The Twilight Years

by Crimmar

Paging Doctor Love

Shining Armor walked into the castle’s library. His sister was almost certainly in here and where his sister was so was Raegdan. Shining Armor took a deep breath to drown out his anxiety. He felt like he was in shambles. This was a stupid idea that would end in disaster.

It also was the only thing left he could think of. He was at the end of his rope. His courage had failed him and this was the only path left to him.

It didn’t take long to find them. They always used the same spot. Shining Armor stood outside the entrance to the reading room they occupied and carefully leaned in to take a peek.

Twily was entranced in a book while the baby dragon she had hatched with her magic was busy stacking the pile of books next to her in order. Raegdan was seated closer to the door, a book closed around one of his fingers, using it as a bookmark. He was currently looking straight at Shining Armor’s attempt at espionage, a look of wry amusement on his face.

Damned hooves. Damned marble floors. Damned predator species and his unmoving ears. His hearing wasn’t as good as pony hearing could get by turning towards the desired spot but he always had an idea of every single sound around him. It was extremely unfair and tiresome.

He stepped in, grinning in embarassment. Raegdan expected him to head for his sister and went back to his book. After a few seconds he raised his head again to see, to his surprise, Shining Armor standing in front of him.

Raegdan frowned in puzzlement and looked over at Twilight’s direction and back at Shining Armor. “Don’t tell me you are waiting for permission,” he said, questioningly.

“Ah, nope, no, it’s not that,” Shining Armor rushed to say, whispering and urging Raegdan to keep his volume down with a waving of his hoof. He really didn’t want to mix Twily in this. It bad bad enough as it was. “I’m here to talk with you.”

Raegdan’s eyebrows formed an angry v. “Did your parents send you? If this is another of their idiotic attempts to have fun on my expense, well, I’m not falling for that this time. Again.”

“Keep your voice down! No, I’m here on my own. I need your help with something.” Thank goodness, Twilight was deeply immersed in her book and Spike just waved once at Shining Armor before going back to doing whatever kept him busy.

Raegdan returned to his book, only half paying attention to Shining Armor now. “If this is about getting bullied at your Royal Guard training and you want me to break some guy’s legs, I’ll have to say no. Celestia will pound us both deep down to the ground and bury us in that same hole if she finds out. Besides, I think it’s about time you learned how to break legs on your own-”

“I don’t want anypony’s legs broken!” Shining Armor said in shock. “Why would you even think that’s what I wanted?”

Raegdan turned a page on his book. He pointed at Shining Armor, made a crude imitation of a mouth talking with his fingers, and then pointed back at himself with his thumb. All the while he kept reading.

Shining Armor huffed in frustration. “I have a… personal problem. I need some help.”

“I have my hands kind of full at the moment Shining. This book… I swear, I can barely understand most of it. And this is just the basic theory. What is this supposed to mean? “Recreation of a matrix of the designated approach point in a mark two out of five of the available minutia specification range is required before the coalition of the esoteric arcane energy in the individual foci.” I mean… what?”

“What is this about?” Shining Armor asked.

“It’s the theory on teleportation spells. I can’t make heads or tails out of-”

“It means visualize where you want to go, without much detail, before focusing your magic on your horn.”

Raegdan stared at Shining Armor with an expression of pure disbelief. “You lie!” he accused him with sheer vehemence.

“What? No, that’s what it means. Honest!”

He closed the book and opened it again at the first page, frantically searching for something.

“What are you looking for?” Shining Armor asked.

“Two things,” Raegdan answered with a deep growl. “First, if whoever wrote this still lives. Second, where he lives. We are going to find him. Can we find him? Let’s go find him. I’ll show you how to break legs, give you some tips about where to-”

“Raegdan, can you please plot assault and battery after you help me? I really don’t have a lot of time left.”

Raegdan sighed. “I suppose it can’t hurt to hear what it is. Tell me.”

Shining Armor told him. He told him the trouble he faced. He told him what he was trying to do. He told him that Raegdan was the only one that he believed could help him.

That last one was a lie. He believed it would all end in disaster. But… just in case, the one in a millionth chance the crafty biped came up with something…

Raegdan listened or he seemed to. He didn’t lift his eyes off his book or ask any questions. After Shining Armor was done he calmly reached for a bookmark, closed the book, and placed it on the table at his side. He made a weird pyramid shape with his hands under his nose and forcefully puffed air out of his nostrils.

“One day, no matter what it costs me, I’ll figure out why the hell you guys come to me to help with crap like that. Seriously, what goes through your mind to make this seem like a smart idea?”

“A little bit of seriousness, please?” Shining begged.

“Alright, alright, let me think.” Raegdan hummed for a few seconds. “Ok, do you know of any sport stores around?”

“One or two. What’s the plan?”

“Here’s what you will do; You will go inside one and buy two balls. The color is unimportant.” Shining Armor picked a quill and started writing down Raegdan’s instructions. “Find them in the size of about half my fist if you can. Then, use a scarf or something similar to tie them up to your crotch. That way maybe your body will get inspired and you can finally grow a pair of your own -whoah!”

The quill Shining Armor had launched had embedded itself midway in the thick wood of the bookshelf behind Raegdan, missing his face by a mere sliver. “Don’t play with me Raegdan, not with this on the line!”

Raegdan stared at the quill and back at the scowling figure of Shining Armor. His face was a mix of apprehension and approval.

“Give me these and get out of here. I’ll see what I can do.”

---

Cadance hummed a melody to herself as she made her way around the castle. Everything had been going just… swell lately. Her aunt was helping her make serious headway into figuring out her abilities, she was finally starting to get a proper grasp of her unicorn magic, she had family and friends around her… everything was going great! Every day was a joy!

She turned around a corner and almost ran into Raegdan. She took a step back, giggling. She was in a wonderful mood. “Hello Raegdan,” Cadance greeted. She turned to his side. “Hello Twil- Where is Twilight?”

“She is with her brother.”

“Oh. Shining is here?” she asked, trying to feign only polite interest. She really liked spending time with him but she had been seeing too little of him lately. He always rushed off somewhere after they started talking to each other.

She wondered if she was to blame somehow.

“How come you are wandering around on your own?” she asked, truly curious. “You are not looking to get into trouble again are you?”

Raegdan raised one hand in a placating gesture. “Hey, calm down. No need to go running to Celestia. I was looking for you actually.”

“Oh. Twilight wants to see me? I’ll be glad to spend some time with her. Lead the way!”

“Ah… no. This has nothing to do with Twilight.” Cadance raised one eyebrow in pure puzzlement. “I wanted to talk to you for a personal reason.” Her lifted eyebrow was joined by its fellow.

“Alright. About what?”

“Let’s… go to the gardens, what do you say?” he asked full of hope.

Well… Raegdan rarely asked for favors for himself. At least, he never asked for something from her. Her curiosity was certainly piqued enough. She looked outside the nearest window. There was going to lovely sunset soon. A walk to the gardens would be wonderful right now.

“Sure!”

---

They had found themselves seated at Cadance’s favorite bench in the entirety of the castle’s beautifully tended gardens. There might have been spots where flowers of more vibrant colors bloomed, places where the birds massed and sang their sweet songs in heavenly chorus, but this one…

She could see the residential area of Canterlot from here. The place where families, normal families, with their ups and downs, their troubles and their hopes, made their lives.

If she looked the right way, the way only Cadance could see, she could watch as a pink colored haze rose and emanated from every house. Pulsing like a great, big heart. It was beautiful, in both sight and meaning. She could never, ever, tire of it. It was grand and mesmerizing.

Her aunt’s setting sun only enhanced the view. Everything was… unbelievingly sweet and romantic.

Which made it all the more creepier the way Raegdan had put his right arm around her shoulders.

“So… what can I help you with exactly?” Cadance asked, feeling extremely self conscious.

Raegdan’s hand pulled her closer to his torso, forcing her to almost lean on his side. She could feel his heart beating even with this slight contact. It was pounding like a drum. “Can’t we have a moment to enjoy the quiet first?” he asked, smiling softly at her.

Uh-oh.

“Of course,” she said. This was Raegdan. There was no way in Tartarus her stupid suspicions were in any reasonable way true. “But it’s so unlike you to seek me out on your own. I would have thought it was something urgent or important. There is nothing wrong with Twilight or Spike, is there?”

“No, no. They are fine. Everything is fine.” His fingers started gently petting her coat.

Cadance did her best to ignore it.

“Have I ever told you…” Raegdan started hesitantly, “about how… ah, relationships work among my kind?”

Please, Cadance pleaded to whoever listened, let this be some kind of lesson or story he wants to tell her. Please, let it be a case of “she is the princess of Love, perhaps she should know this stuff”.

She smiled brightly at him. “No, you haven’t. I bet it’s extremely interesting. Maybe we should get Twilight, she would love to listen to-”

“The males are usually quite… active in their search for a mate. Almost aggressive you could say.” His thumb was doing a repeating circling motion on her coat. “Perhaps the term “territorial” could also apply.”

“Oh?” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“It’s kind like… hunting. I think that’s a pretty good parallel.” Did he just scoot closer?

“I don’t know much about hunting to be honest…”

“Well, it’s not that hard. You need to do some tracking first. Scout around. Find your desired prey. Go after it, stalk it, learn its habits. Then, when the time is ripe…”

“I think I’m getting the gist… Is there… is there a point to all this?” Cadance asked.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. I’m getting to that.” She felt the edge of her mane near his fingers being lightly played with. “I mean, if you think of… looking for a mate like hunting then… well, let’s consider my case. Which mares do I know? Who is the potential… prey?” Raegdan asked with a shrug.

“Let’s see…” Cadance’s mind was filling up with apprehension but the horror that lurked in the depths of realization was blocking her ability to think clearly. “There’s Twilight…”

“Who is like a daughter to me.”

“Twilight Velvet…”

“Who is Twilight’s mother and already married.”

“Aunt Celestia…”

“Who is the immortal monarch and would never accept anything like this. She is completely unavailable.”

Cadance blinked. “The only other one I can think of is…” Oh, no. Oh. no! Raegdan was like… like an uncle at this point. A weird one that got into trouble and everyone had to keep an eye on. There was no chance in Tartarus this was happening!

“I understand that you ponies like to do dates first, no matter how much you know each other already.” His thumb was now on her cheek. Cadance could feel her mouth hang open but she couldn’t control her jaw anymore, or her eyes. They followed his left hand as he retrieved two small papers from one of his pockets.

Raegdan showed them to her. “I happen to have come into possession of a couple of tickets for the new show at the Canterlot Hippodrome Theater. It’s for this Friday and-”

“I’m already going there with someone else!” Cadance almost screamed.

Raegdan expression deadened. “Who?”

Oh Celestia, she was going to be the reason for somepony ending in the hospital because she wanted to get out of a date with.... Think Cadance, think! Who could she possibly throw into the grinder or, better yet, escape the repercu-

Of course! Territorial! She could tell him she was already marked by someone he wouldn’t hurt. “Shining Armor,” she said, smiling awkwardly.

Raegdan looked at her frowning. His arm left her shoulder. “Really? He didn’t mention anything. If I knew I wouldn’t have-”

A way out! A way out! “Yes. We have made plans but you know Shining, he is so shy when it comes to talking about this kind of thing. You can ask him if you want!”

Raegdan got up. “I think I might. I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’ll see you around.” He left, looking to be in a hurry.

Cadance waved him off and waited until she was sure he was gone. Then she flew away as fast as she could.

She had to find Shining Armor.

---

Shining Armor knocked on Twilight’s door. He couldn’t find Raegdan where he usually slept so in all probability he was here with-

The door opened to reveal Raegdan behind it. His scowl became even bigger when he saw Shining Armor. “So?” he asked, almost growling. “Keep your voice down, your sister is still sleeping.”

Shining Armor was certain he could walk on clouds just like a pegasus if he tried it right now. He shared the great news with Raegdan. “I don’t know what you did but Cadance found me last night and told me how she would love to go to the play. I told her I had two tickets and we could go together if she wanted and…”

“And? Spit it out.”

“She hugged me and kissed me!” Shining Armor said with the widest smile of his life. “She said it’s a date! I have a date with Cadance! I had no idea how to ask her but she just came up to me and… and... oh thank you!” He moved forward to hug Raegdan.

Raegdan held him back with one hand. “Alright, fine. I get it. Here are your tickets back.”

“Why does your right hand look like a red prune?”

“I’ve been washing it since last night. Now listen, I don’t care what happens, you are on your own from now on. I am not doing something like this again. Grow a pair and ask her on a second date afterwards or die alone, I don’t care anymore.” Raegdan started closing the door. “Now if you will excuse me, I have to go back to washing myself clean again.”

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

I agree with Raegdan on this one. Never helps that ponies are prey species by nature.

[Scarheart]

[ARTL]

7003590

How appropriate, Scar.

[Adjier]

I wonder if Raegdan had some slight interest in Cadence. He pulled that off rather well for someone who was helping a friend. Poor guy, if that's the case.

I wonder why he was washing his hand repeatedly. I mean, he could be spanking it.

[Von Voctavia]

Oh man! I can't wait for more of these!

[Aunoraux]

7004783
If Cadence thinks of him as an uncle, he likely thinks of her as a niece.
Now, imagine hitting on a niece to set someone up with her without her being suspicious...
Yeah.
(Also, I REALLY hope she finds out about this after the wedding. Otherwise Raegdan will always be marred in the back of her mind as a slightly pervy weirdo.)

[The Slending Angel]

As as I read, 'Buy some balls', I burst out laughing and didn't fucking stop till the end.

Good job, sir.

[Vitae]

*szzzt* well then.

That certainly happened.

[Lazerkiser]

i thought it was gonna be like the scout and spy montage, for scout asking miss Pualing out for a date.

"SEDUCE ME!"

[Kevin Lee]

OTOH, it was rather risky for him to pull that

What if Cadance had said yes to Raegdan...?
Cadance would have the hots for him,
Shining would be trying to kill him,
Celestia, Twilight Velvet, and Night Light would all be for gelding him,
and Twilight Sparkle and Spike would be going "WTF?"

[Black--Soul]

Raegdan is a bloody mad genius
Did he plan it or was he in a so awkward situation he just end up lucky?