Proposal
Cadance walked into her aunt’s study, whistling merrily and doing a small jiggle to the tune, her pink tail swiveling left and right, making the guards’ job on her way to Princess Celestia room very, very hard to concentrate on.
“Cadance, you are in a good mood today I see,” Princess Celestia said, smiling at her adopted niece. She was once more at her desk, stamping papers with reckless abandon after a day of court. She liked to pretend the papers were some of the more irksome ponies she had to talk to today.
“I had a wonderful evening last night,” Cadance answered, choosing a pillow to lay on with a dreaming smile.
Princess Celestia hummed and used her magic to take a schedule out of a drawer on her left. “Let’s see… Aha, Shining Armor had a day off yesterday. Could that be why?”
“Mmmaybe,” Cadance answered with a teasing sparkle in her eyes, spoiled by the little giggle she failed to contain.
Princess Celestia leaned sideways and whispered conspiringly. “I don’t suppose you did anything to… keep him from getting a good night’s sleep for his morning shift, did you?”
“Auntie!” Cadance’s normally soft pink coat became apple red. “We are nowhere near that far in our relationship yet.”
Princess Celestia pulled back for a moment before regaining momentum and renewing her attack on Cadance’s sense of embarrassment. “Oh. And how far are you? I believe I heard something about bases being used to measure how far you’ve gone. Which base are you at now? I’ve spotted you two kissing very vigorously so I know you’re on that one at least. How does the back of his throat taste like?”
Cadance took the pillow below her flank and wrapped it around her head instead. “Auntie please! You were peeping on us?”
“I would hardly call it peeping!” Princess Celestia said offended. “Perhaps you should rethink your making out spots instead.” She rubbed her chin in thought. “Which reminds me, if you don’t want to be seen make sure you choose storage rooms without windows. You never know who could be flying outside with a silence spell on them. What if they were peeping on you?”
“You were peeping!” Cadance’s blind hoof pointed accusingly at the wall to the left of Princess Celestia. The princess took hold of her niece’s hoof and pulled it to point at the right place.
“I was only being concerned,” Princess Celestia lied right through her teeth. She lowered the pillow Cadance held around her face so that her niece could see her predatory smile. “I don’t suppose I have to worry you about tasting anything else other than his teeth, do I? Should I assign Raegdan to chaperone the two of you from now on?”
“For all that is sacred, auntie no!” Cadance begged. “Shining Armor already had to endure a talk from him, the last thing I want is for Raegdan to think he needs to get involved.”
Princess Celestia raised an inquiring eyebrow. “Talk? I didn’t hear anything about that.”
“Well, that might be because it… wasn’t really a talk,” Cadance confessed, rubbing her shoulder with her hoof, embarrassed for the sake of her coltfriend.
“What was it then?”
Cadance re-equipped her face with the pillow. “He gave him a notebook detailing protection methods and hygiene care, and a saddlebag full of potions and… stuff. Then he told Shining Armor that if he ever even thought for a second that we were not making use of protection he would take a knife to his… plumbing to make sure.”
“He threatened Shining Armor with castration?” Princess Celestia gapped.
The pillow shook vigorously left and right. “No. He said he would cut a little tube at a particular spot. He even showed him a chart and notes he had taken out of medical books.”
Princess Celestia blinked. She wondered if Raegdan would actually do it. The fact that she couldn’t say no with certainty was worrisome enough. Twilight was going to suffer when she got her muzzle out of books and took notice of the other gender. Though it would probably be the other gender which would suffer most. “How did Shining Armor take it?”
“I think he’s now determined to wait until marriage before we even think of going all the way.”
A pair of royal eyes sparkled with mirth and joy for her adopted niece. “Is there a possibility that there could be a marriage?”
The pillow left Cadance’s face and she held it against her chest, smiling slyly. “Mmmaybe… but not for a long time yet. We both want to focus on what we are doing first. Shining Armor on his training and I on my studies.”
Princess Celestia returned to her work with a pleased expression. “It definitely has all the signs of being serious if you are both putting such thought into it. I would love to share the good news with Twilight Velvet but I think she would overreact and spoil it for you.”
Cadance giggled. She stood there, hugging the pillow and looking at nothing, with a soft smile, humming gently.
Princess Celestia watched her adopted niece, taking pleasure herself at Cadance’s saccharine mood. “Is there anything else I’m supposed to know?”
Cadance gave a small shiver as she rose from her daydreaming. “Oh, sorry auntie. No, that’s not even the reason I came here at the first place.”
“What is it then?”
Cadance inhaled sharply through her teeth as she put her hooves over Princess Celestia’s desk, demanding her attention. “I want to get back at Raegdan.”
Princess Celestia pushed her niece’s hooves off her papers so she could press one last stamp. She closed the inker and stored the stamped in the drawer. Then she addressed Cadance’s request.
“No.”
“Oh come on auntie. You don’t want him to have one over you, do you?”
“He doesn’t,” Princess Celestia said with a smirk. “I’m sitting on a perfect balance so far. It’s you that he’s got beaten by two for one.”
“And you wouldn’t want your Alicorn kin to be beaten by a… hmm…” Cadance sat down to think. “I don’t want to say male because then I would sound sexist, but I don’t know what else to call him. What is his species called?”
“Just call him what I do when he pushes me too much.”
“What’s that?”
“Idiot. Moron works too when I feel particularly vexed.”
“Doesn’t he mind?”
Princess Celestia shook her head. “I’m quite sure he wears it like a badge of honor. He’s an idiot.”
“Will you help me then?” Cadance pleaded, trying to pull her aunt into the eyes of an innocent young mare who desperately needed the help of her wise, beautiful, and amazing aunt, who was so helpful at all times and would never let her niece suffer-
“Ok, fine, fine. I’ll help,” Princess Celestia said, struggling to escape the two voidspheres that were about to gorge themselves on her very soul.
Cadance clapped excitedly. “Great! I have a plan already, and it all depends on you.”
“I will not let you down Cadance,” Princess Celestia promised, getting giddy now that she decided to help and looking forward to a good prank. “What do I need to do?”
“I will need you to seduce Raegdan.”
Princess Celestia’s magic pulled the door open. “Get out.”
“Pretend! Pretend to seduce Raegdan,” Cadance said quickly before she was captured in her aunt’s magic and thrown outside. “We’re simply going to do the same thing he did, with slight changes of course.”
Princess Celestia closed the door. “Exactly how far would I have to go into the whole “seduce” process?”
“Not much. Sit next to him, put one of your wings over him, nuzzle him a little…”
“Hmm…”
“Maybe a kiss or two…”
“Cadance,” Princess Celestia said warningly.
“You know I’ve seen you practically eat his face already, right?”
The Princess of the Sun gasped. “When?”
“Two months ago was the last time.”
“You were spying?”
“I was in the same room! You both got drunk again and forgot I was there. I had to leave because you two were getting quite… chummy.”
“Nothing happened,” Princess Celestia assured Cadance while copying her niece’s coat color.
“Uh huh,” Cadance said, not believing her aunt in the least. “Did you taste anything else apart from his teeth or-”
“Cadance!”
The aforementioned Alicorn smiled mischievously. “So… are you in?”
Princess Celestia sighed. “...Alright. I’m in agreement.”
“Great,” Cadance said, clapping her hooves with finality. “Now, you will have to tell him that-” Cadance reached for Princess Celestia’s ear and whispered into it.
The princess listened to the short phrase with eyes wide as plate. When Cadance was done her jaw was in danger of being dislocated. “What?”
“You’re not going back on your word, are you?”
“But… what if he says yes?”
“Well… You could have chosen worse. I’ve already arranged for Twilight’s parents to come visit tonight so he won’t have a problem leaving Twilight alone. All you have to do is get him into your bedroom and tell your guards to let us pass when we arrive so we can have our laugh when we are outside, listening.”
“Celestia? Are you here?” Raegdan called out, opening the princess’ bedroom door to check.
Celestia’s voice came from the balcony of her bedroom. “I’m out here Raegdan. Come, join me.”
“Twilight and little flame are with Night Light and Twilight Velvet,” he said as he stepped outside, closing the balcony door behind him. “I don’t like leaving them alone however.”
“They’ll be fine,” Celestia assured him, knowing full well they were going to be only a few meters away in a few minutes. They’d leave Twilight and Spike in her personal library while the two parents and Cadance had a good laugh at Raegdan’s expense. She felt a little bit guilty for misleading him like this but she knew full well that he wouldn’t mind the joke in the least. It made him feel like one of them.
They stood together, looking down at Canterlot and beyond. Raegdan was focusing mostly on the sky, gazing at the stars. Celestia followed his lead and, as always, her eyes were drawn to the moon.
Raegdan spotted where she looked right away. “Thinking about your sister again?” he asked softly. He was always kind and gentle when mentioning Luna. Celestia had doubts at the beginning whether she should have told him about Luna, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions she had ever made.
“Just a few more years until she’s back, right?” he asked, looking up at the moon alongside her.
“Yes.”
“Got a plan yet?” he asked.
“I’m considering options,” she said, not admitting to anything.
His hand rested on her back. “You’ll do fine. I’ll be there to help you too. You’re getting her back, it’s only a matter of time.”
Celestia didn’t want to think of Luna now. It would only get her depressed in seconds. Thankfully, she had the perfect distraction right now. A little bit of quick thinking, and she figured out how to spin this talk into her advantage.
“Raegdan, could we go inside please? There’s something I’d like to talk about.”
“Sure.” He took a step back and opened the balcony door for her to go through, proving once again that while he did have manners he simply chose not to apply them most of the time.
Celestia sat on the bed and patted the empty spot by her side. Raegdan had almost reached the door, thinking they would sit in one of the other rooms. Luckily he didn’t open the door, especially since Celestia was quite sure that her guests were already there, waiting to see how the joke would turn out.
“I’ve been thinking,” Celestia started as soon as Raegdan sat, “that when the time comes it might be… you understand what I’m trying to say. Final,” she finished.
Raegdan didn’t try to refute her or speak up any platitudes. He simply nodded, knowing full well that some fights you don’t get out of. He put an arm on her back again in silent support.
Celestia took the chance and spread her wing around his back in turn.
“I have spent centuries making preparations for various eventualities, but the one thing I never thought of was my own personal life. My personal happiness for what time could possibly be left for me.”
“You do understand that all this worry could be for nothing,” Raegdan pointed out.
“I do,” Celestia said. Admittedly, she had never thought before of what she was currently saying. “It has put a few things into perspective however,” Celestia continued, even more surprised than her victim.
“Like?” Raegdan asked.
“Time, the speed it passes us by like a raging river, and the opportunities it ferries to and away from us with each moment.” She made a mental note to remember this line and work it a little afterwards. “Each day that goes by is a day I could have less. Shouldn’t I grasp at my chance when I spot it then?” She tightened her hold on him with her wing, calculatingly enough to point out her message clearly. She took special notice of the tiniest stiffness from his side.
“...Right…” He had gone completely rigid at this point, his stare locked away from her, towards her bedroom door straight ahead of them. Celestia giggled inwards. She was getting to him.
Time for the first heavy blow. The tip of her wing pushed at his cheek until he was looking straight at her. She leaned in close, doing her best to make herself flustered, which considering what she was about to do wasn’t that hard.
“So, when I look at my chance for happiness face to face,” she said, looking straight in his eyes with her best combination of seduction and timidness, “how could I not take-uuumph!”
His lips locked with hers and he was kissing h-
Raegdan was kissing her!
With tongue!
Correction; Raegdan was kissing her with tongue while pressing her down towards the bed! She felt like she was kind of losing control here, just a tad. This was not the way she had imagined it would go!
“Is this what you meant?” he asked from his place on top of her with the wildest smirk she had ever seen from him.
“I- I meant-” Celestia needed to take back control. And a couple of breaths. He almost suffocated her there, though it- ok, no. Control. Push him back. “I meant something more actually.” Celestia decided to go for the final blow, here and now.
She put her hooves around her face, putting her all into smiling happily. “Raegdan… would you marry me?”
He chuckled. “Ah Celestia. Did you ever imagine for a second I would say no?”
Celestia was filled with horror!
Twilight Velvet shook Cadance hard, trying to get a reaction out of her. “Not the way you expected this to go, was it sweetie?” she asked not that kindly, whispering despite knowing full well that Cadance had put a silence spell up over them.
Cadance’s grimace of shock and fear was still stuck there. Velvet shook her once more, getting no response. “Night Light, help me get her to the couch,” she whispered to her husband.
Once they had her lying down, and seeing Cadance still hadn’t gotten over what she heard, Velvet decided to go for more immediate action. She slapped the young princess twice in a row.
It worked. Cadance quickly got up, her brain having reseted once again. “What- what did Raegdan say?”
“Nothing much,” Night Light said. “He simply agreed to the marriage proposal of our monarch.” He got hold of her hoof and shook it. “Great work kid. That’s the Princess of Love for you. You went straight for the top, didn’t you?”
Velvet smiled widely. “Night Light, there’s going to be a wedding! Oh, can you imagine our little Twilight as a flower girl, walking in front of the Princess?”
“I think she might be a little too old for that by now.”
“Congratulations Cadance. Here I was thinking I was just going to have a laugh, and look at us now. We’re overflowing with joy and mirth,” Velvet finished, relentlessly mocking Cadance and her brilliant prank.
Cadance gestured wildly and desperately. “No! There is going to be no wedding. I’m going in there right now, and I’ll make sure Raegdan understand that this was a joke. Then I’ll- What’s that sound?”
Night Light went back to the bedroom door and listened carefully, blushing almost instantly. “It might be a little too late for going in there,” he said, biting his lips.
“It’s not too late!” Cadance cried. “I’m going in there right-” She stopped as soon as she touched the doorknob
She realized what she was hearing.
A bed creaking in a rhythm.
Raegdan breathing heavily.
Her aunt moa-
“One of you, please kill me now,” she begged.
Velvet came closer to hear it clearer for herself. “They’re not really-”
“Oh. Raegdan!” Celestia shouted from inside.
Three faces looked at each in horror before turning to the one that had turned completely red faster than a coal in a fire.
“What did you do?” Velvet hissed.
“It’s the Princess of Equestria!” Night Light almost shouted. “Do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?”
“I- it was meant to be a joke!”
“Congratulations,” Velvet said, clapping. “Would you care to explain the punchline to everypony when Raegdan becomes the second most powerful person in Equestria?”
“The nobles are going to go insane,” Night Light kept shouting. “It would be bad enough if it was a non-pony, but nopony has any idea what Raegdan even is! The other cities might even start blaming Princess Celestia’s decision on mind control or- or anything else when they see him. Imagine if they meet him! Princess Celestia married to a complete unknown? They’ll never accept it!”
“But-”
“There could be civil war!” Night Light screamed.
“Over a wedding?” Cadance asked, terrified.
“When it’s the princess that keeps everypony else alive, and she gets married to somepony everypony else will say is a murderous, violent sociopath? Don’t get me wrong, I love Raegdan to pieces, but we will probably get invaded by a couple of nations that will rush in to “save” Princess Celestia.”
“But- but- joke! Prank!”
“And they’re still going at it!” Night Light yelled, pointing a shaking hoof at the bedroom door.
“They’re probably going to keep at it for much longer honey,” Velvet said, scathingly. “They have to celebrate their own way after all. Here, ask the opinion of the Princess of Love if you don’t believe me.”
“I- I just- wanted to get back-” The pair’s attack, coupled with the intense sounds that kept rising in volume from inside the bedroom proved too much for Cadance. She leapt screaming out of the window.
Velvet ran behind her to see if she stuck the landing.
“Is she ok?” Night Light asked.
“I think,” Velvet answered. “She’s flying away screaming. Probably well enough, though everypony will think they got attacked by a banshee tonight. I wonder if she has any idea where she’s going.”
“What do we do now?”
Velvet looked around her, and especially towards the bedroom door. She headed for Celestia’s personal library. “We’re taking Twilight and getting the hay out of here before they come out, find us peeping outside the door, and we get blamed for this. Come on, move your flank, and remember. We know nothing!”
Raegdan waved his arm, motioning for Celestia to stop making moaning sounds. “Ok, they’re gone.” Both he and Celestia finally were able to let loose of the laughter that had been piling on. Keeping themselves on their tasks through it all had been a titanic effort with no equal.
“Oh heavens,” Raegdan said, barely able to say the words. “Did- did you hear Cadance stuttering?”
Celestia had pulled the bed’s sheet and using it as a handkerchief to wipe the tears off her eyes. “That was- that was amazing,” she laughed. “Oh, I can’t wait to see her face when we tell her how the joke turned on her.”
“Why tell her?” Raegdan asked, smirking evilly. “Let’s keep it up for a few days. See what she does.”
Celestia kept laughing. “The poor filly. We’re going to drive her crazy, aren’t we?”
“A little bit, maybe,” Raegdan admitted.
“How did you figure out it was a prank anyway? I know that you couldn’t have spied on us at any point.” Celestia asked, mystified as to how Raegdan was able to see through her trick. When he said yes, he quickly bent down again and whispered instructions into her ear to start making sounds while he started pushing the bed against the wall in a constant, deliberate rhythm.
He told her she was going to start moaning one way or another. Celestia was ninety percent sure he was bluffing, but she decided to go along with it. It was a much better joke than what Cadance had planned anyway. Hers was a little cruel admittedly.
He pointed at the bottom of the door. “I saw their shadows against the light from outside. There’s a reason you spy from the side of the door and not the front.”
“Shoot,” Celestia said, disappointed. “I was doing such a good job too.”
“What was this about anyway?”
“Cadance still holds a grudge.”
“Huh. She’s gonna try again afterwards, won’t she?”
“That is up to her,” Celestia said, shrugging. “She can do so without me if she wants to though.”
“Hmm,” Raegdan hummed, opening the door and making sure they had all left. “We got the rest of the evening free I guess.”
“Ah, yes. They’re taking care of Twilight and Spike tonight.” Celestia walked outside and sat on the couch. “If you hadn’t known it was a prank, what would you have done when I asked you to marry me?”
Raegdan shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“So you might have said yes anyway?” Celestia asked, surprised.
“I really don’t know,” Raegdan said. “Probably not. Night Light had a point.”
“But if I wasn’t the princess, then-”
“Oh, don’t get started on what ifs,” Raegdan said, sitting on the couch next to her. “I hate these games. If you weren’t a princess I’d be dead and you’d be already married, get over it.” He looked around them. “So, we got the rest of the evening to ourselves, huh?”
“It seems so, yes.”
He smiled at her. “Wanna get drunk, make out, and forget everything by morning?”
Celestia pulled her secret stash of alcohol out of its hiding hole with her magic. “I thought you’d never ask!”
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Well then... This was a chapter I could get into. Cadance will be horrified at the end of the week.
welp once Cadance finds out about what happened she is going to kill him
Hahahahahahahaha....pppftttt....bwahahaha! -snerk-...Okay I'm good now. Great...great...pppppfftthahahaha! -writes down thoughts instead-
Great chapter, loved it completely. Now excuse me as I laugh hard enough to rupture a few organs.
Celly really likes him. Aw~!
I'd love to see more of their flirty relationship. I wonder how it broke...
...
...
...
Well that was unexpected.
The next chapter of this should take place before they come clean with Cadence.
That way, Raegdan can walk around in a crown to pester her.
(Have Raegdan and Celestia say they eloped that very night, in order to make it official as soon as possible, and that they'll be holding a full ceremony later.)
There are things you don't want examined on a lab table.
I'm strangely sad that Luna ever showed up right now. In his better moments, those two really are made for each other. It's one of those unnoticed tragedies.
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Drunklestia is Bestlestia
It's only sexist if males do it... Right?
A tale on an alternate universe where this marriage was real and legitimate would probably be hilarious for the insanity that would result.
Absolutely priceless counter prank. Celestia sure had her fun. Messing with that walking desaster is a wreck about to happen...