The Twilight Years

by Crimmar

A human virtue: Persistence

“Here, hold this.”

“A pillow? What am I supposed to do with a pillouuugh!”

The golden double doors opened with a violent slam as the airborne, biped figure forced them open on his route to crashing on the marbled floor outside. Raegdan skidded on the ground for a few meters until he was stopped by a wall with enough strength to make him empty his lungs painfully.

He was still holding on the pillow that was now sporting the fading imprint of a large pair of Alicorn shoes.

Twilight, Spike, and Cadance gathered around his fallen form, disappointed frowns adorning their faces. Next to the doors the two Solar guards were fighting to keep their detachment intact.

“We are not going dad, are we?” Spike said, crestfallen.

“I didn’t-” Raegdan inhaled sharply. “Heavens, she kicks like a… like an Alicorn I guess. I didn’t say that little flame. I’m not done yet.”

“If she has resorted to kicking you it might be wiser to drop it,” Cadance suggested.

“Nonsense. I am not letting her win, not now. I can withstand more pain than she is willing to dish out. I got this.”

Twilight tried to add her own two bits. “Dad, Cadance is right, we can do this some other day. If she is too busy-”

“Round four Celestia! Ready or not, here I come!” Raegdan cried out and ran back inside Celestia’s room.

The three youngsters sat down, waiting. This would probably end similarly to the last three times. Celestia had lost enough of her patience that they could hear her even from here.

“I have no time for this Raegdan. I have an important delegation coming tomorrow and- put those papers down!”

“Aw, is the little princess so protective of her… Cheese export reports? You are blowing us off for cheese reports?”

“It’s an important part of Equestrian economy. Put them down.”

“It’s cheese!”

“It’s important!”

“Well, now it’s on fire.”

“Raegdan, no! Fine, that’s how you wanna play? Now you are on fire too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean you big- Sweet heavens! Twilight! Cadance! Water spells, now!”

Raegdan furiously danced his way out with the legs of his pants burning. Twilight tried to cast a wind spell since water spells were still out of her league. It only served in fanning the flames even more to Raegdan’s detriment and Twilight’s horror.

“Stop helping little one, stop helping! Cadance, do something!” Raegdan was trying to beat down the flames with his hands. Spike was helping him, his scales easily enduring the fire.

Cadance had needed a little time to properly focus but finally a small spray of water hosed down the fire on Raegdan. His trousers had burned almost entirely, his skin was reddened and what little hair he had on his legs had been entirely burned off.

The smell outside Celestia’s chamber was not that great at the moment.

Raegdan gave a dirty look to the two Solar guards that were kneeling on the floor, stifling their giggles so that Celestia couldn’t hear them.

“Maybe now we call it off?” Cadance asked.

Raegdan’s face was set with determination. “No. Way. Ok, little flame, go to my room and grab another pair of trousers for me. I’m going back in for another attempt in the meantime.”

“Raegdan, you don’t have to-” Twilight tried in vain.

Raegdan was already making his way in. The doors closed behind him once more. “Alright Celestia. Round fi- ah hell-”

Two seconds later he was launched back outside holding another pillow.

Celestia’s voice rang out as soon as he landed. “Raegdan? Are you alright?”

Raegdan crawled his way on all fours. “Yeah. In general terms. Pretty much,” he yelled back.

“Did you get any burns?”

“Nothing serious.”

“Good. Now stop interrupting me. I’m trying to work!”

“I swear, she is enjoying this…” Raegdan grumbled. “Round- Round six you cheesemonger,” he shouted as he rose up and made his way back to the entrance. “You’d better try harder this time.”

“What do you think auntie is gonna do to him now?” Cadance riddled Twilight.

“I think she will try diplomacy again first.”

“And when it fails?”

Twilight hummed in thought. “I’m not sure. Her options are kind of limited with Raegdan’s immunity. She will try something more harsh but I don’t know what she could-”

“Shush. Listen!” Cadance interrupted her.

“...care about some griffin merchant squabbles. I don’t. Not one bit. You are- Ok, Celestia, get serious. What are you even casting?”

“Teleportation spell with a timer.”

“They don’t work on me. You know that. We’ve tried them.”

“I’m not casting them on you. I’m casting them above you.”

“You are not dropping rocks on me. You are too scared of the potential injury to do something like that. Uh, why use a timer- What the… oh heavens, you dirty, rotten-”

“Comedic timing. I’d run if I were you.”

The guards, as per usual, didn’t bother opening the doors for Raegdan, forcing him to bodyslam them open on his haste to get out. “Twilight, Cadance, fire spells, now!”

Raegdan was covered in pieces of beeswax, honey, and a cloud of bees. Cadance could scarcely believe her eyes. Twilight ran away screaming as soon as she heard the buzzing, too afraid of being stung.

“Raegdan, I don’t know any fire spells!” Cadance cried out.

“Why did I sent Spike away?” Raegdan lamented while his arms tried to keep the veritable army away from him. Cadance was certain that he truly regretted the loss of his clothes right now. It made more bare flesh available to the bees’ stingers. “Cast something, anything!”

“You are too close- wait, I got it!” Cadance concentrated hard. Soon enough the bees calmed down and buzzing slightly they landed on Raegdan without stinging him.

“What did you do?”

“I, uh, may have made them… fall in love with you…” Cadance confessed.

“Fall in love with me.”

“Yes.”

“As in they love me.”

“Yes…”

Raegdan raised one bee at the edge of his fingers to his eye level. He narrowed his eyes as he examined it carefully.

“Uh, is everything alright?” Cadance asked. “It was the only thing I could think of at the time.”

“Yeah, just… just making sure they are not… you know… humpi- shut up!” he roared at the guards that finally lost their ability to control themselves.

“Is everything ok?” Twilight’s head popped out from a corner. “Are the bees gone?”

“No, they are still here little one. It’s ok though. Thanks to Cadance here I have a new weapon.”

“What are you intending to do?” Cadance asked.

“Guess. Alright Celestia. Round uh…”

“Seven.” Twilight helped.

“Seven. Prepare yourself.” Raegdan marched into his losing war once more.

Cadance and Twilight waited for the inevitable outcome.

“Raegdan? I told you to… how did you manage this?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Now, are you giving up or not?”

“This is not a game! I have important work to do and you’re-”

“Fly my pretties. Let your stingers blot out the sun on her fat flank!”

“Raegdan don’t you dare!”

“I dare! You should have said- Sweet heavens, not again!”

Raegdan crashed out of Celestia’s room with his torso on fire and burning bees falling from him. “Cadance, water spell, now!”

Spike arrived back just in time to see Raegdan, soggy and red like a lobster, tear the remains of his clothes off him. “Hey dad. I picked up a new shirt for you too. I thought something like that might happen.”

“Thank you little flame.”

“Any luck?”

Cadance chimed in. “No, and he should stop trying. He is going to get himself really hurt if he keeps like that. Aunt Celestia will never forgive herself if she hurts him. This is stupid. We are leaving now before-”

“Cadance,” Twilight and Spike interrupted her.

“What?”

“He went in already.”

“Oh, for-” Cadance turned back just in time to watch Raegdan sail through the air once more. He was holding a pillow.

Spike rushed at his father’s side. “How do you keep falling for that?”

“Look, she doesn’t give me much choice. She starts kicking immediately. Either I hold the pillow in place or I get something broken.”

“So…”

“Round nine. I’m going back in.”

Two young ponies and a baby dragon sighed in resignation. Raegdan paused in order to take a deep breath before braving the Alicorn Princess once more.

“Are you serious Raegdan? How many times are we going to do this?”

“Just until you give up.”

“You like being set on fire don’t- get away from there!”

“Let’s see you do your little fire spells when I hold all of your precious, flammable papers.”

“Raegdan. I am the Princess of Equestria. I have duties. You will not get in the way of them.”

“You have other duties too. Just because there are less of us doesn’t make us less important.”

“Raegdan, I don’t have the time.”

“You are the freaking princess. Why do you need to read reports on freaking cheese?”

“Will you drop the cheese thing? It’s my job. Somepony needs to do this.”

“...Alright. I agree. If you have to do something, you have to do it.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you Celestia. Thank you for being so kind as to let me approach the open window!”

“Raegdan, no!”

“Look at them fly- Celestia, don’t push- whoah!”

“My papers! My work!”

“Screw your papers, help me up! I’m barely holding on!”

“I should let you fall!”

“Huff… You can always push me off anytime you want.. Look, now that these are gone what do you say you send your guards to gather them up and in the meantime we can- sweet heavens, are you serious, you madmare?”

The double doors crashed open once more this day. A figure of fire came rushing out, falling down and rolling on the floor, trying to smother the flames. A panicked cry came out of it. “Cadance, water spell, now!”

Luckily for Raegdan, Cadance was ready to cast ever since he walked inside.

---

“Round… round twenty four…”

Cadance, Twilight, and Spike were sitting on the exhausted alien, stopping him from getting back into his own deathtrap.

“Dad, I think that’s enough,” said Spike.

“It’s obvious we are not going,” Twilight added.

“Aunt Celestia has promised the griffins to settle this trade dispute, Raegdan. She is not going to back out of her duties as Princess of Equestria, not even for this.”

Raegdan stayed silent. They could all tell he was doing more than regaining his strength. He was plotting.

“Alright. I have one last attempt. Let me up.”

“No,” Twilight said frowning. “You are not going back in there.”

“I’m not going to bother Celestia, little one. Get off now.”

The three children climbed off Raegdan’s chest. He rose up on his long legs and carefully dusted himself, completely failing to make himself any more presentable in his current status. His clothes were horribly burnt, he was covered in light bruises, and various liquids, with beehoney being the least offensive, had covered him at some point. The impromptu baths had barely helped.

“Stay here,” he instructed them. Then he turned around and headed away from Celestia’s chambers.

The doors creaked open slowly. “Has he given up?” Celestia asked, looking hopeful.

“I’m sorry auntie. He said he wanted to try one more time.”

Celestia’s eyebrows rose in puzzlement. Her head swiveled around, checking every corner. “Where is he then?”

Spike raised his arm, shyly. “Uh… am I the only one who thinks that if dad can’t… convince mom he might try something else?”

“Like wh-” Celestia’s eyes shot wide open at the dreadful realization. “The griffins!” She fled towards the direction Raegdan took. “Raegdan wait! Fine, you win!”

---

“Was this really worth it?” Celestia asked.

Raegdan pointed towards the beautiful scene unfolding in front of them at some distance. Cadance and Shining Armor were using their superior magic to bounce a ball around, keeping it always an inch away from the grasp of Twilight and Spike. Their loud laughs reached them easily.

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“You were going to cause a diplomatic incident for the sake of a picnic. I can’t believe you sometimes.”

“It’s always something. If it’s not some delegation, it’s an emergency, or a meeting, or a decree that must be debated. You need to be more firm with your days off.”

“It was for a good reason.”

“So is this. You need to rest a bit every now and then. There’s only one of you Celestia.” Raegdan rummaged in the still full basket. “There’s plenty of cake left. Do you want another slice?”

Celestia sighed, content. “No, thank you. I think I’d like to nap for a bit.”

“I expected you would. I’ve brought plenty of pillows and extra blankets along.”

“Of course you did. Can you keep an eye on them on your own? I know Whitetail Woods is safe and we have guards around but-”

“It’s what you pay me all these piles of bits for.”

“I don’t pay you at all,” Celestia chuckled.

“Hint, hint.”

Celestia laughed, feeling impossibly relaxed. Raegdan had the right idea after all. She glanced at the children playing once more. She could hardly believe she almost missed this. She let her head sink into the soft pillows. Raegdan covered her with a thin blanket and sat by her side, eyes locked at his charges.

“I’ll wake you up when it’s time to head for the lake.”

“Raegdan?”

“Hmm?”

“What were you going to do to the griffin delegation?”

“To be honest I don’t even know where they are. I was bluffing.”

Celestia laughed again. “Thank you for being so stubborn.”

He coughed, embarrassed. “Yeah. Well… thanks for the tan.”

Comments

[Darth Muffin]

[Delta238]

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE LAUGHED FOR TEN MINUTES STRAIGHT!

[Starlight Nova]

6815568 Why?

[Scarheart]

Images of bees filled with burning love fill my head now...

[paladinwolf]

wired.com/images_blogs/underwire/2013/01/oprahbees.gif

<maniacal laughter>

[Epoch]

This brightened my day up so much. I almost like these more than the main story. Almost.

[Vigriff]

6895449 My God!

[King Leoric]

We need fanart of Raegdan and the lovestruck bees.

[Vitae]

Fly my pretties we shall blot out the sun? Good god I want art of him commanding the bees to go for celly's flank whilst she preps a fire spell

[Kevin Lee]

Raegdan: "Celestia, I've got one word for you: 'Delegate, bitch!' Well, two words: 'Delegate, you bitch!'...wait...three words: 'Delegate, you stupid bitch!'--okay, okay, four words: 'Delegate, you stupid moronic...'--fuckit--FIVE words! 'Delegate, you stupid moronic imbeci...'--shit!--SIX!! SIX WORDS:...."

[Green55]

Good job man

[DivinePanzer]

To bad He wasn't in time to save Sunset from the Rapetrain...

[Black--Soul]

Bloody hell... How fast is he healing? Because some people would need months to heal from the shit he endures...

Raegdan is insane... But at least he cares for Celestia and Twilight.