• Member Since 28th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Crimmar


A working guy in Greece who has invested himself in the consumption of as many stories as he can gorge himself with. Yum!

T

Twilight Sparkle has a special guardian while under the tutelage of Princess Celestia. A creature that turns intensely violent at the slightest threat against his charge. A creature that will maim and kill without concern if it has to, that will do anything to keep those it loves safe.
These are not these stories.
These are the stories from the inside. The stories that make a makeshift family work. The small moments. The little secrets. The normal life.

Short stories about Twilight's and Spike's life before the events of the Lunar Guardsman. Maybe a little funny, maybe a little sad, maybe a little sappy, certainly not on any chronological order. Chapters posted whenever I am taken by the mood to write one.

This is a collection of prequel stories to The Lunar Guardsman, an M rated story currently in progress by yours truly.

Many of the chapters are worthy of the Comedy tag, some of the Sad tag, and a couple of the Dark tag.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 283 )

"Stop, HA! Stop HAHAHA! Stop it! STOP! I'll pee!" :rainbowlaugh:

Why I have this wierd feeling that Celestia is still a virgin?

I can't think of any way to express the awesomeness of this chapter. I would be unable to find a video/image/game/hallucination/eldritch lightshow/other sensory expression, to show the amazing of this chapter.

Lesson of life number 1, never fuck whit raegdan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! :rainbowlaugh:

I had a cold when I read this, and I laughed so hard I started a coughing fit and nearly choked. Great job. :ajbemused:
No, really, I enjoyed this. :twilightsmile:

This was far too amazing and funny :rainbowlaugh:!! I'm really looking forward to whatever you have prepared next.
I'm still somewhat surprised to see that the guards didn't seem to call him a "monster". I suppose maybe being test subjects for " the talk" is far more frightening than watching a walking biped killing things :rainbowlaugh:

More Sir! More I say! This is amazingly cute.:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

“What does “anal issue” mean?”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: OMG please tell her! I need to see that reaction!

Something tell me, I can't feel my Hearts.

*facepalms* :facehoof: ... *snrks* :rainbowlaugh:

I was just looking for it but i cant find the Lunar Guardsman anywhere, did you remove it???

6699694 I've noticed that on some occassions I can't see the story either. I don't know if something like adblock or incognito mode hides it for some reason, it's a bug, because it's rated for adults, or a wicked combo.

I can only imagine that, given the size of stallions compared to the overall size of pony bodies, stallion on mare anal would be extremely unpleasant for anyone who doesn't have the... talents possessed by pornstar Hot Kinky Jo.
:pinkiegasp:

Revenge is sweet. Ha I love the last part.

OMG this is soo bucking funny hahahhaha:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

-laughs and laughs and laughs and...-
"Houston, we have lift off. Sides shall be exiting Earth's atmosphere in ten seconds...and counting."
-still laughing, blood everywhere though but shall die laughing damn it!-

6700242 You might wanna take that down. Mature links aren't allowed.

6709156 Thanks for the heads up. Do you happen to know if it's fine if I add a link to the Lunar Guardsman in the story description though? I've been checking the faq and can't find anything about this.

6709251 The only place it's okay is in a mature story's description as a sequel/prequel warning or in a blog post connected to a mature story. You could put it in like this: This story is a prequel to The Lunar Guardsman(link included[so, yes you could put it in there like that])

love it! need more of both stories!

Oh god my sides I both hate and love you right now!!!!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Something tells me that this story will contain lots of feels

Ahahaha, oh wow. This wasn't nearly this difficult when I had to do it. Ponies are babies.

Ooooowwwwww....you fired an orbital friendship cannon right into my feels. It hurts so good!

But in all seriousness that did hit a cord with me in a way, poor guy...I could see why good dreams scare him a lot more than nightmares.

Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!

This... This... is... BEAUTIFUL!:fluttercry:

Not many stories make me cry anymore but this one hit where it hurts. I'm a mothers boy as well, I'll admit it. I love my mom. I actually had to get up and grab some tissue paper. I'm still a little sniffle-y.

Good job. Great job. I love it. Even though you made a grown man cry.

I need to do something special for her tomorrow. :heart:

In an extremely vicious and bloody way, mind you. She applauded him highly for that. How dare somepony touch her angel? She had demanded to see the pictures that had been taken and the Princess agreed in the end. Not so much with her request to make enlarged copies.

:rainbowlaugh: No wonder those two get along so well with each other. I like her already.

this made me feel sad actually. good job. :twilightsmile:

This was beautiful simply...

And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, this was very touching, and sad, and good all at the same time. good job Crimmar, good job getting me to tear up in only 2,500 words.

Aw... Poor Raegdan

The little dragon loved this game but had trouble with both aiming, which meant that Raegdan looked like he was dancing on his chair like an epileptic to avoid the thin pillars of flame, or switching to his magic fire, in which case a red hot marble fell back on Raegdan’s palm. Celestia had provided him with a basin of water to cool down the marbles. He often made stops to dunk his hand in it too.

This... is a very sneaky sentence.

I feel EXTREMELY sorry for Raegdan.

almost a mattress ιn its own right, that she had placed on the

I do believe a special character snuck its way into this sentence.

Well i feel sorry to raegdan because that the perk of rising googling youngsters.

Celestia had brought Twilight into her private chambers. They were going to mostly practice fine control today, and her own rooms provided the best chance for them to stay uninterrupted.

This paragraph.

6779622
You'd think the ponies would have simple anesthetic drugs.
Humans have known about opium for millennia.
Granted, ponies probably wouldn't have AS much experience with drugs like that, but they've gotta have SOMETHING they're aware of.

Hell, Celestia could have at least brought him a bottle of hard alcohol and gotten him wasted beforehand.
I've heard the first-hand account from my dad about how my grandpa accidentally cut off his index finger and had my dad (a kid at the time) hold the finger while grandpa sewed it back on with his carpentry thread and the help of a full bottle of MacNaughton's Whiskey before the sewing started.
If he can sew on his own finger well enough to save it til a real doctor could properly re-attach it like he did all with 3/4ths of a liter of 80 proof whiskey in him, then Raegdan could easily sit there in a chair for some dental work and shrug off what little pain would actually get to him through the booze (if any).

And if ANYTHING is a legitimate excuse for getting absolutely wasted, dental surgery without other anesthetic options is definitely in the top 10!

6781531 I'm pretty sure that a magical civilization would have some pretty psychedelic drugs, but Raegdan, with his alien biology and disruptive effect towards magic, would choose to stay the heck away from them no matter how much he would love a reprieve as he doesn't have the slightest idea how they would affect him and isn't so keen on finding out.
And alcohol would kind of defeat the purpose with Spike sticking around to see him stumbling out drunk off his ass. Also, rule of (sadistic) funny. You can be certain that he totalled himself after Spike went to bed and had no chance to see him for sure.

This made my teeth ache and sides shake with mirth xD

"Okay Twilight, I'm going to teach you how to make a chemical called Morphine. First, we're going to need an opium poppy plant..."

I wonder...

How many times has Raegdan gotten hurt if she can tell what he's saying by grunts alone? And minute language details, no less?!

6787337 "so, if you smoke it, you become pleasantly delirious?"
"We call it tall no, wait high. And yes, that makes you really happy and carefree"
"... Maybe just... No no... But..."
" you wanna give it to the more annoying nobles?"
"...Would it work?"
"One way to find out"

*few years later*

"And that was the month with the least amount of complInts we ever had. Unfortunately, the nobles in question got no work done so we had to stop."

6798695
I was referring to medical grade morphine.

6799663 I dunno, I just saw the word opium and tried to make a funny

“Agreed then.” She hesitated. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Two small moans.

“I am not killing you. You’ve managed through worse. Spike at least had the excuse of youth for acting like that,” Celestia reprimanded him.

One very short moan.

“I’m a pony princess, not a diamond dog princess. You shouldn’t be calling me that.”

The moan repeated itself.

“The way you act? Right back at you.”

This shit killed me!

He was three times her height and could break her like a stick. They both knew who was in charge here.

This stuff amuses me so fucking much, it's stupid.

i realy like seeing the momy celestia dady raegdan dynamic

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