also I would think they would want some level of politeness and etiquette from the maids still. That they are still able to voice their displeasure but have to do it in a respectful way.
I would think they would make the treatment of the maids a little more official. Like that they have laws drafted about live-in servants. That they each need to have a minimum amount of personal living space, that they can not be physically abused, that sexual assault by a superior is severely punished, things like that. Also keep a closer touch on the paperwork on who is coming and going since it seemed like it was quite a mess. Also appoint several inspectors who will make surprise inspections of the living conditions. I would think after what happened they wouldn't just make the lives of the maids better but also would want to know more about their servants in general. Just who exactly is working for them and what is going on. Not just for the maids but overall that there are no hellholes existing anymore under their watch.
“She’s… been properly contained.” Shining replied slowly. It wasn’t exactly a lie, and he was curious to see Blueblood’s reaction.
What happened to Lemon? I mean she committed professional abuse, abuse of power, rape, obstruction of process and most of all multiple instances of treason.
This may have been said already, but I feel that any of them, even Shining to a degree, would absolutely not be okay with putting Blueblood through it, even morally against it. Sure, anybody who has the sort of attitude Blueblood does needs to be knocked down and truly humbled, but this seems like an issue where they would be way out of character to actually do it.
10690256 Yeah it's an issue to be sure, but this isn't the usual pony universe. So this Blueblood isn't the same one we know from the show/comics. So it's a thing I've been on the fence about how to handle for a while. Assuming I ever do anything else with this story.
“Guess after living as a fuck toy for three months, your libido gets all sorts of messed up. I’ll tell you, I’m tempted to find a way to turn back into a mare for a night, just to have some fun with a guard or something.”
That can be arranged! But you're gonna have to be your r63 self
You could still add the part after this with Blueboods punishment from Twilight, Cadence, an Shining armor.
6763350
Read the author's notes for the epilogue. I talk about that.
Oh, no way, you did RD: Inheritance? Thats a good story too!
All in all, nicely done.
6763361 *edit
*edit 2
Looks good, Will be waiting for it to come.
It was a good story, congratulations.
mmmm so don't have any response to my thoughts on the previous fic then?....
6763493
Ah yes, I agree with the characterization of the original fic. I didn't care for how heartless some acted, and did my best to change/explain that in this fic.
As for Fake Shining acting so un-Shining like. I'm saying that he got Cadance to cast the 'dispel' on him sometime before she went on her jog the next morning. It's the best I can do to explain that away.
As you said, I'm limited on what I can do via how the first fic went. That was sorta the challenge. To write a sequel that changed things up, yet still felt like a sequel.
6763516
I know, and the thing is, this is about as 'dark' as I can go. I'm sure many would love to see this continue with what I tease at the end, but I'm just not into doing more along those lines right now. At least not what would be needed. I could condense it into a one shot, but that wouldn't really do the idea justice.
The other factor, is the simple fact that I have other stories I need to work on. Once I'm done with the bonus chapter, I'm done. I've spent far longer on this then I ever meant to.
6763511 k , 1 thing though i don't quite get is
? i haven't delved into this fic yet but you're talking about what happened in the time of the previous fic here right?....
6763578
Wait, you're arguing a point and you haven't read my story yet? You might want to do that first. Otherwise, nothing I say here is going to make sense. Just take comfort in knowing that I did my best to address your concerns of the first fic.
You less evil, but no less brilliant, person.
wait a sec.....
"Inheritance" and "My life is a Runway"
.... why didn't I recognize you before and... I guess it MAKES sense since Runway has.... well... your OC as the main character..... well... that explains where Evening Storm felt familiar from....
oh and question: in this epilogue, you wrote that Evening "knew what it meant to not see themselves in the mirror as he turned himself into a filly for a month", is that the famous "he turned a guard into a filly for a month"? And all those in the loop just went for: "it was a guard" (or better yet, Evening himself was a guard until that happened)
.... so hoping to see a fic of the results with Blueblood. He deserves it.
6763683
He still turned a guard into a mare in this timeline. Said guard decided to remain a mare too.
That's just a little gag to say that Evening is no stranger to being female thanks to his magic. :P
...
What the fuck, Blueblood.
Double what the fuck, Shining Armor?!
You have
nosome idea how relieved I was to see that not happen.Here's a not dark solution to blueblood turn him into a filly so his probably slight pain tolerances are gone and paddle him til he cries then after leaving him for a month as baby bluebelle in cellies care change him back. Or kill him.
thank you for touching upon this.......also screw you for still using it in the fic.....
waaaat but i thought cadance was the only pony capable of using that kind of magic :l ?........
i could help educate him so he would firm knowledge of that being the case.....
wait what? what's this all about?....
that's happened to me with a few fics , but not the original to this one cause i considered it to be so poor , as for yours here , oh that's right i forgot to mention along with everything else i've already said , for the most part the tension was very real for me , i was just as nerves as any other character in any given scene was despite knowing that this was going to be a good end fic , so there's that.....
but as for yours here , i just didn't feel like leaving this one unread after i started......
how do you count pages?....
oh that's right he did say that , does saying that actually work though when cadance was the caster and original imprinter of there to even be hypno persona to begin with?....
and it was a valiant effort i would say , in fact im planning on doing something similar soon.....
over all i'd say i didn't , but im not putting it at the same level of dislike of the original that's for sure.....
..............................oh right , that's where i recognize your icon from , you're the guy that's doing the fan sequel that's never going to be completed to ones of my favorite fics ever royal duties......
...ah darn , this other fic you mention here is eqg , to bad that i hate that , if it wasn't i would probably be interested in checking it out.....
6773543
how bout you screw off and let him do what he wants, besides, if you hate it so much, why not write you're own stories, i bet you have a lot -_- oh wait, no you don't
I'm so glad someone I am familiar with had similar thoughts about the original story. After I read it, I had trouble sleeping the next two nights because my mind kept thinking about Shining's situation. A story sequel started forming in my head, but I never quite got to that point. It was such a relief to see two other authors tackle this.
Brilliantly, I might add. Regardless of "The dreaded OC" trope, the story was quite enjoyable. Evening is a well developed character with great flaws, and I think he deserves some more attention. (I will definitely have to read some of his other stuff.) All the other characters, especially Twilight, felt spot-on. I d'awwed very hard at Peppermint and Evening (He really would make a good daddy ), and the scene of breaking the curse was epic.
It's been a long while since I have focused on Otaku Ascended-related stuff, but when I was it was a good time in my life. I hope you two are doing well.
Okay, may i say, this story was awesome!
It had all the ingredients of a good story and i honestly enjoyed it more than the first. every time that Lemonfresh/Shining would be ""on screen"" i would be thinking "Oh PLEASE let her get a fitting comeuppance!!" and that happened too. All told, i loved it!
10/10 on the itude meter, with a Shining Armor seal of approval (if i could FIND one. #thanksfornothinggoogle)
I'm adding this to my faves list!
Normally, when I see a story with chapters that have 8K+ words, I avoid it, or it takes me forever to read it. This story engrossed me so much, wanting to know what was going to happen to everypony, that I actually read this in TWO HOURS. That is why I have given this story a fav.
“The fuck it will!”
Blueblood is the type whose had decorum hammered into him likely as hard as the maids, I'm stunned at him EVER using that kind of language. You think SA would be shocked too.
He needn’t fear this idiot.
Except we've learned Blueblood isn't an idiot, he's spoiled and a slave to creature comforts, and a classist, but he's NOT stupid.
And ironically, it's shown that Blueblood DOES have some inkling of respect for his hired help.
Perfect for that little shit if I do say so myself.
Again, this language feels out of character for Blueblood, he's a brat, but he's fixated on what's 'proper.'
Let it stay just a thought if you don't want to lose yourself, Shiny. Just...let it die.
In truth I'm not sure Twilight and Cadence would agree to it to begin with, both because of the trauma of what Shining has been through, and because it's just plain a nasty idea.
Mind you, if they could somehow get Blueblood to go along with the idea willingly, perhaps as a challenge of sorts?
I do think you could have maybe added one more scene. One between the dinner and the ice cream. That he plays with her and maybe scolds her. Have a few more scene's with them being father and daughter in a relatively normal way.
Why would Blueblood care about such things? Also I would think they would want some level of politeness and etiquette from the maids still. That they are still able to voice their displeasure but have to do it in a respectful way.
I would think they would make the treatment of the maids a little more official. Like that they have laws drafted about live-in servants. That they each need to have a minimum amount of personal living space, that they can not be physically abused, that sexual assault by a superior is severely punished, things like that. Also keep a closer touch on the paperwork on who is coming and going since it seemed like it was quite a mess. Also appoint several inspectors who will make surprise inspections of the living conditions.
I would think after what happened they wouldn't just make the lives of the maids better but also would want to know more about their servants in general. Just who exactly is working for them and what is going on. Not just for the maids but overall that there are no hellholes existing anymore under their watch.
What happened to Lemon? I mean she committed professional abuse, abuse of power, rape, obstruction of process and most of all multiple instances of treason.
This may have been said already, but I feel that any of them, even Shining to a degree, would absolutely not be okay with putting Blueblood through it, even morally against it. Sure, anybody who has the sort of attitude Blueblood does needs to be knocked down and truly humbled, but this seems like an issue where they would be way out of character to actually do it.
10690256
Yeah it's an issue to be sure, but this isn't the usual pony universe. So this Blueblood isn't the same one we know from the show/comics. So it's a thing I've been on the fence about how to handle for a while. Assuming I ever do anything else with this story.
That can be arranged!
But you're gonna have to be your r63 self